Truth and Humility (17 page)

“If not, I would have found another way.  You see I connected with Derek more than anyone else I knew.  We told each other everything and I needed that chance to purge.  I confided in him most about Rena.”  Austin held her startled gaze for a moment, then his shoulders relaxed in the retelling.  “She was the biggest source of my problems back then.  Awkward.  Clumsy.  Suffocating.  And she had this terrible crush on me since kindergarten.  I couldn’t even pass another girl in the halls at school without her throwing a fit.  It was cramping my social life.  She even faked injuries in order to get my attention, it was embarrassing; the lengths this girl would go to.”  Austin suppressed a laugh, almost forgetting himself.  “But all I wanted was for her to go away…and then one day she did.”  He fiddled with the napkin and focused on it instead of the woman sitting in rapt attention across from him.  “Her family moved to Washington.  When she moved back, she was a grown woman, filled out and stunningly gorgeous.  By that time I’d sewn my wild oats...been through college.

“But Rena wouldn’t have anything to do with me.  Drove me nuts.  Here she was, tall and slender, a perfect face, creamy white skin, silky black hair…
huge
boobs.”  When Danny choked on a scandalized laugh, he laughed with her.  “I mean they were the kind of boobs every young man dreams of before a woman’s character becomes important.  Man, she was a knock-out, just how I liked my women…and completely out of reach.”

“Was she with someone else?”

“Yes.  But even when she broke it off, she still ignored me.  I took a date to one of those beach parties at the lake and we happened to pass her as we walked along the water.  I found myself
hoping
that Rena would throw a fit just like old times.  But she barely glanced at us with those sapphire eyes and a polite smile…and strolled on her merry way.  All I could think about was that I’d rather be walking with her, getting to know her again, discovering what kind of woman she’d become.  Why the
hell
she wasn’t attracted to me anymore.”

“Your ego was bruised.”

“Oh, yeah,” he agreed without pause.  “She had thoroughly crushed it.  But I eventually wore her down, got her to agree to lunch.”  He swallowed and the memories became intense.  “Danny, you can’t imagine the difference.  sfer the lake; She was funny and intelligent, charming, warm…  We laughed about how she used to behave and she was adorably embarrassed.”  When he focused again, the napkin was worn sheer.  “I knew then I’d never want another woman.  I was hooked, heart and soul.  And she loved me the way every man wants to be loved.  She was supportive.  Sensual.  Faithful.  And when I asked her to marry me…she was finally mine.”

Silence fell when his eyes took on a distant look.

“I’m so sorry, Austin,” Danny breathed, feeling positively wretched.  When she spoke, his eyes shifted to hers and changed.

For a moment, he’d forgotten where he was.  He’d opened up as if he were twelve again, confiding in his best friend about his problems.  “Like I said.  I don’t want an apology from you.”

“I’m still sorry.  I had no idea you had such a long history with her.”

“I figured you would since you and Derek are so close.  But…wait a minute.  He
doesn’t
tell you everything.”

Danny sensed the turbulence.  “He didn’t talk about you.  He was afraid to.”

“He didn’t talk about you, either.”  His eyes darted down to her chest to emphasize his point.

She shifted uneasily.  “The men in our family have always shielded us women from the feud.  I’m sure it wasn’t anything personal.”

“At the time, you mean.”

The conversation was falling down a slippery slope.  And fast.  “I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking about Derek with you.”

“Why not?  I just told you all about Rena.  Don’t you want me to
understand
how good and noble your brother is?  How he couldn’t possibly have it in him to hurt a woman?”

Her big brown eyes locked with his intense stare.  “Yes.  I want you to understand,” she said carefully, then stood up and faced him from higher ground.  “But I don’t
need
you to.”

In other words, she was keeping her distance from him despite the obvious physical attraction they shared.  He knew she was struggling with it every bit as much as he was.  The denials came easily enough, but dissolved every time he took in her feminine curves beneath the workman’s gear.  Danny Bennett was no calendar girl.  She earned every taught muscle in those lean shoulders and limbs, the tight rounded ass.  She was a fascinating, talented, frustrating woman…one that would always remain out of reach.

He stood up, too, regretful that their easy banter had become strained once again, knowing he was the cause of i she nt>

Danny wrapped her robe tighter around her middle and looked at her feet.  “So much for the ceasefire.”

“Dammit, answer me!”

“It doesn’t matter what the details are, Austin!  I will
always
be on Derek’s side!  He’s my brother and I trust him!”

“Well, he was
my
brother once, too,” Austin retorted, taking his tone down a notch.  “Hell, we sliced our palms open and traded blood to make it official, but that didn’t stop us from falling victim to the same damned patterns of the feud we swore we’d break.”

“Because this feud will
always
win.  It’s not Derek.  It’s not even you.  It’s the bad blood between our families, the history behind it.  There’s just too much of it and we will never understand or trust each other.”

“Are you still talking about me and Derek, or me and you?”

The question knocked her off kilter and she shook her head at the jumble of thoughts that entered her brain.  “It’s the same difference.  I’m just like him.  I’ve learned almost everything I know from him.”

“Like how to strip cars and climb shit.”

She blinked.  “Partly…”

“And the rebellious nature.  That come from Derek?”

“A little I guess…”

“Thought you could cozy up to a Cahill, test your boundaries there, too?”

Now the blood was rushing into her wounds causing them to pound as her anger built.  “
Cozy?
” she sputtered. “Cozy.  That’s just great.” 
Take a breath, Danny,
she thought. 
Don’t follow the pattern
.  “The only reason I’m here is because of my...
insane
quest to seek a higher education that my father didn’t think I needed.  So I left home to earn my own way into a college that had already accepted me and your classified ad was too tempting for someone of my
rebellious
nature
to ignore.& s">tAnd thenbsp; But, I am convinced more and more with every passing miserable day that
nothing –
not even Columbia – is worth all the pain, suffering and rotten luck I’ve had since walking through your gates.  Believe me, I am paying for leaving my family where I was plenty
cozy
and
safe
and
respected
and
loved
and…and...”  Oh God, no.  Not the tears.  Anything but tears.

Austin stared at her profile when she whirled around, sensed her inner struggle as she toggled back and forth between her desire to face him and her need to hide her weaknesses.  She finally finished her sentence over her shoulder, struggling to keep her voice from wavering and the tears from falling.

“And I can’t help but think… that God is punishing me for the horrible choice I made.  For wanting more.”

Horrified, Danny felt the warm trail streak down her face and bolted for the hall.  But Austin took her arm to prevent her retreat, which pulled at tender muscles.  Air hissed through her clenched teeth when her ribs protested to the gentle twisting.  He immediately released her arm and instead took her by the shoulders.

“Dammit, Danny, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that, but I do know one thing.  Half of your struggle is with yourself.  God has no part in that.  You’re making things work here, gaining respect from the crew, making friends and you don’t know how to define it.  You think if you relax too much, it might somehow be interpreted as a betrayal to your family.  You think if you show weakness, I’ll use it against you.  But what happens if I don’t?  How would you handle that?”

Her head sank lower, tendrils of soft brown hair falling over the curve of her shoulders.  “I just want to go to bed,” she moaned, the nasally tone giving away her tears as they came down in torrents now.

Austin knew she’d been close to the edge of a dangerous precipice ever since Brett landed the first punch.

“Come here.”  He drew her into his arms and, careful not to hurt her, held on tight.  At first she remained stiff and unsure, but then she finally succumbed to the comfort he offered and sank right in.  He closed his eyes, stroked her hair and rested his chin on top of it.  The need to protect the woman in his arms pumped fiercely through his veins and he cursed Brett Lockton for breaking her.

A long time passed.  He held her and, with some guilt, began to enjoy the roll of comforter a little too much.  These possessive urges toward Derek’s sister weren’t exactly settling well with him.  Perhaps they wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have the memory of her tongue down his throat.  Hot and demanding, bold and uninhibited.  Memories that plagued his every thought despite his st dry of he mood.  It wasn’t fair that she wasn’t suffering since she was the one who initiated such a fiery mouth-to-mouth.  Maybe she deserved a little payback.

He caught himself, fisted his hand just as his fingers began to stroke.  The woman was a mess and here he was contemplating ways to end eight months of abstinence.

“Come on,” he whispered, pulled her with him toward the family room before his dick gave him away beneath the flimsy sweatpants.  “We’ll watch some TV.”

Danny nodded against his chest and, wiping gingerly at her face, allowed him to lead her to the adjoining family room.  It was the furthest she’d been inside the old Cahill home.  The room was dark until the television blinked on, but the scant details it illuminated didn’t interest her.  They sank to the couch together and, releasing her inhibitions for one night, she curled under his protective arm and sighed brokenly.  “I didn’t really want to go to bed,” she admitted, sniffing loudly.

“I know,” he replied and handed her the box of tissues from the end table.

She took it, searched for a place to put it...and caught sight of his bulging erection.  “Is that what I think it is?”

He drew in a big breath, stared blankly at the TV.  “Just ignore it.  It’ll go away.”

Danny bit her lip to keep from smiling.  So...the man wasn’t as immune as he let on.  And she had enough brothers to know how the most coveted male organ could behave independently at times.

Feeling ornery, she shifted, turned her upper torso deeper into his side.  In response, the telltale bulge jumped, expanded.

Ah.  Consolation for all the razzing she’d taken for jumping his bones while heavily medicated.

He felt her cheeks move against his chest and focused on the lighted screen.  “Eyes forward, Bennett.”

A sound gave away her mirth.  “It’s blocking my view.”

“If you keep looking at it, it’ll only get worse.”

She heard irritation in his voice, maybe a hint of humor.  But he wasn’t embarrassed.  And, strangely enough, neither was she.  On the other hand, if she were caught in a similar situation with one of
her
crew members...well, that would be downright uncomfortable.

Neither one of them was interested in the program, nor in channel surfing to find something better.  They just sat.

And then they slept.

Later, Austin woke to the sound of heavy breathing.  The slight pressure of warm body in his arms felt goo
d.  More than good.  He opened his eyes, peered at Danny and realized her robe had come loose when she soosNew Roma’d stretched out in her sleep.  Instead of closing it, he very carefully reached around with his other hand and slowly parted it further.  The defined details of her sleek body flickered in the light of the television, but he wasn’t in it for a lecherous peek.  He carefully pulled up the bottom edge of her camisole.  Just as he suspected, a very large purple bruise covered her lower side and ran up to disappear into forbidden territory.