My Cuban heels was hardly on the veranda before the door creaked open and a big bosomed woman with a lot of red hair and creamy white skin asked me what I wanted. I told Mrs Goodman I were returning her husband’s merchandise but as she were inspecting the contents of the bundle a policeman appeared suddenly at the door.
This is him she cried arrest him Fitzy.
I told the Constable I had not stolen nothing.
You’re all adjectival Kellys cried the woman whats the adjectival difference it all goes in the one pot.
And which adjectival Kelly is this asks the trap kind of humorous.
I am Ned Kelly.
Whereupon much to Mrs Goodman’s consternation and my own considerable surprise the policeman seized me warmly by the hand. My brother has give me written orders to take you dancing.
Jesus Fitzy cried Mrs Goodman wait a mo.
The Constable ignored her. I am Alex Fitzpatrick he said and you are the cove what knocked the bark off my brother John at the Police Commissioner’s in Melbourne. You ate roast beef through the night in Richmond Barracks.
Roast lamb.
Thats right and you will have a jar with me this very adjectival night. Fitzy this b– – – – r is a thief.
Shutup Amelia said Fitzpatrick lets look at them dresses.
With that we entered Mrs Goodman’s front parlour where a great deal of liquor and a 1/2 eaten leg of boiled mutton were in evidence and Cons Fitzpatrick opened my bundle to poke around with his whip lifting one dress then the other I thought him very like his brother he had the Devil in him.
Now heres a nice one Amelia.
Thats worth 2 adjectival pounds.
Heres another.
Thats 3 guineas.
O the Constable winked at me now Mrs Goodman has moved onto GUINEAS.
I said I only come to return the dresses I had no money for further purchase but Fitzpatrick handed them to Mrs Goodman saying she should put them on to show us how they looked again I were surprised to see her retire meekly behind a screen & Fitzpatrick poured me a sherry I would rather have had the mutton as I had not eaten for the best part of 2 days. He said his brother often spoke of me.
Soon enough Mrs Goodman appeared in a bright red dress it had a very large bustle her good temper had returned she told me I were a handsome lad I should dance with her.
Go on cried Fitzpatrick take a turn.
Mrs Goodman come towards me smiling her arms outstretched but I were shy and couldnt dance and when she lowered her arms I seen I had insulted her.
Mr Kelly is not here for dancing said Fitzpatrick he’s here for shopping.
Mrs Goodman then showed us several other dresses from her stock but from this point she were sullen and again thought me her enemy.
Very good says Fitzpatrick now you can wrap up the blue and the red both. He had a way with him I never seen in another man insulting the woman even as he charmed her. Mrs Goodman presented both parcels to Fitzpatrick then told him she were sure he would pay his bill.
O yes I will give it to you double.
O you will will you?
Yes both front and back.
I begun to make my excuses thinking to find a feed and bed at Eleven Mile Creek but Cons Fitzpatrick winked at me saying I would either find a dancing partner of my liking or else go to the lockup the choice were mine. We stepped out into the dark and left Mrs Goodman rejected in her house I know for a fact that it were on account of this rejection that she later charged Dan Kelly and Tom and Jack Lloyd with Intent to Rape and Breaking and Entering and Stealing. Thus THE BEECHWORTH ADVERTISER wrote it up:
In the neighbourhood of Greta for many years there has lived a regular Gang of young ruffians who from their infancy were brought up as rogues and vagabonds and who have been constantly in trouble and on Sunday we learnt that though it is but a short time since some of them have been released from gaol where they have been serving sentences for horse stealing a little game with which they are thoroughly au fait they have again indulged in their pranks.
It is more or less true about the horse stealing but there is no mention of how I earned Mrs Goodman’s enmity you will notice that true & secret part of the history is left to me.
Every poor farmboy knows that Beechworth is the place for dancing you would not put the township of Winton in the same division so when the Constable and I ambled our horses along the middle of the dark & mucky road beside the Seven Mile Creek I said we must postpone that particular pleasure to another date.
Come on old man can’t you hear the waltz playing?
There were no music other than what were made by a cowbell down on the floodplain but Dan’s fate were in Fitzpatrick’s hands. When we come upon the deep wagon ruts which is named Benalla Road the trap leaned his grog sour mouth towards my ear whispering I deserved an official commendation for returning the dresses to Mrs Goodman.
I had no clue what a commendation were but when the policeman steered his horse towards Benalla I had no intention of abandoning him.
I seen all the official memorandums said he they all come across my desk y’know.
Memorandum were more Greek I didnt know.
I seen all the memorandums agin you Ned Kelly but now I have a different type of information to lay against your name.
What is that I asked v. alarmed.
What is that he cried so loud he spooked his gelding into a short bolt. What is that he said and seemed to forget what he were about to say. This is in confidence he finally announced but I am going to be the Sergeant in Benalla bye and bye so then you’ll have a mate who knows you Ned Kelly. You won’t be just an adjectival scoundrel in a memorandum do you follow me?
I don’t.
O Christ man I am John Fitzpatrick’s adjectival brother I’ll look out for you and your brother too.
How do you mean look out for?
No charges for the larceny of them dresses how’s that for a start?
Then I knew my 2 day ride were worth it every inch & mile I shook his hand with great relief.
Now he cried catch me if you can.
Were there ever trap like him? Not in my experience. He shot off at a canter through the trees and though my mare were weary she always had great heart and now stuck behind the gelding in and out the gums under the death dealing branches over the crabholes the full 8 mi. We thundered across the Broken River Bridge and into Arundel Street right outside the cells where I had previously suffered but Fitzpatrick had no interest in the law he were quickly dismounted he untied Mrs Goodman’s parcels then tethered his horse at the rail of the bootmaker’s on the opposite side of the road.
What about some water for the horses?
Directly Ned directly.
I followed his excited footsteps as he rushed through a gate up onto the wide and dark veranda knocking loudly and uttering a cry I have heard so often from the other side.
Police open up.
The order were rapidly obeyed and there come a female voice atop Fitzpatrick’s laughter as the pair of them tumbled into the house. A lamp were quickly lit revealing our hostess as a smiling sturdy woman with her hair done up in a kerchief as if for bed. She produced a tray of liquors which Fitzpatrick drunk from thirstily.
2 much younger ladies soon come into the room if they had been sleeping they give no sign of weariness their eyes was bright & their hair were coifed. One were a tall pretty blonde very jolly and bosomy she immediately begun waltzing with Fitzpatrick though there were no music none at all.
The 2nd girl could be no more than 5 ft. tall but her beauty were much finer more delicate her hair were the colour of a crow’s wings glistening it would reflect the colour of the sky. Her back were slender with a lovely sweep to it her shoulders was straight her head held high. When she come into my arms she smelled of soap and pine trees and I judged she were 16 or 17 yr. of age.
I confessed immediately I could not dance and she said she would teach me and she fit into my arms as light as a summer breeze. Her eyes were green her skin v. white as it is with girls not long off the boat from home and she and her friend begun to sing and sway it being too late to play the piano Dee Dah Dee Dah.
She said her name were Mary Hearn and she had come from the village of Templecrone just this past year she said I were a marvellous student did ever anyone learn the steps so rapidly? I were suddenly more happy than I had ever hoped to be.
Having been 2 days in the saddle I now wished out loud I had a clean shirt and had combed the burrs out of my hair but she said I shouldnt worry for her own da were a blacksmith and farrier back home so the smell of horses made me most familiar and she lay her glossy head against my chest and we danced around the room with Mrs Robinson sitting in her chair knitting a long pink scarf.
No matter what skullduggery and death Fitzy later caused no matter how great a coward & liar he proved himself I still believe he never wanted no more than this in life and when he danced with that bosomy Belinda at Mrs Robinson’s there were no malice in him.
We all collapsed out of breath on the pretty sofas they was upholstered in expensive velvet with red & yellow roses in panels at the back and even little cloths to keep the hair oil from staining.
Then Fitzpatrick brought out them parcels and the girls was excited and wondering what could be inside although they knew very well of course.
As the whole world now understands Fitzpatrick were a very poor policeman but he might have worked in a haberdashery and made a honest living off it. He presented one dress to Belinda while I give the other to Mary Hearn and both girls cried out in happiness Mary kissing me on both my cheeks.
The girls departed to try on their gifts so Mrs Robinson brought out the cold leg of lamb cutting us great slabs I were very hungry but knew I must attend to my horse who had not been watered yet. Coming back inside the house I heard my name called out Ned Kelly Ned Kelly.
I followed the call along the passage it were very dark I come around a dogleg and there I found an open door and Mary Hearn standing in candlelight she were holding the back of the dress together with her hand.
Ned you’ll hook me up.
She turned and took her hand away the dress sliding from her to the floor she tasted like butter shortbread I told her what a sweet & pretty thing she were and she put her hand across my mouth and buried her face into my beard.
My daughter I cannot guess how old you are so I ask you not to read no more until you have children of your own even then perhaps you will be like me you will not wish to see inside your parents’ door. But do not burn this or destroy what follows I will want it for myself to remember what a joy it were to fall in love.
Then we was playing what they call THE GAME you never knew so many hooks and buttons and sweet smelling things we took them off her one by one until she lay across her bed there were no sin for so did God make her skin so white her hair as black as night her eyes green and her lips smiling. She were a teacher with a mighty vocation pulling and dragging when I took her she were slender and strong as a deer her breasts small but very full she threw back her head offering her pale throat to me I run her to ground I took her breasts took them in my mouth sucking & suckling I didnt know whose milk I stole but she were crying out and holding my hair it were the best thing that happened to me in my life.
We lay close together afterwards and smiled at each other and it were only when her babe awoke that I were upset. I had not known she were the mother of a child and I were ashamed to have acted thus.
Leaving well ahead of dawn I set off back across the rich flats heading up towards the distant Wombat Ranges they was beyond sight of the streets of Benalla. 2 days later I turned down beside Bullock Creek I were not prepared for what I seen.
Dan and Steve Hart had blazed a ferocious track up a gully along a ridge then down a hillside filled with wombat holes I should of been angry that Steve were still in residence but were I not only 24 yr. old with a new present handed me by Mr McBean who generously donated a mare named Music to my care? Over 16 hands she were square backed with a good barrel we was soon very tight together she knew how to oblige my every wish. No sooner was we arrived from our long journey but she could feel the excitement in the air she would not miss no challenges so in a mo I were galloping her along the flats leaning from the saddle to pick up a handkerchief between my teeth. I hurdled cockatoo fences whilst kneeling on her back and performed a dozen such acts of derring do and yet there were not one instant of this time I could forget that slender girl with her little baby. I desired her so very badly I had little time to think of Steve Hart I lay sleepless in my crib at night wondering what sort of coward would abandon a young Catholic girl to such a life of shame.
Next day I said I were taking the gold dust to the Assay Office in Benalla I didnt care if the others believed the lie or no.
On a cold frosty dawn I appeared at Mrs Goodman’s house in Winton there were a child already out of bed throwing food to all the ducks but it took a long while for her father to hear my knocking. I told him I wished to buy a dress from his missus.
He informed me Mrs Goodman were still in bed but I could help myself he brung me inside and I seen the same mutton still sitting on the table with the addition of a snotty boy eating porridge from a bowl. A great number of dresses was thrown carelessly upon a sofa and amongst them I found a red one with sequins on its front. Davis Goodman claimed its price were £3 I offered £2 he could take it or leave it. He said he would take it so I give him the money then set off through the blustering cold wind to Benalla thence across the bridge and down to Arundel Street.
The very moment I come round the corner Mary Hearn stepped out to fetch the milk she were wearing a bright yellow cotton dress and for the 1st time I feared the baby’s father were at home. When she seen me I tipped my hat as if just passing but her face lit up she didnt care who were watching her run down the steps and I lifted her up kissing her on the lips in broad daylight. All this occurred no more than 20 ft. from the courthouse where I were 1st arraigned but so does life swing like a river cuts its banks in the boil of flood. I were a frightened boy no more.