Tracked by Trouble (Bad Boys Need Love, Too #3) (15 page)

“I miss her a lot so it became a big deal to me to have that couch. And yeah, you may have been right about me leaving it at Tyler’s. In the end, I ended up leaving it there longer because he hurt himself and claimed to need it.”

Her hand waved the air again. “When I finally got it back, it seemed tainted somehow, you know? Like I could never sit on it again without remembering what it meant to me, how it kept me attached to Tyler for longer than I should have stayed, how it became a roadblock to you, so…” Her shoulder rose and fell and blotches of pain colored her pretty face. “I got rid of it.”

“Ouch,” Zed sympathized. He drew his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing the top of her fiery hair.

“Yeah, ouch. I gave it to Goodwill. Haven’t replaced it yet.”

“You saw my sofa. No bad memories, there. Only good ones with images of you sitting on it, eating the pasta dish we created.” His tongue slid along his mouth, remembering.

“Oh my God, that pasta was
so
good. I even fantasized about it when I was at the training. We didn’t get great food at the conference.”

“I’m glad you liked my cooking.” He chuckled.

“That’s not all I fantasized about.” Again, her slender hand fanned her face. “You do things to me, Zed. Very hot, sweet, delicious things.”

“But not candy panty things.
Please
tell me there will be no more candy panties.”

She blushed and scowled. “No more candy panties. I told you—it’s maple syrup all the way.” She smirked. “I never make the same dumb move twice. Did the waste bin survive?”

“It didn’t melt, if that’s what you mean.” Zed smiled.

“Good. You made up for my stupidity, big time. We recovered from that moment nicely. Still, I never got to feel that extremely large…”

“Oh, lord, Beck. If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to lay you out on the beach, right here, right now.”

“Have I had an effect on you, hmmm?” she purred.

“What do you think?”

She glanced at his pants, already tenting with strain. “Sweet baby Jesus, Zed.” She wiggled her fingertips. “My hands are itching to get at you. But no, you want to walk.”

He laughed, feeling as light as the osprey soaring overhead. “I might be convinced to do something else.”

“So, that’s my family share. Wait—I’ve got a brother who lives in Boston. He works in finance.”

“Older or younger?”

“Lifetimes older. We’re not super close, mostly civil. He was in sixth grade when I was born, if you can believe it. Mom and dad gave it one last hurrah to have me. We sort of lived separate lives. By the time I entered high school, he’d left for Boston. So that’s it. No big drama. More like life circumstance. Okay, quick game of confessions.”

“What’s that?” Zed asked, immediately uncomfortable.

“I read about it in a girlie magazine. It supposedly invites closeness. You tell me something you don’t usually want people to know about you and I do the same. It can be anything. Your choice.”

“I’m not sure,” Zed began.

“I’ll start. Most guys haven’t given much thought about my brain and intelligence. It makes me wonder if I’ve played into it by doing the sexy all the time and sort of playing dumb. One of the things I like about you is you seem to appreciate my intelligence.”

“Are you kidding me? It runs a tie with your sexy, Ms. Tosetti. It allows me to share my intelligence with you, too.” Her confession made him want to wrap his arms around her.

“Okay, you’re next.” She grinned at him.

“Okay,” he said. “It sort of matches yours. I used to be a geeky kid. Super smart. Wore big thick glasses. My brother started calling me Waldo. It stuck. Soon everyone said ‘Where’s Waldo?’ I became the butt of a lot of jokes. When I sat at the bar, drunk, and told you something about Waldo…well, that’s what I was referring to.”

“Ouch. I like your brother less and less.” Her face furrowed into a deep scowl. “Painful stuff, Zed. What did you do to stop the teasing?”

“Contacts, laser surgery, put education on the back burner and partied like a rock star. I wanted to be one of the cool kids for a while. Being a cool kid wasn’t very fulfilling. In a lot of ways, it sucked.”

Beck nodded. “So now you feel close to me, right?”

“Actually, I do. I appreciate you’re not judging me. It makes me want to…” He turned to her, tipped her chin up and brought his mouth to hers.

She hummed against his lips, slipping her arms around his waist and drawing him closer.

When they pulled apart, Beck said, “Mercy, Zed, I’m one hot mess around you. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

Zed cupped his hand around his ear as if listening. “Nope, you’re definitely not coming. You were very expressive in bed. And I don’t see you going. So you can rest easy.”

She laughed. “Tell me about your family.”

Zed remained quiet, pondering what to say. “I’m the youngest of four—I think I already mentioned that. I’m the closest to my sister Caitlin. She’s a lot of fun. She’s the next oldest so we’ve always been close. She owns her own hair salon, has three kids I adore, and is married to Jeff, the guy who works at a shellfish farm. The next is Grayson. He’s a quiet guy, keeps to himself, really private. Can’t say I know him that well other than I know he’s my brother. And then there’s Lawson, the oldest.” He tried to keep the sour taste out of his mouth when he spoke about the douchebag. “Like I may have mentioned, he and I don’t get along, at
all
.”

Beck laughed. “I can tell.”

“How so?” Zed looked at her quizzically.

“Your face went black.”

Zed’s eyebrows lifted. “My face went black?”

“Sorry, that’s a term I made up. Your emotions play out on your face. I like to watch you. You’re complex.”

“Oh, great, you’re that observant, huh?”

“I notice things, true.” Her shoulder lifted and fell. “Did I get it right?”

“More or less. My mom dotes on Lawson, especially since Dad died. He wasn’t the best student but it didn’t matter. He’s the guy who wins athletic competitions, the trained sniper in the Marines. He hunts, he competes, he kills.” Zed lifted his arm in the air like a warrior, pumping his fist, wincing inwardly at the kill sentiment. “Ma called to tell me he’s retiring early and, ‘wow, he wants to compete in the triathlon’!” he added in a singsong voice.

“Oh, no. The one you want your nephew to be proud of you for?”

“One and the same. It’s like I may as well leave the room when Lawson walks in. He’s an energy suck.”

“And you, the quieter guy gets overlooked, right?”

“I’m not exactly quiet, but yeah, more or less. It’s not like I need a lot of attention or anything but shit. Even when I was little…if I had it, Lawson took it, starting with blocks. It progressed from there. Favorite toys. If I was asked where I wanted to go on family vacations, Lawson came up with the better idea. Then, girls. Maybe I’ve needed to learn detachment. It kind of feels like I had no choice.” Zed’s eyes slid in her direction, aware that he’d never shared these kind of thoughts with anyone he’d dated. He expected some kind of pity or “poor Zed” response.

“Man, I already hate your brother. He sounds like the biggest dick on the planet. Perhaps he’s the insecure one, covering by being so perfect. Can’t stand people like that. Your parents aren’t scoring points, either. You were the child. They were supposed to be the adults. Adults are supposed to protect and support their kids’ wellbeing…all of the kids, not simply the one that makes the most noise.”

Zed gave her a wary glance. He was met with fierce compassion.

“Not kidding, Zed. I told you, he sounds like nothing but a bully. Here you are, this gorgeous, talented male, worried about King Kong coming to town and stealing your thunder. King Kong is a primate, Zed, don’t forget. An overgrown monkey.”

Zed laughed. “When you put it like that…”

“I’m serious. We’ll face him together. We can deal with him.”

“Thank you for the sentiment, sweetheart, but he’s…let’s just say I’d rather you kept your distance from the guy.” A cold sweat broke out on Zed’s forehead as he said this. That same irrational panic began to surface, like corpses floating free in a swamp, released from the muddy bottom. He shook his head, trying to clear it. The memory of the parking garage, the broken window and the foul smelling breath returned to his mind. Something else tried to get through…something he did
not
want to remember.

“Zed. Baby. Zed. Zed. Come back to me. Zed.”

A pleading voice clawed at him.

“Zed. Baby, please.”

Zed opened his eyes and blinked. “What? What happened?”

Beck crouched next to him in the same manner Mitch did a couple hours ago. “What the fuck?” His head whipped back and forth like a weather vane. He scrambled back like a crab, trying to get away from the experience. “What the fuck happened?”

“We were talking about your brother and you went pale and you sort of blacked out while you were walking. I thought you passed out but you kept walking, talking, and mumbling something. I tried to get you to speak clearly but you fought me until I got you to sit down.”

“I fought you? How?”

“A lot of arm movements and snarling looks, don’t worry. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“Goddamn it. What did I say?” Zed lurched to his feet, brushing the sand and plant debris from his pants. His head felt weird, like it had been scrubbed inside with steel wool. He rubbed his temples.

“I couldn’t really understand you. I caught the words ‘insane’ and ‘you can’t do this to me.’ Other than that, I couldn’t understand.” She pressed her knuckles to her lips. “Christ, Zed, you freaked me out. Should we get you to the hospital or something?”

“Shit. No. Fuck. I’m only a little light headed. I need to sit down.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely certain. I don’t need or want medical care.” All he wanted to experience was normal brain functioning, not these fragmented stabs of memory. In his mind, he heard the words uttered by Mitch:
dissociative amnesia.
Whatever it was, he didn’t want to dwell on it or go into the details of his life with Beck.

He made his way over to a huge stone, chair height, and sat, remaining silent.
Shit. What’s happening to me? Am I having heart problems? Should I drop out of the race altogether?

Beck settled next to him. She ran her hands along his back in small, nurturing circles, saying nothing.

He sat, as unmoving as the rock beneath him, a dark scowl on his face. “I, uh…I don’t think this is a good idea, this you and me thing. Not at the moment. Maybe we should re-visit it when I resolve things with my family.”

“Nuh uh. That could be a lifetime. Fucked up families are messy. You might never get it resolved.”

He plucked a pebble from the top of the stone and flung it into the water where it landed with a small plop. “You deserve better. You deserve someone whole.”

“I get to decide who I do or don’t deserve.”

Still keeping his eyes trained on the horizon, instead of her beautiful face, he said, “What if
I
don’t want to do it –
me
?”

A deep sigh left her lips. “Zed,” she said gently. “Baby, please look at me.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes wary, his heart guarded. “What?”

“Is that
really
what you want? You want me to go away?”

“I don’t know.” He squeezed the bridge of his nose, feeling as heavy as the slab of rock he sat on. Eyes closed, he continued. “What I really want is to feel like my life is under my control, at least parts of it.” He opened his eyes to give her his full attention. “This is…it’s the second time this has happened today.”

“Maybe it’s the flu.” She shrugged, appearing light and hopeful, but her eyes betrayed deeper concern. “I get all dizzy and wonky when I get the flu.”

“Yeah. Could be.”

She put her hand in his and petted it with her other hand. “Tell you what. You can control how fast or slow we go,” she said. “Let’s move at a pace that works for you. Slow it down. But don’t stop it before it’s started. I told you, Zed, I’m already into you. I don’t need proof that we deserve a chance to see where this heads.”

The contact soothed and calmed him. His mind began to whitewash the experience, rationalizing it away. “You’re right. I have been feeling a little off lately. A good night sleep and lots of vitamins and I’ll be as good as new. I think I’ll make it an early night if you don’t mind, go home and drink orange juice or something.”

“How about we watch a movie? Eat in? I promise not to seduce you. We’ll take things slow, like I said. What do you say?”

His breath filled his cheeks then expelled through pursed lips. “Not the kind of evening I’d hoped for, but okay. We’ll take it one step at a time.” He cocked his head, squinted and regarded her. “Any chance you’d like to meet my sister, her husband, and Rickie? They’re coming to training. It’s for Rickie. He asked his dad to video me while I’m sprinting or bicycling or something. He’s excited.”