Tomorrow's Lies (Promises #1) (23 page)

“Yeah,”—I nod—“me too.”

“And besides,” Mandy says, smiling mischievously. “Far be it from me to stand in the path of true love.” She picks up the condom she threw to me earlier and slips it in my hand. “Or”—she raises a brow—“good sex.”

“Ugh.” I fall back on the bed, shaking my head.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous,” I admit. “I hope I can do it, Mandy. I don’t want to have a breakdown when Flynn’s inside me. How awful would that be?”

Mandy stretches out next to me. “Hey, you’ll be fine, Jaynie. Look how far you’ve come from the first day you arrived.”

“Yeah,” I mumble, unconvinced.

“Oh, come on. This is Flynn we’re talking about. You know he’ll be gentle and patient. And if you can’t do it, and you guys have to stop, it’s not like he’s going to make a big deal out of it. He’ll understand, Jaynie.”

“You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right.”

“Just remember that Flynn loves you with all his heart. The first time he’s with you isn’t going to be about sex for him, no more than it will be about sex for you. The first time will be about one thing only—love.”

I realize then she
is
right. I can do this. I can be fully intimate with Flynn because joining our bodies is the most natural thing in the world left for us to do to seal our love. After all, we already possess each other’s hearts.

When I think back on it, maybe our souls were joined the day we met. There was a familiarity I felt with him from the start. In many ways, Flynn O’Neill is my soul mate.

Where he ends, I begin. And where I end is where he starts.

But being joined at all those undefined end points and start points is not what I want. I want Flynn
in
me, inside my body. I want him where there is no beginning and no end. I want him in a place where there is only us.

Flynn

A
week before Mandy is set to leave, she pulls me into the girls’ bedroom.

“What’s going on?” I want to know as I allow myself to be dragged past the door.

“I need to talk to you,” she whispers conspiratorially. “Alone.”

I glance out in the hall. “Jaynie is with the twins in the bathroom. I hardly think she can hear you.”

With Mandy’s imminent departure upon us, we decided it’d be prudent to have Jaynie take over the task of getting the twins ready for bed. And so far, it’s gone smoothly.

“Just listen to me for a sec, all right?” Mandy smacks my shoulder to re-focus my wavering attention. “I need to be quick. I don’t want Jaynie to know I’m talking with you.”

“Okay, okay.” When I start to move clothes off Jaynie’s bed, so I can sit down, I’m poked in the hand with sharp scissor blades. “Ow.”

Upon closer inspection, I discover the scissors are the same pair I nabbed from the craft barn a while back, for haircutting night.

“Hey,” I say to Mandy, waving the scissors at her. “I thought you were supposed to put these things back in the barn.”

“Give those to me.” Mandy snatches the scissors from me and reaches around me to shove them under Jaynie’s mattress. “I obviously kept them, genius.”

“Why are you hiding them under Jaynie’s bed?”

“Because I gave her the scissors this morning and told her to keep them handy for when Cody”—she narrows her eyes at me—“or
you
need a haircut.”

I take a seat on the edge of the bed and shrug. “Yeah, it’s not like they’ll be missed. Allison never inventories anything, anymore.”

“Allison has checked out,” Mandy agrees.

“Hope it stays that way,” I say.

Both Lowry women have been gone a lot lately, though I sense Allison’s absences are more in desperation. Her boyfriend is slipping away. She cries after she talks with him on the phone, and she just has that frazzled demeanor of a girl who knows she’s about to be scorned.

“Enough about annoying Allison,” Mandy says. “Did Jaynie tell you about the condom I gave her?”

“Oh, hell no,” I protest, hands out in front of me. “I am not talking about sex with you.”

I start to stand, but Mandy places her hand on my chest to stop me. “Sit back down, Flynn,” she says in her no-nonsense tone.

“Okay, okay.” I do as I’m told.

“I’m trying to help you, okay?”

I can’t imagine what possible “help” Mandy can offer, and I’m still not sure I like her meddling in my sex life, but what the hell.

Acquiescing, I say, “Go ahead,” as I make a
let’s-get-this-rolling
motion with my hand. “This should be interesting.”

Mandy then informs me she has arranged for me and Jaynie to have the bedroom to ourselves all Sunday afternoon.

“Really?” I’m happy she interfered now. “I’m down with that.”

“Figured you would be,” she snarks. “Anyway, here’s the plan. I’ll take the kids up to the fields by the old barn. I have a bunch of ideas for games they can play. And you know how Cody and Callie lose track of time when they’re having fun.” She winks, and I roll my eyes. “In any case, I figure I can keep them occupied for a couple of hours.”

“Sounds good to me,” I reply, smiling.

But then I am suddenly struck with anxiety. “Shit, Mandy. I want this to be perfect for Jaynie. What if I fuck it up? What if I do, or say, something wrong?”

“Hey, look at me.” Mandy grabs my chin when I remain panicked and distracted. “Perfect isn’t what Jaynie needs. Can’t you see what she wants, Flynn? The one thing she really needs?”

“What’s that?” I’m curious to hear a woman’s perspective.

She lets go of my chin, and tells me what I’ve actually known all along. “Jaynie wants you, Flynn. She needs
you
. Just be there for her. Let her know you’ll stay by her side no matter what.”

That, I can do.

Jaynie

S
unday arrives, and everything is set. Mandy takes the kids up to the old barn, as planned.

By the time I finish showering, I am both nervous and excited. After I dry off, I put on the white dress, the one Mandy gave me. It’s Flynn’s favorite outfit on me. With a swish of my palm, I wipe steam from the bathroom mirror. Green eyes stare back at me, hope and doubt warring within their depths.

“You can do it,” I whisper to the uncertain girl in the reflection. “This is Flynn. This is love. You’ll be okay.”

I don’t own any makeup, so there’s not much to do in way of preparation. I simply tuck my damp auburn hair behind my ears, and smooth the cotton fabric of the dress over the gentle swell of my hips.

Flynn is waiting in the bedroom. I gave him the condom from Mandy earlier, so that part is in his hands now. It’s funny that we’ve messed around several times and slept in the same bed almost every night. We’ve even shared our souls up at the cliff’s edge, but here I am, hands shaking.

I just want to be good enough for Flynn. Oh, and I don’t want to have a flashback.

When I walk into the bedroom, tentatively, like it’s my first time entering an unfamiliar space, I find Flynn sitting on the edge of my bed, head in his hands.

Forgetting my reticence, I rush over and kneel down in front of him. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Are you having second thoughts?”

He lowers his hands from his face and places them on my shoulders. “No second thoughts,” he assures me with a sweet smile, making him appear more handsome than ever. “I’m just hoping I don’t mess this up.”

“Oh, thank God,” I breathe out. “I thought it was just me. I was thinking the same thing in the bathroom.”

With his hand moving to my cheek, he says softly, “You look beautiful, Jaynie. And you’re such a good person. You deserve for this day to be special.”

I move up to the bed, and together we lay back on the covers. Nestling close to Flynn, I whisper, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Nothing happens for a while. We are content lying together, legs intertwined. My head rests on his chest, and his arm is draped loosely around my shoulders. We don’t even kiss, not yet, though there is something powerful building between us. Heat emanates through the thin material of Flynn’s tee and the faded jeans he’s wearing.

I feel my own skin growing warm, aching for his touch, longing for the hand that rests on my shoulder to run down my arm. Goosebumps rise at the mere thought. When I shift and let out a stuttered breath, Flynn does exactly what I wish for.

The floodgates open then, on both our parts. How long has this moment been building?

Our lips meet, desperate and insistent. Mouths open freely, tongues dance, and bodies roll this way and that, making a mess of the covers. There are gasps and moans, from me, from him. And there is awkwardness and fun, too.

Flynn’s tee gets stuck on his head when he tries to remove it in a seductive way. “A little help here,” he says through the gray cotton.

We tug his shirt off him together, as a team, with me giggling and Flynn mumbling choice words. When his chest is bare, he rocks back on his heels and flicks open the top button of his jeans.

The giggling stops.

“Your body is stunning, Flynn.” I say it often, but this time it’s uttered with more meaning.

Reaching out, I trace the fine line of sandy brown disappearing under the band of his boxers.

He sucks in a sharp breath, and I ask, “Does that tickle?”

“It does a little more than tickle, Jaynie.”

While I unzip his jeans, he undoes the hooks on the back of my dress. The spaghetti straps drop and the front gapes open, exposing my breasts since I’ve forgone a bra.

His eyes meet mine, and this becomes something serious.

Flynn rises to his knees and urges me to do the same. “I want to see you as I undress you,” he says gently.

It’s not going to be anything he hasn’t seen before, especially up in the woods, but when he tugs the dress down, and the fabric falls to around my hips, I feel as if he is seeing me bared for him for the first time.

Tentatively, I reach forward and press my palm to his bare chest. “You’re so strong,” I whisper. I spread my fingers wide to feel the solid muscle beneath his warm skin. “But not just in this way. You’re strong inside, Flynn.”

“Because of you—”

“No.” I shake my head. “That’s sweet of you to say, but your strength is all your own. And it’s so abundant, so overflowing. I feel lucky to stand beneath you and soak up whatever strength trickles down to me.”

“Jaynie…”

My words move Flynn, but he moves me just by being him. He doesn’t need words to inspire me.

I move closer to him, my lips grazing his. “Give me more, Flynn. Fill me up…with you.”

We come together, skin pressed to skin, mouth devouring mouth. My dress is discarded, Flynn’s clothes, too. We become two bodies, dancing a tango as old as time. Bare limbs brush over parts that are hard…and parts that are wet. We do things we’ve learned drive each other wild—stroking, licking, fingers exploring, and Flynn’s mouth on me, making me come apart, again and again.

I am ready for him, and as he crawls up my body, I tell him what he already knows. “I want you.”

He settles between my thighs, his hard length pressed to my core. This is it.

“Flynn,” I whisper. “Please don’t stop. No matter what happens. Keep going, okay?”

He leans across me, reaching for the wrapped condom by the bed. “Okay.”

He sounds as nervous as I feel. I close my eyes.
Don’t panic
.

When Flynn settles back between my legs, I feel him, wrapped, different. And up until this point, I’ve been fine. But the condom…
ugh
. The feel of it, the
smell
of it, it reminds me of Mrs. Giessen’s son. He never did it to me without a condom, and now that’s all I can think of.

“Stop, stop, stop,” I cry. “Please, stop.”

The panic I feel must come through in my tone. Flynn forgets about me telling him not to stop no matter what. Swiftly, he shifts his hips away from me. His torso remains covering me, though, and with a gentle hand to my cheek, he asks, “Do you want to stop completely? We don’t have to do this today.”

“No, I want to try.” I tap his hip, urging him to re-position and try again.

He does, and it’s the same result.

“I think we need to ditch the condom,” I say, sighing. “I know it’s not the most responsible move, but the condom, the feel of the latex, the way it smells, it…it…reminds me of
him
.”