“
Mmph mmph mmph,” I said.
“
Yeah, I remember that time, too. But you’re not six anymore,” my dad said.
I rolled my eyes. “Mmmmmph!”
“
I think he wants us to call for help,” my mother said.
“
It sounded like he wanted a sandwich to me,” my father said.
“
Is there anybody that can untie my son?” my mother called out.
“
And bring him a sandwich if you have one!” my father called.
John came in a moment later and removed my gag.
“
Thank you,” I said.
“
I don’t have a sandwich,” he said.
I sighed. “Please, untie me.”
Shortly after John untied me, Miranda walked back into the room. “There’s no sign of Wendy. What happened?”
“
Well, she asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee and then she drank the cream. That’s the last thing I remember,” I said.
Miranda stared at me. “You had a…” She made air quotes. “‘Cup of coffee’ with the bunny and she ‘drank the cream’? Do men always think with the wrong head?”
“
Yes,” my mother and father said in unison.
When I stood up, my half-vaporized boxers fell down. My mother shielded her eyes and turned away. I quickly covered myself with a hand.
“
Two hands, Maximus,” my father suggested. He turned to my mother, “Now, aren’t you glad we didn’t name him Paul?”
“
Thanks Dad,” I answered. I turned to Miranda before she could shoot me or hit me with something. “Wendy’s in this with Tyler. She was trying to kill me before you showed up.”
“
Get some pants on, Pooh Bear,” she said as she walked out of the room. At least she didn’t hit me or shoot me, I thought. That was a plus.
“
Mom and Dad, I’ll talk to you later. Right now, things are a little…”
“
Complicated?” my dad offered.
“
You’re always too busy to talk,” my mother said. She sniffled. “We wait and wait to talk to you, and you never have time for us.”
I groaned. “Mother!”
“
He’ll talk when he can talk,” my father said.
“
I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for this right now. I’ll talk to you soon.” I grabbed my ring and shut off the holograms.
John looked at me disapprovingly. “No guns. No pants. You’re not much of an agent.”
“
Thanks,” I said. “I do things my own way.”
“
Yes, you do,” he muttered. “Without weapons and without pants. Not much of a strategy for success.” John walked out of the room.
I put on my shorts, shirt, and shoes. As I was dressing, I saw myself in the mirror and noticed a little bit of lipstick on my cheek. I wiped it off. I had no idea how it got there.
When I walked into the next room, Miranda was sitting in an arm chair with her arms folded and John was sitting on a couch. The room reminded me of a sitcom living room. The floor had short tan carpet with matching furniture, widescreen television on one wall, and a fireplace on another. Framed digital panels on the walls gave the illusion of windows looking out into a peaceful garden.
“
When Wendy heard you coming, she said the spiders should have killed you,” I said.
Miranda didn’t look at me. “She was wrong.”
“
I knew about those pesky spiders from my last visit, and so I brought the right tools,” John said. He pulled a pair of short weapons from under his shirt that resembled sawed-off shotguns, but I could see they were much more technologically advanced.
“
Are those Ultra Mag Two RPGs?” I asked.
He nodded. “With depleted uranium shrapnel.”
“
Isn’t that bad for the environment?” I asked.
“
Not as bad as it is for the poor bastard that gets blown up by it,” he replied.
“
Now that you have your pants back on, are you ready to continue the mission?” Miranda asked. She didn’t look at me, and I could see that her eyes were a little red.
I had no idea what her problem was. “Ready as I always am.”
Miranda pulled a com link out and set it on the table. “We need to check in with the Captain.”
She hit a few intangible buttons in the air, and in a moment the hologram of Captain Johnson appeared.
“
Agent Maximus and Agent Miranda. How nice of you to check in after being AWOL for fourteen days,” he said coolly.
“
Fourteen days?” I asked.
“
Sir, we were captured and have only recently returned from Zeta-Terra. We were unable to report until now because we didn’t have a com link,” Miranda said politely.
The captain rubbed his chin. “There and back through a wormhole would at least partially explain your extended absence. I sent Agent Wendy to look for you, and all she has reported thus far is a ship falling out of the sky with no survivors.”
“
Sir, we survived,” I said.
“
I liked Agent Wendy’s version of the story better,” he said. “He looked around. Where is she?”
“
Agent Tyler and Agent Wendy had a plot to sell Agent Maximus for Tritium on Zeta-Terra, but Agent Tyler was eaten by a Wendigo there and now Wendy is evading us,” Miranda said.
The captain rubbed his chin for a few moments and then looked at the ceiling. “Was Agent Maximus worth a lot of Tritium?”
“
Sir?” Miranda asked.
He frowned. “Never mind. Have you found the cause of the ping in Minnesota?” he asked.
“
Yes, sir. Agent Tyler brought a Wendigo from Zeta-Terra as part of the arrangement. We are currently trying to track it down.”
Captain Johnson sighed. “Well, as you’ve let it roam free for fourteen days, it’s probably gained too much strength to be contained. As you know, Wendigo grow with each meal, and by now it’ll be nearly unstoppable. I’d send my best agents, but they’re busy with a more important world-ending assignment. You will have to stop the Wendigo using lethal force, if you can stop it at all. If you find Agent Wendy, feel free to bring her in for questioning, but don’t harm her. I’m curious how much Tritium they were offered for Agent Maximus.”
I rolled my eyes.
“
Yes, sir,” Miranda said. Then she added under her breath, “I’m sure it was more than he was worth.”
“
Dismissed,” the captain said, and the com link displayed a blank blue interface and then stopped emitting.
Chapter 30. Max
I thought Miranda was going to shoot me. I made her wait while I raided Tyler’s pantry, but I was really hungry. I only found one Bar-F, expired eggs, moldy bread, a big bag of Reese’s Pieces, and a Mountain Dew. Tyler really needed to get out shopping more. I had to give him props though for stocking my favorite candy.
I offered to share the Reese’s Pieces with John and Miranda as we walked out of Tyler’s compound, but neither was interested. Their loss. Miranda only spoke to John when necessary and seemed to not hear anything I said.
I had no clue how to get out of there, but Miranda and John seemed to choose hallways and doors effortlessly. By the time we reached the small four foot tunnel at the entrance, I had finished the Reese’s and the Mountain Dew. I had finished the Bar-F before we were under the afternoon sky.
“
What’s the plan?” I asked.
“
First, we need to determine the Wendigo’s location. He might not have stayed around here. He would probably head for a more populated area where it is easier to pick off people. These creatures’ hunger is insatiable, and unlike most biological beings, they never stop growing. If he has a large enough food supply, he’ll eventually grow to proportions that make dinosaurs look small. Wendigo are capable of asexual reproduction—and actually prefer it—and if the beast gets big enough, it’ll have offspring.”
“
How will we find it?” I asked.
Miranda gave me a disdainful look. “We start with the Internet and the local and regional newspapers for missing persons reported. There are many animals to eat in the woods here, and so the creature’s presence might not be obvious yet—just some unconnected reports of missing people. We can’t let this get to the point where we have to make up fake evidence like we did with the Zodiac Killer.”
“
So, our next stop is town then?” I asked.
“
There’s a coffee shop on main street with free Internet access and newspapers,” John answered.
“
Fine,” Miranda said.
John nodded. “I’ll drive. Let’s head to my house.”
Miranda and I took our baggage from the back of Wendy’s truck and carried it with us. As we walked through the woods towards John’s cottage, I kept one eye out for signs of the Wendigo and one eye on Miranda. Her behavior had me baffled.
I was also feeling guilty for not seeing any of this coming. We hadn’t even seen the Wendigo that Tyler brought here yet and so had no idea how big it was. For all we knew, old Japanese horror movies might look less silly and more like premonition by the time we found this creature. Things shouldn’t have spiraled this far out of control. I should have been more suspicious when Tyler first appeared on our plane. It’s very rare that the Service deploys more than two agents to a mission, and his vague explanations didn’t add up from the start. In fact, there were clues along the way that I simply didn’t pick up on. Now I wondered what clues I had missed altogether, even after the fact. I thought maybe I could forgive myself for not seeing any hint that Wendy was involved. Wendy was obviously out for revenge, though, and she had the sadistic personality to get it in spades. She’d hit me when I was the most vulnerable, and she made it clear that it was going to hurt as she killed me if she got the chance.
Miranda seemed genuinely angry with me, but I couldn’t figure out why. Of any partner I’d ever had, I’d kept her mostly unharmed the longest. The broken leg thing really wasn’t my fault, and I fixed that. Maybe getting captured was my fault, but she came out of that unharmed. As partners go, I liked her too. In fact, she was the best partner I had ever had. She was more than competent, and she was cool under fire. Even though she carried a Voltaic Fusion Pistol, I noticed she had it set to stun, which I really appreciated. If she was pissed enough, she might use it on me, and she seemed close to pissed enough. Maybe she was upset because I kept getting taken off guard, I thought, and maybe I needed to let her know I was taking the mission seriously. I didn’t know how to tell her that, though.
I knew we were getting close to John’s house when I heard the fire chickens clucking and saw the mysterious lone goat. I wanted to ask what the goat was crossbred with, just out of curiosity, because I figured there was little chance it was an ordinary goat. But I didn’t ask because I couldn’t think of a way to do it politely.
“
Wait here. I’ll pull out of the garage,” John instructed us.
Miranda and I stood there for a minute looking in opposite directions, me at the goat and her at the trees or something.
“
I’m sorry I’m not doing a good job,” I said.
She didn’t answer, and I tried to think of something else to say, but John pulled up in a shiny yellow and black Camaro. He popped the trunk, and Miranda and I put our bags in the back. Miranda hopped in the backseat without a word, and so I sat in front.
John drove like a maniac along winding dirt trails, accelerated on partially paved roads, and slid onto actual paved streets. He took us from the middle of nowhere to the Deer Bean Coffee Shop in under six minutes. “Fun!” I declared the ride as I got out of the car. I glanced back and noticed that Miranda looked a little green.