True Perfection [Aspire 2] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (8 page)

Gordon wasn’t prepared for the flash of pain that passed over Haley’s features. What had he said?

“I’ll grow it out again,” Haley said. “I shouldn’t have cut it in the first place. Warren liked my hair long, and you preferred it, too.”

Gordon felt his temper surge. Enough was enough. Haley was never going to get a full belly at this rate, but he shoved the tray across the bed and hauled her to him, flipping her facedown across his lap, trapping her legs between his own. She gasped and made a garbled sound, but Gordon was done listening to her drivel. If she wanted punishment, then he was her man. He might not be able to treat her the way she was beating herself up, but he was going to give it the old college try. His hand came down on her buttocks with a force that made his palm sting, and Haley cried out.

“Count them out, sub,” he snarled. “You’ll take twenty for being such a little miss sad sack. And then we’ll talk. If you don’t give me an adequate explanation for your recent self-flagellation, I’ll start over. You can goddamn well stand or kneel for the rest of the week because you won’t be able to sit down.”

Haley choked out a faint “one,” and Gordon began to rain blows upon her curved ass cheeks. He laid them without a discernible pattern to cover every square inch and wished he had plugged her ass first so that the additional sensation would totally overwhelm the other feelings. The feelings that were making her a stranger. By the eleven count, Haley was crying with great, gulping sobs, even as her buttocks arched up into his swing, seeking his touch. Gordon increased the intensity, watching as her delicate flesh turned dark pink and then red. The heat from her skin was palpable, and Gordon paused to rub the palm of his hand gently in ever widening circles. He slipped his fingers between her parted thighs and whirled them through her thick juices. Haley had needed this, and he wondered how he had missed her cues. Hell, he had missed them because she’d been acting, pretending, and he refused to accept that woman. He noted that her shoulders had stopped shaking and that her sobs had diminished. He so wanted to pull her up into his arms and comfort her but intuitively knew that she wasn’t yet ready for that. Haley wasn’t ready to be forgiven despite the fact there was nothing to forgive.

Gordon lowered her to the floor and turned her, hiking her up onto her knees. He avoided looking at her face too closely, focussing instead on what she needed. He threaded one hand through her hair and pulled her head back. Haley hissed at the sting and opened her eyes. Her face was tear-stained, her little nose was red and running, and her eyes were swollen. Gordon ignored how his heart hitched and spoke roughly to cover his pain.

“Take me out, sub. Now.”

Haley’s hands slowly came up from her thighs, looking as though they were too heavy for her to lift. She reached for his zipper, fumbling to get the button open. Gordon decried the time it was taking but forced himself to wait. She finally unzipped him and carefully pulled his underwear down. His cock sprang free and into her mouth. Gordon could hardly get his breath. It was like her lips had a homing beacon on them. Haley sucked him deeper, swirling her tongue over the head and then flicking it down the vein on the underside. Her cheeks hollowed with her efforts, and Gordon wrapped his other hand in her hair and controlled her movements. He was rougher than he had ever been with her, but he knew that she didn’t want him to be gentle. He fucked her mouth, ignoring her efforts to please him. He took his own pleasure, knowing that her lips would be bruised and her jaw aching. When his balls drew up, he shoved to the back of Haley’s throat and poured his essence into her. She swallowed frantically as he pulled out. His strength drained, he somehow picked his woman up and held her close, claiming her mouth with his, all the while stroking her head with his free hand. Haley’s arms crept up and circled his neck as she relaxed against him. Gordon waited for his heart rate to slow and his head to clear before he spoke.

“Tell me what’s going on, Haley.”

* * * *

Haley shuddered and drew a deep breath. Her thinking seemed crystal clear. Gordon always seemed to know what to do. She would tell him her fears and hoped she would be strong enough.

“Haley. I’m not waiting any longer.” Gordon’s dark voice distracted her.

“It’s my fault that Warren nearly died,” she said flatly.

Gordon didn’t dispute her. He just asked why.

“Both of you have tried so hard. You have been open and honest with me about your intentions, what you want. And I know it’s what I want, too, but I wanted more. I wanted to have a life besides our relationship, a career. I didn’t think being your sub was enough. I was being so damn selfish and stubborn. You said it to that doctor. You were right.”

Haley put her fingers to Gordon’s mouth as he opened it to interject.

“No, Gordon, you asked. I’ll tell you. Please, hear me out. I didn’t think it would work. I feared that Warren would revert back to cold Warren and piss me off, and worse, break my heart again. So I told myself I couldn’t trust it and tried to distance myself. When you allied with him, I reacted instead of thinking it through and accepting that you both know more about what I need than I do myself. All you asked for was a chance, and I got scared. And then I waltz off to the job I put ahead of the two men I love more than life itself, and one of them nearly gets killed because of me.”

Haley stopped to gather the courage for her next statement. Gordon was going to react, and she needed to be ready. He was watching her intently, and she couldn’t read him. She had always been able to read Gordon. This wasn’t going to go well, but she had to tell him.

“When Warren is up and around and able to think about this without things being blurred by the medication he’s taking…” Haley felt the tears sting her eyes, and blinked hard. She was going to do this. Waiting was too hard even if she deserved it. She even failed at taking her self-imposed punishment, the waiting for the axe to fall.

“When he can think clearly,” she continued, “he’s going to see how much trouble I am, just as you will. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to make amends. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me to leave and trying to do what I can for you both in the meantime.”

Gordon didn’t respond. He just sat there and held her, and Haley wanted to scream. She wished he would act, say something, do something. Finally, he stood her on her feet and got up. He shook his head and then gave her a little push toward the bathroom.

“Clean up and get dressed. I want you ready to go within fifteen minutes.”

Haley’s vision blurred, but she made her feet move. The bathroom looked to be miles away, but she got there and woodenly washed her face and brushed her teeth. She wiped the evidence of Gordon’s earlier climax from between her legs and tossed the cloth into the laundry. Her hair was beyond repair, so she settled for pulling it up and clipping it out of the way. Gordon wasn’t in the bedroom when she went back to the closet, and Haley pulled a short-sleeved, loose shift dress from the rack. Her bottom hurt, so she found a pair of light cotton panties to step into and unearthed a matching bra. The dress covered her to just below the knee, and Haley eschewed stockings, toeing into a pair of flat shoes. She hadn’t unpacked the bag from the hospital, so it was simply a matter of slinging it over her shoulder and picking up her purse. She didn’t know where she was going to live, but she wouldn’t think about that right now. She just wanted to obey Gordon. She hurriedly yanked the bedclothes into some semblance of order with her free hand and then made her way downstairs. She forced herself not to think and pushed all her feelings down, down into a corner of herself so they wouldn’t get in her way. She was going to walk out with dignity and not cause Gordon any trouble. He was standing by the front door, his big frame rigid. His gaze raked her from head to toe. Haley saw a flash of pain in his eyes, but his face was like a stone. She made her lips curve up as much as she could but knew it was just a grimace.

“I’m ready to go,” she said as calmly as possible and watched Gordon’s eyes flare. He stepped toward her, and she flinched despite herself. He was so angry. God, she just wanted to leave, run. When Gordon snatched the bag from her shoulder and hurled it down the hall, Haley thought she might follow it. She didn’t understand. She needed a few things and would arrange for the rest to be delivered when she knew where she was going. She would stay at the hospital in the interim until Warren told her to go. He deserved to tell her to her face. She opened her mouth to protest, but Gordon talked over her and took her arm to nearly drag her out the door.

“We’re going to see Warren, Haley,” Gordon said grimly, “unless you’ve forgotten?”

She winced at his tone and shook her head, forcing herself to answer calmly. “Of course not. I just wanted to make this as easy as possible.”

Gordon briskly walked her to the car and handed her inside, fastening her seatbelt with abrupt, economic motions. She could feel the tension emanating from him and didn’t understand what was going on. The grizzly was back, yet she had done what he told her to do. Gordon drove to the hospital without speaking, and Haley thought it best to stay silent. She had gladly taken her punishment earlier but thought it was over. He was stretching things out, and she was at a loss. This wasn’t like Gordon.

The walk into the hospital and to Warren’s room was also made in silence, although Gordon held her elbow in a firm grip, steering her through the number of people filling the halls. He held her against his side in the elevator, and Haley fancied that he relaxed infinitesimally. She preceded him through the door and stopped so quickly that Gordon bumped into her. The bed was empty, the machines silent, the IV pole gone. Haley felt her heart stop and then stutter into motion. No. Her brain said it quietly, precisely, but it felt like the loudest scream she had ever made. Then the sound of running water drowned it out. Haley spun to see the bathroom door open and Warren step carefully through it. She feasted her eyes on him and reached out a hand. She would have gone to her knees, but Gordon had grabbed both of her upper arms and was holding her in place.

“Hello, sweetheart. Gordon.” Warren smiled and took her hand. He walked closer and bent to kiss her. Haley saw the effort it took and knew he was hurting.

“Let me help you back to bed, Warren,” she said, and Gordon released her so that she could give Warren support. Warren eased his weight down, and Haley bent to help lift his legs up onto the bed. When he was resting comfortably against the pillows, Haley dropped to her knees. This time, Gordon allowed her to do so.

“You look better than you did this morning, Haley,” Warren said. “I’m glad you got some rest. I don’t want you to tax yourself like that ever again.”

Haley fought back tears and dropped her gaze. She heard Gordon mutter and then the sound of the door closing and the lock snapping into place. When he then grasped her hair and pulled it from the clip, Haley’s head came up. Warren’s gaze narrowed, and the old intensity flared.

“What has our sub done now?” he asked Gordon.

“I’ll let her tell you herself, Warren. Then you can decide her punishment. I’ll administer it for you, and then you can revisit it when you’re able.”

Haley was astonished. She had no idea what was going on. Surely Warren knew what she had done. Gordon had given her a few minutes to get ready and leave. Had he brought her here so that Warren could administer the coup de grâce? Gordon tightened his grip, and the little sting of pain centred her.

“Tell him.”

Haley forced the words out. “It’s my fault that you were nearly killed, Warren. I take full responsibility, and I can’t apologize enough. If I had done what you and Gordon wanted me to do, it never would have happened. I know I am too much trouble. I told Gordon earlier that I’ve been waiting for you, for you both, to tell me to leave. Gordon has already done so, and I expect he brought me here so that you can say it personally. That would be your right.”

Warren’s eyebrows climbed his high forehead, and he cut his glance to Gordon. Gordon laughed behind her, and she closed her eyes against his cruelty. She deserved their censure, but it still hurt.

Gordon said, “It’s been a day of firsts, Warren. Haley got a paddling today that I never thought I would administer. Oh, she needed it. She feels that she deserves all kinds of punishment for something she didn’t do, and I provided it. And then she serviced me to make further amends. I thought we had cleared the air, that her punishment helped her purge the poison, only to be told that she expected me to throw her out. I’m not certain if that was before or after you did the same thing. You told me that she would be a brat because I indulged her too much, and once I again I defer to your insight. So, how should we proceed?”

Haley heard the hurt in Gordon’s voice, and her gut clenched. What had she done? She cast around in her mind, trying to figure it out, but Warren was already speaking.

“I think that we’ll let Haley choose.”

Choose what? Haley’s thoughts were whirling.

“Haley? Do you know why you’re being punished?”

Haley looked at Warren’s face, struggling to find the answer. She had to try. “It’s not because I got you hurt?”

Warren struggled to sit up further and reached out to touch her face. He shook his head. “I am not going to repeat this, Haley, so listen very carefully. I can’t begin to understand your tortured reasoning, but you had nothing to do with what happened. Yes, if you weren’t working, something I selfishly wished you wouldn’t do so that I, we, could have you at our beck and call twenty-four-seven, we might not have been in that restaurant. And the idiot who was so jealous of you might not have attacked you. And I wouldn’t have had the privilege of protecting you.”

He stopped to drink some water, and Haley managed not to speak, managed not to argue with him.

“And yes, both Gordon and I do believe that we know what is best for you, what you need, but again we are sometimes blinded by our intense need for you. The vacation idea was indeed high-handed and premature, but we were feeling the pressure, worried that you were pulling away. We plead impatience. We also plead our deep, devoted love. Haley, there isn’t anything Gordon and I wouldn’t do for you if it is at all feasible, including accepting the fact that you need your independence outside of our bedroom. We don’t want to stifle you because we love you. You, Haley, not the subservient woman you’ve decided to portray because of misplaced guilt. Do you understand?”