Trucksong
Authors: Andrew Macrae
Trucksong
by Andrew Macrae
First published in Australia November 2013
by Twelfth Planet Press
This novel © 2013 Andrew Macrae
Design and layout by Amanda Rainey
eBook layout by Charles A. Tan
Cover by Kenkichi Tai
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry
Author: Macrae, Andrew, author.
Trucksong / Andrew Macrae.
ISBN: 9781922101044 (eBook)
Dewey Number: A823.4
Also From Twelfth Planet Press
For my brother and sister,
fellow travellers in the 1970s trucking-movie childhood
I clutched at Mum in the crush of bodies and scavenging machines, forest of brown legs dusted by campfire ash and tiers of trucktyre shoes tied with twine. She was heavy with child and me weaned but still a child. We was looking to find a place to lie down but there wasn’t no place on that road, no place only for crows in the voices and snatching hands grasping feeling boney arms. And maybe it was me own weight what pulled Mum down, wore her out more than the hollow stomach march and the sandy sinkhole drinking and the sickening and dying all around. She couldn’t go no further and there was nowhere to go anyway so we set down by bitumen sweating tar tears and the sunblasted chunks of busted concrete.
The sky split like rotted fruit and darkness came into the nightime shift. Nobody stopped, they all kept on going to wherever they were going. Following food rumours or dowsing rods held upside down by hollow men with sunwracked hands and dry licked lips. But there wasn’t nobody to come save them like there was nobody stopping for Mum. And maybe if we were dead they’d be stopping to see what was in our rags worth taking but we weren’t dead yet and that babby in Mum’s belly started its pains even though looking back I can tell through black blood and matted hair it was birthed too soon. Mum screaming and thrashing, face pulled tight shut and I got the knowing of how dying takes its own time. There’s a space in between one shore and the next and I seen Mum in that place all through the long night where time’s not counted in minutes or days and I don’t want to spend no time there when it’s my turn. I want it to be quick.
Daylight dawned and Mum wasn’t making no more sounds. I snuggled up against her in the crusted blood blanket while she got colder and colder. We were eyed by a crowd of roaders but they didn’t want no part of it, they’d got troubles of their own and pain enough already to share around. And the day warmed up and Mum stiffened, still and quiet, pale blue and cold like the cool clay of a damp creek bed. The crows started gathering, rattling their chests and going
ark arrrrk
and hopping closer. I made noises and flapped my arms but they weren’t feared, they’d got my number all right. One hopped up on Mum and looked at me with his white eye and said, ‘I know you, boy.’
Just like that, words dropped into my head like stones in a jar. I sat back and the crow ruffled his feathers and flumped his chest and pulled a bloody shred from the blankets. I was frozen in the burning sun, clinging to my frozen Mum.
I laid like that still when a face came out of the dreamy clouds of my tears. Red cheeks above rusty scraggle beard and a weeping sore. Glassy eyes when they seen the child next to its dead Mum.
‘You’re roadin with me now, cunt.’
I remember it like I remember my own name, the sound of the words as he said them and the sinking feeling in my guts as my whole life changed right there.
He reached out and gave me sips from his skin that I gulped down like sweet nectar though it was only stale water. I saw he had a kid with him then, too, a girl, dark hair, dark eyes, looking low and keeping near her dad. Maybe she saw something in me with them eyes, I dunno, but they bored into me own.
Then he said to the girl, ‘Got ourselfs anuvva pair of hands, Isa.’
Wiry arms around me, lifting me up and away from Mum. I felt the scritchy beard and smelled old ganja smoke and rottentooth breath and then I was looking back over his shoulder as we walked away and the last thing I seen before sleep took me in its foggy arms was that crow on me Mum and I never forgot it. And that’s how I come to be with Smoov and Isa.
In me first memories with Smoov and Isa, the sun was bright and shiny waves falling down from the sky, falling into me eyes to make the tears start. It was a dream like Smoov’s shows flickering in me mind, a secret bright box of coloured sound and the blue sparks that flew behind me eyes when he beat me. The look in his face when the clouds came over and he undone his wicked leather belt and said, ‘Come ere boy, and take yer punish mint.’
Backhand across me face then onto his knee for the main course. I dunno why he did it. He was stoned and pissed and I got nothing but me fear.
Isa seen what happened and she found me afterwards with smiles and soft voice. She took me hand through the ache and bruises and bloody crying. We walked down to the side of a cool creek through the trees. It was hot and the only sound was the stillness of the air. She washed me in the cold water.
‘Where does dreams come from?’ I said.
‘They is a message come out from the inside to show you anuvva way of thinking on things,’ Isa said.
And then that one dream busted open and all that was left was the road and the shattering clatter of steel wheels on tarmac and running light smear in the dark, it’s all gone by so fast. I laid down beside Isa beside the creek and I slept in her arms remembering the times I were with Mum and her soft skin touch.
It was the big wet, bugs hummed through shimmering air heavy before the afternoon storm. Clouds on the rim of the gorge, their bright outlines too real, like a false memory. I watched the beatings through half-closed eyes so I didn’t have to see them in me sleep. But the memories got in behind me eyes like roadgrit so I didn’t know what was true anymore. What was true was the shuddering shivery feeling in me guts when I looked at Isa and I saw the red dirt of those warm lazy days and sap dripping in the sun, billabong bright and clear and the broken ridge above. It didn’t matter if we did nothing but laze because there was water and cool shade and plenty of fish and lizards to eat.
The creature machines came out of the cracks in the wet. A goanna droan whirring in its servos and lazy tongue flicking out to taste the ground ahead. Its skin yeller and black pixel speckled scales with soft underbelly warmed by the rocks. Looking for metal scraps to scavenge and dead meat to pick through or anything, really, it wasn’t fussy, just a gut on legs to eat whatever would keep it going till the next feed. Two hairy bigdog robos came jerking up the side of the canyon making a awful racket from their engines. They were in the hunt for new parts and they scared off the goanna droan. They would of scared me off too, but Smoov could block them with his linkmaker and they didn’t come any closer. Wild bigdogs weren’t fast but they would never stop till they hunted down their tucker. And then there were other creatures living in the cracks in the rocks that were older than the machines, older even than the old world, older than the words I’m using to write. Those creatures, you couldn’t see them nor hear them but they were there in the gentle breeze and in the shadows of the lines in the faces of the stone though they only came out in the dark.
The Wotcher passed by overhead every night, it was a spark moving lower in the sky than the stars. When I was small I used to go running to catch it but I never could. It was too high up. It moved more slow than the other lights that tracked the sky when dark came up. It was big too, and broody, and there was a strangeness to it, like it didn’t belong in the night sky. It was put there by them as who came before and it carried all their thoughts. Their dreams was stored up there if only we could listen hard enough it’d tell the secret for how to get back there. That’s what Isa thought, anyway. She thought it would yield up the key for reseeding the gigacities and all the backroads crowd could rise up from the muck and live in that place where the glittering buildings grew tall and tangled together like vines. Smoov choofed his evening time smoke before a show. He always said he had to open the channels and clear the decks so he could get himself right for the Wotcher’s wavy ravings which came down for the showmans with the right codes to accept the trancemission. And sure enough Smoov would pick up the Wotcher’s sounds and pictures from his linkmaker as it went over and he would pass on for all in the desert backroads camps to see through his show. It was my job to keep the gear right and he taught me to write it all down so he could look later and see the patterns forming.
Smoov smoked up and looked through his notes, mumbling his ravings, happy as a bastard on father’s day. He tweaked his link to the Wotcher’s trancemission while me and Isa wandered the gorge like babbies. We were naked and following each other through the daze, the older creatures watching from cracks in the stone walls. It was so quiet except for the insects humming a tune that is the frequency of the whole world. The whole thing more than its separate parts, each dusty day in that coolsweet place bursting with life, fat with the babby of midday heat that grew into soft sunset viewscreen to another place. I didn’t have to say nothing to Isa, we could see inside of each other, we could speak with no words. We stayed the whole season until the storm clouds stopped coming and the creek dried up and the fishes all dead and the brumby trucks showed up.
Dust cloud on the horizon first, then the growl of engines and in the distance the thumping of their sound systems. Smoov switched his linkmaker off right away but it was too late. They’d got a fix and were coming fast, sniffed out Smoov’s link to the Wotcher and they wanted a piece of it. All the gear was spread far, we’d passed the whole wet there. Isa and Smoov working to pack but all I could do was stare. There were all kinds of trucks in the backroads, some were left over from the time of the gigacities and were slaved to camps and did their bidding. Some were indies, which is short for indie pendants but I dunno where their pendants are hung from anymore, maybe behind their viewscreens. The indies took their transport contracts where they could, doing work and hauling riders who would trade patches for the truckdream haze. Indies always had the best haze, it was something they made in their alkaloid truckjuice synthfacs and the trucks with the best haze found the riders with the best linkmade patches to tweak their trucking freeks and make them feel right. It was how the backroads worked. Then sometimes there were brumbies that didn’t truck with no riders or contracts and went rogue. This mob of brumbies that come in to the gorge were run by a big black bastard called the Brumby King. It rained fear down on the backroads. Chrome stacks howling and ten wheels grinding and rumbling the ground as it rolled with its mob towards our camp.