Tracing Hearts (27 page)

“Who’s Sebastian?” she asks, confused.

Oh shit.

“Uh, I meant to say Henry.”

Oh, God. What did I do?

She eyes me suspiciously, and I know she’s most likely trying to read my face, so I keep it as neutral as possible.

“Um…” she starts.

“Sebastian,” I go on to explain and to cover my stupid mistake, “is an ex-boyfriend of mine. Henry would kill me if he heard Sebastian’s name come from my lips.” I’m hoping the mock horror on my face is enough to make her believe my new lie. A light goes on in her mind and her mouth twists.

“Oh!” She laughs. “I understand. I actually did that while in bed with Jamie one time. Luckily he didn’t hear it, and I wasn’t going to repeat myself.” We both laugh, and I think my little faux pas is swept under the rug.

***

“So, what did you two talk about while out on the town?” Sebastian asks while sliding in behind me on the couch.

“Oh, you know, the usual—clothes and shoes and comparing how romantic our men are.” He cocks his head so he can see my face.

“Really. And who won?”

I smile broadly.

“Jamie did. He proposed with a twist tie while drunk in a bar, while you just paid some diver at the aquarium to hold up a waterproof sign inside a shark tank, begging for my answer, so he wouldn’t become shark bait.”

“Well, clearly it was no contest,” he says with an equally broad grin. “I’ll congratulate him tomorrow, on a job well done.” I giggle and he sighs. “I missed that sound today.”

“Did you?”

“Yes. I did. Did you have a good time? Sow all your wild oats?”

“My what?” I giggle again. “I had fun if that’s what you mean. It was nice to get out and forget about why we’re really here.” His deep intake of breath and forceful exhale tells me his mood has suddenly shifted. I turn in my spot, touch my hand to his cheek, and look at him. “Hey, don’t go there.”

“Go where?”

“To your sad, brooding place, where you feel angry with yourself and all kinds of guilty about our situation. Everything happens for a reason, and if it wasn’t for our current situation, we might’ve never gotten to where we are now. We might very well have remained long distance friends.”

“And, your life wouldn’t be in danger either—”

“Stop it.” I lean into him, silencing his sentence with a tender kiss on his soft lips. “I don’t want to hear any more about this situation being all bad. The way I see it, it’s worked out quite well for us.”

“Really, Mrs. Smith. Do tell,” he says.

“Well, we’re here together, in paradise, with nothing to do but spend time getting to know each other better. And, we live next door to the winner of the most romantic proposal.”

He laughs. “True.”

“So, I say, let’s pretend this is a vacation. A long and much deserved holiday away from the stresses of the world. And, we can start. Right. Here.” I rub my thumb over his lips, and he closes his eyes. I feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he takes in more shallow breaths. His arms snake around me, pulling me in closer. Soon, our mouths find each other. I feel my back against the cool fabric of the couch cushion, and we’re lost in a sea of love and lust.

Julia

The next day, we’re just stepping out of the shower when, I hear Sebastian’s phone ring.

“Shit,” he says as he climbs out in double time. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he dashes out of the bathroom. I can’t help but smirk at the fine specimen that just left a trail of wet footprints all over the floor. I’m just about finished drying off when, I hear his voice on the phone. His tone is urgent and agitated. I round the corner but pause just short of the living room.

“No.
No
, that can’t be right. Are you sure?” He pauses and listens to whomever it is he’s talking to. “How?” Another pause. “When?” I hear a loud bang, which makes me jump. Now, I’m concerned. “My God. Are you kidding me? Fuck! Please tell me this is a joke,” he says as his voice cracks. “Yes. I did. I thought it’d be fine. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He pauses again, longer this time. “Yes it is. Who else is to blame? No one. It’s gotten out of control, and I’m the only one who can prevent anything else from happening.” I peak around the corner to see Sebastian rubbing his forehead out of frustration. I want to walk over to him, to comfort him, but I’m not sure if I should. “I understand. I’ll make it happen, Mick. I mean it. No contact. No matter what. Around the clock. I’ll be in touch.” He presses end and throws the phone across the room. It hits the wall but, luckily, it doesn’t shatter. His fists hit the table in front of him, then he clears it of all items, knocking everything onto the floor. I’ve never seen him this upset. I make a decision, though I’m not sure how wise it is.

“Is everything all right?” I ask in a quiet voice, while still standing in the hallway, at the entrance to the living room. He looks up abruptly, a pained look in his eyes. Oh, no. “What’s happened?” I walk toward him, and he meets me in the middle. His arms instantly wrap around me, and he buries his face into my neck. Inhaling deeply, he whispers in my ear.

“I love you, Julia. So much. Please, always remember that.” I pull back and look at him. Now, I’m afraid.

“What’s going on? Why are you talking like that?” He says nothing, just stares blankly at me. “Sebastian. What happened? Talk to me…
now
,” I demand with a shaky voice. He looks down and let’s go of me. “
Tell me!
” My words are frantic, and I can only imagine what’s going on. He turns away and pushes a hand through his hair.

“Peter’s dead.”

I gasp and cover my mouth in disbelief.

“What? Oh, my God. No.” I sit, dazed, with my towel still wrapped around my body. “How? When? What happened?” I look up at him for answers. Sebastian remains facing away from me.

“Hit and run.”

“What? Where? ...How?”

“Last night. Mick doesn’t think it was an accident. He thinks it was a hired hit.” He pushes both hands through his hair and grips two fistfuls at the back of his head. I can see the muscles of his jaw flex as he grits his teeth. “I knew it. I knew something like this would happen. It was just a matter of time…It was just a matter of fucking time.” His voice is low—barely audible, and his whole body tenses. I stand and walk over to him. Reaching around his waist from behind, I hug him tightly. He stiffens for a moment, then relaxes. He turns in my arms and pulls me against him, kissing my hair repeatedly. We stand, not saying a word for an eternity. Then, he breaks the silence. “I have to go.” Releasing me, he walks into the bedroom. I follow him and watch from the doorway. After dressing, he makes a beeline for the door.

“Wait!” I say, desperate to get inside his head. “Where are you going? What are going to do? Please don’t go. Please!” He stops.

“I’m just going to meet with Mick,” he says, without turning around. “Lock the doors. Don't go outside, and don’t answer the door. I’ll be back soon.” And, with that, he walks out. I hear the door latch, then run to the front window and watch helplessly as he gets in our car and drives away.

I’m so afraid. I’m afraid he’s so angry and laden with guilt that he might do something really stupid. I look around the room for anything that could help me figure out his intentions. I spot my cell phone laying on the kitchen table, so I sprint over to it and immediately begin scrolling through the contacts. Just as I suspected, I find Mick’s number. My finger hovers over the call button. Should I let Sebastian handle the situation? Can I trust that he’s in a decent enough state of mind to make good decisions? My fear takes hold, and I press call.
“Leave your number
,”
I hear a gruff voice say as it goes straight to voicemail. I end the call without leaving a message. I’m even more worried than I was before.

“Damn it, Sebastian. Where are you going?” I mutter to myself and curl up on the couch, pulling my knees up. Soon the stress of the most recent events becomes too much, and I begin sobbing into the pillow.

***

As I wake from a nap I didn’t intend to take, I push off the fleece throw and look around the room. Sebastian still isn't home. It’s almost dinner time now. Where the hell is he? I reach for my phone and send him a quick text message.

Where r u? R u coming home soon?

I press send and wait for the chime of an incoming message. There is only silence. I hit call but get his voicemail. In frustration, I launch the phone across the room, but it doesn’t even make a satisfying crash as it tumbles along the carpet, coming to rest a short distance away. I wrap my arms around myself, wishing they were his arms.

It’s either the chill in the air, from the air conditioner being set too low, or the fact that I’m still wearing just a towel from my earlier shower, that’s making me cold. I look down at the throw I had on during my nap. Wait a minute. I didn’t cover up with a blanket. Realization dawns. He was here. He came back and must’ve covered me up. I race to our bedroom hoping my suspicions aren’t correct. Pulling his dresser drawer open, I find it empty. I open another, then another. They too have no contents. I run to the closet and find only my things inside. A panic sets in, and I begin to shake. “Sebastian!” I call out, hoping to hear his reply. “Sebastian, where are you? Please come out!
Please!
” I continue rifling through the drawers and cabinets which used to contain his belongings, only to find every one of them empty. Tears prick my eyes, and I now know what his earlier words to Mick meant. ‘
Who else is to blame? No one. It’s gotten out of control and I’m the only one who can prevent anything else from happening
.
I understand. I’ll make it happen, Mick. I mean it. No contact. No matter what.’
My body slumps to the floor, and my tears turn into howls of agony. He’s left me. He blames himself for Peter’s death, and he thinks that leaving me will protect me. He has no idea how wrong he is. I feel more afraid for my own life than I ever have. Oh, God, why did he do this? How can I find him? I need him. I love him.

***

Hours later, or maybe it’s been days, the doorbell rings. I lift my head quickly, hoping to see Sebastian’s silhouette in the frame of the glass at the front door. It’s dark outside, so I see nothing. Still in just a towel, I wrap it securely around me and pull on the handle. “Sebast—” I stop myself when I look into the concerned eyes of Shelby. She looks at my attire then lifts her eyebrows in surprise.

“Uh…hi. Do you need a minute?” she says.

I look down and blush a bit.

“Yes. I guess I do. Come in. I’ll be right out.” I open the door wider as a welcome gesture, and she steps inside. “I’ll be just a minute.” I walk through the hallway and to the bedroom which looks as if it’s been ransacked. Oh wait, that’s because it was. Tears threaten again, but I hold them at bay. I hurriedly get dressed. “Would you like a cup of coffee?” I ask as I make my way through the living room and into the kitchen.

“That sounds good,” she says, pulling out a chair and sitting at the table. I finish getting the coffee maker ready, then turn to face her. She’s looking down at the mess that’s strewn about from Sebastian’s earlier temper tantrum.

“Oh. Let me get that,” I say as I begin to gather the items from the floor. “We had a fly in the house.” I chuckle awkwardly, knowing that was the stupidest excuse I could’ve come up with.

“That must’ve been some fly.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was. Did you come over for something? I mean…that sounded so rude. I apologize. What I meant was, do you need something or is this just a social visit?”

“I just figured I’d come over and see what you’re up to. I noticed Henry leave and he’s been gone most of the day so I thought you might like some company.”

“Oh. That’s very kind of you, but I’m fine.” I smile but don’t feel like I’m selling it. I go back to the kitchen, take out two coffee mugs, and pour coffee into each. Then, I head back in her direction, place her cup in front of her, and sit adjacent to her. “So… it was very hot today, don’t you think?”

“Emily, is everything okay between you and Henry?”

“Yes,” I say, a little shocked that she’d ask such a question. “Why do you ask?”

She places her hand on top of mine. “I heard a commotion over here earlier. I wanted to check on you two then, but Jamie told me that’d be prying. That, and the fact that it’s obvious you’ve been crying, caused me to be concerned.” I give her a small smile and try to hold back the tears.

“We had a fight. It was no big deal. All couples do it. He stormed out, but he’ll come back soon, so we can make up again.” I do my best to give her an expression of confidence, to avoid having to elaborate. I know she wants details, but I just don’t have the strength to make up a story.

“Ah, yes. Jamie and I have had some doozies. But, the make-up sex afterward is the best,” she says with a wink and a smile. I blush, having no idea if she’s right. Sebastian and I haven’t ever really fought, and the times Cameron and I did, the make-up sex wasn’t any better than the normal sex. But, I feel the need to lie to her.

“Yes, that’s for sure.” I laugh.

“So, what did the two of you fight about anyway? Did he leave the toilet seat up? Left the cap off the toothpaste? What got him upset enough to walk away from such a lovely girl?”

Damn it.

“You’re too kind, thank you. It was really nothing though. We were paying the bills and got to talking about some extra expenses we had coming up, and before I knew it, we were in an argument. It’s fine. We’ll be fine. He just needs to cool off, and it’ll be as if nothing happened.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Besides, don’t all couples fight about money?”

“I suppose a lot of them do,” she says.

The conversation changes subjects, and I’m glad. It’s hard to keep the truth from someone and keep track of all the lies that were told. The more I talk to her, the more paranoid I get that I’m going to screw up. We start talking about the latest Hollywood gossip, and I know I’m in the clear. This is a much safer subject.