Authors: Laurann Dohner
women he’d slept with but didn’t ask.
“I’m considered a rarity with my hair, eye color, and strength. I was called upon
many times by males in my pact to donate when their females requested my DNA.”
That’s a big yes
, she thought. Not that she could blame cyborg women for wanting
Ice in their beds. If someone wanted kids, he’d make some damn cute babies.
“I bet that was tough, having to sleep with a lot of women.” She held back her
snort. He was male after all and what guy would complain about having to nail a lot of
women? “Poor you.”
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He crossed the distance between them in seconds, grabbed her and jerked her to her
feet while anger clearly twisted his features as he glared down at her.
“It wasn’t the sex I minded but do you know how many times those donations
took? Twenty-eight times the results were successful.” He took a ragged breath.
“Twenty-eight viable children who were born healthy, mostly male, and I am not
permitted to see them, talk to them, or ever be a part of their lives.” He took another
harsh breath. “I told myself the same thing all males do when called upon. It is just a
donation and I did my duty for the good of our future, but then…”
He went silent, shoving Megan onto her ass on the bed, and spun away. He put
distance between them, running his fingers through his hair. He stood there.
Megan regretted her words. “Then what?” She spoke softly since she’d seen pain in
his beautiful eyes before he’d turned away from her. “Talk to me, Ice.”
When he spoke, his voice softened, nearly a whisper. “I was off duty for a week on
Garden, my home world, and I needed to do some shopping. I saw a woman I
recognized in the store. I had been bred to her a year before and in her arms she
held…my son.” He turned to stare at Megan, his eyes suspiciously wet looking before
he blinked rapidly to dissipate the tears. “I’m certain of my assessment of him being my
son since he shared my rare coloring and he smiled at me.”
Her heart wrenched for the raw pain she couldn’t miss in Ice’s features.
“He is my son, my blood, and yet I am not permitted to speak to him, to touch him,
or to claim him in any way. Twenty-eight children are on Garden and they are mine but
I have no rights to them. Can you imagine in your human mind how that feels or how
difficult it would be to have that reality slam into you? It did me. It wasn’t just sperm
donations anymore for duty. Pieces of my soul were being given to couples and I would
never know my own offspring.”
She pushed off the bed, stood, and inched toward him. “I’m so sorry.” Tears filled
her eyes. She hated to see him hurting that badly, to see how deeply it affected him.
He looked away, his gaze going to the floor. “That ship with most of our women
was recovered recently. They’d bred mostly female children while they were lost and
they were recently returned to Garden. The council took the new numbers into account
and changed the laws. Now their first priority since women aren’t such a shortage is to
watch the DNA matching of the children born so that our males aren’t overused in
breeding. They removed all males who have had over twenty successful donations from
breeding pacts so future generations don’t face a higher percentage of unsuitable
breeding choices with DNA conflicts from the male donors used for their conceptions.”
“So they can’t make you have more children.”
He spun away, his back to her again, and suddenly punched the wall hard. It
stunned Megan as she watched him shake his fist a little and then it fell to dangle at his
side. He’d left a mark on the bulkhead wall from his fist and a small sound drew her
attention to the floor. Drops of red blood started to stain it.
“You hurt yourself.”
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Touching Ice
She reached for his arm, moving closer, but when her fingers touched his wrist he
jerked away, putting distance between them again. He stopped by the door, keeping his
back to her and just bled on the floor.
“I was called upon by a breeding-pact member when we first arrived at Garden on
our last trip there a few weeks ago. The council decided to change the law two days
after the mandatory donation.” He snarled the words and then spun back around. “Do
you know what I read in the same order that stated you were to die?” He glared at her.
“They gave me notification that my donation was successful. Another child will be
born, mine, and they changed the law two days too late to prevent me from creating yet
another life I will have no right to know. Why couldn’t they have done that when we
first arrived with those women and children? Why did the damn council wait those
days?”
“I’m so sorry, Ice.” She hurt for him, hated to see him suffering, and realized how
much that had to mess with his mind.
“I’m finally free from ever being called upon to breed by force but they activated
my sperm for that last donation.” He continued to glare at her. “Every time I touch you
I am risking a pregnancy with you, Megan. I knew I could pull out of you for a few
days but I can’t do that long term. I could only locate one medicondom aboard this
shuttle and I used it that first time with you. I have no access to more until we can visit
an Earth-based station for supplies. Cyborg pre-cum isn’t effective so the risk is in my
not removing myself from inside your body before I release active sperm. That is
difficult to do for me because the pleasure is too great between us at times and I nearly
lost my control. I could impregnate you while my sperm is still active for the next two
months.”
“Ice―”
He cut her off. “It could happen and I’m not willing to take those chances. They
have ordered your death and I can’t see a way of saving you long term. I refuse to lose
another child to the damn council and their orders. They won’t care if you’re pregnant
when they kill you because my DNA is considered overused so there’s no value in any
child I might produce.” His voice turned so harsh, he snarled his words. “They
informed me that because of how successful the forced breeding was, I am no longer
mandated to produce a child of my own. I have lost too much of my soul already and I
am getting too attached to you. I just can’t take the pain I could possibly face and will
have to endure because I’ve run the odds in my mind. That’s the truth, Megan. It’s
better to lose you now than suffer a greater loss of both of you.”
Something inside Megan broke for him, pretty sure it was her heart. All doubts
about his ability to feel were gone. She walked to him and ignored how his body
stiffened at her approach. She reached out and took his injured hand, still fisted at his
side, her fingers curling around it.
“You can’t get me pregnant. I come from a messed up childhood so I didn’t want to
ever have kids. I got implanted with birth control before I ever started having sex.
Unless it’s removed there’s no risk involved.”
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Megan hoped that would comfort him but instead he shook his head. “I can’t do
this even though that’s half the problem solved. I attacked another cyborg today,
protecting you. He is going to have to report me to the council for my actions and it
made me realize how attached I have gotten to you.” The hand she gripped moved and
his fingers curled with hers, holding onto her. “I’m finally free to be my own man for
the first time in my life. First they controlled me when we were under Earth
Government’s command and then the council forced me to give more of myself than I
wanted to. You threaten all of that.”
“How?”
Their gazes locked together. His thumb rubbed the side of her pinky. “I finally have
control of my life, my body, and you’re asking something of me that I’m not willing to
risk.”
He was a control freak. She’d realized that right off the bat with Ice. It wasn’t just a
preference of his, it had become his way of protecting himself against more pain. She
could understand that after having everyone in her own life let her down. It had really
messed her up when her parents had abandoned her one at a time. Ice didn’t want to
allow himself to feel too much and then lose her. Again, something she could
understand.
She released his hand and took a few steps back, never looking away from him.
“You preferred the bots because you couldn’t get attached to them.”
He sighed. “Yes.”
“And you don’t want to get more emotionally involved with me.” It stung but she
knew he did it to guard his heart.
“Yes. I don’t want you to die either.”
He was torn. Megan was falling in love with the cyborg even more for having
emotions she could relate to and understand. He happened to be more perfect for her
than she’d ever guessed or hoped because he had flaws and emotional damage just the
way she did. She no longer had any doubt about that whatsoever as she studied his
beautiful silvery-blue eyes and the haunted look in them that he tried to hide from her.
“You won’t get attached to a bot and I don’t want to die.” She backed up more,
straightened her shoulders, and masked her features. “I’ll be your bot. How may I serve
you?”
Ice’s features showed his shock as it sunk in what she said and what it meant. His
mouth parted and then he frowned. “Megan…”
“I don’t want to die. You don’t want to get attached.” She lifted her chin. “It’s the
perfect way for both of us to live. How may I serve you?”
“You’re not a bot.”
“I could be one. If anyone knows them, it’s me. I program the damn things. This
solves both of our problems. I get to stay with you and you get all the sex you want
without the risk of getting to know me.”
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Touching Ice
They watched each other for long moments. Ice turned away, used the cleansing
unit to wash his injured hand, and then dried it. When he turned, all emotions were
hidden on his features and his gaze grew chilly.
“Bots follow orders without argument or question. That is how I need my females
to be.”
She hesitated, knowing she’d offered to do this. “I can do that.” It wouldn’t be easy,
she wasn’t real good at following orders to the letter, but this was sex they were talking
about. She had a submissive streak in the bedroom. “I really can do this, Ice.”
His beautiful blue gaze ran down her body quickly and then jerked back up. “A test
then?”
“A test of what?”
“A test to see if you can follow orders. If you can act as though you are a bot and
swear to not get emotional, I will allow you to stay in my room.”
“And you won’t kill me?”
“I already can’t bring myself to kill you, Megan. Your plan of action is logical.
You’re no threat to my home world if you are locked in a room where you have no
access to communications. I want to be honest. I highly doubt the council will reverse
their decision no matter how long you stay here so don’t get your hopes up of that
happening. The available sex is tempting but I will be in total control if we do this.”
Something softened in his gaze. “I just can’t risk it otherwise.”
Getting his heart broken
, she thought, understanding what he couldn’t risk. She
pushed back her nervousness and nodded. She could do submissive. She’d had a
boyfriend once who was heavily into that shit. It had been a little hot until she found
out he liked that in all aspects of his life. She could be submissive in the bedroom but
outside of it, she made her own choices.
She attempted not to be anxious as she closed the distance between them. She
stopped inches in front of him, so close she could touch him by just lifting her hands.
Her chin tipped back so she could stare up at the much-taller man. He was so very
handsome with his strong masculine features and those amazing light-blue eyes with
the silver streaks.
“How may I serve you?”
“We’ll try this plan of yours.” He hesitated. “Strip now.” His voice deepened.
I can totally be submissive
, she thought. She turned away from him and started to
strip out of her borrowed clothing. When naked, she turned to face him again, stunned
to see that he’d removed his own clothing very quickly. She hadn’t heard a thing to
indicate he’d undressed. She’d have to remember how stealthy he could be.
“You do as I say or this isn’t going to work. Am I clear?”
“Crystal.”
He studied her and she saw something in his expression that made her tense. She
had seen that look before with a few of her employers when they were pissed off and
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about to push her into quitting. This was one job that she wasn’t about to easily let go.
She watched him without saying a word as he went to the built-in drawers, bent to
show his nice, firm, rounded ass, and opened the lowest one. In seconds he turned and
she stared at what he had in his hand.
“Come here.”
Shit!
She froze in fear at seeing the ropelike, long belt he held fisted in his hand. He
watched her very closely.
“I said come here.”
Her gaze locked with his. “You’re scaring me a little. I know you got a little worked
up over our conversation but you know I’m not responsible for the bad things done to