Trance (7 page)

Rose had gone to the hospital already. Her bed was neatly made up with the blanket folded over her pillows, like she did every morning. I hoped she’d gotten some sleep last night. Only two more nights and he’d be home. She’d sleep better then.

I grabbed the mail from the mailbox and jumped in my car. Most of the mail was regular junk, although one of them caught my attention. It was from the insurance company. I hesitated before placing my finger at the side of the envelope and carefully prying it open. If I wasn’t supposed to see it, then I could glue it back up.

I pulled the paper out and unfolded it.

The hospital accommodation wasn’t being covered. They would cover the operation, doctor’s fees and meds. But not the
weeklong visit. Assholes.

I tried to calculate in my head what an overnight stay times seven would be costing my grandparents. I had no idea where to even start. Was it the same as a hotel room? More? Less?

No wonder they needed Thomas to do the last gig. He was getting a good advance for it. There was even talk they were going to televise it. That would put his fee up.

My phone beeped. It was Lacey. “You better be on your way.”

I turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the driveway. Getting a job had become high priority.

Raindrops tap-danced on my umbrella. I pushed the handle into the soft ground to my left, so it would stay up without any help from me, before kneeling down. I didn’t care if I got mud on my skirt. I never did when I visited here. The lilacs I had left last time were now brown and shriveled. I removed them and gently rubbed any dirt that had splashed up on the headstone.

I waved my hands in the air, and then with a weak ‘
ta da’, pulled out fresh flowers from my sleeve, placing them in front of the headstone underneath my mother’s name:
Lily Tinks. Mother to Scarlett. Gone too young. Loved and missed. Always.

The fresh lilacs had a strong heady fragrance, just like my mother would have wanted. She hated flowers that had no scent. What was the point, she’d say, nothing should be all looks and no substance.

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. Things have been all over the place lately.”

I took a deep breath, sighing as I exhaled.

“Granddad had a fall. Cracked his hip would you believe? I know. He can dance around on stage, wiggle out of a straight jacket. But one dip of grandma and bam.” I clapped my hands together to emphasize the point.

“Of course, that means his last show will have to be cancelled. He tries to correct me. ‘
It’s not cancelled, petal, just postponed
.’ But he’s kidding himself. The way he shuffles around the house now, with grandma fussing over him.” I sighed. “I don’t like seeing him this way. Although he is getting better. So maybe he’s right. I should at least give him the benefit of the doubt. That’d be the right thing to do.”

I picked up a blade of grass and tried to knot it with one hand. Grass was more pliable when it was wet, but this one kept springing free. I frowned and tried again.

“I’ve been doing my best to pick up after him, so grandma doesn’t have to do it all. Men can be such babies when they need looking after, although I can’t stay in the house all the time. It’s too … too much.

“So I’ve been walking a lot, and some running to clear my head. Like I used to. It’s been helping me think about what to do next for them. But apart from that, I’ve been good. Grandma misses you. She doesn’t say anything, but I see her looking at me sometimes and I know it’s not me she’s really looking at.”

A drop of rain infiltrated under the cover and slid down my shoulder like a tear down a cheek. My own cheeks were dry. I didn’t have tears left for my mother. She preferred me to be happy. I preferred me to be happy too.

“I found the hospital bills. The insurance company refused to pay accommodation costs for the hospital. Just over ten thousand dollars out of pocket expenses. I didn’t tell grandma and granddad I saw the bills though. So don’t tell them and spoil the secret. I’ve decided to pay them myself. It won’t make too much of a dent in the money. In fact, I’m heading to the hospital next, right after our visit. Once it’s paid, they can’t refuse me anymore. I hope they’ll understand I’m doing it for the right reasons. They have to see that
, right? Of course they will. You raised me well.”

I frowned. I hoped they would see that I was trying to help, and not go against their wishes to pay it themselves. They needed all their money now if granddad couldn’t do the last show. Forced to retire. It sucked. I couldn’t imagine the great Thomas
Tinks retired. It just didn’t make sense.

“Lacey’s good. She is pissed with me for not taking the job at the store, but she’ll get over it. She knows me well enough by now. And I met someone else last week. A man. He’s in entertainment too, a hypnotist actually. I know, a hypnotist, right? But his show was good. Funny. He’s…

“Well it doesn’t matter what he is, it’s not going to work out. He’s pissed at me too. I’d be pissed at me if I didn’t return my own calls and text messages. I promised myself that I’d be different this time and wouldn’t freak out. I really thought it would be different. He was so nice. And for a while I thought I’d be able to have a real relationship. It’s been enough time. But then I had a nightmare, and…”

I sighed. “It’s no use starting anything if I have no intention of following through. It’s not fair to him. He’s been calling nearly every day. But what am I to say ? I’m no good with this guy stuff. I kissed him. Well
technically, he kissed me. Not that you want to hear about my love life. But who am I supposed to talk to about it? Lacey thinks I should get over myself and go for it. Sometimes I think she’s right, but then…”

I looked into the sky.

“You want me to call him back, don’t you? I know you do. I don’t know… You and Lacey should team up. You both want the same thing.”

I frowned. “Okay, okay, already. I’ll do it this afternoon. After I visit the hospital. Yes. I promise.”

I sat at her grave for another ten minutes, not saying anything. My mother knew I needed to think. She wouldn’t mind me being quiet.

I stood up, brushed away the dirt and mud and picked up the umbrella. It wasn’t raining as hard any longer, but I kept it above my head anyway. I reached my car just as my phone beeped. I opened my purse and pulled it out.

It was from Jason. “Just tell me you are okay. I’ll leave you alone after that. I promise.”

I looked up at the sky. I could almost hear my mother’s voice. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it now.”

I opened the car door and sat inside with my phone in my hand. I re-read his message, as well as the one’s that I’d received earlier from him this week. All were the same.

My heart was thumping and my stomach was in knots. I didn’t get this nervous before stage. Why did he do this to me? But it was the right thing to do.

I
dialed.

“Scarlett? I’ve been worried. Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry I haven’t called.” A knot formed in my throat. What was I going to say? I’d left it too long to make up an excuse. I’d have to be honest.

“I understand. I’ve been watching the papers for news on Thomas. How is he?”

“He’s doing great. Better than great actually. He’ll be back to his old tricks sooner than we can blink. In fact I’m sure I saw him hiding cards under the table just this morning.”

“Glad to hear it.”

I didn’t answer. I still didn’t know what to say. Since when was I without words? I could hear him breathing on the other side of the phone. Maybe he was as lost for what to say as I was.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. I won’t bother you again.”

“No, wait. I…”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad to hear your voice.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

“I thought I’d done something wrong. That I’d scared you away.”

“You did scare me. But that’s not your fault. I just…sometimes I…”

“You don’t need to say it. I understand.”

I frowned. “You do?” What exactly did he think he understood? I swallowed. He couldn’t know the real reason, could he?

“I’ve lost people close to me too. I know it can be hard to let new people in,” he said.

He thought this was about my mother. “Um, sure.” The thumping in my chest increased.

“I’ll be here when you want me. Either way, take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Then either was I. I closed my eyes and before I could change my mind blurted out, “How about tomorrow night?”

He paused. “Really? Great!”

“Great. Pick me up at seven.” I hung up quickly before I made another excuse. If he thought my hesitancy was because of my mother, then I’d just let him go on thinking that. It’d be easier. Then I wouldn’t have to explain why I freak out every time I start to get close to someone. 

I turned over the ignition and drove toward the hospital.

The hospital admissions clerk looked up Thomas
Tink’s account on her screen. She was a plain woman. Early thirties perhaps, brown hair with a few strands of grey. She needed a good dye job. Maybe some blonde highlights to bounce light around her face. And concealer. She definitely needed concealer, especially in the unflattering hospital lighting here that accentuated the dark circles around her eyes.

“How are you paying?” she asked.

“I was hoping for direct billing details so I could do a bank transfer.”

“Don’t you have a check book?”

“With a bank transfer I could have the money in your account within seconds. It’ll be like magic.”

“Yeah.”

She gave me the information I needed and I logged into my phone making the necessary changes.

“Done!”

“Where do you want me to send the receipt?”

“Can’t you just give it to me now?”

“We have to post it. Is this the right address?” She read out my address.

I gave them Lacey’s address instead. I didn’t want to bother my grandparents just yet. Not until it was absolutely positive that they couldn’t reverse the payment. They’d have to accept it then.

I sat down in the waiting area and dialed Lacey’s number to tell her to expect the receipt and hold it for me.

“You can still change your mind about the job at the store, you know,” said Lacey

“No I can’t. They hated me at the interview.”

“They didn’t hate you. You hated the job.”

“They wanted me to sell tickets to shows at their ticket counter.” I rolled my eyes.

“What is wrong with you? It was a job. You said you wanted a job, and you would have known about every show and been able to sell them to people not sure which one to see. I thought it would be perfect.”

“Selling tickets to people wanting to be entertained, when I couldn’t entertain them?”

“You need to lower your expectations. You’re unemployed now, remember.”

“I’m waiting for the next opportunity. And I can afford to. That’s completely different to being unemployed. I have to be at home to help Thomas.”

“No you don’t. He’s doing fine. You’re using him as an excuse not to live your life.”

“I don’t want to have this conversation now.”

“Then when? You’ve brushed me off for a week now.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“No, you’ve been hiding. I know you Scarlett
Tinks. Just when things start to get great, you run away as fast as you can.”

“I do not! In fact I agreed to see Jason again tomorrow night, as a matter of fact.”

“You did?” She squealed in excitement. “I’m so proud of you. What are you going to wear?”

“Wear?”

“Come over tonight. No excuses. I have to dress you. You have to look gorgeous and hot and brilliant. With my skills, you’ll look all that and better.”

I grinned. “Don’t make me wear those shoes though. The ones that you think are the perfect lucky date shoes. I could barely walk in them when they were stable.”

She laughed. “I have something better in mind, anyway.”

I lifted the lid to my laptop and sat up in bed, with it resting on my knees. I quickly glanced at the email subject lines to see if there was anything urgent that I needed to attend to. There was one from the theatre manager, about the cancelled show. It was sent to both Thomas and me, although Thomas rarely read his email, he preferred talking to people face to face. Generally, I did too, but email made some things easier, and as long as I limited my time and only let through emails of people I knew, I’d be okay.

The venue had another opening in a month. Should we book it, he asked? Was Thomas going to be fit enough in four weeks?

Oh ye of little faith - of course he was. He was moving through the house with a cane just fine. If he kept the tricks to those that required minimal movement, and relied on me to do most of the heavy stuff, he could absolutely be ready.

I closed the lid of the laptop and headed out into the kitchen. Even though I was tempted to just say yes, right there and then, I was obligated to ask first. I’d already made enough decisions for them today, there was no point in pushing my luck.

My grandmother was playing the piano that sat at the far end of the dining area, and my grandfather was strumming his ukulele. They were playing a Beatles song.

I sang the lyrics as I sat down beside my grandfather. He was grinning from ear to ear. Either he was still on
painkillers, or like me, he enjoyed a good sing-along. I knew exactly which it was.

His cane, a simple wooden stick painted dark green with a handle on the end, like you’d find on the end of a spade or shovel, leaned against the wall. When the song
ended, we all applauded one another.

I told him about the booking. One month. His eyes lit up, the lights from the kitchen making them twinkle. He didn’t even need to say the words, I knew what his answer would be. He reached over and squeezed my grandmother’s hand. “Still in?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Then it’s agreed.” I walked over to the calendar planner that hung near the telephone, and wrote down the date. I circled it with a big red pen. “Better start thinking about our acts then. Need some help with that?”