I didn’t remember the prince leaving the bedroom or the door closing behind him before I fell asleep, but the sun had set and rose before I woke up. I was a little disoriented upon waking, only because I wasn’t sure of how much time had passed, but I sat up and I was full . . . of energy. Like I’d received the deepest, most rejuvenating sleep possible. It wasn’t an abnormal level, like I’d done speed or anything, but I felt
good
and I . . .
And I remembered everything.
I fed on a human yesterday.
I jolted forward and winced as the heavy chain dragged over my still-sensitive skin. I realized that I wasn’t chained to the bed, but I didn’t move. I sat frozen, realizing something else. My dress was torn, the material pooling around my elbows. Scratches marred my upper arms. The woman—she had done that, because of what I had done to her.
“Oh God.” I leaped from the bed.
Dragging the chain behind me, I raced into the bathroom and dropped to my knees. Seconds later, everything that I’d eaten in the last day came back up. When I was done, my sides ached. I sat back, holding the top of the gown to my chest and supporting my weight with my other hand. Cold sweat dotted my forehead.
Oh God, I had hurt that woman. I’d taken from her what was not mine to take. I didn’t even know if she was okay or if I had taken too much. Feedings could kill humans.
I hadn’t known I was capable of feeding like a fae.
My fingers curled around the top of my dress as I stared blankly at the tile floor. I didn’t know who I was anymore. My breath caught in my chest. I’d forgotten how easy it was to fall under a fae’s control. It had happened to me before, when I was younger, but I’d truly forgotten how easily it could happen.
One look and I’d been under the prince’s control.
I’d been in complete control of myself, and a second later I hadn’t been, and I’d done something that went against everything I believed in.
That poor woman.
I knew I hadn’t willingly fed on her, but that didn’t lessen any of the guilt festering deep inside me, and that guilt quickly grew, because it wasn’t just a consequence of what I’d done to that woman. My stomach churned again.
I couldn’t remember the details of what had happened between the prince and me. After I . . . I’d fed, it was like I’d been detached from my body, gone someplace else. It was like being slipped a roofie, but I was
somewhat
lucky, because he had stopped. I remembered that, but it didn’t make me feel any real sense of relief.
An oily feeling settled over me, blanketing my entire body. I felt heavy, weighed down, and my skin, the bones and muscles, didn’t feel like my own. And they hadn’t been my own yesterday. I had no control. I knew that. My brain told me over and over that what happened yesterday with that poor woman wasn’t my fault. I’d been under a manipulation, a compulsion, and I hadn’t given Drake permission to touch me, to do
anything
with me. It wasn’t my fault, but I still wanted to flay layers of my skin off. I wanted to strip off the dress and burn it, along with the bed and this entire house.
I wanted to cut what little memories I had out of my head with a butter knife.
What he had done wasn’t remotely okay. I hadn’t been in the right frame of mind. He’d controlled me, forcing me to feed, and then took advantage of me being as high as a kite.
My stomach twisted again and I lurched forward, clutching the toilet. I heaved, and the only thing that came up this time was spittle and air, but it burned my throat and hurt my stomach. Once I thought I wouldn’t be sick again, I pushed away from the toilet.
I leaned back against the tub and dropped the end of the chain in my lap, closing my eyes and waiting for my heart to slow down. I focused on taking deep, even breaths and figuring out what my next steps would be. I had to have next steps. Something. I couldn’t sit on the bathroom floor.
I needed to shower.
I could do that.
I opened my eyes and forced myself off the floor. I closed the bathroom door, and was dismayed upon realizing the lock had been removed. I had no idea when that had happened. I cranked on the water, turning it up as hot as I could stand, and then I placed the chain on the sink. I stripped off the gown and picked up the chain without looking at my reflection.
I stepping under the hot spray of water, gasping as it hit my arms. The scratches stung as they got wet. I didn’t care if showering rusted the stupid band and chain. I stood under the hot water until my skin turned pink. Then I grabbed the bar of soap and lathered up not once but three times, and I still felt like I could do it again. Hot tears burned my eyes.
I can’t do this.
Oh God. I wasn’t sure I could deal with all of this for a moment longer, let alone until I figured a way out of here. I didn’t regret making the deal. I’d had to make sure Ren was safe, but my plan had been so incredibly clueless, foolish even. Gaining time to figure out an escape only put me further under the prince’s control, giving him opportunities I had never foreseen. And now what? I had no idea how I could work at gaining Drake’s trust when I wanted to gouge out his eyeballs the next time I saw him.
I have to do this.
There was no choice—not really. Giving up wouldn’t stop time, and even though I didn’t plan on honoring our bargain when our time was up, I had to get out of here. I had to pull it together, because the only other option was that I . . .
I removed myself from the equation.
I stared at the mosaic tile of the shower stall. Could I do it? The chain hung heavily from my neck. It would be easy to use the chain, far too easy, but even in my darkest moments after Shaun’s death, I’d never seriously considered ending my own life.
This situation was different though, because it wasn’t grief or depression guiding the thought. My very existence was a means to an end, and I couldn’t continue living like this, being forced to feed on humans. I also knew that eventually Drake wasn’t going to stop.
A sob shook my shoulders and I stepped back, pressing against the tiled wall. Pressing my hands over my face, I struggled to hold it together. My entire body trembled. I wanted out of here. I didn’t want to spend another second in this place, but what I wanted wasn’t going to happen.
“Pull your shit together, Ivy.” I gripped the chain and forced myself to turn off the water and step out of the shower. “You can deal with all this crap later, but you need to get your shit together.”
Repeating those words over and over, I slowly stitched myself back together, because I had to—because I wasn’t going to wake up and find myself safe. There were gaps in the stitches, gaping holes, but it was the best I could do. The only chance I had to get out of here with my life and my sanity was by following my earlier plan while keeping it together. That was the only thing I could control now.
~
Faye brought me a sandwich that evening, but I wasn’t hungry. Anxious energy upset my stomach, and every time I heard footsteps outside the door, I expected Drake to come through. But he hadn’t.
Yet.
She avoided eye contact with me as I picked at my food, managing to eat the slices of honey ham only because I knew I needed to eat something. When I couldn’t swallow anymore, I set the plate on the nightstand and looked up to find Faye by the window.
I remembered seeing her yesterday when I went into that room and also when I left it. Or at least I think I saw her when I left. “Are you going to hook this chain back to the bed?”
Her shoulders stiffened as she finally focused on me. “I have not been told to. I hope I will not, but I guess it will depend on you.”
My blood pressure shot up. “I’m not sure how being chained to a bed really depends on me.”
“It shouldn’t,” she agreed, surprising me. “But it does.”
Staring at her for a moment, I shook my head. “I . . . I don’t get you.”
Her silvery-blonde eyebrows rose.
“You know what I am, right? Not the halfling part or why I’m here. You know I’m an Order member—”
“And it would be your duty to murder me if you saw me on the streets?” she interjected. “Yes. I know.”
Holding the end of the chain, I scooted over so my feet were on the floor. “Then why are you nice to me?”
She stepped away from the window. “Do I need a reason?”
I looked around the room. “Uh. Yeah. All things considered.”
Faye frowned, and she still looked, well, magical. All fae did. They were stunning in an eerie, unreal way. “Is it so hard to believe that when I see you or anyone like you that my first inclination isn’t to feed off you and kill you?”
Again, I looked around the room. “Considering where I am and where you are, uh, yes.”
Gliding forward, she stopped a few feet from me. She started to speak, but the bedroom door flew open, and the ancient called Valor stood there.
“The prince wants her brought to him,” he announced, pushing the door open further.
“No,” I said.
Faye nodded and then stepped back. “If you come willingly, I will not have to lead you.”
What seemed like such a small token of freedom was far more powerful than even I could have realized. My throat tight, I nodded and rose, holding the end of the chain. I wouldn’t be led to wherever the prince was. I would walk there of my own free will.
“Thank you,” I whispered to her as we followed Valor through the door.
Faye didn’t acknowledge my words, and we were silent as I followed them down the hallway. We weren’t going toward the stairs. I had a sinking suspicion that we were going to Drake’s bedroom, and I really didn’t like that idea.
We stopped in front of a set of large double pocket doors. Valor knocked once. The prince called out, “Come in.”
Valor slid the doors open, then stepped aside. Faye walked in, then me. The first thing I noticed was the giant, four-poster bed in the middle of the room, one even larger than the one I’d been sleeping on, and then I noticed what was
in
the bed, and didn’t notice anything else after that.
Drake wasn’t alone.
He was on his back, arms folded behind his head, and a woman was on top of him, riding him backwards, cowgirl style or whatever they called it, and that woman was that fucking bitch Breena, and she was completely hairless. Everywhere.
Holy sex show, this was so not what I was expecting.
They were so naked. Like, I was seeing everything.
Everything.
Breena lifted her hips, and I got a good idea of what the prince had going on downstairs. Then she slammed back down, her lips curved into a grin, and her eyes, unfortunately not permanently damaged, focused on us. The prince groaned in a way that told me we’d come in at the tail end of their escapades.
“Jesus,” I gasped, stepping back and bumping into Valor. “Do you need us to come back or something?”
“No.” Drake’s chuckle was deep and husky. “I was expecting you.”
“Seriously?” I squeaked.
He grasped Breena’s slim hips and lifted her off of him. She landed on the bed beside him with a jiggling bounce, and I quickly looked away, not wanting to see anything else. “Did she eat?” he asked Faye.
“A little,” she responded, her voice surprisingly level, as if holding conversations with the prince while he was having sex was something normal. Maybe it was.
“If you don’t eat your dinner, you don’t get dessert,” the prince stated.
My gaze shot to him. I didn’t want to look, but I kind of had to, because it was like a train wreck of sex right in front of me. “Yeah, I don’t want any dessert.”
“You sure about that?” He reached over, curling his hand into Breena’s mass of dark hair. He dragged her up onto her knees. “Do
you
want dessert?” he asked her.
Breena’s gaze shifted to him and she licked her lips. “Of course I do.” Placing a hand on his thigh, she leaned into Drake, pressing her front to his side. Then she licked the side of his face. “Do you know who else liked dessert?”
I tensed, knowing what she was going to say. “Do you want your eyes gouged out for real this time?” I said.
Turning her head to me, she smiled. “I’d like to see you try.”
“I think I’ve already proven that I can.” I returned her smile as my hands tightened around the chain I held.
“Enough.” Amusement colored Drake’s tone. He looked over at Breena. “You know what your mouth is better used on.”
“Nice,” I muttered.
Drake eyed me as Breena got down to making a better use of her mouth. “As if your human male doesn’t feel the same.”
“Actually, I’m pretty sure he respects me,” I shot back.
“Respect?” Drake laughed as he stroked Breena’s head like she was a damn pet. “What does that have to do with it?”
I almost couldn’t believe he was asking that question, but then again, I wasn’t entirely surprised. “Everything.”
“Is that so? You know what I find amusing?”
“No.” But I was betting he was going to tell me.
He leaned back, giving Breena more room to do her thing. “You stand before me as if you will still be reunited with your human lover. I find that amusing. I also find it amusing that you think he would have you back even if I hand delivered you to him in a pretty bow.”
I sucked in a sharp breath.
“If he felt the same way about you, don’t you think he would’ve found his way back here? That he would be storming the doors of our compound? We are well hidden, but where there is a will, there is a way.”
His words were like a well-placed smack in the face. Drake didn’t know what he was talking about. He didn’t know what Ren and I had shared, but those words still stung. Those words still spoke to the fear and insecurities rooted deep inside of me.
“I don’t need him to save me,” I said, stating the truth.
He smirked. “You can’t even save yourself.”
Resisting the urge to pull a Princess Leia and charge over to the bed to wrap the chain around his neck like he was a slimmer version of Jabba the Hut, I asked rather haughtily, “Did you have me brought here just to talk about Ren while you have sex?”
“Is it that obvious?”
Breena laughed. Well, it was a muffled sound, because her mouth was otherwise occupied. Her head was bobbing and her hand was between her legs, and my face was on fire. Holy canola oil, this was . . . wow, there were no words. I looked over at Faye and she was staring at the floor. Maybe that was what I should do.