Trading Paint (Racing on the Edge) (44 page)

“Are you for real?” I asked. “Why does it even matter? What were we originally talking about?”

“I don’t remember. You distracted me. I’m more concerned with this Blake guy. How long have you been fucking him?”

“Jesus Christ Jameson, what the hell? I haven’t slept with him, not that it’s any of your business anyway. Not once have I brought up your many late night flings.”

“That’s hardly relevant.”

 “Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“I don’t like this guy. Does Charlie know about him?”

“No,” I sighed.

I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t jealous but he and Spencer, hell even Tommy, felt the need to dictate who I hung around with. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jameson pulled background checks on everyone I went to school with.

It was actually cute and funny to see him this way, but I kept my giggles at bay.

“You’re being irrational.” I continued to eat my pizza.

“No, I’m not and now, I’m definitely coming to Bellingham to meet this Blake guy.”

“You stay away from Bellingham Jameson!” I snapped. “You have to go race.”

“You can’t tell me what to do. I’m buying a ticket,” Jameson said with a hint of finality.

“No, you’re not.”

“I need to meet this guy of yours.”

“He’s not my guy!” I stressed. This was getting out of hand.

“Whatever.” Jameson huffed like a child.

“You’re being irrational.”

“I’m mad.”

Jameson was being petty and angry with me for the rest of the phone call, groaning about how I “deceitfully kept information from him because I knew he would be upset”. I could only roll my eyes at his assumptions. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but Jameson was blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

By the time we ended the phone call, I was laughing at how childish he was being, he was in a better mood but was still muttering something under his breath about killing Blake.

I finally came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up in Bellingham but it was comforting to know that he really didn’t have the time.

For Blake’s safety, I warned him to avoid Jameson just in case.

Bladder – Jameson

This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything for her besides friends. That didn’t bother me as much as the fact that I fell so seamlessly that I hadn’t even realized it.

Now I was ready to fly to Bellingham to meet this Blake jerk. Hearing her acknowledge the fact that she knew I slept around, was even worse. I’m sure she didn’t hear it over the phone line, but I gasped when she said it out loud.

I thought I had been discreet, but I wasn’t. It wasn’t hard to figure out. People knew when I’d disappear and wouldn’t see me for hours. I hated myself for it.

Mostly, I hated the image that it had created of me to her. I never wanted Sway to think of me as someone like Dylan Grady when in all actuality, I was behaving just like he had. It was repulsive and was just one more reminder that she deserved so much better than someone like me. What kind of relationship could I even provide for her?

Sitting on the couch in my underwear on the only free morning I had for the next two months as I headed into the last few races of the season, I drank whiskey from the bottle as I watched the sun rise over the track Spencer and I built in the backyard of my parents’ Mooresville home.

It had been three hours since I woke up and I was thinking about calling Sway to apologize for the way I acted last night. I was gripping the phone so hard that I thought it was going to shatter in my hand.

I laboriously took another drink of whiskey that I wasn’t even feeling and thought about how fucked up this all was. Why do I have to feel this way? The longer I thought about it, the more I wondered why the hell she was affecting me this way.

The reason I was so pissed was because I never expected this.

I was supposed to be a hardcore racer who only thought about the next race but now, my best friend was slowly captivating my every thought. She was becoming an obsession and I didn’t know at what point it became more than lust but my body wasn’t matching up with my brain
...
or was it my heart?

“Stop being a pussy.” I ran my hand over my eyes and sat the bottle down on the glass table in front of me.

It wasn’t even the fact that I felt something more. Something in me had changed, that was for certain but I didn’t know what. Something in me was calling to Sway and had been for years and it was making me want to just spend time with her like some
...
boyfriend.

I cringed at the word.

Boyfriend implied more than I was ready to deal with. For one reason, I wasn’t in any position to give Sway a normal relationship even if I wanted to. The only problem was that I didn’t want her to be out there with some other guy.

She was mine.

I had never been so possessive over a woman in my life and I couldn’t stand it. Sway was mine and there was nothing I could do about it. No matter how hard I fought, she pulled me in.

What Sway and I had couldn’t even be defined. I thought about her constantly, which scared the living hell out of me.

We spent time together, we kissed on occasion and we messed around. I took her out to dinner; I held her hand.

What did the word boyfriend mean anyway?

When the front door opened, I jumped up so high off the sofa; I nearly flew through the air.

“Jameson
...
” I heard my mom’s voice, “Your dad and I are home.”

“Mom, you scared the shit out of me!” I yelled back, not moving from the family room and trying to calm myself down.

“Don’t curse at your mom.” dad said sternly making his way inside. “Put some clothes on, boy.” dad hit the back of my head. My mom kissed my cheek before skipping past.

“We need to go over your fan club!” she said with wide excited eyes. I groaned.

Dad chuckled. “And
we
need to go over your contract for next season.” He held a thick manila envelope in the air.

Awesome
.
I thought to myself.

Here I was debating with myself all morning and now more were joining the party.

“What fan club?” I asked apprehensively.

“Yours,” Mom said opening her laptop on the table in the dining room. “You got fans sweetheart. Those fans need to be able to get in touch with you.”

“No they don’t. I don’t want to get in touch with them.”

“Yes you do. You wouldn’t be racing if it wasn’t for them.”

“That’s not entirely true.” I groaned until dad kicked me again.

“Go put some clothes on.” His eyebrow arched at the bottle of whiskey I was holding. “Give me that.”

Mom glared at the bottle. “Jameson, sweetie
...
it’s a tad early for that.”

“Not if I’m spending the day going over a fan club for stalkers.”

“They’re not stalkers
...
they love you.”

“Stalkers,” I mumbled again. I threw myself down next to her in a wooden chair. My head slumped against the table.

Dad hit my shoulders. “Go put some damn clothes on. I feel weird having to ask you twice now.”

So much for trying to decipher my feelings.

The afternoon was spent setting up my fan club website and signing my life away to Simplex and my dad. It was exhausting so I took a nap afterward.

The season was flying by and before I knew it, we were in Homestead and the Winston Cup career was promising when I won my fourteenth race there in Florida. I finished out my rookie season in the Busch series with a second place finish in the points and won the Rookie of the Year award.

Not bad.

As the leaves turned burgundy and began to fall, the nights got colder, and before I knew it, winter was here.

I thought maybe I would be able to take a quick breather but time was not something I was in control of any longer. Right after Homestead, I was off to Turkey Night, which I finally won. Then the Chili Bowl followed by testing of the new cup car.

Before testing started, I had a chance to get together with Justin after the Chili Bowl, which was welcomed. It was good to see him. I hadn’t seen him since Knoxville and I forgot how much fun we had hanging out.

“How’ve you been?” I asked taking a drink of my beer and then leaned back in my seat.

He shrugged.
“Can’t complain.
I lost my ride in USAC though.”

“Really?”
This shocked me. “What happened?”

“Sponsors—they ran out of money,
apparently
?”

“So what’s your plan for next year?”

I’ve known Justin since I was eight years old. He’s raced every season since then just like me.

“I haven’t given much thought to it yet.” He construed taking a drink from his beer. “I could use a break but then again
...
come February—I’ll probably be pulling my hair out at home with my parents.” He smiled. “I hear you moved up to the big leagues?”

A small chuckle escaped me when he said big leagues.

“Yeah, we start testing the cup car at Fontana in about two weeks.” When I told him my plans for next year, that’s when an idea came to me. “I’ve got a car running in the Outlaw series this next year too,” I smiled. “You wanna drive it for me?”

“You can’t find a driver?”

“Nah, I think I just did.”

And that was that. I didn’t need to worry. Justin was one of the best. Even though I would be racing cup cars, I wasn’t about to get away from dirt all together so I started a sprint car team in the World of Outlaws. I knew eventually I wanted two cars running in it but I started with one.

I got a chance to talk to
Sway
later that night before I flew back out to Charlotte to meet with Melissa to go over the merchandise contract.

Sway congratulated me on the win at Turkey Night.

Being the possessive jackass I’d become, I responded with. “Let’s see Blake do that.”

Despite my jealousy, she giggled. “Here we go again.”

“I’m just kidding.” I offered though I wasn’t. “How are you?”

“Eh pretty good.” I could hear a twinge of sadness in her voice.
“Looking forward to school being over with.
You know,” she paused for a moment. “I never liked high school—I don’t know what made me think I’d like college.”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“I have it easy compared to you.”

“Nah, I love what I do. All the other shit just comes with it but when I’m in the car
...
I don’t even think about all the other obligations.”

I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t think about it. When I was behind the wheel, nothing mattered. I was in my happy place so to speak.

I had to catch a flight to Charlotte so that ended our conversation early but I promised to call her soon. A day didn’t go by when I didn’t hear her voice. As stupid as it sounds, it was vital for me to keep going.

I’d like to say I was strong without Sway, but I’d be lying. Everyone noticed, it was hard not to. I was never the same when she wasn’t around and as much as I tried to hide my feelings, I know they saw it.

One afternoon in January before I left to Florida for testing and the Speedweek, I was fixing the lower control arms on one of my sprint cars before Justin came to pick it up. I wanted everything done a certain way and didn’t trust anyone else to do it besides Tommy, and alas, he was home in Elma for the holidays so this left me doing it.

I had been at awhile and my head was pounding in my ears, my vision was blurred so I decided I needed a break.