He had a six-pack of beer from some place called a Shop and Go, a packet of some sort of beef jerky, and a huge can of dry roasted peanuts.
The oldies never appeared, and he heard the TV playing in their room, so he figured they weren’t engaging. He laid out his feast in the dining room, including the half-squashed fried fruit pie he found under the nuts. He’d almost forgotten about it.
He didn’t want to go sit in front of the idiot box, so he went looking for a magazine or a newspaper or something. Anything, even if it was old.
He found a book about pregnancy in a basket, along with a fancy baby book and a romance novel. The romance novel had possibilities, but when he saw Ades’s handwriting in the baby book, he had to look.
He grabbed a bunch of paper towels to clean his hands before he turned pages, and he sat down to eat and read. The first section was pretty sparse. Early pregnancy, baby shower. Ades had never had a lot of patience for the tiny social niceties, so this didn’t surprise him at all.
When it came to family history, though, her neat handwriting pranced down the page like a parade horse. His mum and dad and him were listed as next of kin, and she wrote about Grandma Massey and her famous gray eyes.
There was a page to write about herself, where Ades got to talk about meeting Landon, about falling in love. He looked away, but she was gone, wasn’t she? And she’d written this for Chloe to see.
He was the most wonderful thing I’d ever seen, and I knew when he asked that I had to go, Chloe. I knew it. He was everything I’d ever wanted.
Christ. “Oh, Adelaide. I wish you’d said.”
Your daddy was like… magic. He was a cowboy, a bull rider, this wild Yank who promised me that no one would ever ever tell me I had to be a proper miss or that I had to remember my place.
Tears stung his eyes. “I understand, Ades. I do.” He hurt for her, for the time they’d all lost together.
“Something happened to me when I was a kid, and I thought I’d never escape it, thought it would always be there, and your daddy just said, “Come with me, honey. It don’t have to be like this.” Just like that, in those words.
“Come with me, honey. It don’t have to be like this.”
And it wasn’t that way anymore. I came to Sheffield Ranch and it was magic, just like it’s going to be for you, my angel. Magic.
Love you Chloe darling.
Mum.
Lachlan closed the baby book. He could read about Chloe’s weight and length and first day home later. He sat with his hands on the cover for a long, long while, his heart clenched so hard in his chest he thought maybe it had stopped beating.
He’d been a university student when she’d been taken. They were in Brisbane on vacation, and she’d slipped her security. Boom. That was it.
Him, he’d stopped that security shite quick on his part. He was a grown-up. He could handle himself. Whatever.
Ades had been gone for three days.
Three days, and she’d never had another single second alone until Landon stole her away.
Lachlan sat back, knowing one thing Adelaide said was absolutely true. This place, and the man running it, was magic. He was about to pop the top on his first beer when his little travel mobile rang.
“Hullo?”
“Hey man. Ryan.”
“Oh. What’s up?” His heartbeat kicked into overdrive. Please let nothing else be wrong.
“I got something belongs to you.”
God save him from cryptic bullshit. “What would that be?”
“Your man. He’s drunk and goofy and stupid in love, and he’s waiting on you.” Ryan was laughing. Laughing.
“My—you mean Holden? Where is he?” Drunk? Lachlan wasn’t sure he could believe it.
“Jesus, you are a stupid shit. Yeah, I mean Holden. And he’s at his house where he lives. Gate code’s their birthday, same as Landon’s.”
The phone went dead.
Lachlan sat there for maybe two seconds. Then he hopped up, gathered his food, and beat feet out to his rental. All he had to do was to drive across the road.
The drive took three minutes, tops, and then he was sitting in front of a stone two-story house that didn’t look a thing like Ades’s place or the main house. The place was lit up, full of windows and balconies.
He wanted to see it in the day, see what Holden used to build the place, but for now, it was more important to get inside. He knocked at the door, feeling off-kilter.
Ryan stood there, cheek bruised and lip split, grinning like a fool. “You came.”
“I—you said he needed me.” He wasn’t even going to lie and say he was worried about Chloe.
“He does. He’s upstairs. So’s the baby. I’m heading back to the main house.”
Lachlan chuckled. “I imagine Dez could use a beer.”
“Yeah. Both of us could. Don’t let him drive.” Ryan clapped him on the back.
“I promise.” No, he wasn’t letting Holden out of his sight, if he could help it. He locked up after Ryan, then munched his fried pie on the way up the stairs.
There was a night-light glowing in a little room with a crib. Chloe sleeping sound, little rump in the air. The baby monitor was on, so Ryan had been on the job, and Lachlan noticed the man had been sober as a judge.
He headed farther down the hall, stopping when he saw a shirtless Holden sitting on the edge of a bed, head in his hands.
He fought the urge to knock, since the door was open, and they were the only two ambulatory humans about. “Hey, you.”
Holden looked up, blinked at him owlishly. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing with me.” Lachlan ached to walk over there and take Holden in his arms, but he thought they needed to talk first. He just wasn’t sure Holden was sober enough. “Ryan called me.”
“Did he hit you? We whaled on each other some.”
“No. I think he was laughing at me. Can I come in?” Lachlan asked.
“Yeah, come on. I’ll put a shirt on.”
“Don’t bother on my account.” He hated that he’d made Holden feel self-conscious. “I need to tell you some things, Holden.”
“Are you going to explain that you’re a busy son of a bitch and you couldn’t possibly be with me or that we don’t know each other? Because I get it. I’m a rancher; you’re like a Crocodile Dundee dude Down Under god.”
“No.” He snapped the word out, so sick of that argument, so bloody tired. “That’s what my whole organization would say, I’m sure.”
“Yeah. What do you want, man? I’m drunk and burying my godfather tomorrow. I asked a dude to be with me in front of God and everyone, and he turned me down. I’m on the tail end of a metric fuckton of not really stellar days.”
“I didn’t turn you down.” Lachlan tugged at the buttons on his shirt. “Do you need the loo?”
“The what?” Holden stared for a second, then jerked. “The bathroom. Nah. I’m cool.”
“Point me toward it?” This was no time to bare his soul. Holden had imbibed too much, and they had to get through Crazy’s memorial.
“It’s right through there.”
He headed in, the bathroom surprisingly fancy—every inch of the room tiled, containing a huge walk-in shower with a bench seat, perfect.
Lachlan stripped off to take a quick shower, then scared up a toothbrush from the linen closet, a little cup of them sitting in there, still in wrappers. He smiled at the carefully folded towels, the so neatly arranged bottles and jars.
Washed and brushed, he walked back to Holden’s room, a towel wrapped around his waist.
Holden was sitting on the bed, wearing nothing now, and looking like he was going to shake clean apart.
Patience wasn’t Lachlan’s strong suit, and God knew he wanted to just tell Holden everything he’d decided in the last few hours, but Holden didn’t need that. Not just now. So Lachlan pulled back the covers and pushed Holden between them, then slid in beside him.
“I didn’t try to fall in love with you.” Holden’s words were so soft he barely heard them.
“I know that. I know and I’m not sorry you did. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, I swear.” He stroked Holden’s bare back, sharing warmth and comfort.
“Tomorrow. I’m not giving the baby up. It’d break me, to miss her so long.”
“I know that, Holden. I know.” He felt Holden’s shoulders and back relax when he said it, his touch helping, he thought. “Sleep now.”
Holden nodded, then snuggled into Lachlan as soon as he’d drifted off. Daft little bugger.
Lachlan pressed his lips to Holden’s cheek, kissing him gently before smiling, his whole body settling into his choice. He couldn’t help but whisper against Holden’s ear.
“I love you too.”
HOLDEN
felt like he was wrapped in cotton wool. Lachlan had gone to Landon’s to change, and Maria had come over to the main house to watch Chloe.
She looked tired, older than he’d ever seen her, but he hugged her tight, and Chloe had seen her and immediately crowed in her little “I know you” voice.
Maria took Chloe and held her, her lips quivering. “I will keep her safe this time. I promise. I will pray for Señor Crazy.”
Dez wandered in before they could get really maudlin, the big Aussie touching his back awkwardly. “I’ll keep an eye on them.”
“She damn near died keeping that baby safe. Y’all can watch each other.”
That got him a surprised chuckle. “That we can. I just meant in case she gets to feeling puny.”
“Thank you.” He patted his pockets, the notes for the eulogy in there. “I guess we’d best get this done. Going to be a long fucking day.”
“Holden! Language,
mi’jo
!”
“Yes, ma’am. Sorry,
Mamacita
.”
Maria held Chloe out for him to kiss. “I will have food. I know there will be
mucho
at the big house, but you will want something when you come home.”
“You rock.”
He put on his good hat and headed outside; the folding chairs were already full, and it was standing room only. He headed to the front to speak to Derringer Adams, the team roper who ran their cowboy church. “How you doing, Der?”
“I know that he’s with God, Holden, but I have to say, this ain’t something easy. Crazy was….” Derringer got all choked up, and Holden clapped him on the shoulder.
“Yessir. He sure was. This ain’t about sadness, though, right? Ain’t that what they said about the last funeral we did? This is about celebrating and all.”
Derr nodded, sniffing. “I hear you, son. I’m ready.”
“Good deal.” Holden wasn’t. He never would be, but the good Lord didn’t ask his opinion on this, so he reckoned he had less than no choice.
He took his seat next to Momma and Daddy, seeing Lachlan sitting across the way near Crazy’s ex-wives Donna and Leann. One of the grandbabies sat on Lachlan’s lap, which made Holden duck his head to hide his tiny smile.
Christian, Crazy’s oldest boy who was three days older than him and Landon, stood and walked over to grab him up in a hard hug. “Tell me it was fast.”
“Fast enough there wasn’t nothing I could do. Landon was there, waiting for him.” He refused to look away. He hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Good. Good, family needs to take us home at the end.”
“Yessir. I’m sorry, though. For your loss and all.”
Christian snorted. “Shee-it. We’re all sorry, but Daddy was gonna go where his head led him. Stubborn son of a bitch always thought he could catch a speeding bullet like he could a bull.”
Holden chuckled, and that sound grew between the group of Crazy’s kids. “You know it. He was a force of nature.”
“I’m glad you were there with him.” Christian shook his hand. “Hell, this way he didn’t have to admit it was time to retire.”
“Yeah. This mean you’re gonna start fighting bulls?”
Christian snorted, just like Holden knew he would. All of Crazy’s kids had gone to college, had become something better. “Nah. I might be looking for ranch work, though. Getting out of sales.”
“Yeah? We’ll talk, iff’n you want. Later.”
“I’ll call you next week.” Christian clapped him on the back. “Thanks for standing up today. Here comes the horses.”
The cowboy procession was riding in from out behind the skeleton of the new feed shed, Gary leading Crazy’s favorite gelding Buck, who wore a bridle and a saddle with a pair of Crazy’s boots in the stirrups.
Holden removed his hat, and everyone stood, silent and quiet. From the back of the crowd someone began to sing “In the Garden,” and Holden suddenly couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t do this. He could not.
Lachlan caught his gaze, held it. Those blue eyes said all sorts of things. He could hear them in his head: “Buck up. You can do this.” Somehow he even knew what Lachlan sounded like when he said, “I love you.”
Holden nodded and took a breath. He could do this. He’d survived Landon and Addie. He would do this for Crazy.
Ten minutes later, he stood in front of all those folks, the preacher giving up the high ground so he could say his bit. He knew these people, every one of them, and they were all waiting on him to make sense of this.
He cleared his throat, then looked at his hands for a second.
“I can’t remember not knowing that Crazy had my back. I can’t remember not believing that he would solve any problem, that he was the bravest and strongest man I knew. I don’t know how to say stuff. I ain’t no poet. Crazy died saving my life, saving Miss Chloe’s life. There ain’t a one of us he hasn’t saved, and now he’s in the arms of Jesus, with Miss Addie and Landon, with Granny Sheffield and his sister Helen. He was a good man, and he was my godfather, my friend, one hell of a bullfighter, and I loved him. Good ride, cowboy. Good ride.”
That was all he had, so it was what he gave.
Christian stood and came to take his place, pausing to give him a hard hug before he walked away. He knew other folks talked and all, but Holden didn’t hear anything else until everyone stood and started singing “Amazing Grace.”
They stood there, and Crazy was lowered into the ground, and then it was over, and he was supposed to go be social and eat food and…. Holden headed to his truck.
He needed to go home.