TouchStone for giving (The Story of Us Trilogy) (37 page)

smile. “This is you?”

He nods.

“Wow.” I can’t think of anything else to say, I’m taken aback by the poignancy of the moment.

“The watch. It was my Christmas present off Winnie.” He plays with the wheels on a toy car.

“Can’t remember what happened to the watch but it was a good day.”

“You look very pleased with your gift.”

“I was.”

I reach out for another photo. I would recognise these two rogues anywhere. “This is you and Jake,

right?”

“Oh yeah. It was a day trip somewhere with school. Someone took the picture and I swapped

something for the photo.”

“How old were you?”

“Around fourteen.”

I’m nodding. Even then they were close, like brothers even. “You must have some fond memories?”

“Some. Mostly not so good.” Still dwelling on the past he lifts out a black velvet pouch and tips out

the contents into his hand.

To my surprise they are three marbles.

“They’re pretty. Can I look?”

“Sure.”

He drops them into my hand. They fall with a weighty thud. “They’re heavier than I thought they’d

be. But very beautiful.” When I look closely, the largest of them is green with flashes of cerulean, the

colour of the Caribbean sea; the second has a centre the colour of weak coffee, and the smallest, most

delicate of the three has the prettiest centre of sky blue and yellow. “They’re beautiful Ayden. You

must have treasured them?”

“I did, until I lost them.”

“You lost them? But they’re here now, so you must have found them again?”

“Not exactly.” He reaches out for them and quickly drops them into the tiny pouch, pulling the

string tight as if securing them away for safe keeping.

There’s a stillness in the room, a deafening silence pervades the air. I dare not break it.

“When I was at Bright Hill I wasn’t happy. I always felt like I didn’t belong there; didn’t belong

anywhere really. I would battle through, with no regard for the feelings of others. That was until Elise

came along.”

I feel the colour draining from my face but say nothing …

“She came to Bright Hill when I was nine or so and she was six. She was such a shy little thing,

wouldn’t talk to any of the other kids. Wouldn’t talk to me. Then, one day I took out my marbles and

rolled them over to her. She picked them up one after the other and placed them in her skirt, like she

was collecting mushrooms, and disappeared into her room.”

His face dissolves into a smile and his shoulders fall into a state of total relaxation at the memory. I

listen.

“I couldn’t let her keep them so I went in search of her and found she had them arranged in order of

preference on her bed. She was kneeling on the floor leaning over it when I entered. I knew I wasn’t

allowed in the girls’ dorm so I knocked and stood by the door. She turned and gave me the biggest

smile. I will never forget it and she said, “I like this one best. Which is your best one?” Those were the

first words she had spoken in almost a month and I was so proud of myself for getting her to speak.”

He acknowledges my presence with a smile.

“So … from that moment on we shared my marbles. We became inseparable. She followed me

everywhere and I let her tag along. If anyone pushed her or took any of her possessions, I stepped in

and fought her battles like a big brother would.”

“You must have loved her very much?” I ask tentatively.

“I suppose I must. She became my family but … this doesn’t have a happy ending; not for me at

least and especially not for Elise.”

I’m about to ask why not but think better of it …

“Just after my tenth birthday she started to behave differently. She stopped talking. Didn’t want to

play and I was worried about her. The only place she seemed happy was with me in the library. So

we’d spend whole days there. I read her stories and while she slept I read all kinds of books, even took

a couple to read with a torch under the covers at night, you know?

I can’t begin to imagine but I give him an understanding nod.

“Then, one Saturday afternoon she went missing. I was frantic. I looked everywhere and eventually

found her behind a book case in the library, clutching this.” He holds up the velvet pouch.

“Why was she hiding?” I ask rooted to the spot.

“Some pedo was abusing her; one of the carers. He’d threatened to kill me if she told anyone.

Fucking bastard scared the wits out of her.”

An involuntary gasp leaves my mouth and I try to hold it back behind my hand.

“I didn’t know what to do, who to tell. I mean, this guy virtually ran the place, especially at night.”

“What did you do?”

“What could I do? I snuck her into the boys’ dorm and put her into my bed. I wanted to hide her

from him. To keep her safe.” He begins to rub the back of his neck but no amount of rubbing will ease

the tension he is feeling right now.

“But … he came. They came. They turned on the lights, marched over to my bed and threw back the

covers and found her.”

“Oh God, no!” Tears prick my eyes and fall like raindrops onto my robe.

“They tried to pull her off but she wouldn’t let me go. I held on so tight and for as long as I could

until all that was left of her was her screams as he carried her away. That, and the sound of my

marbles bouncing and rolling on the floor as she dropped them. Then there was only silence.”

“Oh Ayden, I’m so sorry.” I lean over to him and wrap my arms around his neck, stroking his

dishevelled hair with my hand, offering comfort and understanding. “You did everything you could.”

He unwinds my arms and rests them on my lap. “Did I? I don’t think so. We should have run away

or gone to the police. I wasn’t thinking straight …”

“Ayden, you were ten. You did what you could. That bastard would have found her no matter what

you did.”

He’s not convinced.

“What happened to Elise?”

“I don’t know … I heard she’d been adopted by a family somewhere, but it was just rumours. No-

one knew or, if they did, they wouldn’t tell. It was like she’d vanished; like she’d never even existed.”

He begins packing his things away.

“But her memory lived on in you Ayden. Of course she existed. She must have remembered you

too.”

“I gave up on her. Gave up on everything … and then, the next night, they came back for me.”

Oh dear God! I don’t want to hear this …

“I knew they would. I’d caused them a shit load of trouble asking questions and sniffing around. I

lay there for hours, fully dressed under the covers just waiting.” He pauses, organising his thoughts. “I

must have dozed off because the next thing I felt was a hand over my mouth and my stomach being

punched. They dragged me out and threw me in a side room down the hall, but I was so fucking mad I

provoked them and they didn’t lay a finger on me, not that way … but they did see to it I had a busted

jaw, two black eyes and I don’t know how many bruised ribs.”

“My God Ayden! This is horrific.” I can do no more than choke back tears and try, somehow, to

offer my compassion for him and his suffering. “Please, if this is too painful don’t say any more.

You’ve said enough …”

He reaches out for my hand and I offer it willingly.

“No. You have to know … you have to know everything or, like you said; those skeletons we have

hidden away in our closets will haunt us forever.”

I offer a smile of sorts. “I said that?”

“You did.” He cups my cheek and wipes away my tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry for me. I’m

here, aren’t I? I’ve survived.”

His words make me cry even more. “You have and I’m so thankful for that.”

“Come here. Sit beside me.”

I scoot around and rest my tear stained cheek on his bare chest. With his left arm he pulls me close

as he prepares to end this sordid tale of cruelty and abuse.

“The next morning I woke up in my bed. I don’t know how I got there but I remember the pain and

the blood on my pillow. I was lost, an empty shell, so … I gave up. I lay in my bed and waited to die.”

Instinctively I wrap my arms around his body, unsure of what else to do. “I can’t begin to imagine

how you must have felt Ayden.”

He strokes my hair. “I think you can. You know what it feels like to lose a loved one.”

He’s right “Yes. I do.”

“It’s the worst kind of pain.”

“It is.” I reach for my finger where my mother’s ring used to be but there’s nothing there; only the

memory of it, of her. “Please tell me what happened.”

“Winnie.”

I look up at him.” Winnie?”

“Yes. Winnie happened. She began working at Bright Hill that morning and noticed me. I hadn’t

gone to breakfast and, when she returned to do her duties, I was still there.”

“Did she know what had happened to you?”

“No. Not at that time. She thought I’d been fighting. I did a lot of that back then.”

“So what did she do?”

“She brought me breakfast …”

“That’s it?”

“No. She did so much more, but that was just the start. No-one had ever brought me breakfast or

any other meal in bed for that matter.” He sniggers as the memory. “I didn’t eat it, me wanting to die

and all. So she took it away.”

“So you didn’t eat?

“No, not until she brought me lunch. She said I was wearing her out and she’d keep bringing me

food until I ate something or she collapsed. So I ate something.”

“Did she see the state you were in?”

“Yes. That’s why the next thing she brought me was a change of clothes and pain relief for my

bruised ribs.”

“She took care of you?”

“She did. She fed me and washed me and …” He struggles to get the words out. “She saved me.”

“What a wonderful woman Ayden. No wonder you love her so.” I reach up and take his sweet face

in my hands. “You and she have a very special bond. I could see than when I met her. She loves you

like a son.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“I am. But please … before we go back to bed. Tell me how you got those marbles back, for

heaven’s sake. I won’t be able to sleep for wondering.”

Leaning into me he plants a soft kiss on my forehead. “Okay.” Whilst thinking through his answer,

he begins to pack away his precious possessions and it feels like a symbolic gesture. It’s as if he’s

putting those dreadful memories behind him, locking them away; hopefully out of sight and out of

mind.

“Winnie got the other kids to give them back. When I felt well enough to walk around, she held the

pouch high in the air like a dinner bell and made me walk over to her to get it. That crazy woman.”

“She knew how to motivate you.”

“She did. Still does.” With the carton packed he takes a life-fulfilling breath of cleansing air. “I feel

better for telling you.”

Just by the look in his eyes I know that to be true. “I’m glad. We shouldn’t have any secrets

Ayden.”

“I know. And that’s why what I’m going to tell you is so difficult.”

There’s more …

“Take a breath. I’ll understand, whatever it is.”

“That remains to be seen Beth, but … you have to know.” He turns to face me side-on. “When I had

enough money I had people look for Elise. I wanted to say I was sorry and to, I don’t know, make

amends or something like that.”

I’m suddenly alert. “And you found her?”

“Not exactly. She found me, sort of.” He sees my look of puzzlement and explains further. “I

wanted to buy this house and I had Charlotte arrange a viewing for me. When I turned up, the lady

from the estate agents was Elise. She was helping out at a local office and happened to be the one

showing me around.”

“Did you recognise each other straight away?”

“No. But there was something between us that made me think, I know you from somewhere. You

see, we’d both changed our names. She had remained Elise but had been married and me, you know

about.”

“So that’s a good thing, right?”

“I thought so at the time and we rekindled our relationship. We dated. I took her out and bought her

things and we …”

“… You became lovers?”

He sniggers. “Yes. We became lovers but not out of any deep romantic notions about lasting love,

nothing like you and I. But more of a … how can I put this?” He turns away, searching for just the

right word. “More out of a sense of duty.”

“That doesn’t sound romantic at all.”

“I know, but she didn’t have the opportunities I’d had, and she didn’t have anyone in her life who

could give her what she needed.”

“You mean money?”

“Not entirely.”

“What then? Sex?”

He strokes my hair softly. “Yes. Sex.”

“But if you two were an item, how come there are no pictures of you anywhere?”

“You won’t find any photographs or any news reports. Our affair was strictly under the radar,

clandestine if you like, for obvious reasons.”

I’m shaking my head. “Not to me.”

“Imagine the publicity Beth …”

“I don’t see how you dating someone …”

He places his fingers on my lips, holding back my words. “Not someone Beth. They’d say she was