Josh took a breath, bracing for the memories. The pain.
Hannah wrapped her arms around his waist, comforting him.
“I’d seen the kid before because our mothers had forced us to hang out together. So when my mom came in and told me the boy was lost, I closed my eyes and thought of him. It was a reflex. These images came at me of the boy walking out in the pasture after a stray cat and falling. I could see him clear as day, sitting beneath a tree with a bump on his head and tears down his cheeks. I thought the tree looked familiar, so I told my mom.” Josh shrugged like it was no big deal
But it had been.
“Her eyes had widened, and she slapped me.”
Hannah gasped, and he kissed the top of her head.
“Yeah, I know. It was like she knew what I was talking about, but didn’t want it to be true. Took me years to figure that out. But anyway, my mom told me never to talk about that again, but I didn’t understand. I just wanted to help the boy. So I told my dad. I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, it’s been awhile, but they found the boy eventually, exactly where I’d seen him.”
“Was he okay?” She asked.
“Yeah, a gash on his head and sprained ankle, but he was okay. And so was the dammed cat he found.” Josh let out a dry chuckle.
“The next day my mom took me to a shrink,” he continued, trying to suppress the urge to vomit or flee. “Apparently this
affliction
wasn’t a new thing for my mom. Her father had it and killed himself.”
“Dear goddess, why?” Hannah’s jaw dropped.
“I’m not sure, but my parents were religious fanatics, and apparently my grandfather was too. So maybe he thought it was cleansing. I just don’t know. They put me in therapy and gave me a drug cocktail that fucked up my system. When that didn’t work and I could still Find, they shaved my head and used shock therapy.”
His body flinched at the thought of those electrodes and their pain.
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. What kind of evil human being does that to a child?” Hannah lifted to her tip-toes and kissed the bottom of his chin.
“They did that until I was ten, and then I guess they just gave up. Or maybe they couldn’t hide the burn marks anymore. I don’t really know, but I was fucking grateful.”
“Me too. But what happened next? That couldn’t be the end of it. And what about your dad?”
“My mom tried her own therapy while my dad looked the other way. She beat the shit out of me with the slightest indication I wasn’t normal. She called me the devil’s child, believing the only reason I was like this was because the devil put me in her womb. Doesn’t make sense since it was her blood that made me the way I was in the first place, but that’s how she rationalized it.”
“Goddess. I really want to kill your mother, Josh.”
“So did I. I stayed there until I was eighteen, and then I joined the military. I never looked back. I got some papers in the mail a couple years ago saying my dad had died from a heart attack and my mom had killed herself in grief. They gave the ranch to an uncle and left me out of the will. But I’m okay with that, honestly.”
“I wish you would have been able to resolve some of the differences, but frankly, I don’t know if you could have done that in this case.”
Josh laughed. “Not so much. But I found another form of family in the SEALs. I used my Finding sparingly, only when I truly needed it. But I didn’t tell anyone about it. I didn’t trust anyone enough.”
“Well, I’m glad you trust us enough.”
Warmth spread over him at her words. They loved him. Truly. He wasn’t alone. Didn’t have to hide. He’d told Hannah his past, and she hadn’t run away. Jesus, that felt good.
He looked down at her face, her big gray eyes, her pouty lips, and fell just that much more in love. He brushed a speck of dirt off her cheek then framed her face with his hands. This was it. His perfection. His future. Those dove gray eyes looked up at him with the unending love and support. Mix in the jade green from the man he loved and shared and Josh felt complete. He sighed. It was everything.
He leaned down and kissed her, the taste of bitter apples and honey melting on his tongue. He could drown in her taste and never get enough.
His body shuddered, and a graying darkness crept behind his eyes, pulling him deep, tearing at their bond. The bond trembled but stayed true. Josh lifted his head, curled his lip, and grabbed Hannah’s ass, lifting her to the bench.
“Josh,” she gasped.
He lowered his head and took her lips, shutting her up as he tore off their clothes. Lowering his mouth, he nibbled her jaw, her neck, then down her breastbone to her nipples. He bit down. Hard.
She buckled off the bench, lifting herself toward his face. He grabbed her and lifted, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her core wet and hot against his dick. Josh kicked the clothes out of the way so he wouldn’t trip and slammed her against the wall, not caring if he hurt her. Somewhere deep inside, he knew this was too hard, too brutal, but he didn’t care. He only needed more of her. He took her bottom lip between his teeth and closed his eyes, too afraid they’d glow red like before and scare the shit out of her. Or worse, show her his secrets.
He positioned himself at her opening, her wetness telling him she was ready. In one thrust, he was inside, her pussy clenching around him.
“Josh,” she screamed.
He reared back and slammed home again. And again. Her breasts bounced, and his balls clenched. He moved one hand up and brushed her clit. She came in a rush, her heat pulsating around his cock.
Josh lifted her, still deep inside, and pivoted, laying her on the table, knocking pots and dirt on the floor. He grunted, gripped her hips, and thrust. His body shook, his balls rising, ready for him to come. Hannah lay below him, eyes wide with passion, a rosy glow from her climax covering her skin, herbs and soil spreading on that milky flesh. He pistoned, grappling for that last shred of control before he lost it. She came again, a scream on her lips, and he followed right behind her.
He stood over her boneless form and took a deep breath.
What the hell had just happened?
Josh pulled out, his seed still spilling. Shaken, he reached for some towels and cleaned her. He didn’t want to taint her with whatever he was. What if they made a child? Would it be like him? Maybe his mom had been right. Maybe he really was Satan’s child.
He wiped her hips and cursed when he saw bruises clear as day in the shape of his hands. He was a monster, a fucking lowlife who didn’t deserve the pixie in front of him.
Hannah looked up at him, her smile fading. “Josh? What’s wrong?” She looked down and furrowed her brows. “It’s okay. It’s only a little bruise. I’ll heal in a couple of hours. I liked it, really. I never knew you could be so powerful. You didn’t hurt me.”
Josh shook he head. “But I did.”
“But I wanted it. Don’t worry, Josh. I like how every time we make love it’s new and different.”
Happiness exuded from her, but he couldn’t trust it. This time she’d been lucky he hadn’t broken her. But what about the next time? What about when he couldn’t control the beast inside of him?
Chapter 22
The sun shone through the windows, warming Hannah’s bare shoulders, her bruises long gone in the days since their love-making. But she still remembered them, felt them. She sat in Reed’s studio, wearing only a sundress though it was winter, letting Reed sketch her. Her curly hair framed her face and tickled her back and shoulders.
She’d lied. Josh had scared her. Not the rough sex. No, that she’d liked. What had scared her was the way he’d turned into himself, like he wasn’t really present. So internal, her Josh. He was doing his best not to be, but he still kept parts hidden, parts she feared would break out and destroy something she held dear. Not only their bond, but Josh himself.
Reed was so different from Josh. More open, more emotional. Yet he, too, hid a part of himself. This mate always had to be the smiling one—the happy one in his family. But he felt emotions so deep that it scared her and she was so happy he had her and Josh to lean on. With the amount of turmoil surrounding the Jamensons, Reed needed them because, if he leaned too far, he’d break. And she couldn’t deal with that either.
“Hey, what do you guys want for dinner?” Josh asked, pulling her out of her increasingly depressing thoughts.
Reed smiled and laughed.
“What? Am I missing something?” Hannah asked. How on earth had that been funny?
“No, it’s not funny; it’s just that I’m happy.” Reed shrugged, laughter still dancing in his eyes. “I love the fact the three of us are doing this. You know, the whole domestic bliss thing.”
Josh shook his head, the edge of his mouth turned up in a slight smile. Hannah wanted to hold them both close to her and never let go.
“Well,” Josh grumbled, “someone needs to cook. I’ll die if I’m forced to live on a diet of cheese quesadillas and yogurt. I have no idea how the two of you have made it as long as you have. Reed especially.”
Hannah rubbed her stomach. “Greek yogurt is manna. Yum.”
“Sure,” Josh answered. “I’ll make rosemary pork chops then.”
“Uh, Josh, what does that have to do with yogurt?” she asked.
“You could dip it in the yogurt,” Reed answered, a pleased grin on his face.
Josh smacked him upside the head, a fake scowl on his face.
“No, that’s gross. I want rosemary pork chops and the two of you aren’t any help. No yogurt.” Josh said.
“Hey, but what if I wanted yogurt?” Hannah whined, just to see the look on Josh’s face.
He sighed and kissed her lips, lingering. “Fine, you can have it on the side. The things I do for love. Okay, I’ll go take out the meat, then I need to head out to Kade’s. He’s going to train me on enforcer duties. I shouldn’t be home too late. Kade said he wanted to be with Finn and Mel early.”
He kissed them both and left.
“Okay, now quit moving,” Reed said, and went back to his sketch.
Hannah watched, the graceful way his hands flew over the page. His talent amazed her. The utter beauty of his project and the way he immersed himself in every work he did just showed the breadth of his passion.
A passion that he’d used on both her and Josh last night.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she blurted out.
Reed paused. “With what?”
“With two men. This whole thing. I mean, this is so unlike me.”
Her heart thudded in her chest, and her mouth went dry. But she couldn’t take those words back, though she desperately wanted to. The thoughts and worries churning in her mind since she’d met the two of them struggled to get out. It wasn’t that she didn’t love them—she did. She couldn’t, however, move on without talking about the fact they were a freaking threesome, something so taboo that only people in romance novels ever made it work. But this wasn’t one of those—this was real life.
Reed set down his pad and pencil and walked toward her and cupped her face.
“We aren’t just two men. We’re your mates.”
“I know, but it’s so weird. I mean, not what we’re feeling because that’s incredible. But the idea of it just seems wrong. Everything’s happened so fast.”
Reed laughed. Okay. Not the ideal reaction. She bit her lip and fought the urge to hit him. How could he laugh at her feelings?