“You fucking asshole. It's not funny!” I wiped my eyes and nose.
“I know, Star, and that's a hell of a thing. That guy sounds like a real piece of work.” He put a hand on the side of my face and wiped a tear I had missed with his thumb. Then he lifted my chin to see me better. “You sure that this is what you really want? That mask will keep you safe. Once you're in this, it's damn near impossible to get back out. We're talking about the rest of your life. You might get hauled off to jail or worse. Once you get a rap sheet, legitimate jobs will be hard to come by.”
“We're sitting in a cop car that I stole.” I flashed him a smile that faded just as quick. I was still scared that he would make me leave. “I'm not fit for that world anymore. Please don't make me go back to it. Please, Remy.”
Remy leaned back to clear his head. He ran a hand over his face and hair then reached in his back pocket for his box of cigarettes. They must've fallen out in the fight with Rocks. “Ok,” he sighed with resignation. “But you do what I say when I say. Hesitation of any kind could get you killed. You hear me?”
“Yes! Yes, I hear you.” Oh thank God! I don't know what I would've done if he had said “No.”
I threw myself at him awkwardly. My pants snagged on the E-brake and I hit my ribs on the center console. There wasn't much room in the front seats of that car. Next one I stole, I'd have to remedy that. He caught me in those great arms and we fell into his fully reclined seat. I curled myself onto him as comfortably as possible. Warm and safe in his embrace, I wondered if I'd made a mistake by choosing this life with him.
I thought about all the meaningless things I'd left behind and my resolve solidified. This is where I needed to be, not on a shelf somewhere as a porcelain doll, waiting to be discarded or forgotten. In a weird way I felt like I had a future now. Granted, it was probably going to be a short and bloody future but fuck, it was mine!
“So what's next,
Clyde
?” I couldn't resist. I looked up to see him raise an eyebrow in a skeptical but otherwise playful expression.
“Sleep is next,
Bonnie.
” He shifted, pulling me into more of a small spoon position. “You have to be rested for the strip club later.”
“The what?”
He didn't say anything. I probably could've pressed him for some answers but was as exhausted as he was, and within a few minutes we were both asleep.
The doors in my dream slammed in rapid succession. Only half of them opened enough to even shut anymore. The figure at the end of the hall awaited my arrival again as I approached at ungodly speeds.
“C'mon,” Remy whispered softly into my ear. “It's time to go.”
My eyes were greeted with the blue hues of early evening twilight that flooded through the spacious, concrete walls of the parking garage. Flickering streetlights turned on for the night and scattered uneven shadows around long corners. I had a nasty cramp in my thigh from hours worth of pressure against the arm rest.
“Go where? How long were we out for?” I grumbled and rolled back onto my seat and stretched. I always had trouble waking up, no matter what time of day it was. Remy started up the car. The little digital clock in the dashboard lit up. “Seven-thirty” it read. “Where are we going?” I repeated, more coherently this time.
“To get you some lingerie.”
“Lingerie?” He had mentioned a strip club right before we passed out. “I'm going to be dancing tonight, aren't I?”
“Yes. Are you cool with that?” He was gauging my response to see if I was already backing out.
“Ok,” I replied without hesitation. I wanted to ask him all of the obvious questions but after fighting so hard to prove to him that I was worthy enough, I decided to bite my tongue. At least for now. I might be able to piece it together or nudge him into telling me. “But I'm going to need some coffee first.” There was something else eating at me though. What he said about the men fighting and the victor being the one with the last bullet. “Remy,” I asked. “Was that a quote from someone earlier?”
“Erwin Rommel. German commander in the second world war.” He yawned.
“German? So he was a Nazi. Why were you quoting a bad guy?”
“Rommel plotted to assassinate Hitler.” He looked at me intently, all the sleep brushed from his eyes. “Star, anyone on the losing end of a war is a bad guy.”
“Is that what your planning on doing? Starting a war?” I asked, trying to decode the meaning behind Remy's history lesson. I felt like I was piecing a larger story together.
“Yes.”
“The Lobos were at your motel before the cops were. We're in their territory, aren’t we? The strip club we're going to is owned by them too, isn't it? Just like the convenience store.”
“How did you know all that?” Remy was surprised but impressed.
“I heard the cops in Vegas talking about it and pieced the rest together.” I shrugged. “So what's your plan here? Why're you stirring up the bees' nest?”
“If I can convince the Lobos that the Veins are gearing up for war, and that I'm being hunted by them, they'll have reason to believe I need their protection. Then I'll just have to convince them of my value.” Remy drove us around the parking garage until we found another beat up shit box.
He got out to switch the plates again.
“How are you going to do that?” I scanned the area to make sure no one was coming.
“All I need is one more bargaining chip.”
“Ah.” And that's where I came in to all of this. “That's why we're headed to the strip club.” Remy finished screwing on the new plate and we took off. It didn't seem like he was going to offer anything else up, so I just had to ask him. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. “You're asking me to become a stripper. It'd be crazy if I didn't at least ask you why.”
“You getting cold feet already?” He raised a skeptical eyebrow at me.
“No! I'm just... I'm a little nervous and I don't want to screw anything up. I've never done something like this before.”
“What's left of Lorenzo's team is out looking for me. They're going to find me at Teasers. When they do, you're going to be my eyes and ears. You'll let me know where they are and how many are there, then you're going to have to distract them. I need to get Lorenzo alone. But most importantly, I'll need you to give me this when I ask for it.” Remy tapped the handle of his pistol. “They don't search strippers.”
“Oh.” I smiled. I kinda felt like a spy on a secret mission. “I take it Lorenzo has the
chip
you need?
“No. Lorenzo
is
the chip. The Lobos hate the Veins but Bones, the current President of the club, especially hates Lorenzo. If I can deliver Lorenzo, I'll have proved that I'm trustworthy.”
“Why don't we just run away, maybe go to Canada? Why do all this?”
“The Steel Veins used to be a brotherhood I loved more than anything else in this world. We protected the community and each other. All the violence was justified. We had a purpose. A code. They were my family.”
“So why fight them? Let's just leave!” The concept of that kind of family was hard to wrap my head around.
“Any beloved relative of yours ever get cancer?”
“Yeah, my Grandpa Bob.”
“You brought him to the hospital and got him treatment, right?”
I blinked. “Yes, of course!”
“Deadeye's gone soft over the years and allowed low men like Lorenzo and even his shitty kid, Rio, into the club. These men are the cancer that's killing the greatness of the Steel Veins. I'm going to be the scalpel and radiation. I'm going to use the Lobos' resources to cut off the dead limbs in the Veins and then destroy the Lobos from the inside.”
“Will the Veins accept you back if you pull this off? You did kill Deadeye's son.”
“I don't know. Rommel was eventually linked to the conspiracy against Hitler. He allowed himself to be executed for high treason so that his family and staff may live.” He'd obviously thought about this for a long time. “If the scalpel is discarded after the cancer is removed, then so be it.”
“What about me?” I asked weakly. That glorious moment when he defied his whole club felt tarnished now. Had he said 'Nay' because he chose me over them, or had he done it because he chose the old Steel Veins over the new? The way Remy described it did make it sound like a better club. More honorable. I could recognize how noble it was, regardless, but a part of me still felt betrayed. I selfishly wanted that moment all to myself.
He saw the budding sadness weigh heavily on my features and raised my chin. Then he kissed me. His lips were full to bursting with passion, born not of lusty attraction but of something infinitely deeper. The way his mouth worked and his hands held me... In his embrace, I truly understood how much he cared for me. It didn't have to be me
or
the Veins. It could be both. I think I had a new favorite moment.
“You gave me the strength to be the scalpel. To make a change,” he said finally, pulling away. “If you weren't worth saving, apathy and self-destruction would have eventually consumed me. As long as I have you, I have a reason to fight for them.”
His words warmed me to the core. As beautiful as both metaphors were, I couldn't find the strength to tell him.
My grandfather's cancer went into remission, but eventually... it came back and killed him.
* * * * *
P
ulling into the Santa Fe Plaza, we ate and shopped almost like normal people. Given everything we'd just been through and whatever was going to happen tonight, the Time-Out to do regular stuff was a little surreal.
We both bought underclothes and a new outfit. He wore a black pair of jeans, grey shirt with a black button-up as was customary fashion for him. He told me to buy a purse, makeup, and to keep the clothes light. So I did, and I also picked up a pair of denim shorts, a printed T-shirt and a summer jacket as well.
I browsed Spencer's Gifts for my stripper outfit. A green, plaid schoolgirl skirt with a short sleeve top that tied in the middle between my breasts. A white bra and thong. I even found a little matching tie. The whole outfit was super cute. Remy waited outside, he thought the store was ridiculous.
I found a pair of black heels at another store, they would work. Remy picked up a pack of cigarettes, a few sundries and a bag to put them in. Then he bought us memberships to the mall gym for the showers. I still had old blood under my nails. Remy needed to clean his various cuts as well.
It's amazing, the regenerative power of warm water, soap, and a razor. I was getting too bristly for my liking. I felt female again. It was wonderful. Waiting for him to come out, I propped myself on the railing just outside of the gym and watched people pass by. I couldn't imagine going back to that idleness. Aimlessly spending an afternoon browsing useless shit.
“She looks nice.” Remy snuck up behind and wrapped an arm around me. I felt his chin stubble graze the nape of my neck. He breathed me in. “Mmmm. She smells nice.”
I turned to face him. Those dark eyes consumed me. Clean and rested he could've passed for a model.
“But how does she taste?” He slid a hand up my spine, through my scalp and jerked my head back. His warm tongue licked across my throat. I gasped, thrilled when I felt his teeth slowly clamp down.
“There are children here for God's sake!” An elderly woman barked at us.
Remy's eyes narrowed at the woman. He slid that hand down the back of my pants and squeezed my ass enough to get me to squeak in shock.
“You want some too, old lady?” Remy asked. The woman scoffed and went off in a huff. Oh, I loved it. Remy was my kind of evil. “Let's go somewhere there's no children,” he purred.
“Sounds fantastic.” My eyes closed, I nodded. “I hate the mall.”
When we arrived at Teasers I assembled my bag with the outfit and makeup.
“You ready for this?” Remy asked.
“Yes,” I lied. “I got this.” I didn't have this. I was so fucking nervous. I could handle being a stripper, up until we actually pulled in and it became real. How the hell was I actually going to do this?
“You'll do fine.” He saw right through my false bravado. “I'll be in there with you.”
He's right. The time for backing out was done. The only way I was getting out of this now was to make a break for it and run away. Granted, running away right now was more and more appealing but I knew I would never be able to live with myself. Remy needed me.
The dull thumping bass I heard outside threatened to blow out my ears once Remy opened the door. It was amazing how loud it was. How did the dancers talk to their— their what? Customers? Jesus, I didn't even know any of the terminology. I was a broke college girl, how have I not looked up this stuff online before? I guess I was too busy browsing Tumblr to look up the ins and outs of stripping in the off chance that I'd need it while fleeing a murderous gang of bikers. I was just really fucking nervous, was all.
We walked through the first door into an ID check hallway. We were met with the wafting aroma of stale cigarette smoke, spilled drinks, old sweat. It was the scent of despair and I could feel it seeping into my pores. A fat, Hispanic man in a black “Staff” shirt was sitting on a high stool and was giggling over something on his phone.
“Heheh fucking Jimmy Kimmel, man! Heh. Oh, man... Fucking kills me.” He looked up at us, wiped his eyes and popped out his one earbud. He was all smiles. “IDs guys?”
Oh shit! I shot Remy a worried look. He didn't acknowledge it, probably in an attempt to avoid suspicion.. I didn't have an ID. I had no idea where it was. At the gas station? If it was there it's gone now. Maybe my room at aunty and uncle's house?
“My girlfriend wants to dance.” Remy took my hand, raised it and turned me about by it so that the bouncer could look me over. “Who do we talk to about that?”
“Damn, man. You lucky.” The bouncer jovially slapped Remy on the shoulder then leaned in the club and flagged down one of the girls. “Cocoa! Tell Ginger we got a new girl. She looks aight.”
“You tell her yo self. You fat ass, mothafucka! I'm. Busy.” Cocoa flipped him the bird and walked away to go sit on some customer's lap. Her whole demeanor shifted to that of silk and honey as she talked and laughed with the man.