Jessie sternly said “Trust me, man. I’ve had people I love leave this earth without getting the chance to say goodbye. It fucks a person up.”
Maybe he’s right…
When Clara saw all the blood, she came to a stop. Her brow crinkled as she stared. Her head turned slightly towards Melanie, but her gaze stayed on Anthony as she asked “Melanie, is… is he dead?”
I clenched my teeth, and felt the tears finally leave my eye and stream down my face as Melanie replied “Not yet, but he asked for you. He wants to say goodbye.”
All eyes were on Clara and Melanie for quite some time. We all just sat there, surrounding Anthony in the fluttering candlelight and waiting for Clara to approach.
When I looked back at Anthony, I found that he’d faded away while we were distracted. His chest had stopped moving and his head was leaning to the side. The flames from the candles were dancing in his eyes and giving the appearance of movement, but in reality they were completely still.
He can’t anymore…
I muttered “He’s gone” and they all turned back to him.
Clara just held Melanie’s hand and stared from afar. She wasn’t crying or making a scene, but when she finally started to approach I could see that same dead look in her eyes. A look that had only recently faded.
We failed her… No, I failed both of them…
Chapter 7
Jessie and I carefully wrapped Anthony’s body in some black bed sheets that Walt found in a hallway closet. At first he came back with white ones, but Jenny pointed out that they’d just turn red and sent him away to search for another color.
Melanie and Clara were sitting in the large chair across from him. Clara refused to leave the room – all she wanted to do was lean up against Melanie and watch as we prepared Anthony to be buried. She hasn’t said a single word since she asked Melanie if he was really dead...
Even though the hole didn’t need to be very large, it took what seemed like forever to dig it out with our rifles. The others tried to make me stop because they could see it was severely aggravating my leg, but I just lashed out in anger, refused to stop and kept digging.
As I helped Jessie lower Anthony’s body into the grave, Melanie and Clara were bringing out the lit candles from inside so his funeral wouldn’t be taking place in the pitch-black.
I was still battling with whether or not it was my fault…
Would Melanie have known not to turn her back on him after he showed concern for that dog?
Jessie finally asked “Why the hell would he have gone outside?”
Brian said “He was a little kid… Who knows?”
They both turned to me when I blurted out “He was trying to save a dog that was wandering around outside.”
Jessie frowned in confusion. “How do you know that?”
After a long pause, I replied “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to go downstairs and hang out – maybe read one of the books lying around. When I walked past Melanie’s room he was at the door… When I asked what he was doing he told me about the dog, so I promised him we’d try to bring it back when we went out to search for food... Then I told him to go back to sleep, and he shut the door so I didn’t give it another thought.”
I looked down to the ground and clenched my fists. “When I got done checking my bandages in the bathroom and walked out into the kitchen I heard him yelling. I should have known he would try and go out to find it. It’s my fault.”
Jessie turned to me and started waving his hands. “Whoa, whoa, man. What the hell are you talking about?”
Brian said “You’re just upset, James. Don’t add to it by blaming yourself for something you couldn’t possibly have known was going to happen… I wouldn’t have thought anything of it either.”
“Exactly.”
I wanted to believe them, but I didn’t… Jenny walked up behind me and put her hand on my back. Melanie was standing on the other side of the freshly dug grave with Clara. When I could see that she was about to speak, I froze and just stared –
Will she blame me?
Her voice was shaking as she said “James, your conversation with Anthony woke me up… When you were done, he came to bed and acted like he was going back to sleep. I didn’t think anything of it either and just closed my eyes again… So no, James. It’s not your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault – it just happened.”
Melanie sucked in air through her nose to clear out the congestion. “Just like when Chris couldn’t get the car turned around fast enough to get away… It wasn’t his fault our girls got pulled from the windows. It would have been the same story no matter who had been behind the wheel.”
Melanie looked down at Clara and said “No blame tonight. We should only be thinking about Anthony.” She kneeled down, dug her hand into the loose dirt and threw the first handful onto the sheets covering his body.
Clara did the same, and then we all joined in as Melanie began to say a prayer for him.
Chapter 8
By the time the sun came up, everyone but Melanie and Clara had gathered in the living-room. Very few words were uttered, and no one even mentioned food. Even though I’m sure their stomachs were growling just like mine – the want to eat wasn’t there.
We sat around the living room and exchanged awkward, saddened glances until Melanie finally came downstairs, claiming Clara refused to leave the room. “I just wanted to let you all know we’re okay.” She looked at Jessie and then Brian. “As soon as she’s feeling better, you’re going to teach us how to shoot.”
They gave each other a quick glance and Jessie said “Melanie, I know you’re upset, but I think she’s too small to fire any of the guns we have.”
Jenny was standing by the large front window that she seemed to favor. When she heard the subject of the conversation taking place, she turned around and came walking over.
She pulled up her pant leg to reveal a pistol strapped to her ankle, and then proceeded to remove it from the holster. “She can handle this for now and work her way up to an M4.” Jenny held up what appeared to be a 9mm. “No matter how hard we try, we won’t always be able to protect her. A time could very well come when having a gun and knowing how to use it could save her life… or even one of ours.”
I said “Do it, Jenny. Teach her. I was only a little older than she was when I learned.”
Jessie turned to Melanie. “Looks like it’s settled. I’ll teach you – if you want.”
Melanie nodded and said “Thank you.” She moved her woeful eyes to Jenny. “Just give her a few days.”
Jenny’s voice was clearly demanding as she replied “We start tomorrow.” She looked over to Jessie. “We’re staying here for a few more days.”
“Whatever you say.”
As Melanie walked away, she seemed to be in a daze – I even noticed her stagger a bit. I knew she was taking it harder than anyone else, possibly even Clara. Even though she hadn’t known Anthony for very long – to her, it was as if she’d lost another one of her own children. If Clara wasn’t still around to keep her going, I’d genuinely be worried that she might hurt herself…
The rest of us sat down and Jenny continued to stare out of the window. Brian said “Jenny, what are you doing? That’s all you’ve done since we got here.”
She stood perfectly straight, with her arms folded over her chest and the sinister looking M4 strapped across her back. From being in the military, her back and shoulders were noticeably larger and more toned than the average woman’s.
I saw her tense up, but she didn’t turn around. “I’m watching for more shredders… This place might appear to be empty, but we’ve already had contact with four so far – so, obviously that’s not the case.”
Jessie said “I say we just get out there and start searching houses. It’ll help take our minds off everything.”
Walt pushed himself up from the couch and remarked “I’m with you on that. I need to get outta this house for a while. So, who’s gonna stay behind?”
Jessie’s eyes moved to me. “Sorry, James… Do you wanna go or stay, Jenny?”
“I’ll stay.”
Fuck…
Due to their experience and training, I was hoping she’d go and Jessie would want Walt to stay behind. I knew the area was mainly empty, but that fact provided me with very little comfort.
Walt, on the other hand, was clearly happy to get back out there. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to spend the entire day sitting around in the room where Anthony bled to death – looking at the dark-red stains on the lightly colored couch.
“Do you guys have an extra rifle? We’re almost out of bullets for these anyway.”
Jessie gave Brian a quick nod and he headed for the front door. Jessie said “Glad you said something. We have the two long-range rifles we picked up off the guys who tried to rob us, but we’re out of rounds and they’re totally custom… I don’t even know what they take.” He looked over at me. “Go tell Brian to get you one too... Never know when we might run into a situation where those single shot rifles come in handy – they have noticeably better accuracy and knock down power at long distances.”
Walt put his hand out to stop me as I went to get up. “Your leg. I’ll go tell him.”
“Thanks.”
Jessie must have noticed me glaring at him. I wasn’t angry with him – I was just angry in general and he was in my line of sight. “James, I know it’s killin you, but you have to heal so you can really be of help to us.”
After just having to bury Anthony and now knowing that Walt was going out there without me, I wasn’t in the mood to say more than a few words. “I know.”
I’ve accepted that it wasn’t completely my fault – completely being the key word – but the pain is just as strong as it was when we buried him. The guilt may have somewhat faded, but the torment remains the same.
It brought me back to the night I hid in the room at that Vet’s office to keep myself away from Walt, fearing I might turn. Clara’s face and her little hands pounding on that window relentlessly flashed before my eyes… Now, I was having the same types of lucid visions of Anthony. The only difference was that this time I couldn’t do anything to help. I couldn’t just go back…
Walt and Brian came lumbering through the front doorway and Brian tossed me an M4. I was immediately surprised by how light it was and how good it felt in my hands. There was a small scope mounted on top, but it had an unmagnified lens with crosshairs for medium range. Which really, was much better for our current situation. Almost every shot I’ve taken has been from less a hundred yards.
Brian said “It’s not like the movies guys – you don’t just hold down the trigger. These guns do stay on target very well if you’re experienced, but for now, pretend it’s single shot. We have to do our best to only spend one bullet per shredder.”
We both nodded and muttered agreeable replies. Jessie said “So, I think we should stay away from the gate in case any are walking around near the entrance – might inspire them to alert the others and start comin in the neighborhood… all that shit.”
Jenny turned her head back, just enough for us to see the side of her face. “There’s a car in one of the driveways near the end of the street. Check there first.”
When they went to leave, before I had the chance to say it, Walt looked back at me, smiled and said “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.”
Jessie added “Might be a good idea if one of you posts up on the second floor. You’ll be able to see a lot farther.”
Jenny left the front window, and as she passed by me she said “You watch down here and I’ll go upstairs.” When she turned into the kitchen, Melanie and Clara blocked her path.
Melanie said “Clara was in the hall listening earlier.” She looked down at her. “Tell Jenny what you told me. You need to speak for yourself from now on.”
Jenny wasn’t much taller than Clara so she didn’t have to lean down very far. “How old are you?”
She swallowed and slightly raised her brow. “Twelve.”
“My father taught me how to shoot a gun when I was thirteen.” Jenny put on a comforting smile. “And I was a whole lot smaller than you are too… If you’re ready, I’ll be happy to show you.”
I could tell Clara was scared, but she hid it well as she confidently said “I’m ready.”
Jenny asked me to go catch Walt and the others before they left so the shots wouldn’t alarm them. “We’re going to do this upstairs so if it attracts any attention they’ll be far from harm’s way.”
“Hopefully some do wander up, I would be an opportunity for them to shoot at moving targets.” I remarked as I headed out to let the others know to ignore the shots.
Once I made it back inside, Jenny had already taken them upstairs. The house was completely silent, and the dozens of large windows allowed the quickly intensifying sun to fill the room with a soft, glowing light. The tranquility of it urged me to lie down on the couch and try to get some sleep… Until I glanced over and was painfully reminded that the couch was stained with Anthony’s blood…
A few minutes after I pulled up a chair by the front bay and starting keeping watch, the first gunshot rang out and one of the windows across the street shattered…
Melanie must be going first with the M4…
I heard another shot, but none of the windows broke. She fired again, and one of the many small panes of glass in the garage door shattered…
She’s having her aim at even smaller targets. Maybe I should be up there too…
After Melanie hit three more panes of glass, the shooting stopped.
It wasn’t long before I became bored with sitting around and waiting for windows to break, and there were no shredders in sight, so I got up and started looking at all the books scattered around the tables.
Most of them were about interior decorating, poetry or modern art, and had very stylish and noticeable covers – just to show off for the customer. I was relieved when I came across a large, leather-bound book titled “The History of the Civil War”. It was small, but thicker than a textbook – the perfect size to keep me busy while I acted as a glorified sentry.
When I made it back to my seat, I said to myself –
After every page, I take a look around for a minute. I can’t slack…
I looked down the road, just in time to see Jessie kicking open the front door of the house with the car in the driveway. When I saw they had Walt stand outside to keep watch, a good portion of my worry began to fade. I listened for any gunshots that would signal they ran into something (or someone), but the only ones I heard were coming from upstairs.
A metallic ping followed the next shot and caused me to glance up from the book. I heard it again and saw sparks shoot off the side of the mailbox…
Clara’s turn with the 9mm…
I was perfectly content to read about the Civil War. I’d always been so fascinated by WWII that I never got around to learning much about it. It was actually difficult to abide by my own rule of looking up for a while after every page.
The next time I did, I could see Walt, Jessie and Brian standing in the driveway next to the silver car. They were empty handed, and Jessie was waving his arms around and seemed to be yelling. When they all began heading back to us, I automatically assumed we were about to be presented with a new problem.
My mind was busy trying to guess what had happened, so I must not have heard Jenny come back downstairs. Her voice surprised me and I somewhat fumbled the book. “Something must have happened.”
“Yeah, I figured as much. Can’t be that bad though – all three of them are coming back.”
Jenny let out a quick, strong breath through her nose and moved closer to the window. Her eyes thinned as she watched them get closer and calculated all the different possibilities that could explain their quick return.
She suddenly left my side and headed out to the driveway to wait for them. I let the book drop to the floor and followed her out. When Jessie got close enough, he threw his hands up and said “Looks like some people have already been through this place. The house was picked clean – fuckers even took the rolls of toilet paper!”
“And I went and checked another house across the street. I could see that all the cabinets and doors were hanging open when I looked through a window.” Brian bleakly remarked.
When Walt got closer to me I could see him staring at my mangled face. I recognized the pitying look from the day after it happened and he changed my bandage in the bathroom. Instead of continuing to think about that day, I thought about how strange it was to see him with so much hair on his face. He looked so… grown up.
Jessie barked out in frustration “We’re gonna have to use the van and go deeper into the neighborhood.”
Jenny stepped toward him and said “But, the noise.”
“We’ve only seen a handful of them since we came in here, and you were just giving shooting lessons a few minutes ago – still nothing… Look, if things get too heavy we’ll turn around and try something else.”
I don’t like this idea, but what the hell am I supposed to say? I can’t go, so no one can?