Authors: Nicole Smith
“So what’s really up?” I asked him as soon as the door shut. He smiled and reached for me.
Wrapping
his arms around me
, I couldn’t help but lean on him
.
“I’m going to m
iss you Natalie,” he whispered.
“Where are you going?” I asked, feeling nervous.
I needed him to stay. I felt lost after Hayden’s confession. I needed a friend.
“I’m going to Europe. I’ve decided to go on an adventure myself after all this,” he t
old me. I closed my eyes, feeling surprised and sad that he is leaving again so soon
. A large part of me wanted to grab my suitcase and
go with him. I knew Hayden wouldn’t want to go and I didn’t really know if I would want him to come with me.
“
Oh wow Carlos!
I don’t know what to say.
I know what I want to say, but I can’t,” I said as I squeezed his hand. He
held me close
r
.
“Say what you want to Natalie, tell me what you want to say,” he said as he
slowly backed away from me. I still gripped
his waist with my hands
as
I tried to fight back my tears.
I couldn’t let him go.
“I want you to tak
e me with you,” I said quietly
, looking up at him
.
“I would take you Natalie you know that. It’s your decision to make,” he said as he lifted my hands to his lips and kissed the
m softly. I sighed as I let go. Hayden opened the door the
n an
d looked at both of us quickly.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” he said as he reached for my hand. Without waiting for an answer he walked over to the nurse’s station and
informed them he’
s leaving.
Carlos grabbed his suitcase an
d walked to the elevator. I feel like I’m
drowning
, I thought as I watched them both. There i
s su
ch a huge part of me that wants
to travel, to see new p
laces and
meet new people. I want to find ghosts in old castles and hear their stories.
Not to
necessarily
capture them
but to talk with them. I want
more
excitement
. I think
,
because I have come so close to death that I’ve realized I really want to live
.
When we pulled up to the apartment Carlos just drove to the front doo
rs. He wasn’t coming in, he’s leaving. Hayden stood slowly then held his hand out to Carlos’ who
shook it.
“Thank you for all your help and I especially want to thank you for taking care of Natalie
once she woke, if I could have been there I would have, so thank you my friend. When are you leaving for Europe?” he asked as he turned from him and glanced
over
at me
as I leaned
again
st the car
.
I should have known he heard e
verything.
“I’ll
be leaving
tomorrow
morning, my flight leaves at ten
,
” he told him but I think he said it
more for my benefit. He wanted me to know how
much time I had to decide.
“Take care
of your-self
Carlos,” Hayden said as he walked to the doors not waiting for me. The d
oorman carried Hayden’s bag in.
Once I saw Hayden reach the elevator and enter I wrapped my arms
around Carlos, hiding my face in
his chest.
“Come with me Natalie,” he pleaded. I felt his fingers run through my hair and he kissed my forehead gently. I wanted to join him in
t
his adventure but I didn’
t want to love him. I couldn’t.
“I can’t go Ca
rlos. Will you do me a favo
r though, will you send me messages of your adventures. I would love to hear who you meet and what you do, please will you write to me?” I be
gged, holding back tears again.
“Of course I will Natalie and if you change your mind, will you please call me?”
he breathed in heavily.
“I will,” I mumbled knowing it wasn’t likely.
He
tilted my head up to look at him
.
“Natalie, we have been through a lot together in the short amount of time I have known you. Please don’t forget that I will continue to be here whenever you need me, all you have to do is call and I will be on the next flight back, I love you,” he said as
he kissed me warmly the
n turned and walked back to his car. He waved before he sped away.
I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.
“I love you too,” I whispered before I tur
ned to walk into the apartment.
I
pressed the button to go up. What w
as I going up to? I
love
Hayden but
I felt like I needed more. I’m no stranger to losing love
and I understand that Stella sent him into some kind of delirium, but it still hurt. I knew what it felt like to love a ghost. It still sent shivers through me when I thought of Adam so I knew Hayden felt something with Stella.
I’ve lived with
sorrow and pain, which I knew losing Hayden would give me but I
still craved
more. Wh
at exactly did I need more of?
I really wish
I knew the answer to this.
I walk
ed into the apartment, which he
left unlocked and took off my shoes. It almost felt like the first time I entered this p
lace. I felt like I’m a visitor now
. It wasn’t my home
anymore
, it
s Hayden’s.
It has been more than seven months since we have liv
ed together. It’s strange,
even tho
ugh I was lost
in a different world
which
defi
n
i
t
e
ly
didn’t feel like seven months, it did
n’t feel like yesterday either.
I could hear the shower running. I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes. I needed to rest, maybe in the morning this need for adventure will subside. I began to have a million thoughts run through my head. One of the main
ones is of Luke. Where i
s he? Why haven’t they tol
d me what happened to him? I have to call John. I
t has been a long time since he’s heard from me
. I wondered if
Hayden
has called him. I needed
t
o know more about Beth.
I opened my eyes an
d saw Hayden standing above me.
“Can I answer some questions for you Natalie? I know you need them answered before you go,” he said, as though he read my mind. He seemed so dista
nt now and how did he know I seriously thought
of leaving? He smirked as he walked toward the kitchen. I followed him nervously. This changes everything. He
still
has one foot in the other realm, the same way I do.
I sat at the table and
waited for him to join me. He seemed to
be
movi
ng slowly but he didn’t want my
help. I realized now that Hayden and I couldn’t exactly read minds but we had an increased awareness
in not only what surrounded
us but we could sense emotions from those around us, even if they were
trying to hide them. When Beth
entered Hayden’s hospital room I knew why she w
a
s there and without words we communicated so much.
I
thought of
Beth and
wondered how she coped with the loss of
Stella.
I looked up at Hayden who stood across from me, watching me.
“I
’
ll bring you to her
later. We have some unfinished business to deal with first. I should tell you that I am a little disap
p
ointed in you for risking your own safety to snare Stella. She could have easily taken you again. I’m not sure how you managed to distract her.
I am grateful to be out of that realm but as you already know, a
part of it still remains with me as it does in you
. I’m hoping it can only help us in the future but right now it hurts. It hurts b
ecause I don’t want to know how you’re feeling
. I know you need to spread your wings, you’ve never had the chance and you need too, I understand this. I will not stop you in fact I encourage you. I have come to realize that it is in our meetings after time apart that we realize just how
important we are to each other.
The painting in my
room is of you, it was done
many years ago
, when we hunted together, in Europe actually. So it feels like we continue to play this game, over and over again until we get it right. That is why the urge to go is so strong. It is your fate, your destiny, but I believe you are stronger this time. You have been through too much to succumb now to an early death
. I realize
that when I come to look for you in Europe that is how
you will appear to
me,” he pointed to the tattoo on his arm
.
“
I don’t know where y
ou will be
but I will find you
Natalie
,” he said smiling as
he
walked over to me. He placed his arms arou
nd me and kissed me sweetly. Is
this good bye? I know it i
s. I
t i
s my destiny to go.
I met with Joh
n for lunch the day before I’m
sche
duled to leave for London. I couldn’t hide my excitement.
I giggled
all through it. John seemed very happy for me. It felt
nice to still have at least one member of my family t
o share this moment with. I could tell
he didn’t really l
ike Hayden when he said
he was
happy I decided to give
the relationship some sp
ace. He thought I was
too young to be so serio
us. I didn’t tell him that I have
no choice in the m
atter, that Hayden will
eventually come to Europe and find me
. That
sounded a little creepy, even to me
but I knew it to be
true
.
I also kno
w that Luke is
still here but
he hasn’t appeared to me
since I
woke up
.
Hayden said that he disappeared. He stopped lingering outside the hospital asking how you were. He didn’t know where he went he just stopped sh
o
wing up.
I will
se
e him again, when he is ready.
After my lunch with John,
I managed to sneak off to the school to look for Beth. I didn’t want to
see her
with Hayden. It
wouldn’t be the
same, that she would be guarded. I needed
to see her alone.
I walked up the steps, the doors were locked. I looked up at the windows but there didn’t seem to be as many
face
s looking down as there were
that first day I
arrived here. It seemed so long ago now. I held back tears as the thought of gra
duating now seemed so far away.
I walked around the school and went tow
ards the basement window we
escaped from before I fell into my coma. I felt along the bottom of the window for a thin metal handle. I pulled it and the window slowly opened. I took a deep breath and climbed in. I jumped down to the basement floor and walked t
owards the stairs. Just as I placed my foot on the first step
I heard a muffled laugh coming from Beth’s secret room. I really didn’t w
ant to crawl through that entran
ce
but
I knew I had no choice. That’
s obvious
ly where she wanted to meet me.
“Hi Beth,” I said as I opened the
door and walked
towards the tunnel
I’ve
crawled
through before. I heard her
laugh
again
. What did she
find
so
funny? I started
to wonder if maybe this might be
a ba
d idea. Maybe it’
s a trap of some sort.