Authors: Scotty Cade
That statement confirmed Dax’s fears that Jack had taken his stunned silence and inability to move as an arrogant gesture instead of realizing it was because he was so intimidated by his good looks.
He snapped out of his thoughts when Jack slammed his fist into the cabin door.
“The way I see it,” he said, “you have a pretty shitty way of treating someone you can’t do without.”
That did it. Dax didn’t care how hot Jack was, he had just crossed the line. He jumped up and stood chest to chest with Jack. Jack’s eyes widened, but he held his ground.
“You think we can’t do this without you, Captain Jackson P. Cameron?” Dax asked.
“Damn straight,” Jack shot back.
“Then you’re delusional,” Dax yelled. “I don’t need you or this two-bit bathtub. And by the way, does the P in your name stand for ‘prick’?”
Suddenly everything went into slow motion. He saw Jack slowly draw his fist back and heard the slurred words, “W-h-y y-o-u s-o-r-r-y p-i-e-c-e o-f….” Something came over Dax, and at that moment, all he saw were Jack’s crystal-blue eyes shining with anger; his shoulders, broad and strong; and that fist, that beautiful fist coming right at his face. He fought the urge, tooth and nail, but surprised even himself when he leaned in and cupped Jack on the back of the neck to draw him in as he crushed his lips against Jack’s. Brad’s eyes widened, and silence filled the tiny cabin.
Dona slammed her fist on the table and yelled, “Enough! Get a grip, you two.”
Dax broke the kiss and stepped away from Jack. Jack, stunned, dropped his fist down to his side. He wiped his red, swollen lips, and all he could think to say was “Peyton, my middle name is Peyton.” But other than that, he was at a total loss.
Dona continued. “I think I speak for everyone when I say we’ve all had just about enough of your lovers’ quarrels. You boys either act on your high-school man crushes or get the fuck over them. I don’t care who has the biggest dick, but we’re going to finish this expedition in one piece, and you’re gonna damn well like it.”
“Lovers’ quarrels? Man crushes?” Jack screamed. “What are you talking about—we’re not even gay.”
A small curve developed on Dax’s lips. “Speak for yourself, Captain. I thought everyone knew I was gay.”
Jack turned around and looked at Brad, who was standing outside the cabin door with a grin on his face. Brad nodded, and Jack looked hurt and defeated. He looked at Dona, then Dax, and turned and walked out of the cabin.
“I think that went better than planned,” Dax said with a chuckle.
“Dax, you shouldn’t have kissed him. If he ends this expedition, we’re screwed. You get your shit together and figure out a way to make nice with Jack, and get him to change his mind, because despite what you think, we
do
need him and his boat.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Dax said with a military salute.
J
ACK
stood in the hallway for a few seconds, trying to absorb what had just happened.
Dax is gay, and Brad and Mac didn’t think it was important enough to tell me. The guy just kissed me right in front of everyone. Who does he think he is?
He turned around and walked right back into the cabin. He looked at Dona and said, in a very even, calm voice, “I think this was a mistake. I’ll absorb the expenses thus far, and I’ll chalk it up to a learning experience.” He rubbed his still-swollen lips again and looked at Dax. “A real learning experience. I’ll get you guys back to the dock at first light.”
“Jack, don’t make any rash decisions,” Dona gently pleaded. “Dax and I have our hearts and souls tied up in this expedition, not to mention we all have money invested. We are so close, I can feel it.”
Dax and Brad stood motionless, not knowing what to say or do. Jack looked around the room, at Dax and Dona and then at Brad.
“All this drama,” Jack said as he lifted his hands and gestured to them all, “is not worth it to me. Dax and I are who we are, probably more alike than I care to admit, but that’s certainly not going to change. And… my friends, I guess I’m a joke to them.”
Brad opened his mouth, but Jack put his hand up to stop him. “I don’t want to hear it. I hope you’ve all enjoyed your fun at my expense, but it stops here.”
J
ACK
sheepishly made his way topside, with Brad on his heels. When he reached the bridge, Mac saw the expression on Jack’s face and looked at Brad.
“What did I miss?” he whispered to Brad.
Jack took the captain’s chair next to Mac, and Brad moved over and stood next to Mac’s seat.
“The jig is up,” Jack said to Mac.
“What do you mean, the jig is up?” Mac asked.
“The fact that neither of you found the need to tell me that Dax was gay,” he said.
Mac looked over at Brad and grinned.
Jack continued, “How was that little tidbit of information overlooked in that novel of a story you told me over the phone when I asked if you’d ever heard of Dax Powers?”
“I didn’t think it was relevant,” Mac responded. “I know how you feel about gay people.”
“Come on, man, not that again. Damn it, guys! Are we ever going to get past this?” Jack asked. “Yes, I made a mistake, and yes, you guys almost lost each other over my mistake, but I’ve apologized for it over and over again. What more can I do?”
“There’s nothing you can do, Jack.” Mac looked at Brad then back to Jack. “What happened down there anyway?”
“Well,” Jack said, “one minute I was giving Dax a piece of my mind, then the next, he was kissing me.”
Mac’s face morphed into a grin, and he looked at Brad. Brad nodded in agreement, and they both high-fived.
“What are you two high-fiving about?” Jack asked. “Is that why you didn’t tell me Dax was gay? Are you trying to convert me?”
Mac took the lead. “Very funny, Jack. We can’t convert anyone who isn’t remotely interested, but really, what does it matter if Dax is gay or not?”
“If it didn’t matter, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because we thought that, if you knew, you might not take the charter,” Mac said. “And we’ve been waiting for you to come out of the closet on your own and thought this might help.”
“Oh,” Jack said. Then Mac’s words registered. “What?” he yelled.
“Think about it, Jack. One very short marriage many years ago. No lasting relationships. Hell, you haven’t even had a date in years, not to mention that fact that you’re so homophobic.”
“What, now you think I’m homophobic?” Jack asked.
Brad jumped in this time. “We’ve always thought that, Jack. You remember how you reacted when you found out Mac and I were involved. Do you not remember the fight in our living room? Demanding to be flown back to Anchorage, making Mac choose between me and his family? Come on, Jack, your memory’s not that bad.”
For the second time that day, Jack looked totally defeated. “I remember everything,” he said. “I was just scared, I guess.”
“Look,” Mac said. “It happens to the best of us.” Mac reached over and grabbed Brad’s hand. “Brad and I didn’t plan on falling in love. In fact, it was the last thing either of us expected. He was still struggling with Jeff’s death, and I was a straight man, still mourning the loss of my wife six years after her death, but it happened. Luckily, we were able to recognize the love that grew between us and allow ourselves to be happy. And to tell you the truth, I’ve never looked back. I loved Lindsey with all my heart, but Lindsey’s gone, and that relationship died when we buried her. Do you remember how hard it was for me?”
Jack nodded in agreement.
“But now, I love Brad, and we’ve made a damn good life for ourselves. I didn’t think I was gay, and I’d never even looked at a man in a sexual way, but the heart wants what it wants, Jack. Just think about what I’ve said, and don’t worry about labels right now.”
“Did the kiss gross you out?” Brad asked.
“Yes! No! I don’t know,” Jack replied with a very confused look. “Why are we even having this conversation?” he asked. “I’m not gay.”
“Fine,” Mac said. “You’re not gay, but we are what we are, whether we label ourselves or not. Just please promise me that you’ll keep an open mind, and do what feels right.”
“It doesn’t really matter anyway, the expedition is over, and Dax will go his way, and I’ll go mine. We’re heading back to port at first light.”
“What?” Mac said. “Are you serious? Can’t you and Dax get past this and work together?”
“I doubt it,” Jack said.
“Just think about everything we said and don’t make any decisions until morning, okay?”
Jack seemed to be listening, but didn’t respond. He looked down at his watch. “Ten o’clock,” he said. “You guys take a break, and I’ll see you at two o’clock.”
Mac stood and gave Jack a hug. Brad laid his hand on Jack’s arm and said, “If you need anything, or if you just need to talk, give either of us a call.”
“Thanks, guys,” Jack said. “But I’ll be fine, see you at two.”
Brad and Mac left the bridge, and Jack climbed into the captain’s chair and checked his equipment. Everything was going as planned—except for Dax, of course. Just an hour ago, he had been about to knock Dax on his ass, and in the heat of that moment, Dax had kissed him. Jack reached up and touched his lips to try and remember the feeling.
He settled back in his chair and closed his eyes. If he was going to be honest with himself—and it was high time he was—he had liked it. It had been hot and manly, and when their five o’clock shadows brushed against one another, he’d felt a spark. It was sexy as hell, and he was pretty sure he wanted to do it again.
The whole “gay” thing threw him, though. He didn’t think he was gay. In all of his years, he’d never even experimented with a guy, like most adolescent boys did. He tried to think back over his life to see if he could ever remember being attracted to a guy, and damn if Dax didn’t quickly enter his mind.
Other than Dax, you idiot
. The sight of Dax’s hazel-colored eyes, right before they kissed, came into his mind. The heat was incredible, and there was definitely something there.
Did Dax feel it too?
He shook his head from side to side in an attempt to get Dax out of his mind’s eye and tried to focus on his thoughts again.
Yeah, he’d noticed a good-looking guy once or twice. Sometimes when he watched porn, he would occasionally catch himself looking at the guy as much as the girl, but that didn’t make him gay, did it? Then he thought about how Mac and Brad had found each other. He’d never quite understood how Mac could be straight one day and gay the next, but again, Mac didn’t believe in labels. Shortly after he’d found out about Mac and Brad, he remembered Mac trying to explain that he thought people were attracted to who they were attracted to. It didn’t matter if it was a woman or a man, but society dictates who you should and shouldn’t love. Mac and Brad, gay or straight, seem to be genuinely happy in their relationship. He racked his brains. Why had he had such a hard time with Mac and Brad?
Did Mac and Brad falling in love hit too close to home for me, and that’s why I was so against it? Had I pushed my desires for men so far to the back of my mind that I didn’t even realize I was gay?
The funny thing was that the thought of them having sex didn’t gross him out or anything, so what was it? Maybe the reality that two men could fall in love was just too much for him to handle. If they could do it and be happy and so in love, then maybe he could too, and that would mean he would have to face up to the fact that he might be gay. Boy, did that scare the hell out of him.
His thoughts were all over the place, and he was no longer making sense, so he tried to boil it all down into something he could digest.
Okay, I’m attracted to Dax. No labels yet. One day at a time.
Dax’s voice suddenly filled the bridge.
“Base to bridge, Jack, do you copy?”
“Bridge here,” he responded.
“Look, Jack, call me a coward, but I thought it would be easier if I did this over the radio.”
“I’m listening,” Jack said.
Dax hesitated for about ten seconds, and Jack thought the silence felt like one hundred pounds sitting on his chest.
“I’m sorry, man,” Dax finally spit out.
Silence again.
“Sorry for…?” Jack asked.
“Okay, I see you’re not going to make this easy for me,” Dax whined.
“You were saying….” Jack said.
“Fine, I’m sorry for disrespecting your position as captain. I’m sorry for continually taunting you and trying to ruffle your feathers. And mostly, I’m sorry for being a complete ass. This is no excuse, but I’m really attracted to you, man. I know you’re straight and the thought of working so closely with you and not being able to have you was driving me crazy. So I thought that if I pissed you off enough, you’d hate me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about controlling my libido around you.”
Before Jack could respond, Dax said, “But Jack… let me make one thing very clear.”
“I’m listening,” Jack said.
“I’m not the least bit sorry for kissing you. Again, I realize you’re probably straight, but that part of the fight was really hot.”
Jack smiled.
“And besides,” Dax said. “It was either kiss you or take a fist to the jaw. And with a face like mine, I always go for the kiss.”
Jack realized that, for the first time since they had met, they finally agreed on something.
“Apology accepted,” Jack said. “And for the record, I don’t regret the kiss, either.”
Jack could feel Dax smiling through the radio.
“What?” Dax asked. “Are you gay?”
“I have no idea what I am,” Jack said. “I never thought about it before. It was my first kiss from a guy, and I was totally caught off guard, but I kind of liked it.”
“Me too,” Dax whispered. “So what do we do now?”
“You’re asking me?” Jack said. “I have no idea. I’m new to all this.”
“Leave the driving to me, and sit back and enjoy the ride, so to speak,” Dax said.
“Hold on a minute, Dax,” Jack said. “I don’t know what to do about all this. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to see where this goes.”
As soon as Jack said the words, he realized that the thought of experimenting with Dax scared the hell out of him and excited him all at the same time.