Translated Accounts (4 page)

I would have been surprised for them. A little. Not fear. Why. It would not be greater fear from myself, afraid not unafraid, afraid unafraid. What that question could demand of
myself. They stopped thus stopping me, I could only stop now, I could not walk. They looked to me, politely, nodded so, politely as waiting for myself, they would not speak, I would give them my
explanation, why I was there where I was going, if I was doing something, what it might be. I am returning home.

You are late.

My girlfriend.

Girlfriend, yes, if there is a curfew, you know about a curfew?

Yes.

When is this curfew, is it beginning soon?

Yes.

I did not say sir. If sir is a part of my world, no, I do not think so. And if I said so I would have been a fool for these people and if they had fun with myself, perhaps push
me to walk over the parapet of the bridge, why not, it was happening to people, we knew of many cases, could I fly, am I bird, no, I am a human, I cannot walk over the parapet of the bridge.

When is this curfew beginning?

Ten minutes.

Perhaps not ten minutes for you, perhaps never for you, there is no curfew for you. Perhaps you will not be here. Is there a curfew for dead spirits? If you do not speak to us,
speak to us. I have said, I am returning home, and I pointed to the left end of the square, down the passageway there, the houses down from there, which the two had retreated earlier. These
securitys looked, following my arm, noting the houses there I had indicated. I saw one to another, older men, looking to one house now, and one looked to another, it was that house I had pointed
to, it was that one entered by the two men. I was pointing only to that one. I said, I am returning to home, now moving my pointing arm from that direction.

One older security now waved to me, his was thumb raised, impatient. Go quickly.

Yes, I went quickly, and was moving across the square quickly knowing what I must do. I did not hear them leaving to go back across the bridge now and could not turn to see them
but they would come, yes, it was clear to me, I knew it, this one security would know what I had done, he would speak to another and they would see it and would wonder and know and they would come,
thinking what I had done, wonder about it yes and would come after me. What I had done, if my arm did indicate the house, it so did. There is fate, making this happen. If I ever could have intended
such a thing. It was not possible. How was it possible, it was not possible. This may indicate a different truth to what we say, if events have their own truth, if they might have, who is to say if
we cannot be within these events seeing so.

A man had been killed, I can say murdered. It is known his identity, if he was a colleague, I think so, others say so. Securitys murdered him, five shots by pistol. They
ridiculed him, this man who was known to many people, saying that he shot only himself that I might hear, also others coming from the bridge, returning home, curfew to come, that anyone might hear,
said by securitys as to impress itself upon we all, myself and these others. The man whom they referred was now a corpse. If he was a colleague, some said that he was.

So, and now, it is to these other two fellows, the famous man, respected man, guest in our country, I know, in his own country, but also here he was well-known famous man,
political man. I saw him, knowing him, he was with the other I think is the artist, father or if he is also a lawyer, perhaps so, I do not know. I was crossing the bridge and come from it and these
two were hurrying, how long to curfew 15 minutes 20 minutes 10 minutes no minutes hurry hurry, yes, and I heard their whispering, talking together, walking quickly, I did not hear what about. I
listened, yes, of course, but could not hear that I might make sense of it. They paid no heed to me. It was 8.30, 9 o’clock, something, evening, later.

I do not know if he had rights. If there may be rights what are they, if it can be said, and why was this man in our country, if a question is to be asked, some would say, yes,
why, this stranger had no brain, inflammatory speaking and to bayonets if military and all personnel are there, he did not know how to act in a country. I am here and I make trouble for everyone. I
am this famous man, yes in your country I also am here and speaking from many platforms, inflammatory respected man, inflammatory speaking and to bayonets if military and all personnel are there,
let them be there I shall speak, I speak only the truth, I speak it to their bayonets and batons, yes, so, where do these people visit, into the homes of local people? if so are they fools, if
there may be watchdogs what do these watchdogs do, they lick these foolish strangers. If they are famous people, political people carrying notice-boards on their head I am a dangerous man and we
can read it, to be treated with respect, having regard, these watchdogs will know me and what my rights are, that I am to be so treated, and deference, please.

I know what is said.

What are mistakes and errors, actions that are erroneous, omissions, what we may say of them, let us, please, that mistakes may exist, I think so.

If human beings are perfect beings. Are beings perfect. In indicating these few houses to the securitys I made the greater error, nothing could be worse, even as so doing I knew
it, as my arm was raised my finger pointing, the one security was looking to myself and he knew it, I saw his eyes and knew he would come to know what this is I have done. He was older fellow and
with knowledge, seeing I have pointed to these few houses and there is the one house, he will think about it and come to know it, already there was something and it was in his eyes.

I do not know about babies, did not then know about them. There was my own baby, my daughter, I did not know her but in the first months, being gone from there, and she was to
my wife’s parents and I have not seen her, if she is alive, my wife or my daughter, which if one, two, I do not know. I held the baby, this little thing and bathed her, warmed the water, my
fingers, and holding her

So, this baby of the house, it is said I took this baby. Many say so, not knowing. It is said that I did so. What happened to myself, if to anyone, if to any colleague, having
knowledge, I would know what to do, as anyone. This also was early for myself, I had come to this town, there were obligations

Of these securitys at the bridge who had listened politely to me attentively to me. They had killed, and recently, one man who was a colleague, he may have been, I think so. So,
I did not want to be killed. This is not sarcasm.

I could shake my head. Instead if I might maintain the pretence, trying to do so. What I did do, I cannot remember for precise detailing, perhaps

if I only am guessing

I did not hear one say of me that I had pointed to them the one house. He did speak and the securitys turned to me, stared to me, placing me into their mind, one younger whose
face with a rash there over his brow, staring, staring, I remember. I was at the top end of the square. I could do nothing, I walked on. I do not know why this had happened. I do not know. If I
know it is nothing, having no importance. One had seemed familiar to me. It is true. It is no unusual thing.

It would happen to whomever, seeing someone, hearing a voice, footstep, a cough, we hear a cough and instantly we know, who is he, I know this person, feeling that we must know
him from somewhere, he is very familiar to us. It happens often for myself

How I had been with them. How I should have been. It was deprecatory, I was deprecatory. I should not have been so, I should have torn a shoe from my foot and thrown it at them,
I should have slapped them, harder. This is not sarcasm.

Not disapproving, no, I was apologetic, excusing myself.

I had been a witness, I was present. They had paid heed to me, in future they would pay heed to me. They went about this business, it is shameful, if it is shameful.

It is not an unacceptable thing. I was deprecatory to them. I am cowardly, I should have slapped them, these several securitys, slap them, harder harder. They had murdered one
colleague. I could forget about it.

I did not walk too quickly until then they were gone. I was thinking now what might happen, perhaps if nothing would but no yes something would, I knew it

now, yes, not in view and I could have waited or else except that no, no, there was the need then and the decision was my decision I would make that decision and knew what to do
as indeed, what, and I now could walk quickly, they were gone, across the square and the passageway, to the house, door of the house, knocked on the door of the house, banged on it, come come,
come.

I knew wherever the securitys were, they had gone but would come, if they had not gone, it did not matter, there was only for myself, it was the decision, I had made it.

What more, banging on the door of the house.

expecting nothing more, what could there be, banging on the door of the house, banging banging. And from within the house there came no sound and time now was so short I knew so
short but none answered why not, the securitys would be coming. I could not understand, banging again, again, again, again to God banging again, you must answer, answer you must answer, banging
banging until the door opened and a woman was there stared at me and over my shoulder, You cannot come in, you cannot come in, what is wrong with you, you cannot come in here, we cannot take
you.

Warmth from inside, food smells, baking smells, pastries. Behind her was another woman, the baby in her arms, also a child by the fireside, I saw them.

They are coming, I said, you must tell them, they must leave, securitys are coming now, now, I know it, coming to here, they must leave now

She then grasped my wrist, pulled me inside, shutting the door and inside there at another door the two men were there with another, one old man, elderly man. You must leave
now, I said it to them, securitys will come here very soon. Now I recognised this one elderly man. Yes. Also, of our people, he was the trade unionist, famous, framing the famous documents, here to
the State Security Council, this is for you, he gave it to them, shaming to them, giving it, all foreign media and this was the man, everyone knew him. Now he was old. I did not know he so was old,
very. The two others now looking to him and he I do not know, if he did something, I so cannot think, what it may be, have been. And then also from the staircase a girl was there and shouting, They
are coming they are coming.

I saw the baby on the floor by the fireside, the other child was with it, the baby, now as in mid movement, its image forever there for me, laughing and on one hand, the other
raised as balancing itself, on its knees looking up to the child, its sister, brother, I cannot remember, girl I think, but the baby, the interested look that a baby gives, I see my own daughter,
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these. He did not know. His left arm went with his left leg, his right with his right, I recollect his shoulders, how his shoulders moved, he was concentrating hard to keep these limbs
synchronised, for it was unnatural, and moving his shoulders in such a manner was an aid for him. It took him many days before he found the natural marching expression but his colleagues, including
myself, we never allowed him to forget, until selection. He had a good humour, he laughed with us. Nevertheless, we should have stopped it long before, I think, but it is always the way. Bayonets,
I remember too, old fashioned, design from years back. They could fix their bayonets and throw sacks of grain one to another, they could catch the sack on the bayonet and throw to the next man,
this was practice for them, if they might use babies, of course. Now when I continued I heard the securitys coming behind me and of course I could not turn around, they were chattering, some
laughter, all quiet. They had noticed me and to lone individuals they paid attention. I hoped soon they would pass, had slowed my pace to that purpose. However, yes, I was watchful, ever watchful,
walking so, others came from the bridge, promenade, now the curfew and they must return home, also myself, but it was myself, the securitys saw me, stopped for me, no fear, I would not show fear,
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from the bridge these two fellows moved quickly talking quickly, breathless and their whispers and I saw them and knew them, this one, the foreigner
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I moved inside, the woman shutting the door. I said, I must have the baby, give the baby to me, quickly. The women were staring. I strode to the baby and gestured from it to the
woman, the mother, Say to her. Securitys are returning, I know it, move quickly now they are coming quickly and they must move and quickly, exit, they must go, and safely, quickly. The elderly man
now was at the fireside and he nodded to myself, colleague, and the other two fellows had heeded this, were gone, the one I think is the artist, father or if he is also a lawyer, looking to myself
and now he saw I that I was and he spoke it, of myself, colleague, touching the foreign one on the shoulder, as so, they must leave, and a boy now was here, leading them through a back way into one
more courtyard to one more passageway. Outside were many places one could go, go there go anywhere, some days a little market with vegetables, but at nighttime nothing. I did come to know this
area, one could become lost there more quickly.