I hold my head down. I really don’t want to agree to see a shrink. Skye has been on me about it though. Hell, I don’t know, maybe it would help.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally agree. I don’t think it will help, but I’m willing to try about anything to be normal again. My biggest worry is that something will happen, and I won’t be able to protect Skye.
“Okay back to the problem at hand. I’ll have Freak look into the doctors giving Skye flack. I’ll get him to check into that damned nurse too. Something about her just disappearing doesn’t sit right with me. But, she could have struck out at Skye before disappearing. If she attacked one of her own? Well, she’s been a hanger on long enough to know how dangerous that is. It’d make sense she ran,” Dragon tells us.
“You know what happens when a woman is scorned,” Nicole pipes up.
“Woman what have I told you about coming in here?” Dragon asks her, but he doesn’t look upset. Then again, he didn’t close the door either, so I doubt he cares.
“To bend over the table?” she answers.
Dragon shakes his head, but he smiles. Hell, he always smiles these days.
“I need the keys to the Suburban, we left Dom’s diaper bag in it,” she tells him.
He reaches down into his pocket and pulls them out. She reaches for them, but he pulls them back.
“Where’s my kiss woman?
“Always on my ass,” she mumbles.
“Just wait till later,” Dragon tells her, and damn if she doesn’t blush.
“Sounds like Nicole thinks it might be Melissa,” Dancer says, once she leaves.
“She’s a smart woman,” Dragon says, staring off into space, and you can tell he’s thinking everything over. He puts his beer back down and stares at it. “My woman is smart as they come. I got a look at what happens if a woman feels like she’s been wronged, it can get ugly. And when the woman is as fucked up as that bitch, Melissa? I’d say it’d pay to keep an eye on her.
“If we can find her,” Dance adds.
“Fucking hell, women complicate everything,” Dragon mumbles.
“Maybe Nicole was right about waiting for one woman to fuck,” Dancer says.
It doesn’t escape my notice that not a damned one of us argues. Instead we all remain quiet and drink our beer.
Bull
I
rake my
hand over my head. I just got Matthew down for the night, and Skye is passed out on the couch asleep. She’s had a rough day, she’s back at work, but she’s miserable, and she’s talking about switching hospitals. The nearest one would add an hour driving time to her day. That doesn’t thrill me. I’ve been toying with the idea of using my connections to have her problems dealt with. It wouldn’t make Skye happy, but it sure would me.
I decide to keep busy while my family is resting. Despite the stress of the day, I love that I have a family now. I will move heaven and earth to keep them safe. I pull Skye’s ugly old afghan over her, and then go into the bathroom. I’m way too keyed up to rest. I keep my head bare, but I’ve let it slide the last few days. I can feel the stubble and hate it.
I hunt up the things I’ll need and line them up on the bathroom sink. I heat a wash towel with hot water, and place it over my head. Once that’s done, and I’ve let it rest long enough, I get out my razor and shaving cream.
“You use a disposable razor?” I look in the mirror, and Skye’s leaning against the doorway watching me. She’s wearing one of my thermal shirts, and nothing else. Her hair is mussed, she looks sleepy and tired. She’s never looked more beautiful to me.
“Electric ones leave razor burn.”
“Sit down and I’ll do it for you.”
“I don’t know that I’ve ever trusted a woman to shave my head.”
“Then I definitely want it, there should be one part of you I’ll be the first to get,” she says, already reaching for the razor.
“There is, Doc. My heart.”
Her eyes go soft. “Give me that razor. I don’t need to cry because my man is good with lines.”
I hand her the razor with a grin. “I’m not sure this is going to work. I’m a little tall for you.”
She closes the lid on the toilet and stands by it before bowing and laughing. “Your throne awaits, kind sir.”
“My throne? Am I king of the porcelain now?” I ask her sitting down.
“King of my heart,” She says starting to shave me.
“Now who’s good with lines?” I ask her. She laughs, but doesn’t say anything else.
“What are you thinking, Doc?” I ask, when she finishes and is rinsing out the razor and cleaning up.
She stops and looks at me through the bathroom mirror with a sad smile. “I was thinking I’m very grateful for you, Bull.”
“It’s going to be okay, Doc.” I tell her, praying I’m right.
“I know,” she says, putting on the lotion I always use after shaving. “Do you know what I didn’t know?” she asks.
I enjoy the feel of her hands on me. This is what I want for the rest of my life.
This is my future
.
“What’s that?”
“That Carrie is alive. You said you lost her.”
Her words shock me. I hadn’t got a chance to talk with her about Carrie. I admit it was mostly because I didn’t want to. I knew I would eventually. What I wasn’t expecting was that she was upset, because she thought Carrie was dead.
“I meant I lost her to Dancer. Carrie’s been in love with him since she was a little girl.”
“Well obviously I know that
now
, Bull. How did you ever fall in love with a woman that your friend claimed?”
“They weren’t together. Hell, I wouldn’t do that, Skye. Dancer killed a man who attacked Carrie. He got sent up and the club took her in when someone threatened her life. I cared about her. Hell, Skye’s she’s a sweet person.”
She sighs, and puts the lotion up, walks over to the sink, and puts away my things.
“Skye? Talk to me.”
“She is sweet.”
“Yeah,” I agree, wondering if I should.
“I can’t help but notice that she looks a lot like me,” she says, and there’s a hint of accusation in her voice. Her eyes level on me through the mirror of the medicine cabinet.
“She does not,” I deny, and I can feel anger building inside of me. I don’t know what I expected, but this wasn’t it.
Skye turns on me, and crosses her arms. “Come on, Bull.
The hair
? Hell even our bodies are built similarly. If you wanted a substitute…”
“Don’t say it, Skye,” I caution her.
“What? That I’m just…”
“Doc, I’m warning you not to go there.”
“Why not? It’s like a giant elephant in the room!”
“Only in your own mind! Fucking hell woman, do you not see me? Is everything I’m doing just not getting through to you? I love
you
. I haven’t said that to another fucking woman.”
“Not even…”
“Only fucking you, Skye.”
“Oh. I thought…”
“I know what you thought.”
“Bull…”
“Is this what our lives are going to be like? You spend time making up reasons to push me away?”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. I’ve jumped through hoops for you, and yet every damn time I turn around you’re coming up with something else to throw in my face, or to not tell me how you feel.”
“Bull…”
“I’m a fucking grown ass man. A man who is the club enforcer for one of the baddest fucking clubs around, and yet you’ve got me wrapped around your finger like a damned…”
“I do not! And if you are so miserable…”
“I’m not miserable! I’m right where I want to be, but I’m tired of you doubting me! Treat me like a motherfucking man!”
“I know you’re a man!”
“No, you don’t. You think I’m a grown boy, who doesn’t know his own mind! You think I can’t wipe my own ass!”
“That’s so not true!”
“You think I’m fucked up enough that I would try and make you a replacement for another woman!”
“Well…”
“And before that, you thought I was using you as a reason to stay sober.”
“Bull…”
And before that, I was just looking to get my dick wet, right?”
“You’re twisting things…”
“That’s easy to do when you tell a woman you love her, and she has trouble meeting your eyes.”
“Bull…”
“If you weren’t ever going to forgive me for how we met, Skye. You should have just told me.”
“I…Bull, that’s not it! I do forgive you! I just…”
“You just don’t trust me. Hell maybe you never will,” I tell her walking out.
“Where are you going?”
“To the club. I need a drink.”
“Are you coming back home?”
I don’t answer. I just slam the door behind me. Let her worry.
AW
I watch as
he leaves—mad and angry. Joy spreads through me. I’ve been forced into watching Skye from a distance. Having him leave like this, gives me hope. I look through my binoculars and see her standing at the door crying. Crying over someone so far beneath her.
My joy is replaced by anger.
It’s time I stop stalling.
It’s time she learned.
I will teach her. I will train her. She will learn…in time…or else…
She wasn’t truly the one.
Bull
“I
’ll have one
of whatever he’s having.”
I look up from my drink to see Dragon sit down beside me. He picks up my Tom Collins and swirls it around in the glass.
“Fucking hell, has that doctor turned you into a pansy ass? Cancel that, Six. Get me a Jack on the rocks.”
“Kiss my ass,” I grumble, taking another drink.
“Looks too much like your face,” he comes back. I flip him off. “What’s up with you anyways?”
“Woman troubles.”
“Amen,” Dragon says, and takes a drink, before slamming it back on the table.
“Trouble in paradise?” I ask him, because fuck he has it made with Nic. We all know it.
“Fucking women man. Life is so much simpler without them.”
“Truth,” I tell him taking a drink.
“Nowhere near as fucking good though,” Dragon says, staring off into space.
I grunt, it’s all I have in me.
“She wants another baby.
She wants another fucking baby
.”
“So give her one.”
“Fuck man, I almost lost her and Dom the last time. I don’t think the universe wants me to have kids,” Dragon grumbles, finishing his drink. He signals Six to bring him another one.
“Quit bitching. Your woman accepts you like you are, and still fucking wants you. Give her a baby.”
“The Doc, giving you problems?”
“She doesn’t trust me. She questions everything I tell her.
Hell.
I don’t know if she will ever believe me. It wouldn’t surprise me if she thought me being a club member is just a way to relive my childhood.”
“Fuck.”
“That’s about the size of it, Drag.”
“Remember when the biggest problem we had was how to shut a motherfucker up?”
“Gun, bomb or good old fashioned torture,” I tell him, leaning back in my chair.
“Those were the fucking days,” Dragon says.
“You going to knock your old lady up?”
“Well I sure ain’t going without sex, so probably,” he growls finishing his drink. “You going to show the Doc what being a member of the crew is all about?”
“Fuck, I don’t know man.”
“I take it telling her about Dancer’s Christmas present would probably freak her the fuck out.”
“Tell her we got four men chained up in the shed waiting for Dancer to blow their fucking heads off or whatever else he wants to do to them? Yeah, I’m thinking that’d send her running.”
“So treat Skye, like Dance does Red,” he says spinning his glass around.
“How’s that?”
“Tell her nothing specific, but let her know you handle your shit.”
“Hell man, I thought that’s what I was doing. This woman has me all upside down. I feel like I’m spending every fucking day walking on eggshells.”
“Why?” he asks and it’s a damn good question.
“Fuck man from the moment we met, I’ve been a screw up. She knows I had the clap man. I feel like a fucking…”
“Stop talking about your feelings motherfucker. Do you make sure she can’t walk after you give her dick?”
I laugh at his question, which comes out more like a snort. “Or talk,” I tell him.
“Then she’s got shit to complain about. I’d say your problem is, you’re trying too damn hard.”
“That’s rich coming from the asshole who doesn’t let his woman walk.”
“Hell, that’s not for her, I just like the way it feels to have her ass in my hands. Makes my dick hard,” he says, before getting up, and slapping me on the back. “Go back to your woman. Leave no doubt in her mind that you’re a fucking man, and not one she could replace. And instead of fixing her breakfast, eat her for breakfast. Treat her like you would a Twinkie.”
“Skye’s not a Twinkie, Drag man, she’s special,” I growl, because she is. “She’s classy, smart, funny, and she doesn’t need any fucker…”
“She’s a woman. You can treat her special. But there ain’t a woman around who doesn’t want it hard and dirty. They appreciate a man who gives them that.”
“But I do…”
“Even outside of bed. Fuck! Why in the hell do you think I spend so much time fucking my woman in the back room?”
“So the brothers can hear her scream?”
“Hell no. Though I got to admit, I enjoy the fuck out of that shit. I’d much rather be in a damn bed with her though. I do it because it makes her hotter than hell. She likes it dirty, and I like being the motherfucker lucky enough to give that to her.”
“So you think sex can cure anything?”
“No, but it can damn sure make the rest easier to swallow,” he says walking off.
“Where the fuck you going?” I ask him.
“Off to find Nicole,” he calls back.
“And knock her up?”
“Probably, but she’s going to fucking swallow a few times to earn that shit.”
Bull
A
ddiction is a
funny thing. Even when you don’t want the shit, there’s a part deep inside of you that craves it. I’m lying on the bed in my room at the Savage compound. After Dragon left, I didn’t know what to do with my sorry ass. So, I came back here thinking I would sleep. That hasn’t worked. All I keep thinking about is, Skye. Outside in the main room there’s a party is in full swing. I didn’t want to be there, but I shouldn’t be here either.