Tudor Princess, The (14 page)

A few days after my brother and his bride’s joint coronation I learned of my grandmother’s death. For all her stricture and hardness, there was no doubting her love. I was her special responsibility; no one attended me as she did. No one worried over me as she did. I recalled all the pranks I pulled on her, noting only now the twitch of her lips as she scolded me, the merry twinkle in her eye as she called me ‘that impetuous girl.’ Could it be that she saw something of herself in me and admired it? I should like to think so.

I looked out over the Scottish countryside, the rolling hills, the silvery mist hovering over the land like a mourning veil, and dreamed of home, of what was and what could never be reclaimed. They were all dying; all leaving me. I shuddered with fear. Was there nothing that lasted?

I will never see you again.

The cycle of death was broken with a burst of new life.

The prince was born at Holyrood on 21 October. I became determined to evade the darkness that danced about the fringes of my soul, waiting to devour me. I would not let it. I would see my son into this world. Weak, bleeding, and quivering, I brought him forth, my beautiful Prince Arthur, named for my brother and the famed king from whom we descended, and clasped him to my chest.

It was a fortuitous name – a good sign. Prince Arthur now stood as heir to the thrones of both Scotland and England if my brother bore none himself, and though it was unlikely lusty Henry would have any problem securing the succession, I admitted to a certain evil hope that perhaps those born of my body would one day unite the two kingdoms.

It was the great sin of those who ruled, the lust for more power, and I was not immune to it. Indeed the acuteness of my longing frightened me.

I watched him grow, strong and lusty and golden like his namesake. His legs were chubby and fair. I kissed the silky skin; I cradled him to my chest. I sang to him. William Dunbar wrote verses celebrating his beauty, and Jamie, his proud, devoted father, allowed his back to heal at last.

How much joy the little prince brought us! He cooed and giggled. His bright blue eyes sparkled. He rarely cried. The nurses and rockers were enthralled with him; they praised his every move. Never had they cared for such a bonny lad.

There was no indication that we would lose him.

When we did, at Edinburgh on a warm July day just nine months after his birth, we fled the castle. We could not bear to be where our greatest happiness was known, where the memory of his baby laughter still echoed in the nursery.

I accompanied Jamie on his pilgrimage this time. I did not share his enthusiasm for ritual and things holy, but I vowed to make some kind of amends for whatever sin I may have brought down upon our house. I examined my actions, my thoughts, my heart. My pride, I realised, may be what caused God to take him from me. I looked into my baby’s eyes and saw a prince, a future king. I dreamed of him sitting on not only the throne of Scotland but that of England as well. It was a cruel thought, a selfish thought, for in thinking it I wished ill upon my brother and sister-in-law. Now they, too, had known the agony of losing children, and as far removed as I was from them, I had played a part in their losses nonetheless. Now God punished me for it. Again. I had to make amends.

And so I prayed. I kissed relics. I inhaled the sickeningly sweet scent of incense. I lit candles. I offered money. Jamie whipped himself bloody. More links were added to his belt. He planned his Crusade with more fervour, ordering the construction of a great ship to add to his fleet in the hopes of setting sail for the Holy Land when the Pope called for him. He wrote other kingdoms, soliciting their participation in his noble cause; no one committed.

There were matters far more pressing than a fruitless Crusade to occupy them. They cared not for the well-intended obsession of a guilt-ridden king nor for the grief of his queen.

Babies died every day, after all.

The Empire, Spain, Venice, and England had formed a Holy League against France by November of 1511 and helped Pope Julius II regain some of his lost holdings. The French had hoped to call for a council in which discussions about church reforms could ensue, but the challenge infuriated the Pope and France was placed under interdict.

While England delivered their declaration of war to the French, I delivered Scotland of a prince, whom we again called James for his father.

I was engulfed in darkness once more, immobilised by the strangling mists. Yet inside the flame the Tudor fire still burned, urging me to live. The baby’s cry was lusty; it seemed stronger than the rest somehow. It served as my guide; I followed it. Louder and louder it grew, piercing my ears with its urgency. He needed me. This baby needed me. The blackness faded and I was immersed in the white light of motherhood.

I awakened, drawing into focus the sweet, elated face of my husband.

‘The baby?’ I whispered, my body tensing in terror.

‘Maggie. He lives,’ Jamie assured me, beaming as he stroked my clammy forehead. ‘He
lives!
’

‘Praise God!’ I breathed, relinquishing myself to tears of relief. If we could just get through this first year everything would be all right, I was sure of it. Oh, may it go fast!

Jamie was in a frenzy. England had put us in an awkward position. France had been Scotland’s long-time ally and my brother’s desire to conquer them had little to do with the Holy League and more to do with regaining England’s lost holdings.

‘Christian princes fighting Christian princes!’ Jamie seethed as he paced my chambers. ‘No one will emerge the victor. The real battle is in the Holy Land – if only they would see that!’

I shook my head, saddened, wishing in vain that there was another conduit for Jamie’s obsession. ‘They’ll not think of the Holy Land if they can gain from the destruction of something much closer to home,’ I said at last. ‘But, by the Mass, I wish Scots-English relations did not have to be strained because of it!’

‘Ah, Maggie, I am disappointed,’ Jamie lamented, his face writ with genuine disillusionment. ‘Your brother has not adhered to our treaty; there are still border raids for which we have no choice but to retaliate. He sacrificed diplomacy in favour of rash action when he had the Howard brothers murder our good Captain Andrew Barton for piracy. Poor Robin …’ he added with a shake of his head, referring to Robert Barton, who had long been one of our favourites. ‘And the jewels bequeathed to you by your dear brother Arthur and honoured grandmother have not yet been sent. Thus far this Henry is not proving to be half the king your father was in any regard.’

‘He is so young,’ I reminded Jamie in a pathetic attempt to keep the peace. ‘Just a boy. Young men are often lusty for war. He will learn.’

‘At the cost of men’s lives?’ Jamie countered. ‘Not to mention the cost to his own exchequer and his friendship with me, which going to war with Scotland’s oldest ally would certainly jeopardise. I would not think he would want to risk war with me. I am far nearer to him than France.’

‘Of course not,’ I reaffirmed. ‘Peace can be negotiated, Jamie. With France and with us. Henry wouldn’t dare offend his sister’s country.’

I cradled our son to my breast, looking down at his rosy countenance. I was with child again and did not wish to contemplate anything unpleasant. Peace was my objective; my children must have a stable alliance secured with England. Oh, heady thoughts …

‘Wouldn’t it have been wonderful if we were born simple people?’ I asked Jamie then. ‘If we did not have to worry about the decisions we make affecting dynasties and starting wars. I’d have been a shepherdess, I think, and would don a gauzy gown to stroll through the fields as I tended my flock.’ I closed my eyes, riveted by my fantasy. ‘I’d walk through the heather and run my hand along the top, letting it tickle my palm. And every day would be one of peace, surrounded by God’s most beloved creatures.’ My eyes fluttered open and I offered my husband a smile. ‘What would you have been, Jamie, had you been a simple man?’

Jamie smiled in turn. His face softened; his brows relaxed. The crinkle in his forehead smoothed as he sat on my bed to ponder. ‘I suppose I would have liked to have been a sailor,’ he said. His voice was low with whimsy. ‘Or an alchemist and spend my days trying to convert base metals into gold. Or a musician, with nothing to do but while away his hours strumming his lute and yielding to fancy.’ His voice grew softer still. ‘And you, my Maggie? What else would you have been besides a beautiful shepherdess, had you not been born my queen?’

‘Your wife,’ I answered. ‘Before anything else, your wife.’

Jamie gathered me in his arms. The baby gurgled and cooed while his sibling offered a lively kick within my womb.

I decided then and there that there was nothing else I’d rather have been than Jamie’s Queen of Scots.

In November I was delivered of a premature daughter at Holyrood. So tiny, she was no more than the length of my wrist to my fingertips. I was strong enough to reach out to her, to caress the translucent cheek before God claimed her to reside among her brothers and sister in heaven.

I was almost too ill to mourn. My thoughts were dominated by the possibility of lending aid to France, thus placing ourselves at odds with Henry’s England, making my recovery even slower. My limbs were so heavy; I found it difficult to summon the will to breathe. My aching breasts dried and I bled with nothing to show for it. I was nauseated but too ill to retch; the bitter taste of bile was forever in my mouth, stagnant and suffocating. My stomach clenched in pain, but I could not even curl up against it. I was too tired to move. My tears cut slow, sluggish trails down my cheeks, lazy as the rest of me.

‘If my brother goes to war with France, you will be against him, won’t you?’ I asked Jamie one grey afternoon as he sat by my bedside.

‘It is very possible, Maggie.’ His voice was very low.

I closed my eyes, wearied of it all. Yes, I knew. Jamie said as much before. A vision of my father swirled against the opaque background of my eyelids. I was to forge an understanding between England and Scotland, he had instructed. How could I be the least bit successful in that task if they were in opposition? It was more than a matter of countries; it was a matter of family. My husband and my brother, the two people I loved most in the world – how could I be made to choose one over the other?
Oh, there must be a way to avoid this
…

But I could not think of it now.

I was so very sick …

8

D
ecember did not see me any better and the news was even worse. Jamie’s intelligence revealed that Henry would tax his people to raise funds for the continued war against France. There was no doubt of whom Jamie would stand with. By 10 December France’s Admiral de la Motte anchored at Leith with a ship full of gunpowder, gunstones, eight brass serpentines, by far the most accurate of light field artillery, wine, and, at last, plate and eight bolts of cloth of gold for me.

‘Maggie, it is almost certain your brother is planning an attack against us as well,’ Jamie told me, his eyes lit with the bewildered sadness and anger of betrayal. ‘He has never taxed his people to this degree. It can mean nothing else. No good will come of it, I can assure you,’ he added darkly.

My heart sank in my chest; even it had ceased to beat with vigour. ‘Jamie, no … for love of me, dinna speak of it any more. I am so weak, so very weak …’

My eyes closed and I yielded to the darkness.

I am kneeling before a chest. My legacy from Grandmother and my brother Arthur has arrived at last! I sift through the jewels. They are so pretty! Emeralds, sapphires, diamonds … but wait … they are melting. What is happening? I recoil in horror. They are no longer glittering and golden; all have transformed into pearls. The adornment of widows … I turn. Jamie must be warned. I reach out to him, but he is falling, falling, falling from a tower’s great height … I watch him disappear into a bottomless void. No! Jamie, don’t go!

I awoke with a start. ‘Jamie …’ I murmured. ‘I want Jamie!’

‘He has gone, dearest,’ cooed my attendant Ellen. ‘He goes to pray for the restoration of Your Grace’s health at Tain.’