Authors: Kristina Weaver
The theatre, while not my cup of tea, turned out to be a good first date, and four weeks later, as I’m hotfooting it to the subway, I’m actually looking forward to going out.
I’ve seen or spoken to Taylor almost every day since we met, and while I’ve told him I want us to take things slow and get to know each other, I have faith that we’ll end up in some sort of relationship in the future.
No, he’s not at all my type, and if I were a nicer woman I’d tell him that instead of using him to distract myself in my mission to forget Gregory. It works, most days, and to tell the truth I’m just glad I have enough of a life right now not to think about the wed— see, there I go again.
Nana hates Taylor and refuses to do anything with us. She’s a die-hard Gregory fangirl, and she still plays his messages every night when he calls.
He’s still calling.
He doesn’t beg me to come back or even say anything at all besides assuring me my job’s still open and whispering a husky goodnight.
So yeah, I’m doing relatively okay.
Taylor has been very forthcoming about his previous relationship, and I know his ex had cheated with his best friend, and taken his dog when she moved out.
This conversation had made me open up about me and Greg. Oh no, of course I didn’t tell him everything. Not about my duplicity or any names or anything really relevant, just that I’d fallen in love with a man who is engaged and that I’d broken it off.
Taylor assumes that part came when I found out about his engagement, and I’d chickened out and not disabused him of that notion. I am a liar, by omission, and I know it, but I’ve felt so…sane being with him that I couldn’t bring myself to confess my own crimes and risk losing him.
It’s Friday, exactly four weeks after our first date, and I’m thinking that maybe, if I can bring myself to, I could get the first kiss out of the way. Sort of like a trial run to see if I’m capable of being turned on by any other man.
By the time he arrives I’m ready, thanks to Chris and the shopping spree we’d gone on after Amber begrudgingly paid me back. Seems Greg had turned her business around quickly, and instead of sinking into debt or just breaking even she’d actually made a profit. Small, but better than nothing, I guess.
“Hey there, beautiful,” he says, planting a quick peck on my cheek.
“Hi, Tay, how’s the world of investment banking?”
He grimaces and shrugs, as he usually does, something that annoys me a lot, since he seems to expect a lot of answers from me and gets downright weird when I deflect. I’ve chalked it up to his need for honesty and some residual fear of sharing too much of himself too soon, but truthfully, it irritates the crap out of me.
Gregory had told me everything about his businesses, even when I didn’t want to know, so I’m not used to this level of aloofness from a guy who’d been so open at the start.
Oh, stop it. You’re not sabotaging this because you’re afraid of giving Gregory up completely.
I have to concede the point, since I still listen to the messages every night. Sometimes
three times
before I force myself to go to bed.
“Where we going?” I ask as we exit my building and hail a cab.
“A little party uptown,” he says distractedly, scrolling through his messages.
He’s being weird. Usually he’s attentive to the point of clinginess and he talks enough that I’m considering ear plugs.
“A party?” I prompt.
He finally shoves his phone in his pocket and turns to me, his smile a little off from the open gleam he usually blinds me with.
“Cocktails, nothing heavy,” he assures me, and I relax, smiling back.
When the cab stops he pulls me out, and I look up at the swanky apartment building, surprised when I see a lobby and a doorman. I can’t say why it surprises me that Tay schmoozes with rich people, he’s in banking after all, so I shrug off the niggling irritation and follow him, breathing deeply the whole way up.
“I have a few contacts to talk to tonight, so we’ll just grab a drink and then I’ll leave you to socialize a little while I get some things squared away,” he says when the doors open and we step into an apartment that is obviously a penthouse and not what I’d been expecting at all.
See what happens when you don’t pay attention to where you’re going?
“Taylor,” I protest, accepting a glass of champagne. “Please don’t leave me alone. I don’t know anyone here,” I hiss, grabbing hold of his jacket sleeve.
He shrugs me off with a reassuring smile and rubs at the bare skin of my shoulders.
“Don’t worry, Hannah, I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” he murmurs, shocking me by planting a quick, hard kiss directly on my mouth.
Well, that answers my earlier question. Not even the barest tingle from our lips meeting.
Shit.
He’s gone a second later, and I watch his retreating back with annoyance before turning back to the packed room and getting a good look at the guests. Rich, rich, rich.
Everywhere I turn shows me that this is not a place I should be, not by a long shot, and I need to get my ass out of here before someone—
“So quick to replace me,” I hear from behind me, and I whip around to see Gregory standing behind me, a dark look searing into my skin. “You look very cozy together.”
“Gregory.” It’s a breathy whisper, all I can get out as my eyes drink him in like I’ve been wandering the desert and he’s an oasis.
My reaction floors me, steals my breath and good senses, and I want nothing more than to throw myself at him and never let go. I’ve missed him unbearably and—
“Good to know our relationship meant so much to you that you’re already fucking another man. But then, what should I really expect from a woman like you?” he sneers, his look so scornful I’m snapped out of my love bubble with a crash.
“What?” I ask, looking around frantically for Taylor.
I need to leave, get out of this place now. Before his words break through the shell I’ve built and I end up humiliating myself. On the heels of the hurt comes anger. How dare he stand there and insult me when he’s no better than a—
“Tell me, Hannah, do you cry out and claw at him when he fucks you? Have you whored yourself to another rich man as you did with me?”
“What? No!” I hiss, very conscious of the roomful of eyes and ears on us as he looks down at me and quirks a sardonic brow.
To everyone else he’s just a handsome man, talking to a woman. What I see is his disgust and the deep spark of anger he’s trying, and for once, failing, to conceal.
Strangely, I’m not that upset by his words. I just want to explain and—
“So, how does he measure up, Hannah? Does he eat you as well as I did? Does he—”
“Stop it! Stop it, Gregory. This is not the place—”
“Where, then?” he interrupts icily, and I see the ruthless light I recognize so well fill his eyes. “Should I call and say this to the machine for Nana to hear? Should I take an ad in the paper? Oh, I know! Perhaps I should hire you for a night and take advantage of your services,” he snarls in a deadly whisper. “I suppose I should have known you were nothing more than a—”
My temper ignites, and I slap him so hard the sound rings through the room, turning my hand and heart as numb and cold as stone.
“Whore? Is that what you think of me? Let me tell you something, Gregory Lucas, I am and never will be a whore.”
It’s taken a month for me to understand that, but now that I have I won’t allow him to call me one. Especially not after what he’s done.
“The mistake I made with you was nothing more than a foolish love that you are not worthy of in the first place. You’re a cold-hearted cheat, and I thank God I came to my senses before I let you destroy me. I hope you get everything you deserve, and I hope Selena figures you out before she makes the biggest mistake of her life.”
When I’m done I realize I’m shouting the words and that the room has gone deathly quiet, quiet enough that I’ve not only made a spectacle of myself, but also just told the best of New York society that I’ve been sleeping with him.
“Hannah.”
“You stay the hell away from me,” I hiss before turning tail and dashing to the elevator.
By the time I’ve hailed a cab and am halfway home, I’ve calmed down enough that the rage is only a simmering bubble beneath my skin. I’m raw and hurt instead, and horribly embarrassed by my behavior.
There’s no way this won’t hit the papers, or even just Selena’s ears.
“You were having an affair with Gregory Lucas.”
Taylor isn’t asking, he’s stating a fact, and I have the good grace to blush as I force myself to meet his eyes and nod silently. We’re meeting at a little coffee place down the street from my building, something I’d tried and failed to avoid when he’d just shown up on my doorstep this morning.
He’d called so many times last night I’d been forced to turn off the phone. I feel terrible about the whole thing, and not just because of my own humiliation, but because I’d gone to that party with Taylor and likely embarrassed him in front of his colleagues and business associates.
Men are funny about the whole territory thing, and I know he can’t be too impressed that his date is a ‘lying whore,’ as everyone now assumes. To be honest, I’m okay with my own embarrassment. I mean, in some way I acknowledge that I deserve it, and it was bound to happen.
For his sake, though, I feel like a total heel.
“I’m so sorry. So, so sorry that I embarrassed you last night. I should have told you and—”
“Hannah, sweetheart,” he says, laying a hand over mine to quiet me. “It’s not the end of the world. As far as I’m concerned, last night was a long past due opportunity for you to tell him to go to hell.”
My eyes mist at the quiet understanding he’s offering, and I squeeze back, grateful that he’s not sitting there yelling at me like I deserve.
“I don’t deserve you or your understanding,” I whisper, pulling away to flick at a lone tear. “I’ve been using you to get over him this whole time, and…you deserve more than a rebound relationship with an ex-mistress.”
He winces and sighs, and it’s then I see how guiltily he’s looking at me.
“I have a confession to make, Hannah, and I hope that by the time I’ve finished,
you
won’t hate
me
,” he mutters, and I feel myself tense. “I lied to you.”
“About being an investment banker? I kinda figured, when you couldn’t talk about your job.”
“No, not about that. I really do own an investment firm, and…some other concerns. What I lied about is who I am.”
Okay. As long as he’s not a serial killer or punking me, it’ll be fine.
“Okaaaaay.”
It’s all I can say, and I wait for him to continue, sipping at coffee I don’t want but needing something to hold onto as he looks away before meeting my eyes regretfully.
“My name is Andrew Taylor Barret. I own and run an investment firm that’s been in the family for generations. I specifically sought you out, with help from an unsuspecting Chris, because I needed your help.”
Help? What the heck does he need my help for? He’s…rich, and not the normal guy I’d thought him to be, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s okay. We’re friends, have been from the beginning.
“My help to get over your ex?” I ask hopefully.
I kinda need a little guilt-killer here, so if he says yes I won’t feel quite as rotten about his mess.
“No, Han, I-I’m in love with Lena,” he murmurs, and I feel the bottom drop right out of my stomach. He loves Selena Jeffries? But…
“I don’t understand.”
His eyes drop, and I see a blush stain his cheeks.
“I thought that if I could get her to see…if you confessed to Lucas’ adultery, maybe she’d break off the engagement. It was stupid and ruthless and I am so sorry I even thought of using you that way.”
When he’s finished I am laughing so hard I have to put the cup down to grab my sides. The irony, God, the heart-breaking irony of it all is almost too much for my fragile mind to handle.
Here we are, two pathetically in love human beings, and we’re using each other to salvage what is left. Him to get the woman he loves, because I can see from the way he says her name that he is totally insane for the woman, and me, I just want the hole in my chest to stop gushing.
“Jesus, you’re scaring me,” he mutters, handing me a paper towel to mop up my face.
“I-I’m sorry,” I moan around a giggle. “Do you realize you and I are pathetic? Here we are trying to save ourselves, when the people we love couldn’t give a rat’s ass!”
It’s horrible but true. Lena is great, and if I didn’t feel so shitty about my mistresshood with her fiancé I could so be friends with her. But she’s doing exactly the same thing to Taylor that I allowed Gregory to do to me. Maybe I should just accept it and call myself lucky. Maybe Tay should too, and we should…what?
Console each other until such a time that we fall in love and get married and have two point five kids and move to the burbs?
The thought is ridiculous, and it sets me off again.
“I never thought I’d see someone more pathetically and hopelessly in love than I am. And you want to know the worst part, Tay? I don’t even think they care. We’re all broken, and they’re planning their goddamned wedding!”
Ah, and there it is, the anger I’d been searching for.
“Uh, not as of last night,” he says, and I stop laughing to look at him questioningly. “Lena was there, Han, she heard and saw everything. The whole room heard and saw everything. Haven’t you read the papers?”
“Papers?”
He runs a hand through his hair and looks at me pityingly.
“They announced their split up last night. The wedding is officially off. I suppose I have you to thank for that,” he says ruefully. “And you’re wrong about Lena. She’s been trying to get out of the engagement for a while now, but her parents wouldn’t let her.”
Huh. So Selena and Taylor were getting their happy ending. I’m a little miffed about that. It seems I’m the only pathetic loser at the table, and a pity party for one is so not my style. I guess I can always clean the toilet again.
“You and her…”
“We were together last year before any of this happened. I made a mistake, a big mistake, and she walked out on me. By the time I came to my senses, she wouldn’t even answer my calls, and then they announced the engagement.”
“Now?”
I ask because I want to torture myself with somebody else’s happy ending, and maybe because knowing that something good has come from this mess makes me feel better.
“She came over last night and we got to talking. She felt so guilty about what happened with you and Lucas she kept calling you.”
Huh again. It’s weird to feel flattered that the woman who should despise me most wanted to offer me comfort. Weirder to know disappointment that the man who’d caused it all had foregone his nightly call and I’d cried myself to sleep because of it.
“I’m so glad for you, Tay. You know I love you.”
“Well, this is interesting. The mistress becoming the cuckold.”
That voice, Jesus, when am I not going to get a thrill from hearing that voice? I wonder, turning to see Gregory glaring down at us from the sidewalk.
“Lucas. Don’t—”
“Has he told you that he and Lena are together, that she broke off our engagement to run into his waiting arms the minute we were over? Are you willing to be the other woman again?” he snarls, and I see the way he’s looking at our still linked hands.
“Gregory, stop,” I hiss, feeling eyes on us.
This is all I need, another scene to go with the one I made last night, though to be fair maybe he’s due a scene. I’d run away, after all, while he’d had to stand there and face Selena and a roomful of people.
“Why? I’ve been made a laughingstock in the presence of not only peers, but the elite of New York. I’ve had reporters calling since the news broke, and I’ve had my family and Lena’s on my ass all morning. I think I deserve a chance to have my say.”
Yes, probably he does, but I don’t want to do this here, where everyone can listen and have the chance to villainize me more than I already have been. When I head home I’m so getting a paper. And then maybe moving to Alaska.
“You’re right. But can we maybe go somewhere less public?”
I’m pleading with a man who no doubt hates me, but I don’t care. I’m just happy to see him and not be alone in my misery.
“Hannah, you should go home,” Taylor says, looking between us with an anger I haven’t seen him display. “This asshole is only going to want his pound of flesh.”
“Flesh that belongs to me,” Gregory growls, daring me to deny it.
I can’t, even though I want to. I have and probably always will belong to Gregory Lucas, and all it’s taken for me to finally admit it to myself is the idea that he’s no longer taken, that maybe, somehow, I can have him. If only for a while.
“Jesus—”
“Go home, Barret. You are no longer needed. Or wanted.”
“I’m not leaving Ha—”
“If you value your place in Lena’s life, and as a soon to be member of the family, you will take the out I’m giving you and be satisfied. Old man Jeffries isn’t too happy with you or Lena at the moment. One word from me and your future isn’t worth shit.”
My heart skips a beat, and I fight a smirk. There it is, that famous Gregory charm. He uses blackmail like a marksman. He always hits his target.
“Taylor, go,” I say quietly, reading the indecision on his face.
I neither want nor need him protecting me from Gregory. I’m already beat, and I know it, so dragging him into this isn’t worth it, and I’d like for him to have that happy ending I’m never going to have.
“Hannah.”
“Go, Tay. Gregory and I have to talk, and I can’t do that with the two of you tearing chunks out of each other. Go. It’s Saturday. Go take your girlfriend for a ride and romance the hell out of her.”
He leaves, not happily though, and I find myself looking back at Gregory with a sense of resignation and no small amount of anticipation.
“Where do you want to do this?” I ask, rising to my feet as he steps back and holds out a hand.
“Were it all started.”