Authors: Andy Griffiths
When you're breathing, it's very important not to fall out the window.
âCan we do maths now?' said Fiona.
The class groaned.
âOf course we can,' said Mr Brainfright.
The class groaned again.
âWe're up to chapter ten in the book,' said Fiona helpfully.
âWhich book is that?' said Mr Brainfright.
â
This
book,' said Fiona, holding up our class textbook,
Maths is Fun
.
Mr Brainfright took the book from Fiona and flipped through it. âHmmm,' he said. âIt says maths is fun, but you'd never suspect it from looking at this book, would you?'
âI like it,' said Fiona.
âWhat do you like about it particularly?' said Mr Brainfright.
âI like solving problems,' said Fiona.
âSolving problems, eh?' said Mr Brainfright,
stroking his chin thoughtfully. âHere's a
real
problem for you! A man has a goat, a wolf and a head of cabbage. He comes to a river that has no bridge, but there is a small boat he can use to get across. Unfortunately, the boat can only hold one of the three things he has. If he takes over the wolf first, then the goat will eat the cabbage. If he takes over the cabbage, the wolf will eat the goat. How does he solve the problem?'
âBut . . . but . . . that's not maths!' said Fiona.
âWhy not?' said Mr Brainfright.
âBecause it doesn't have any numbers!' said Fiona.
âIt may not have numbers,' said Mr Brainfright, âbut it is definitely a problem. A real-life problem that all of you may well face in your own lives one day.'
âBut I don't have a boat,' said David. âOr a goat. Or a wolf. And I don't like cabbage, so why would I be carrying one around?'
âUse your imagination, David,' said Mr Brainfright.
âBut you said it was a real-life problem,' said David.
âImagination
is
real life,' said Mr Brainfright. âAnd real life sometimes requires a great deal of imagination!'
âWhy does this guy need to get across the river anyway?' said Clive.
âNot important,' said Mr Brainfright. âBut since you ask, let's say he's going to visit his friend who lives on the other side of the river.'
âWhy does he have to take his goat and his wolf and a cabbage?' said Clive.
âAgain, not important,' said Mr Brainfright. âBut perhaps he's worried they'll be lonely if he leaves them at home.'
âI understand how a wolf and a goat might be lonely,' said David, âbut how can a cabbage be lonely? Cabbages don't have feelings!'
âHow can you be sure of that?' said Mr Brainfright.
âBecause it's a CABBAGE!' said Fiona. âCabbages are plants, and plants don't have feelings!'
âThis one does,' said Mr Brainfright. âIt's an unusually sensitive cabbage. It goes everywhere with the man. In fact, it's his best friend. He rescued it from a greengrocer one day. He heard it calling to him, “Help, help, they're going to eat me!” And the man quickly bought it, took it home, and the two became fast friends. So you see that there really was no question of the man leaving it at home, or risking it being eaten by the goat.'
Fiona and David sat there frowning.
âSo there's the problem,' said Mr Brainfright. âWho can suggest a solution?'
Clive put up his hand. âIf I was the man, I'd
strangle the wolf so it couldn't eat the goat and I'd strangle the goat so that it couldn't eat the cabbage. And then I'd strangle the cabbage so that it couldn't eat the goat or the wolf. And then it wouldn't matter which order I took them across the river.'
âBut they'd all be dead!' I said.
âSo?' said Clive.
âWell, it doesn't make any sense,' said Fiona. âWhy would the man strangle a cabbage? Cabbages don't eat wolves or goats.'
âBecause the cabbage was going to strangle him!' said Clive. âIt was a bad cabbage.'
âBut it's his best friend!' said Jenny.
âThey'd had a fight,' said Clive.
Mr Brainfright looked at Clive and nodded. âInteresting,' he said. âVery interesting. But I think it would be preferable if he got them all across the river alive. Even the cabbage.'
âSuit yourself,' said Clive. âI'm just trying to be helpful.'
âWhat sort of boat is it?' said Grant. âIs it a speedboat?'
âNo,' said Mr Brainfright.
âA powerboat?' said Grant. âPowerboats are cool!'
âNo,' said Mr Brainfright.
âA hovercraft?' said Grant hopefully. âHovercrafts are even cooler than powerboats!'
âIt's not a hovercraft or a powerboat or a speedboat,' said Mr Brainfright. âIt's just a regular rowboat.'
âOh,' said Grant, shrugging. âRowboats are so last century.'
âDoes the man have a horse?' said Penny.
âNo,' said Mr Brainfright. âJust a wolf and a goat and a cabbage.'
âWhere's his horse?' said Gina.
âI don't know,' said Mr Brainfright. âMaybe it ran away.'
The twins looked alarmed. âIt ran away?' said Gina. âShouldn't he be trying to find it?'
âHe is,' said Mr Brainfright, taking a deep breath. âThat's one of the reasons that he's crossing the river. To look for his horse.'
âBut how did the horse cross the river?' said Gina.
âIt's not important,' said Mr Brainfright. âFor all I know it rowed across in the boat!'
âNo,' said Penny. âImpossible. Horses can't row.'
âThis one could,' said Mr Brainfright. âBut that's not important. What is important is how the man is going to get across the river with the wolf and the goat and the cabbage. First to suggest a solution gets a lollipop!'
That sure got everybody's attention. Nobody
really cared about goats, wolves or cabbages, but we
did
care about lollipops.
And nobody cared more about lollipops than me.
Zero.
My problem was that I didn't know how to begin solving the problem.
Should the man take the cabbage across first? It was his best friend, after all. But while he was doing that, the wolf would eat the goat.
So it would obviously be better if the man took the wolf across first. But then the goat would eat the unguarded cabbage.
So it would be better if the man took the goat across first. But then the man would have to come back and get either the wolf or the cabbage, and if he took the wolf across, then it would eat the goat while he went back for the cabbage.
If he took the cabbage across, then the goat would eat the cabbage while he went back for the wolf.
It was impossible! There was no way the man could do it!
Suddenly . . .
splat!
. . . a small wet blob smacked into the back of my neck.
Now I had a new problem.
Clive Durkin.
Clive was not only the sort of person who would not hesitate to strangle wolves, goats and cabbages if he needed to get across a river in a hurry, but, as I think I've already mentioned, he also liked to chew up small pieces of paper, roll them into balls, and flick them at people.
And he'd chosen this moment to turn his attention to me.
I turned around. âVery funny!' I said.
âWhat are you talking about?' said Clive, looking as innocent as he could, which wasn't very innocent at all. âI didn't do anything!'
âThen what's this?' I said, picking the wet blob off the back of my neck.
âBeats me,' shrugged Clive, peering at the blob. âYour brain?'
I was about to say something really funny back, like, âNo, I think it's
yours
,' but then I remembered the lollipop. I couldn't afford to get distracted. I had to be grown-up about this.
âOh,' I said, looking at the blob. âI wondered where it had got to. Thanks, Clive!'
That sure stopped him dead in his tracks.
I put the small piece of chewed-up paper
at the front of my desk and turned back to the problem.
But before I could even begin to consider whether the man with the boat should give up, go home, and maybe catch up with his friend by telephone, I felt another wet blob hit the back of my neck.
âHuh-huh-huh,' chuckled Clive. âGotcha again, McThrottle.'
I was tempted to remove the blob, turn around, and shove it up his nose, but I didn't have the time. I had a lollipop to win.
I picked the blob off the back of my neck, put it beside the first blob, and turned my attention back to the problem.
I felt another wet blob.
Then another.
I put the new blobs beside the first two blobs and studied them.
Four blobs.
I kept studying them. Four blobs . . . four blobs . . . just like the problem Mr Brainfright had set us: four things . . . a man, a goat, a wolf and a cabbage.
I took a deep breath as I realised that the blobs could stand in for the man, the goat, the wolf and the cabbage, and might actually help me solve the problem.
I glanced around the class. Nobody had figured it out yet. Not even Fiona or David. I still had a chance.
I arranged the blobs on one side of my desk. I placed my ruler in the centre to represent the river and then, using my eraser as a boat, I put the biggest blob on top of it.
I studied my eraser boat with the man-blob on top. What if the man left the cabbage with the wolf and took the goat across first? The cabbage-blob would be safe with the wolf-blob.
I placed the goat-blob onto the eraser boat and pushed it across the ruler river. The man-blob put the goat-blob onto the other side and then crossed the ruler river back to where the wolf-blob and cabbage-blob were waiting.
I studied my blobs. I couldn't take the wolf-blob across and leave it with the goat-blob . . . and I couldn't take the cabbage-blob across and leave it with the goat-blob . . . but who said I had to leave the goat-blob there?
In an instant I saw the solution. When you blobbed it out, it was obvious!