Tripping on Love (22 page)

Just four days previous, I had been a single woman fantasising about a man who didn’t seem to want me. Within one weekend that had changed to spending nearly every moment together, and being unable to imagine my life without him in it. I had fallen in love, deeply. I stared at the pattern on the ceiling. It was the most wonderful feeling to find love again; but a small part of my brain kept asking how long the fairytale would last?

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

I rang Stella's doorbell and waited patiently for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the door opened and my small nephew Freddy stood smiling at me in a superhero costume; minus one of his front teeth.

'Auntie Lizzie' he shouted launching himself at me with force.

'Whoa, steady on Freddy' I said, bending down to kiss him as Jacob came running towards me also in a superhero costume. 

'Did you bring us presents?' he asked excitedly, looking towards the large carrier bags I was holding.
 

'Wait and see' I said bending down to greet an uncooperative Jacob, before walking through the pristine hallway. Emily did a fantastic job of keeping everything so tidy, not a speck of dust in sight.

Stella was stirring something on the Arga as I entered the kitchen and set down the carrier bag.

'Hey
, honey' she said, putting down the wooden spoon and coming over to kiss me.

Taking in Stella's thin and pale appearance, I tried not to let my concern show. I had seen her the day before I’d left for
Spain and despite not looking happy, she'd still looked her radiant self. The woman that stood before me now, looked fragile and harassed.

'Boys
, go and play outside please' Stella ordered as Freddy and Jacob continued to loiter around the carrier bags I’d brought with me.

'Oh
, let them have their presents first' I said, watching as the boys' faces lit up and they jumped up and down excitedly. Although they didn’t look much like their mother, their similar personalities reminded me of Stella as a child. 

I picked up the large carrier bag my mother had sent home for them, and also a separate bag of goodies I had bought especially as gifts.

'Take them outside and open them; there's one each of everything.' 

Stella and I both smiled, watching as they endearingly dragged the bags between
them into the conservatory area, their superhero capes flapping as they hurried.

'Where's Miles?' I asked casually, my heart pounding, hoping that things weren't worse than I had assumed. What if he'd moved out?

'Oh, he'll be home soon' Stella said sitting down opposite me. 'He's popped to his colleague’s house to drop off something they've been working on.'

It was Sunday. Alarm bells went off in my head. It wasn't normal practice to go to a work colleague
’s house on a Sunday, to drop off work documents. I drummed my fingernails on the table top, distracted and uneasy. Stella suddenly looked animated.

'Well
, mum's been on the phone keeping me updated on everything that's been happening whilst you've been away.'

Rolling my eyes in exasperation, I began to update her on my version of the events, certain that my mother hadn't been fully honest or forthcoming with her information. We laughed as I recalled the charity auction and Stella sat wide eyed in disbelief when I told her about the photo image of Sampson and our mother.

'She never told me that part!' Stella retorted, sitting open mouthed. It transpired there were quite a lot of parts my mother hadn't told her.  

By the time I'd finished recalling my trip, Stella set down a hearty lamb dinner in front of me. The boys tucked into their plates with vigour either side of us, wearing the Indian headdresses they had unwrapped earlier. I noted Miles still hadn’t returned home and my anxiety for Stella grew, as I caught her glances towards the clock. Her meal remained almost untouched.

Stella had been intrigued to hear about Edward and had commented how animated and radiant I looked whenever I spoke of him. Giving her a detailed itinerary of our Ireland trip, I found myself voicing my concerns for the future, if I got too involved with him. Stella sternly reprimanded me, telling me to go with the flow of life and not question good tidings. I'd voiced that it was OK going with the flow, if the direction was towards a positive landscape. But what if the flow took me into a dark, dirty drain? She'd looked rather thoughtful at this comment, unable to respond.

The dinner was delicious,
every mouthful a welcome blessing. I helped to clear away the dishes as the boys ran off to play, imitating police cars with high pitched noises.

Stella had her back to me and was loading the dishwasher when I decided it was time to broach the subject she'd been avoiding. Not once in
the last couple of hours had she mentioned why she'd so urgently needed to see me. 

I set down the cloth on the worktop, disturbed by her avoidance of the subject.

'Stella what's going on?' I asked concerned. 'Frankly you look ill, you've lost weight and I can see you're unhappy.' 

Stella remained with her
back to me, a small sob escaping from her lips. I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder, wanting desperately to reach out and hug my frail sister. I pressed on. 'You can tell me anything, you know that.' She slowly turned to face me, raising her hand to her eyes to wipe the tears forming.

'Lizzie, I've made a terrible mistake' she managed.

'OK' I said reaching out to take both of her hands. 'I'm sure it’s something that can be rectified. Tell me what's wrong and I’ll help you.' Stella stared at the floor vulnerably, unable to meet my eyes.

'It's about that person at work' she said in a small voice. 'It's developed into an affair.'

I tried to remain impartial but my head whirled with questions. Who was he? Did Miles know? That would explain his absence from dinner.

'Does Miles know?' I asked in a hushed voice. The children were playing in the hallway and I was aware they had superhero hearing to match their outfits. The time I had referred to Will as a 'bastard' had confirmed that. Stella hadn't been impressed when Freddy repeated it as his new favourite word. Stella looked panic-stricken at my question.

'Miles doesn't know anything' she began, her words coming slowly. 'I’m the one that's wracked with guilt' she said, wringing her hands anxiously. 'I've ruined my relationship with him haven't I?' 

I tried to think of something wise to say as the silence stretched out between us. No words came to mind.

'Is this affair still going on?' It suddenly occurred to me that Stella may still be continuing the relationship with this new man, whoever he was. Stella jerked her head up, looking forlorn. 

'No. I'm going to end it this weekend. I just need to find the right words.'

The front door slammed making us both jump. The boys ran past us into the hallway. 'Daddy!'

My heart jumped
into my throat at the sound of Miles' voice. Stella had just enough time to compose herself and turn back towards the dishwasher before he entered the kitchen. 

'Hello Lizzie' he said warmly. 'Fabulous suntan you've got yourself.'

'Thanks' I replied nervously, looking down at my golden arms.

'Hey, sorry I'm late' he said as I watched him nod in Stella's direction before opening the Arga door to retrieve his dinner.

'Did you manage to drop off what you needed?' Stella asked, briefly looking towards him, her face drained of colour.

'Yes, all sorted now' Miles replied sitting down at the dining table to eat.

I spent the next hour chatting with Stella and Miles about work and the launch; Miles was suggesting some good ideas I could run past Ronnie. Despite trying to catch Stella's attention to talk privately, she avoided my attempts and made no further mention or reference to her dilemma. Her resistance to discuss the issue puzzled me. Did she have feelings for her colleague? 

It was seven o’clock by the time I returned home. Feeling physically and mentally exhausted, I changed into my comfortable pyjamas and sat on the sofa. It had been an extremely long, intense day and I still hadn’t had a chance to properly think about my own life and
, more specifically, Edward. 

As if telepathic, Edward chose that moment to call me.
I answered eagerly, with an overwhelming surge of emotion at hearing his voice. I had fallen much quicker for him than I would ever have expected and it scared me.

We chatted about our day, him excited that Maddie had loved her gift and insisted on using it as her new school bag. He'd also agreed with Maddie's mother that he'd be taking Maddie for one weekend a month where possible, to spend in
London with him. Maddie was exhilarated at the prospect, having never visited London before. Edward sounded slightly unnerved – unsure if he was fully equipped with the skills of fatherhood yet. I reassured him he'd be wonderful with her, wondering if offering my support to join them would be appropriate. I decided against it; it was their time together. Edward had six years of catching up to do with her.

We chatted some more, the conversation beginning to get slightly heated and sensual, until Edward's business mobile started to ring and interrupt our flow. I hung up frustrated, half tempted to drive to
Manchester just to be with Edward for the night, certain that he felt the same.

Although I hadn't had many sexual partners, Edward and I had done things in
Ireland that I had never experienced with another man. The years spent with Will thinking that I had an adventurous sex life, had been dissolved after only two nights of passion with Edward. 

Mel had been impressed when I’d told her of my experience. She'd had more partners than I could count on all ten fingers and toes and even she had yet to find one that she'd consider amazing in the bedroom department. I privately thought that part of her problem was her fixation with bondage. Not all men wanted to be tied up or whipped. I felt esp
ecially empathetic towards Hugo - he looked the type to prefer roses and candlelight to a gimp mask or mouth gag. 

My phone beeped with a text message from Edward.

Let's carry on where we left off?

Blushing to myself, I picked up my phone to respond. Sex messaging wasn't usually my style but looking down at my towelling pyjamas and fluffy socks, I wondered what Edward would think if he could see me.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise after all.

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

Stella had agreed to meet Chris outside the local mini mart. Miles wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours and Emily had taken the children to their after school class. Two days had passed since she'd spoken with Lizzie about her affair, two gut wrenching, agonizing days of avoiding Chris and the task that loomed before her. She was more than ready to put an end to her involvement, yet it was the prospect of having to tell Chris that made her anxious.

Chris was standing outside the mini mart holding a large shopper bag, almost over spilling with food as Stella approached. Her palms were sweaty and her heart racing as she smiled her greeting.

'You look awful' Chris said immediately surveying Stella's pale and panic-stricken face. The tears began to form in Stella's eyes even before she began to speak.

 'Chris' she began slowly. 'I can't do this anymore. It's not right' she began to cry softly as Chris leaned forward and embraced her.

'I know it isn't. I've been feeling the same way' Chris said softly, holding Stella even tighter. The distance in their contact and relationship in the last couple of weeks had been enough of an indicator for Chris to pick up the warning signals that something was amiss.

Stella felt the weight that had been carried on her shoulders for the past six weeks beginning to lighten. Chris had a family too, why hadn't Stella considered this before? It was undoubtedly affecting Chris in the same way as herself.  

What was left to say? Stella wondered to herself.

'I'll miss you' she said simply and sadly. Chris hadn't stolen her heart in the way that Miles had, nor had Chris given her excitement or chemistry that Miles had given her in the beginning.

Chris hadn't even given her true love. Yet Chris had given her something she'd been desperately lacking of late. Empathy and companionship. And for that she was grateful.

Chris smiled, understanding Stella's emotions more clearly than Stella would ever realise.  

‘I'll miss you too
, Stella.’

Nothing more needed to be said. Stella knew she'd be seeing Chris at work. However there wouldn’t be any more stolen moments together. Any reference to their personal lives would once again be limited. Just two colleagues there to do a job, leading very separate lives.

Stella turned away, the guilt that she had been carrying, slowly vanishing with every step she took upon her journey home. Chris walked contemplatively in the opposite direction, knowing that whatever was shared with Stella was now well and truly over. That much had been evident within Stella's eyes.

By the time Stella arrived home, she felt a difference within her own energy. Knowing that days of anger
and frustration at her actions were no longer on the horizon, was both uplifting and liberating. She vowed to herself for the sake of her boys that she would work at her relationship with Miles. She loved Miles, what more did a relationship need than love and understanding? He never needed to know of her involvement with Chris. He would assume the worst of the relationship and it would ruin their marriage. As far as Stella was concerned, she and Chris were finished. Her children and husband were once again her priority.

There was just one conversation left to undertake. Stella knew her sister wouldn’t judge her if she was honest and open. Lizzie had left countless messages to return her calls and she knew it was only a matter of time before she would come to the house to confront her. It was time to tell Lizzie the truth.
 

Stella picked up the telephone handset and began to dial Lizzie's house phone. Her sister would be relieved to hear that Stella had called an end to the affair. Lizzie had always held high ideals of marriage and family life and she didn’t blame her for being disappointed.
     

Stella's breathing began to quicken at the sound of the dialling tone ringing. Her concern was not about the affair itself, nor was it about letting her sister down.
  What was causing Stella's heart to beat fast and hands begin to tremble, was how Lizzie would react upon hearing that Chris was a woman.