***
Aidan walked Katie to the door of her
cottage and kissed her goodnight. Her heart sank when she realized
he wasn’t going to pursue spending another night with her. She
tried to convince herself it was because of his hectic Monday
morning schedule.
“
Goodnight,” Katie said,
unlocking the door. “I had wonderful time.”
“
Me too. I’ll call you
after rounds tomorrow.” He kissed her again, long and deep before
pulling away. “Goodnight, Katie.”
Katie shut the door behind her and put
on a kettle of water for tea. She dunked the bag monotonously into
the cup of hot water, feeling restless and on edge. Sliding the cup
away from her, she stood and decided to run a bath. Filling the tub
with extra bubbles, the thick suds nearly spilled over the edge.
Eager for the promise of washing her troubles away, she slipped
into the steaming tub. She let the hot water along with the sultry
tunes of Portishead relax her muscles and take away the tension
until her fingers were pruned.
As she climbed into bed, she traced
her fingers along her neck, remembering Aidan’s touch on her skin.
She knew she wouldn’t sleep well that night, wondering if things
would be different when she saw him next. Would the lustful passion
last, or would they sink into the mundane rituals couples usually
fell into? Her mind taunted her, reminding her that she’d have to
hide the nightmares from him, hide her past, and heal on her
own.
She let her mind wander further into
the future, and tried to picture them married. It was too painful
to envision children, but she saw herself attending functions with
him, his hand on her back as he led her through a room full of his
colleagues. Would she work at the same hospital, or another one?
Maybe he wouldn’t want her to work at all. He might have her stay
home, making sure his house was immaculate and dinner was ready on
time. And if he ever learned about her past . . .
Shaking that thought from her mind,
she imagined him coming home from work, hungry for her. She let her
fingers slide down her neck, over her right breast. Circling her
nipple with the tip of her finger, and then letting her hand—along
with her imagination—travel down her waist and over her stomach.
She imagined Aidan’s eyes locked on hers as he slid his hand over
her silk panties, making her beg him to continue.
A knock at the door made Katie sit up
in alarm. Her heart began to flutter, hoping Aidan had changed his
mind about letting her sleep alone. She took her time getting out
of bed, purposely making him wait. He loved playing games with her,
testing her patience and vulnerability. The knock grew louder and
more persistent as she walked toward the door, a grin playing on
her lips as desire swirled through her. When she heard the voice on
the other side, her heart beat against her chest erratically,
threatening to explode.
“
Katie, please open the
door! I need to talk to you.”
Thirty-Eight
Katie stopped in her
tracks, unable to move or breathe. She could hear the
thud-thud
,
thud-thud
of her heart
beating in her ears, as the room seemed to be moving around
her.
“
Katie!” His fist banged
against the door.
She resumed her slow pace, walking the
path to the front door, each step a difficult task. She knew it was
going to be hard to see him, but she was also terrified he would
leave before she did. When she finally made it to the door, she
turned the knob until it clicked, and eased the door
open.
The lump in Katie’s throat wouldn’t
allow her to speak. She swallowed hard, and managed a barely
audible whisper. “How did you find me?”
“
It’s a long story. I’ve
been searching for you all summer.”
An awkward silence filled the barrier
between them. Katie couldn’t believe Branson was standing there in
front of her after all this time. So many emotions ran through her
all at once, it was almost too much. She loved him with every fiber
of her being, and she hated him for hurting her.
“
Are you going to invite
me in?”
Katie stepped aside to let him in, and
shut the door before leading him into the kitchen.
“
Are you alone? Is Gram
here?”
“
Why are you here?” Katie
said stiffly.
Branson’s subconscious
scolded him as he watched her. Something about her seemed
. . . different.
He
couldn’t put his finger on what it was, but she had changed. She
lacked her usual confidence and buoyancy when she moved. “Katie, I
was an ass.”
Katie nodded, trying to find her
confidence. The last couple of months flashed through her mind—the
heart-wrenching pain that choked the life out of her, finding
herself again, Aidan . . .
A surprising rage washed
over her. “I can think of harsher terms to describe your heartless,
selfish, moronic stupidity,” she spat. “But please go on—tell
me
your
reasons
for ripping my heart out. No wait, let me! You had a perfect world
pictured in your mind. You’d marry the innocent woman you
deflowered, present her so proudly at all of your business
functions, and then tuck her away neatly in the hidden sanctuary in
the woods . . . where she would bare and raise your perfect
children . . . who make straight A’s and wear their shirts tucked
in . . .” Katie walked in circles as she talked. Her voice becoming
louder as the rage took over.
Branson waited patiently
for her to take a breath and pause long enough for him to get a
word in edgewise. “May I speak?” He ran his hand through his hair
and left it there, holding on for dear life. “I don’t know what
happened. I was sitting there, listening to what you were telling
me—heartbroken for all you’d been through.” He exhaled. “And then
you told me about your life on the streets. All I could think about
was the men that touched you. I was out of my mind—caught up
thinking about how I would murder every single one of them. I
didn’t know what to do, or say, or think. I was numb, but I wanted
to hurt someone. I needed to lash out. I fought to control the rage
coursing through my body. The last thing I wanted to do was
hurt
you
.”
Katie turned to look at
him, studying his face. His hair was disheveled and his face
unshaven. His eyes were bloodshot and looked crazed as if he hadn’t
slept for days. “I walked right past you with my bags packed,
Branson. You didn’t say a word. You just let me go. Did you ever
consider how hard it was for me to learn about the past? Did you
think everything that happened was a
choice
? Because it wasn’t! I was in
hell! I was beaten, drugged, and ra—” She couldn’t finish the
word.
“
I know you didn’t have a
choice, babe.”
His words flowed through Katie like
wasp venom, bringing a wave of nauseating pain with it. “Don’t do
that. Don’t call me babe.”
He saw the pain behind her eyes and
watched as she hugged herself tightly. His heart shattered. “I was
wrong to let you go—”
“
You wouldn’t even look at
me.” Katie interrupted. “I knew we would probably have a difficult
road ahead, and I assumed we’d need some counseling, but I wasn’t
prepared to lose you completely.” Katie felt the familiar sting of
tears well up in her eyes.
No! Be
strong!
“I’m going to be just fine,
Branson. You can free your conscious, knowing that I’m not going to
die without you.”
Branson stood and walked toward Katie.
He stopped short when he saw her flinch and back away. “I was in
shock, trying to process everything. I should’ve pulled you into my
arms, but instead I was selfish, dealing with my own feelings and
needs”
“
I’ve moved on. I’ve met
someone.” Katie cringed. As much as she thought she wanted to hurt
him, it hadn’t felt as good as she imagined. Instead, it wrenched
her heart and made her feel worse. She silently begged him not to
leave after hearing her words.
“
You met someone?” Branson
wanted to punch his fist through the wall. He drew in a deep
calming breath and unclenched his fists by his side. “Do you have
feelings for him? It’s only been a couple of months,
Katie.”
Katie tried to be nonchalant. “He
makes me laugh, and he’s done a great job of helping me heal . . .
and get over you.” It came out a lot angrier than she planned, but
the spew of her emotion gave her a jolt of life that felt a lot
better than the hollow pain.
“
All I want is for you to
be happy. If he makes you happy, then—” He couldn’t finish. “I’m
sorry, but that’s not true. He can’t possibly be a good man if he
jumped in so quickly. He moved in on you while you were vulnerable
and—”
“
You came all this way to
lecture me about whom I date and how long I should wait before
trying to get over you—after you shattered my world?”
The tension between them as they stood
facing each other was thick as mud. Katie wanted to pound her fists
into his chest and wrap herself in his arms at the same time. She
wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold herself together before
sliding down to the floor and disintegrating into a ball of tears.
The pain she felt being away from him wasn’t nearly as intense as
what she felt looking into his bloodshot, pain-filled
eyes.
Branson slowly exhaled the breath he’d
been holding. Her words pierced through his soul like a knife.
“No.” He tried to calm his shaky voice. “I came here to tell you
that I’m sorry. I’m miserable without you.” Leaning against the
fridge for stability, he folded his arms across his chest, then
dropped them by his sides again. “I was a fool for not pulling you
into my arms and telling you everything was going to be all right.
I should’ve gone after you when I realized you’d left, but I
thought you might need the time to consider things yourself, and
when you wouldn’t answer my calls—” Branson’s eyes were pleading as
he made his case.
“
You
never
called.” Katie squinted her
eyes, astonished he would lie to her.
“
Yes, I did. I called your
cell phone and left dozens of messages. I even called the house
several—”
“
Gram never told me you
called the house.” Katie shook her head, the realization suddenly
rolling over her.
Of course she
didn’t.
“I lost my phone and had to get a
new one.”
I wouldn’t put it past Gram to
have thrown it into the sea.
“
Katie, please believe me
when I tell you I’ve never wanted a trophy wife and perfect
children—and you know I was shocked to learn that I was your first.
At least we thought I was your—” Branson wanted to kick himself for
bringing that up.
Katie looked down at her
feet and whispered. “It was the first time anyone made love to me.
You
were
my
first.”
“
Please, come
home.”
Katie found her courage and looked
back up. “Remember the guy in the bar that wouldn’t back off and
you punched him?”
“
Yes.”
“
After it was over you
said . . . I was worth it—worth fighting for. You didn’t fight for
me this time, Branson. You gave up on us so easily. It hurt . . .
you really hurt me.” Katie wiped the tears that spilled from her
eyes with the back of her hand.
“
I know.” Branson lowered
his head shamefully. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up
to you, if you’ll give me the chance.”
“
I can’t.” Katie shook her
head back and forth, deep in thought. “My whole life is a lie,
Branson. You fell in love with someone who doesn’t exist.” Her body
began to shake. She sucked in a deep breath trying to swallow the
sob that threatened her throat. She had thought with every tear
that fell, a little piece of Branson had been washed away, but she
was wrong—her love for him hadn’t diminished in the
least.
“
You’re wrong about that.
You hate the snow, your favorite color is slate blue, you drink
your coffee black, but prefer a cup of Earl Grey with honey before
bed—”
“
But—”
Branson stepped closer, fighting the
urge to hold her. “Sneezing makes you giggle, and when I kiss you
behind your left ear, you come unglued. That’s who you are, Katie.
That’s who I fell in love with.”
“
How can things possibly
be the same, now that I remember my past?”
Branson wanted to shake
her until she came to her senses. “Do you not understand the depth
of my feelings for you?” He held her chin, forcing her to look into
his eyes. “I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through, and all the
pain I’ve added. Please believe me, it doesn’t change anything. I
fell in love with
you
. I want your past, your present, and your future.” He looked
into her sad eyes. Something about her revealed a change and he
didn’t know if it was the heartbreak or—as much as he wanted to
deny it—perhaps she had fallen in love with someone else. “Have
your feelings for me changed?” Branson asked, his eyes portraying
the same pain that was reflected in hers.