Truth in Watercolors (Truth Series Book 2) (32 page)

“I
can do this. I can do this. I can do this,” I chanted while lifting the trunk of my car and then peered inside. The oversized canvas portfolio stared back at me, silently mocking how perfectly it fit the space. Before I left, I had a fleeting moment of hope that it wouldn’t fit, but then it did. I took that as a healthy sign that I should, in fact, be here.

“What in James Hatfield’s name is that?” Lennon came up next to me holding a pile of wood.

“That is evidence that the law of attraction is bullshit.” I ducked in and pulled out my portfolio.

“Well damn, I guess I should toss my journals promising myself a lifetime of love and smiles in this fire,” Lennon joked.

“That’s what’s going in the fire?” Kensie slid up on the other side of me, hands carrying grocery bags.

“Its contents, yes.” I stuck my chin out and shoved down the trunk leading our trio out to the fire pit in the sand. For the last week, I’d done the same thing every morning.

First, I ignored the streak of light my ornament dashed across my closet door while I worked on my samples for the hotel. Then, I’d dig into my closet, pull out one painting, and bring it into the light. There I’d sit and stare at it, for what felt like years, though I assumed it was because that was how long I’d been painting these. That was how long he’d occupied every corner of my mind. Only, what once held thoughts of adoration and hope had quickly become pain. I had to get rid of them.

I dropped my portfolio into one of the beach chairs I’d already set up and took the wood from Lennon’s arms, arranging it into the pit.

“So, can we see what’s in there?” I glanced over my shoulder at her in time to catch her lifting up the flap up and peeking inside. I rose to my feet, quickly overtaken by the urge to hide it. “Easy, killa.” Lennon dropped the flap and raised her arms in the air.

“Sorry,” I said holding my hand over my startled chest.

Kensie carefully took a book of matches from one of the bags she brought and held them up to me cautiously awaiting approval. I nodded at her and looked back at the portfolio. I watched the flap rustle in the sea breeze. Tiny pieces of sand attached themselves to it and then blew off into the air. All the while, it stood immobile and inanimate. It was just a portfolio, and inside were just paintings. The memories and the feelings were real.

“You know what?” I said biting on the corner of my lip. “Go ahead.”

Then as quickly as I turned to light the fire, Kensie and Lennon were rifling through my heart. I lit the match and dropped it into the pit waiting for them to recognize him. Three. Two.

“H…o…ly. Shit.” One.

“Say what?” Lennon’s voice followed Kensie’s. I turned slowly to see them pulling out paper heartbeat after paper heartbeat and laying them on the sand. “You weren’t messing with us when you said you’ve always wanted him.” I shook my head and let a giggle slip then another, and another, until I was laughing maniacally in front of an open flame. “And now you’ve just lost it.”

I couldn’t help it. Something about letting other people look through these and see the hopes and fears that had been written on my heart laid out in pigment and water was entirely liberating.

“These are really amazing, Capri,” Kensie said studying each one closely.

“I had no idea you were this talented.” Lennon was no less complimentary, but far more lackadaisical in her viewing.

“Thanks,” I said reaching down and picking up a painting that had skid across the sand to my feet. It was the one of Wes’ marlin. I held it over the fire and watched it illuminate in the light. His tail curled up behind him, and his head thrashed to the side. He was restless.

I retracted the picture, bringing it back toward me within one hand and touched my hip with the other. He was restless until his mermaid rescued him. No part of me thought Wes needed saving, not for one second. He’d proven to be one of the strongest men I’d ever met, but gosh, I wished he’d let me be there for him. Let me help calm his restless heart in the same way he breathed life into mine.

I had tasted the salt before I realized the tears were falling. “Hey.” Kensie came up next to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “If you’re not ready, you don’t have to do this,” she whispered to me, but I shook my head stubbornly. “These things take time, Capri.” I felt tiny Lennon’s hand reach out and squeeze mine.

I scoffed at that. What things? Broken hearts? Shattered hope? What exactly was expected to come of these over time? I found it hard to imagine that such pain simply faded away. In fact, I was willing to bet the aches only became deeper.

“No, I have to. Look at these.” I waved my hand to the scattering of paintings around us. “This is how much I’ve let him consume me. For years, the only thing I’ve painted was Wes.” I held the marlin over the flame again. “I have to take control of my art, of myself. I don’t want to end up with a carport of Wes.”

“Why the hell would you have a carport?” Lennon reached for the marlin and carefully pulled it from my grasp back away from the flame. “And I’m not letting you burn these. I understand this is a therapeutic exercise in ridding yourself of that oaf you seem to have attached yourself to,” I smirked at her teasing, “but these are phenomenal.”

I let go of her hand and allowed her to pack up my painting back into their portfolio, feeling a sense of relief. Maybe Kensie was right, and I wasn’t ready yet. “What will we do with this now?” I sniffed at pointed at the fire.

“I brought marshmallows.” Kensie gave me a squeeze before letting me loose.

“And chocolate?” I asked.

“Duh.” She smiled and helped Lennon gather the remaining paintings.

“B
luebell. Where you at, old man?” I asked walking into the old trailer, shivering at the amount of shit around.
Jesus, look at all those tat magazines on the table.
They were just, everywhere.

“Stop organizing my shit.” Blue’s voice rasped down the hallway.

“Come talk to me outside, then. All this stuff makes me sweaty.” I wiped my hand across my forehead.

Blue tossed his hand toward the front door. “Out with you then, ya woman.”

I sat on the front steps waiting for him to come out with me and looked over at my old place. Didn’t seem like Brenda was home today. Not surprising, though. She wasn’t ever home when I lived there, either. Kinda worked in my favor with the ladies.

“Why ain’t you with your lady on your day off,” Blue gruffed, sitting down next to me. Fuck. I fell into my hands.

“I’ve got shit to do,” I told Blue, feeling nauseous. I should have kept my distance from the bachelor party, but I didn’t have it in me. I watched her hiding in the corner of the club and resisted the need to pull her to me. She wasn’t as gorgeous as usual, though. It might seem messed up to say, because she was hot as hell, but she didn’t smile. That smile was so damn pretty.

When she ran off after the body shot, I chased her. It wasn’t until I reached the cabana she’d hidden herself in that I realized I should have let her go. I didn’t know why I couldn’t let her go. I was a selfish asshole who knew she deserved better, but I wouldn’t walk away. When she asked me to look at her, I almost caved. I wanted more than anything to stare into those brown eyes and forget reality. But what she would have given to me in those eyes was something I couldn’t have.

I knew she would stand by me, I knew she wouldn’t leave, so I said the one thing that would push her away. I told her that she was just another girl. It still twisted me up that I said that. She wasn’t another girl and never would be. She was the one I’ve dreamed of.

“Dumbass.” Blue pulled out a cigarette, and I knocked it out of his hand onto the ground with my Spidey reflexes. He stared at me. I stared ahead.

“No smoking. And I picked up some of your meds. They’re in my car.” I went to the pharmacy on my way back from meeting with the realtor this morning.

Blue cursed under his breath. “This is why I didn’t want you knowin’, Marilyn. You don’t have to take care of me, son.” He slapped his hand on my shoulder.

“You’re my family.” I looked at him straight on. “I’m taking care of you.”

“Well, that pretty little girl could be your family someday too, if you want her.”
Yeah, I want her
. “So stop being a dumbass and take care of her first. I’m not going anywhere, son, but she doesn’t have to stay and put up with your shit.”

“You don’t get it.” I sighed, kicking my shoes on the step.

“Don’t get what? Don’t get that you have the woman you’ve been waiting for, that you thought never existed? Don’t get how scary it is to find something so special, and be scared as fuck that it can just go away?”

“Well, yeah.” I kicked a rock and watched it bounce down the stairs.

“Don’t get that you think she’s too good for ya? That no way could she want a sorry son of a bitch like yourself?”

“Yeah,” I huffed watching the rock fall into a crack in the sidewalk.

“Took me a long time to figure out that no amount of money can take care of a woman right. That entire garage is full of all the crap I can’t let go of because it reminds me of the woman I lost figuring that out too late.”

“What?” I tore my eyes away from the rock and looked at Blue. He’d never mentioned a woman in his life before. Sure, we teased him at the shop about his old days as a player, but he’d always just laugh along.

“I had a good woman once. Joined the Army thinking I could take care of her. Didn’t expect to be sent off to war. Didn’t expect to leave her alone. I wrote her a letter and broke it off. I wanted her to find a man who was there for her physically, not just taking care of her with money.”

“Did you love her?” I asked him, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Course I did. Loved her more than my fuckin’ self. That’s the sorry excuse I used when I pushed her away, too.”

Blue took out another cigarette. I let him smoke this one. “So did she wait for you?”

“Fuck no. She did exactly what I thought I wanted her to do. Fell in love with some top-notch guy and had babies. She’s still married while my sorry ass hasn’t ever let her go. Can’t. She still has my heart.” He took one deep drag then tossed the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out right over my rock.

Shit, that would be me. There had never been another girl for me than Capri, and there never would be.

“Look, son, take it from me. You don’t wanna push her so far away that she runs into another man’s arms. You want her in yours.” He leaned into his elbow and coughed.

“I do.” I agreed with him. I wanted her in my arms all the time forever and ever. “But—”

“Ah…” Blue held his hand up to me. “Enough of the bitchin’ and moanin’ about not being good enough and let me tell you something else about women. You
never
tell them what to think. If she says you’re worth it, then dammit, Marilyn, you sure as hell are.” He clapped me on the back then stood up.

“Lemme have my legal drugs,” he mumbled and shuffled toward my car but stopped halfway there. “She smart?” he called back behind him.

“What?” I asked standing to catch up to him.

“Your lady. She smart?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “So much smarter than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“Even you?” He looked smirked back at me.

“Do balls sweat in the summer?”
Of course.

“There ya have it,” he tossed back.