I want to tell him how his swimming makes me feel, that watching him makes it seem like the world fits together better, that he’s incredible. But he must know that. So I rest my chin on his shoulder for a moment, letting myself marvel at the fact that I am currently dancing with Sebastian Crane.
A moment later I get a
very drunk text from Tanner, the beeping just loud enough to be heard over the music:
ggoign 2 hailey’s plaace. leavungg u thec ar.
Hailey must be the redhead. I glance toward the door and sure enough, they’re heading out together. Luckily, she seems a lot more sober than Tanner. I stow my phone back in my pocket just in time to feel Sebastian detach from me. I want us to keep touching, but those dark circles are still underneath his eyes. He’s probably still not fully recovered from yesterday.
“Ready to go home?” I ask.
“
You’re letting me escape that easily?”
“Not that easily.” I dangle the car keys under his nose. “You’re driving.”
We leave together, Sebastian striding ahead like he can’t wait to never see this place again. I catch sight of a couple Rothschild University girls staring at us. They’re whispering, eyes darting between Sebastian and I. I can’t blame them. After all, Sebastian Crane is at a club.
With me.
I hurry to catch up, the cool night air encasing me in a breeze that freezes the tiny droplets of sweat on my skin. I shiver a little and jump into the passenger seat while Sebastian unlocks the car door.
“Your friend hates me. I’m surprised he’s letting me drive his…car.” He rolls the word around in his mouth with distaste, like he’s not sure Tanner’s secondhand Toyota qualifies.
“He doesn’t hate you,” I say quickly, studying Sebastian’s strong profile as he turns the wheel. I realize with sudden clarity how beautiful his face would be if he smiled. Even angry, he’s breathtaking. “He just doesn’t know you.”
T
he headlights from a passing car momentarily illuminate Sebastian’s face, painting shadows beneath his eyes and cheekbones. He sweeps his hair off his forehead. “And you do?”
I swal
low and set my shoulders back, which are bare in my dress. “I’d like to.”
“Why?” he asks simply.
I smile shyly at my hands. “I can just tell you’re an incredible person. You practice swimming so much—you must really care about it. I admire that.”
“There’s nothing to admire about me.”
He keeps his eyes on the road, driving with one hand. The other convulses involuntarily into a fist in his lap.
“That’s not true!” I burst out
, aware that I probably sound stupid, but not caring. “Actually, I think you work yourself too hard. You should relax sometimes. Have fun with friends—and I definitely think you could make friends, if you wanted to. You’re different than what people say you’re like.”
The tiniest sneer curls his lip.
“What do people say I’m like?”
I bite my lip. I definitely can’t repeat what Tanner told me.
“They say you’re…really smart. And talented. And you don’t seem like you want to talk to people much, but—”
“
They say I’m cold. Arrogant. Cruel. That I despise everyone and will hurt anyone who gets close to me.” Sebastian’s knuckles tighten on the wheel. “Have you ever considered the fact that they may be right?”
I shake my head hard. “I know they’
re not. When that guy was bothering me, the first thing you did was come over to help, right? You didn’t have to do that.”
Sebastian falls silent. He’s quiet for the rest of the drive. When we reach the parking lot, he pulls into the spot nearest the residential buildings and turns off the
ignition. “What do you think of me, May Young?”
“I think you’re a good person,” I say firmly.
He reaches out, his fingers brushing my jawline for the barest second. The touch electrifies my skin. He leans in, his sculpted lips inches from my cheek. My lungs stop working. I can see the muscles shifting beneath his shirt, the gold in his eyes, the raw intensity there—
“Then you’ve never been so wrong in your life,” he breathes into my ear.
Then he draws back and gets out of the car, shutting the door behind him, and I’m left to try and put myself back together.
SEBASTIAN
I fucked up.
I walk quickly back to my dorm, careful not to look back at the car. Hopefully that was enough to make up for letting my guard down at the club. I wanted to stay cold to her, to drive her away, but when I saw that she was being harassed—
I stop. The breeze is the only sound. My hands are icy. Shaking, very slightly. What’s happening to me?
I wanted to protect her. More than that,
I wanted to tear that guy limb from limb. But I couldn’t have fought him. Not with her there. Too dangerous. You never know when a fight will turn into a brawl. That’s dangerous for anyone standing nearby.
I only danced with her to keep that creep away.
The problem is that I liked it.
She was soft. Gentle. The way she smiled—
No. I have to snap out of it. I accidentally opened up to her, just for a moment. I can’t let that happen again. When I open up to people, they get hurt. Or worse. Keeping others at a distance is the best way to keep them safe.
I’m very good at keeping others at a distance.
The confusing thing is how May manages to slip under my defenses. I’ve built them up for years. They’re ironclad. Yet she has me talking to her like they aren’t there. Like she’s found channels through them I didn’t know existed.
Nothing scares me.
But this does.
Because I’m starting to want her.
And I don’t deserve to want anyone.
CHAPTER FIVE
MAY
I don’t see Sebastian for two days.
At first I’m convinced he’s avoiding me. I figured out his room number, but every time I knock on his door, there’s no answer. After a lot of questions, I even found out a couple classes he was in, but when I wait outside the door, he never leaves the classroom, and then someone tells me he’s been skipping. That’s when I start to worry. What if he had another muscle cramp? He always swims alone. What if he slipped under the surface of the water again and nobody was there to—
But that’s just me being dumb. If he were dead, I obviously would have heard about it. Right?
Tanner’s been content for the past couple days, since he got his redhead’s number and I didn’t mention Sebastian the day after we went to the club. I’m going to meet him and Opal for lunch—I remember how excited she seemed after I told her privately that we took Sebastian out. Her fascination with him is odd, but I can’t blame her. He’s a fascinating person.
I just wish I didn’t have to worry about him so much.
The sun is bright and beautiful, and I can just see the ocean sparkling past the residential buildings. This campus really is stunning. I take a detour through the gardens and—
“Sebastian!”
It’s actually him. He’s sitting partially concealed in one of the chairs behind the tree, reading. When I call his name, he glances up with a startling degree of horror in his expression. It lessens when he sees it’s me, but only slightly. He snaps his book shut and begins to walk away.
“Oh no you don’t.” I dash to catch up with
him, jumping in front before he can proceed down the narrow pathway that leads out of the garden. “Where have you been the last two days? I haven’t even seen you at the pool.”
“I’ve been swimming at night,” he mutters. The pool’s closed at night, so he means in the ocean. I groan.
“I thought about checking the beach, but I figured you wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that again after what happened. Are you okay?” He looks almost worse than he did the night he practically drowned—pale and hunted-looking.
“
Keep your voice down.” He flips up his sweatshirt hood so it conceals part of his face. “I’m avoiding someone. Not that it’s any of your business.”
I sigh. At the club, Sebastian had been almost nice to me. It looks like the two days apart were enough for him to cool off. “I thought it was me you were avoiding. Who is it?”
Before he can answer, there are footsteps on the pathway. Sebastian curses under his breath, then grabs me, yanking me with him behind a row of tall hedges. My head presses against his chest for a moment, and I hear his heartbeat—fast—before he lets me go. To hide the flush creeping up my neck, I say loudly, “What’s the big deal—”
He claps a hand over my mouth. I resist the impulse to lick his palm, which is what I’d do whenever Tanner pulled that on me, and try not to focus too much on the feel of his body so close to mine.
“Be quiet,” he hisses.
The person entering the walkway is just some girl passing through, and apparently she’s not the one Sebastian is avoiding, because he releases me, slumping back against the hedge. He looks so stressed that I don’t even complain about the hand-on-mouth thing.
“Tell me who it is. I’ll help,” I offer. “If someone’s bothering you, I’ll drive them off. I’m vastly intimidating, you see.”
“You’re a vast pain in the ass,” he says, but I see the hint of a smirk.
“This person wouldn’t be intimidated by you, even you were capable of being intimidating.”
“I’m a gracious person, so I’ll let that slide.” I brush a few twigs off my shirt and smile. “
But if you don’t tell me, I can always spread the word about what happened on the beach the other night.”
He gives me a dark expression. I wonder when he’ll figure out that I’m not planning on ever
telling anyone about that night—it’s just the easiest way to get him to open up. I feel a little guilty, but mostly I desperately want to help. Sebastian’s the most intimidating person I’ve ever met, and I can’t even imagine the kind of person who’d be able to intimidate him.
“
My stepmom,” he grunts. “I got a letter a couple days ago that said she was coming to visit. She has a particular talent for finding me when I don’t want to be found. I’ve been trying to stay out of sight.”
I don’t know what I was imagining. Debt collectors, maybe, or a bunch of big burly someones. I scroll through my mental image of stepmoms, coming up with mostly hags from Disney movies and fairytales. Is this why Sebastian’s so reserved—he’s got a horrible stepmom? My imagination immediately flies into overdrive, picturing him locked in dark cellars or whatever it is evil stepmothers do.
I snap my fingers. “Then you should go hide where she’ll least expect to find you. I know the perfect place. Tanner told me about it—I’ve been wanting to go.”
He eyes me suspiciously. “Where would this place happen to be?”
“I’ll take you.” I whip out my phone and text Tanner:
new plans for lunch! bring Opal if she wants. I wanna go to that cute place you talked about. pick me up outside the garden?
“I’m beginning to suspect that anywhere you want me to go is not a place I want to be.” Sebastian knuckles his forehead. He looks
so tired that a twinge of pity runs through my heart.
I kneel beside him. “
Well, I’ve decided you’re going to be my friend, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to suck it up.”
“From what I’ve been able to glean from you, a ‘friend’ is someone who annoys you and drags you around when you’re minding your own business. I’ll pass.”
I knock him on the shoulder. “You don’t get a pass.”
I’ve decided that Sebastian needs someone, no matter how prick
ly he seems. Every time he brushes me off, I get a rush of insecurity—what if I’m doing the wrong thing, what if I’m wrong and he doesn’t need anyone after all—but I try my best to ignore it. All I know is that when I look at him, I see someone who’s barely holding on. People like that shouldn’t be left alone.
A loud honking comes from outside the garden. I glance down the path and see Tanner’s car idling beside the sidew
alk. “There he is! Let’s go.”
Sebastian curls his lip, but he follows me when I run out to
Tanner’s car. Tanner turns to me with an outraged expression, but I shoot him my best yell-at-me-later-please expression, and Tanner gives only a noisy sigh. “Opal couldn’t come. She had class.”
“More for us,” I say, twisting around to give Sebastian a smile. He doesn’
t return it. I don’t think I’ve gotten one out of him yet, but I’m going to keep trying. I bet he has a nice smile.
Tanner rolls down all four windows and drives off at top speed, probably so he can reach the café and get me alone to ask about Sebastian as soon as possible.
I wrestle my hair into a ponytail holder before the wind whips it into a beehive, wishing I’d remembered my sunglasses. Tanner’s got his, looking impossible suave with his elbow on the windowsill. I suspect he’s trying to seem unperturbed by Sebastian’s presence.
The café he takes
us to is called Strawberry Hat, and it’s freakishly adorable. They put little cut strawberries atop all their pastries, ostensibly like hats. I make a mental note to apply here when I start looking for a part-time job. The aprons are strawberry-patterned and the walls are painted light pink.