TROUBLE, A New Adult Romance Novel (The Rebel Series) (34 page)

He leans forward and then shifts his body so he’s closer to me.
 
“Give me your hand.”
 
He holds his own out, waiting for me to comply.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because.
 
I can’t think straight when you’re doing that.”

A slow smile moves into place.
 
“Doing what?”

I slap at his hand.
 
“You know exactly what.
 
Just tell me.”

“You think I’m just playing around with you, don’t you?”
 
His smile slowly disappears.

“No.
 
Well, yes, actually, if you really want to know the truth.”

“Why would I do that?”

I throw my hands up.
 
“As if I know how your mind works, Colin!”

“No, I mean, generally speaking, why would anyone do that?”

I stare at him, trying to gauge where he’s going with his questions.
 
He just looks curious, nothing else.

“Colin, be honest, would you?
 
You have no interest in me as anything but an employee, a friend, and someone to goof around with.
 
Why keep trying to pretend it’s something else?
 
To be honest, it’s kind of cruel.” I shake my head.
 
“I get that you’re the kind of guy who always gets the girl.
 
You always have people fawning all over you.
 
I’m sure your whoooole life, that’s what it’s been like.
 
So I’m the one girl not doing that.
 
Obviously it’s some sort of challenge or contest with you.
 
I get that.
 
But I just have to ask you right now, from the bottom of my heart, if you could quit playing this game with
me
, because I’m not in a good place to deal with it.”

“You really think that.”

“I really think that, yes.”

“Talk about irrational.”

I throw a hush puppy at him and it bounces off his chest.
 
We both follow its path back towards my plate.

“You just assaulted me.”

“Shut up.
 
It was just a hush puppy.”

“What are people going to say when I tell them I was just sitting there minding my own business and you threw a puppy at me?”

I laugh.
 
“You’d better specify what breed of puppy that was.
 
A
hush
puppy, not a
 
… not a … wiener dog puppy or anything like that.”

“You like wiener dogs?”

My heart goes soft.
 
“I love wiener dogs.
 
I’ve wanted one my whole life, but my dad always said no.”

“No offense, but your dad sounds like a real … uh … not nice guy.”

“I hate even thinking about him right now.
 
He’s not bad all the time, but he’s very strict.”

“Have you talked to him recently?”

“No.
 
Not since I left.
 
I can’t.
 
It’s too painful right now.
 
He said some very unkind things the last time we spoke. And my mother too.
 
They are a very strong team, let’s put it that way.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.
 
It’s my life. No use wishing it was different.”

“So we got off track,” Colin says.
 
“You were abusing me with puppies.”

“No, I wasn’t.
 
I was saying that you’re a player and I’m not.
 
So if you want to talk to me and be my friend, that’s cool, but don’t play with me.”

He lies back in the grass and folds his hands behind his head.
 
Staring up into the sky he talks.
 
“I’m not playing you.”

It’s easier to talk to him when he’s not looking at me and I’m not looking at him either.
 
I stare at the box of chicken.
 
“Okay, good.”
 
I’m a little sad.
 
Why a part of me wanted him to be playing me is a mystery.
 
Must be my lack of self-confidence or something.
 
Before Charlie, I used to think I had a lot of that.
 
I used to think I knew myself really well.
 
Boy, was I ever wrong.

“I really like you.”
 
He swivels his head to look at me.

I try to keep my eyes from bulging out of my head, but I’m pretty sure I fail at it.
 
“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.”

“Like a sister, maybe.”

“Nah.
 
Guys don’t try to picture their sisters naked.”

I laugh and then snort.
 
It’s not pretty.
 
“Ha.
 
You’re so full of it.”
 
I stare off into the distance, trying to keep calm.

“I’m serious as a heart attack. I tried to paint you naked the other day, but I couldn’t.
 
I can’t see it.
 
You need to come upstairs and take your clothes off for me.”

I pick up a hush puppy and aim it at him threateningly.
 
“Colin.
 
I am dead serious.
 
Stop playing games with me.”

He holds up his hands in surrender.
 
“I give up.
 
I’m not going to say another word.”

I’m more than a little disappointed as I lower my weapon.
 
For a split second there, I was loving the idea of him wanting all that.

He rolls over and gets up onto his hands and knees.

“What are you doing?” I ask, watching him warily.

He starts coming my direction, still on hands and knees.
 
He has a devious expression that has me gripping another hush puppy.

“Seriously, Colin.
 
What are you doing?”
 
I hold up my ammo.
 
“Don’t come any closer!”
 
I’m frozen in place.
 
I stay seated and don’t move, even when his face is right next to mine.

“I’m coming over here to test a theory.
 
Don’t hurt me.”

“Hurt you?” I try to laugh, but it comes out more like a high pitched giggle.
 
“That’s not even possible.”

“Oh, don’t bet on it,” he says, putting his mouth near my neck.

“What are you doing?” I say, my voice moving to a whisper.

“I told you.
 
I’m testing a theory.”
 
He kisses my neck with no warning.
 
His lips are warm and his breath hot.
 
The two opposing sensations make me shiver.

He kisses me again, closer to my jaw.

“You’re kissing me.” Queen of the obvious. Yeah, that’s me.

His softened voice washes over me.
 
Darkness mixed with heat.
 
“Yes, I am.
 
And if you’ll turn your head over here, I’ll do a much better job of it.”

A raging battle takes place between my brain and my heart. My brain jumps in first.
 
Don’t you dare turn your face!
 
Think about your survival!
 
He will destroy whatever it is inside you that you have left!
 
My heart makes her argument next.
 
He just wants to kiss you!
 
What’s it going to hurt?
 
What’s he ever done but be good to you?
 
Maybe he really does like you.
 
How will you know if you never take a chance?

“Colin, this is not a game,” I say.
 
It’s my last ditch attempt at remaining outside this whole thing, whatever it is.

“I know it’s not.
 
Come on.
 
Just one kiss.”

I huff out a breath of pent-up anxiety.
 
This is no big deal.
 
It’s just a kiss.
 
Get it over with.
 
Show him it’s nothing to be all excited about so he can move on.

I turn my face, and his lips are less than an inch from mine.

CHAPTER FORTY

HE LEANS TOWARDS ME SO our lips can touch.
 
At first, it’s just a feathery lightness, barely there.
 
It should mean absolutely nothing.
 
He’s a boy, I’m a girl, it’s just a kiss.

Oh, God, who am I trying to fool?
 
It’s anything but just a kiss. And as it deepens and our lips press more tightly together, I realize it’s a mistake.
 
A very big, very important mistake.

But I’m not strong enough to un-make it or stop it from getting any worse.
 
True to my self-destructive path, I lean into the place where we’re connected and let myself fall deeper into the feelings that are rising up to drown me.

His tongue comes out and tickles my bottom lip as his hot breath washes down past my chin.
 
My mouth opens slowly, automatically, eager yet afraid to feel more of him.
 
My breasts tingle almost sharply and my nipples harden in seconds.
 
I wait until his tongue is passing my lips before I dare to let mine out too.

At the first touch of our tongues together, my breath hitches in my throat.
 
I’ve kissed Charlie hundreds of times, but not once did it ever feel like this.

Colin’s hand is on my shoulder and then my back.
 
I feel myself drifting sideways and it’s only when grass is tickling my ear that I realize I’m lying down.
 
Colin is in front of me, lying down too.

He’s kissing me first tenderly and then with more insistence and passion as his hand roams down from my shoulder to my hip.
 
He tries to pull me closer but my belly bumps into his.

The sensation of the baby flipping around stills our kissing.
 
Against my mouth, he whispers, “I felt her moving.”

I break away, leaning back and looking down at my stomach.
 
“Sorry.”

He lifts my face back up and stares into my eyes.
 
“Don’t ever apologize to me for that.
 
I love it.
 
You are so beautiful.”

Tears fill my eyes.
 
“I’m a penguin with a beak.”

He pinches my chin, not painfully.
 
“No.
 
You are a woman.
 
A real, beautiful, intelligent, loving woman.
 
You are not a penguin.”

“You said …”

“Huh-uh.
 
I said you walk like a penguin.
 
And it’s true, you do waddle a little. But you know what?
 
I love it.
 
It’s cute.
 
I’ve never said that about a girl before, I want you to know that.
 
I love the way you waddle.
 
It’s adorable.
 
And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.”

I can’t help but smile through my tears. “You are such a liar.”

“No, I told you. I don’t lie. Except for that one time you made me lie but it was for a good cause. Now stop talking and kiss me again.”
 
He starts leaning in, but I stop him.

“Hey.
 
You were supposed to be testing a theory.
 
One kiss you said.”
 
My heart is going wild.
 
It’s possible I’m about to have a heart attack, but I hope it doesn’t happen before I hear what he has to say.

“My theory was proven.
 
You can kiss me anytime you want now.”

“What was the theory?”

“Well … I was wondering whether I was after your body because you’re pregnant and I find the pregnant form so alluring - as an artist, I mean.
 
Or whether I was after your body because I just like you so much.”

“And the kiss was some sort of test?”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t sound very scientific to me.”

“Well, if we had kissed and it sucked but I still wanted to see your body, then it would just be an art thing.”

He pauses, but I have nothing to say to that.
 
I’m too panicked that the kiss sucked.

“But if the kiss was amazing, like I thought it would be, then it’s not just an artist thing.”

I’m about to pee I’m so freaked out.
 
But I ask anyway.
 
“So …?”

“So … what?”
 
He smiles all evil-like at me.

“Don’t make me bean you with a hush puppy again.”

He scootches in closer and puts his hand around on my butt, pulling my belly up to his.
 
“I’m not sure.
 
I think I need another kiss to make up my mind.”

“Colin, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.”
 
This is his out.
 
This is his chance to walk away, no harm no foul.
 
I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.

“Anything that feels this good can’t be wrong.”
 
He leans in and kisses me once gently and then pulls back again.
 
“Every day when I wake up, I try to come up with ways to see you.
 
I think about you and the baby every second of the day. I dream about you guys at night.”
 
His tone turns frustrated.
 
“I know it’s nuts and I’m not the right kind of guy for you.
 
I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me.
 
But I can’t stop myself.
 
That’s why I painted that picture.
 
I was trying to exorcise you out of my head.”

“Like a demon?”

“Like a muse. Like a habit.
 
Like … someone I want around in my life but can’t hope to have.”

“I’m a burden.”

“You are
not
a burden.
 
You are a gift.”
 
He drops over onto his back, his mood darkening.
 
“But listen … I’m not the right guy for you, I know that.
 
I have a record. I drink too much sometimes. I fuck up a lot.
 
I have a temper.
 
I spend way too much time dreaming up revenge against that dick Charlie.”
 
He looks over at me. “You’re way better off without me.
 
Just tell me to fuck off, and I will.
 
I swear to God, I’ll leave you alone.
 
I just can’t do it all on my own.
 
I need you to tell me to go and mean it.”