Authors: Lilly Wilde
It was nearly 2 o’clock in the morning. I’d given up on locating my sisters and moped upstairs to Aiden’s bedroom. I opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind me. I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to be in this house and I certainly didn’t want to be in his room. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed my toiletry bag and shoved it inside my oversized purse. I needed to call the airline for the first flight out of Chicago. I would get some sleep in one of the bedrooms my sisters were using. I wasn’t sure which rooms they’d been given but I was sure they were on the second floor. I glanced around the room, spotting the box that had held Aiden’s gift and sighed.
A noise at the door interrupted my musings, reminding me that I needed to get the hell out of his room. I tossed my purse over my shoulder and grabbed the handle of my luggage. The door opened just as I was about to take a step; it was Aiden. He didn’t say anything but I could see that he was still upset. His eyes traveled to my luggage and back at me.
“You want to go – I’m not going to stop you,” he said, walking past me.
Good asshole; I don’t want to be stopped. I walked toward the door. Reaching for the door knob; I turned it and opened the door. Aiden was suddenly behind me. He’d reached over my head, slamming the door closed. He pulled my bag from my hand and tossed it on the bed.
“Why do you do this shit Aria?” he yelled.
I stared blankly at him. If he thought for one second that I would respond to this type of crap, he was in for a rude awakening.
“Are you going to answer me?” he demanded.
“That depends. Are you going to stop yelling?” I asked.
“I’m damned near wasted and quite frankly I’m pissed. But you don’t need to leave. Let’s get some sleep and I’ll answer all of your questions in the morning.”
I sighed, unsure if I really wanted to stay.
“You have my word. I don’t want this to be a problem for us.”
“Fine Aiden,” I said, dropping the purse beside the door. “But don’t touch me. We sleep and tomorrow we talk.”
He grinned and walked towards me.
“I’m serious Aiden. If you touch me, I’m gone.”
He stopped dead in his tracks, holding his hands up in retreat.
“And the bag you so casually tossed, can you bring it to the bathroom so that I can change for bed?” I walked towards the bathroom and he was soon behind me. He stood at the door with the bag in his hand; I reached for the handle and pulled it inside the bathroom. I pushed him back and closed the door.
“I love you Aria, he said from the other side of the door.
After a few moments, I replied. “I love you too Aiden.”
*****
The next morning we were awake at the crack of dawn. He was nursing a hangover and I was still wondering if I should just leave. We were in the kitchen, the one that he would sneak into as a child. He’d made some type of concoction to soothe his pains and he’d made an omelet for me.
We were sitting at the table on the far side of the kitchen. We were both quiet for several minutes and he finally started talking. “Nadia and I were a couple, for lack of a better description, during the time I was pursuing my law degree. We were involved for approximately two years. Of course our relationship was of an intimate nature and we always used protection except once and as luck would have it, that one slip-up resulted in a pregnancy. Neither of us had a desire to be parents, especially me. Although Nadia wasn’t ready to be a parent, she wanted the child. I didn’t.”
I’d never given any significant thought to having children except to note that I never wanted children because I couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason a child felt the way I’d felt as a child. But knowing Aiden had created a life with Nadia caused a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Okay. So did she have the baby and give it up for adoption?” I asked.
“No,” he replied.
“Did someone else in the family raise the child?” I asked.
“Aria, we didn’t have the child.”
“She miscarried?”
“Nadia was extremely eager to please me so she set aside her wants and did what I asked of her. I convinced her to have an abortion.”
I looked at him. I realized that I didn’t know anything of his views on children, marriage or his religious beliefs. I’d never concerned myself with questions that were as personal with anyone I’d fucked. Well except with April, but that didn’t really count. Certain topics violated my Fuck Rules and I steered clear of those. As had become typical with Aiden though, everything mattered. The fact that another woman had carried a part of him inside her mattered. The fact that he would abort a child mattered.
“I know that sounds horrible and you may consider me a selfish bastard, but that’s what I did. After the procedure, my guilt forced me to at least attempt the maintenance of the relationship and the fact that our parents were pushing us together at every opportunity didn’t help matters.”
“How did the relationship end?” I asked.
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want her. I never wanted her.”
“Yet you were in a relationship with her for two years?”
“You don’t understand Aria. You’ll never understand the eccentricities of my life.”
“Then help me understand Aiden. I need to understand this.”
“Why Aria?” he asked.
“I just do. Can you tell me why?”
“It’s my life and the responsibility that comes with being a Raine. There was no room for a child nor was there any time to be a father.”
“Are you saying you convinced her to have the abortion because of who you are? Aiden, I hope you aren’t saying that.”
“Damn it Aria! I’m not saying that but the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. I didn’t just abandon her if that’s what you’re thinking. She was angry initially and then she became extremely depressed. When she started writing letters to the baby, I convinced her to seek professional help and she gradually came back to herself.”
I could hear the guilt and shame in his voice. “Did your families know?”
“They did not. They still don’t … unless Nadia said something, which is unlikely.”
“How do you feel about it now?” I asked.
“If you’re asking if I regret my decision, no I don’t,” he replied.
“Is this why Nadia has this imagined hold on you?” I asked.
“ Partially, I suppose.”
“And the other part?”
“Our families. They want me to be with her.”
“It’s obvious Nadia wants you and not just because your families are steering her in your direction.”
“I agree. Now can we stop talking about someone who doesn’t matter?”
I certainly didn’t think she mattered as much as
she
thought she did to Aiden but why did he patronize her? Why not tell her to fuck off? It’s not like it’s not in him to be cruel. I’d witnessed that first hand. I wasn’t at all partial to discussing her but I needed to know this. It provided more insight into her supposed hold on him. I could see his guilt and I didn’t want to add to it but he’d promised to answer all of my questions.
“Why do you patronize her?”
He sighed. “Aria, despite what I’ve just told you, I’m not a monster. I care about Nadia and I’ll always feel like shit for what I put her through. Do I want her to back off? Hell yes. Will I be an asshole and push her away the way you probably want me to … no.”
As much as I didn’t want to, I understood.
*****
“I want to show you something.”
“Okay. What?” I asked.
“I said
show
you not tell you. Let’s get dressed.”
We showered and dressed and rushed downstairs before anyone caught sight of us. Hand in hand, we walked quietly to the garage, which was basically the size of another mansion. Aiden walked to a panel on a wall and grabbed a set of keys. He pressed the key fob and the lights of one of the cars flickered.
His smiled as he approached it. It was a magnificent car, completely black with gold colored accents. It was sleek and sexy and it screamed of power … a perfect complement for Aiden. He walked me to the passenger side and opened the door. I hopped in, enveloped by the rich leather scent.
“Nice car,” I said, as he got in and grabbed his seat belt.
“It’s alright,” he replied, grinning.
“You love cars don’t you?” I asked.
“Certain cars, yes.”
“Another gift from your father?”
“No, this was a gift to myself when I made my first five million.”
“Oh wow. Nice gift. I thought you weren’t into excessive opulence?”
“I also said that I do partake of some of what my lifestyle affords,” he countered.
“What kind of car is this?”
“It’s a Bugatti.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it.” I said.
“That’s not surprising – most women would say the same,” he replied, reaching for his aviators.
“So you really don’t need your family’s money?”
“No, I don’t. I’m no billionaire like Dad but I’m a millionaire in my own right. I think I told you I’ve done very well with investments and I have a few other companies”
“A few? How do you manage all of that?” I asked.
“I delegate. I have some very capable people at the helm.”
We drove out of the garage down the long drive.
*****
“You were amazing with him.” We’d spent most of the morning visiting one of Aiden’s companies. It was a large non-profit that provided children and adolescents with a complete youth music and sports program.
“You sound surprised,” he said.
“Well I guess because you said you didn’t want children … it just seems kind of odd to see that you’re so good with them.”
“Just because I don’t want children doesn’t mean I’m not fond of them. There’re just reasons I don’t choose to have kids.” He was quiet for several moments. I wondered what those reasons were but didn’t want to push.
“I was afraid that I would become my father,” he volunteered.
“It’s hard to imagine you being afraid of anything.”
“I have fears just like everyone else, Aria. I just don’t wear them on my sleeve.”
Was that a jab at me? Did he think I wore my fears on my sleeve?
We drove back to his house in silence. He held my hand and I looked out the window. I suppose we were both lost in our thoughts. Labrinth’s
Beneath Your Beautiful
was playing in the background. As typical for me, the lyrics touched me and I wondered if they did the same for Aiden. Not with my words, but with my actions I did just as the song stated, I told all the boys
no
and I built my walls so high that no one could climb them but Aiden was here, asking to see beneath it all. He was certainly sharing parts of him that I didn’t know existed this weekend. Maybe it was time I did the same.
After parking the car, we walked out toward the stables and stopped near a pond. Aiden grabbed a handful of rocks and started skipping them along the water. I watched as one took flight and bounced before plopping to the bottom.
“I wanted to teach music,” he said.
“What?” I asked. Where did that come from?
“When I was younger, I wanted to teach music. You know my passion for music; I can’t imagine a world without it. I was also interested in the medical aspects of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Research indicates that toddlers react to music first before anything else. Studies also suggest that music will have the ability to cure Parkinson’s and speech disorders so as you can imagine, my medical background would have come into play. Music also plays a significant contribution in shaping our personalities and identities.”
“Wow. I never really went any further than listening, wanting to play an instrument and creating playlists. But you, you sound truly inspired. It’s a shame that you aren’t doing that, you’d be great at it,” I said.
“Possibly.”
“So how did you first become interested in music?” I asked.
“Grade school. I first began playing the piano when I was five. The teacher noticed my abilities early on and mentioned it to my mother. She bought a piano for the house and I had private lessons twice a week.”
He tossed another rock. “That went on for a few years and I was really good. I even played publicly at events. One day I played at one of my mother’s charity functions for disadvantaged youth. They were raising money for a music program. I had the opportunity to speak with some of the kids after the performance.”
He looked wistful as he tossed another rock across the pond. “That’s when I first realized how the other half lived and how something that I loved and took for granted was something they longed for.”
“When I graduated high school, I decided I wanted to help under privileged youth with their musical aspirations. I remember being extremely excited about it when I came home. I was thirteen and I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Imagine that. I told my father and he nearly had a coronary.”