Tricks (22 page)

my face. Too much drama,

I guess. And yet, here came

*

this complete stranger, in his midnight blue BMW. He pulled

over, double-parked, came around to open the passenger door for me.

*

Come on, sweetheart. Everything

will be okay.
He settled me into the seat, buckled me in, as if I were a little child.
Where to?

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I shrugged. "I don't care, as long as it's away from here."

Away from there. Away from him. Away from friends,

*

not really friends at all, if it meant you or some guy.

I stared out the window, watching the procession

*

of streetlights, begging myself

not to get sick. "Thank you for coming to get me. I didn't

know who else to call."

*

Really?
Already driving slowly, he took his foot completely off the gas pedal.
What about your

parents? Or, uh, your boyfriend?

*

I snorted. "My dad is hardly

ever home. And all my mom

cares about is my sister. And as for my boyfriend..."

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I wasn't sure how much to say.

But whatever. "That party was at my ex-boyfriend's house."

There. Complete confession.

*

Well, not quite complete. Bryn

called me on the rest.
Ex, huh?

Then why were you at his party?

Want to tell me what happened?

*

"Can we go somewhere and talk?

I know I shouldn't ask. I'm sure you

have better things to do." I could hardly

believe it when he said,
Not really.

364

We Drove Down to the Beach

By the time we parked, got out, and walked a little way, barefoot in the cool, damp sand near the water's

edge, I had mostly sobered up.

*

I sat, combing the sand with my

toes, as I told him pretty much

everything about my pitiful life.

When I talked about Kyra and Mom,

*

he kept nodding. Turns out he, his brother, and father have a similar

relationship.
Like Dad, Shane is a high-priced criminal attorney.

*

And me? Well, I'm just a lowly

photographer. Never mind

that I've shot most of the top

modeling talent in this country.

*

Which explained the company name on his business card:
Perfect Poses.

"So what are you doing in Santa

Cruz? Why not L.A. or New York?"

*

He exhaled deeply.
My dad lives in Los Angeles. But my mom

hated the city She lived here... until she died a few weeks ago.

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"Oh wow. I'm so sorry. I hope

I didn't..." I couldn't finish.

I had sure stuck my big ol'

foot in my even bigger mouth.

*

No. It's okay, I came here
to help settle the estate. She left her house to me. So I really don't

know many people here yet.

*

Which explained why he wasn't

busy that night. In need of a subject

change, I moved on to Lucas. "Not

everyone here is worth knowing...."

*

I told the whole virgin thing. When

I finished, he responded with a hand, placed gently on my knee.
What an idiot. Does he not recognize

*

what a gift you gave him, what an amazing opportunity you are?

You've lost not a thing, lovely

lady. You've lost not one thing.

366

Okay, His Syntax

Can be a bit elevated. Overeducated, maybe, like having a PhD in poetry, which should come from the heart, not from some cardboard rulebook.

*

But hey, nobody's perfect. And Bryn

comes just about as close as a guy

can come. Since that night, we've

seen each other almost every day.

*

It hasn't been that long--only a couple of weeks. But day by day, I tumble deeper and deeper in love with him. Yeah, it was fast.

*

Can falling in love be too fast?

I don't think so, and neither

does Bryn. Best of all, he isn't

afraid to tell me he loves me.

367

The First Time He Told Me

Was the same time as our first

kiss. It was only a few days after we started seeing each other.

He said he wanted to wait,

*

thinking I wasn't quite ready for someone new. I
wanted you to be sure. Rebound things can

be incredible letdowns. So stop

*

me if you don't want to hear

this, okay? I don't know how you

feel about love at first sight, but that day in the mall, I knew

*

right away that you were unique, a girl who stood out in the crowd.

And when I saw you sitting there on the curb, crying over someone

*

who didn't deserve your broken

heart, I wanted to make everything

right again for you. I've never

fallen for anyone so fast!

*

We were at our favorite beach

hideaway, listening to the symphony of the waves as the sun set, tangerine, on the horizon.

368

Bryn pulled me into his lap, leaned his forehead against mine, kissed me softly.
This is so odd for me, Whitney. I've photographed

*

many beautiful girls. Had flings with a few. But I never felt for any of them what I already feel for you, and we barely know each other.

*

You are more than a pretty face.

You are beautiful inside, and that

beauty radiates, shines like a star.

I know it's wrong--I am a few

*

years older than you--but you have

filled an empty place inside me.

He turned to look me in the eye.

I love you, Whitney. I really do.

*

Then he kissed me, and though

I found hunger there, I also found the love that he professed. And now

I experience that love every day.

369

We Haven't Made Love Yet

He says he wants me to be very, very sure I want to, because he treasures me for more than just

my body. I'm pretty sure I'm ready,

*

but that isn't quite "very, very sure."

Still, maybe today will be the day.

Yes or no, first he's going to take

some pics of me.
I
want to show you

*

just how beautiful you are,
he said.

Then he took me shopping for what he wants me to wear--a long, flowing

skirt and gauzy off-the-shoulder blouse.

*

Both white.
A celebration of virginity,
was his explanation.
We'll send a couple to your old boyfriend.

He meant that last part too.

*

It's an incredible day--seventy

degrees, nonintrusive breeze.

Just enough to rile your hair, carry scents of summer blossoms.

*

I feel pretty, all decked out in white, with just enough makeup to enhance

my features, not make them obvious, as per Bryn's request. Virginal.

370

We'll Do the Shoot

Where else? At the beach.

But down the coast, away from town. As we S-curve along serpentine Highway 101,

*

I can't help but think about

Lucas and our first time together.

Driving this same stretch of road.

Getting high. "You don't happen

*

to have any pot, do you?" Bryn

has never offered to get high with me. Come to think of it, we've never even discussed it.

*

He doesn't slow down.
Afraid not.

I haven't smoked marijuana in years.

I do have some Valium, if you're a little nervous. In there.
He points

*

at the center console. Valium?

Why not? "I'm not exactly

nervous. But a good buzz never

hurt anyone, right?" I pop one,

*

wait for it to kick in, watching the ocean's heave. By the time

we reach Bryn's chosen location,

I'm feeling pretty darn fine.

371

We walk down the deserted

beach until he finds a nice stretch of undisturbed sand.
This will do.

He unpacks his gear, then checks

*

me out, all up and down.
Take off the bra and panties, okay?

We want a glimpse--a hint--
of what's under all that white.

*

I do as instructed, allow Bryn to position me exactly the way he wants. He sits me, skirt tucked

provocatively between my bent

*

legs, and when he goes to move

my arms, his hand brushes against the fabric covering my breasts.

My nipples go hard immediately.

*

Lovely,
he says, assessing.

Exactly what I'm after.
Then he kisses me sweetly.
Exactly

what I'm after
He makes me

*

feel like a real model--beautiful, every man's desire. When he's

finished with his camera, he lays

me back on a thick blanket.

372

You are exceptionally lovely,
he says, brushing sand from my hair. He settles beside me, props himself on one elbow.

*

Bryn's free hand begins a slow

exploration of my body, over the sheer fabric, tracing each

curve.
You don't mind, do you?

*

Eyes closed to the lowering

sun, brain suspended on a Valium

cloud, I sigh, lift my head. "Kiss

me." He does, and then he lowers

*

his mouth to other, much more

intimate places. So this is making

love! Well, not quite. I want to know the rest. "Make love to me."

*

You're sure?
he asks, but there

can be no doubt I'm very, very

sure. Bryn guides me to a place

Lucas has no idea exists.

373

Okay, It's Kind of Disturbing

That, immediately after learning the meaning of "orgasm," I think of Lucas. Maybe it's because

I need to know, "Was that okay?"

*

Oh, darling.
Bryn kisses across my face.
That was more than okay. That was extraordinary.

With just a little practice,

*

you will become perfection.

And I so want to be...

want to be your coach. But...

He rolls away from me--déjà

*

vu of the most terrible kind.

I jerk upright, reach out for him.

"What? What did I do?" Oh my God, he's not going to dump me too?

*

Nothing, baby.
He accepts my hand against his cheek.
It's just that

I got a call this morning, from an agency in Vegas. They want me

*

to shoot a beauty pageant, plus some pre-event studio work. I'll be

gone for several weeks. Oh, sunshine,

I am sure going to miss you!

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My Summer

Just grew a whole lot darker.

"Oh." It is barely audible, but even if I could make words come

out, I wouldn't know what to say.

*

He takes my hand, kisses

my fingertips.
I probably

shouldn't have... you know.

But I couldn't help myself.

*

You looked like an angel.

And now I want you more
than ever. If only you could...

He shakes his head.
Never mind.

*

"What?" What he suggests

thrills me. Scares me. Tempts

me. And, finally, "I'm not sure

how I could pull it off."

*

I know. I didn't really think

you could. But it would be
like a dream to spend every day with you.
He pulls me to my feet,

*

and we wander up the beach toward the car, his invitation

echoing inside my head:
Come with me.... Come with me.

375

Mom's Home

When Bryn drops me off. She takes

one look at me--how I'm dressed, the state of my hair and makeup--

goes off on a rant.
Where in the hell

*

have you been? And with whom?

I never gave you permission to go

anywhere.
She catches her breath.

You do remember "permission"?

*

Suddenly she cares? "You do

remember that you actually have to hang around the house long

enough to
give
permission?"

*

Rant becomes rave.
You shut the hell up. And you'd better

understand that you may not

leave this house for any reason.

*

I want to scream. But silence is the better course of action.

"Whatever." I go to my room, flop down on my bed. Where--

*

and why--did she find this sudden