Turn Towards the Sun: Book Three- Forever in Bloom (The Sunflower Trilogy) (5 page)

“Your husband is a pretty smart man, Ava,” she says, winking.

“This I know.” I finish stuffing the cornetto in my mouth and drain my coffee cup, knowing it will please Enzo immensely. I still feel sick to my stomach, but food can only help at this point.

“Did you talk to your parents yet?” Cassie asks.

I shake my head. “I know they’re worried, but I can’t bear the thought of hearing how sad they must be over this.”

“Everyone is sad. When I told them, well, it was awful. Your dad wanted to fly out here, but I told them to wait until you called. I wasn’t sure what you would want.”

“I don’t know what I want either. I never imagined this would happen. It’s hard to even envision the future now,” I say.

“The future is wide open, Ava. I know it’s easy for me to say, but everything will work out for you and Enzo. It will.”

I glance at my friend. I hope she’s right. “I’m going to take a shower and then call them. Checca is coming over later too and I still need to call Gab. After that, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. There is nothing that discussing it will resolve.”

“If you say so, but maybe you should talk to someone. Like a therapist or a priest.”

“I don’t need to. It is what it is. I need to focus on getting healthy so we can move past this. It’s that simple, no?”

Cassie shrugs and helps me out of bed. I’m still a little shaky, but the coffee and pastry helped. “See you later, Ava,” Cassie says, as she leaves the bedroom.

I walk into the bathroom and start the shower after removing my pajamas. In moments, Enzo appears by my side, a frown creasing his face. “Ava, let me help you.”

“I’m not an invalid, Enzo. I can take a damn shower by myself.”

Enzo pulls his head back, eyebrows raised. “I don’t think it’s necessary to speak to me in that way, Ava. It’s my job to care for you and I intend to do so.”

I turn and stare back at my husband, who looks more hurt than angry. “I’m sorry, Enzo. I just want to be treated like everything is normal.”

“Don’t I normally care for you this way, amore?”

My lips curl up in a small smile as I realize he’s absolutely right. He always treats me like this. My internal pain is just causing me to lash out for no reason. “You’re right, Enzo. I love that about you.”

“I live for your happiness, Ava. You know this. It is my extreme pleasure to bathe you.”

As we shower, I think about what talking to my parents will be like and facing Enzo’s family. I just need to mentally prepare myself for the fact that the next week or so is going to be emotionally difficult.

“What are you thinking about, amore?” Enzo asks, breaking my silent reverie.

“Just about talking to my folks and your family. It’s going to be a shitty week.”

“We’ll get through it,” he says.

We finish and I walk into the closet to grab a pair of shoes. When I come out of the closet, Enzo has laid out a t-shirt for me. It’s my ‘cupcake junkie’ shirt; the one I was wearing the day I met him. Picking it up, I look at it before I put it on- the memories of that day rushing back to me. Finally, I step into my favorite pair of yoga pants. Piling my hair on top of my head, I walk back into the bathroom and put my eye cream on and cover my lips in my favorite gloss. I know it will take a long time to feel normal again, but at least I can count on my routines and comforts around me.

Walking out into the living room, I see Francesca sitting on the couch, staring out into the backyard. She jumps up when she sees me and rushes towards me, wrapping her arms around me. “Ava, I don’t know what to say,” she says, reminding me of how awkward this is for others.

“There isn’t anything to say. I’m just happy to see you,” I say, returning her embrace. “Let’s have some coffee and relax, no?” I suggest.

Francesca nods and after kissing his sister on both cheeks, Enzo heads into the kitchen to make the coffee. We sit silently for a moment; I’m sure both of us trying to compose our words. I should be the one to break the silence.

“The doctor says I’m going to be okay. I contracted a viral infection that caused a high fever and that was why…it happened.” I simply can’t bring myself to say it again. Francesca rubs my hand as I speak. “She said there is no reason I can’t get pregnant again. I just need to wait a few weeks for my body to heal completely. I’m going to be fine,” I add, trying to convince myself that it’s true.

“Yes, of course you are, Ava. It was just an unfortunate event, no?”

“Yes, unfortunate.” I fight back my tears as Enzo returns with the coffee.

“Do you want to be alone?” he asks.

“No, stay with us,” I respond.

Enzo smiles softly at me and pours us all a cup. We sit silently and watch Maximus chew his toy. Cassie and Chris join us after a few minutes and we all settle into a comfortable conversation, everyone clearly avoiding the huge elephant in the room. These are the people that love me, that care about me no matter what. I feel a flitter of hope in me as I realize that I am very loved and somehow I will get through this. I have to.

“Yes, I have an idea,” Francesca announces. “The two of you should go on a vacation, no? You could go to Italy, or a beach. Or a beach in Italy,” she adds, smiling.

Shaking my head, I respond. “I don’t want to go on a vacation. I want to get on with life. Besides, we are far too busy to take time off. We have a hotel to finish.”

Enzo reaches out and rubs my hand. “There is always time to do the things we need to. It’s not a bad idea.”

I narrow my eyes at him, making it clear that this is not a topic I intend to discuss in front of everyone. The last thing I want is nothing but time on my hands to dwell on my loss. Add that I can’t have sex with Enzo, and that only makes it worse. I want nothing to do with a vacation right now.

Enzo wisely picks up on my resistance and changes the subject. “Checca, why don’t you tell us how the house design went for you.”

Francesca smiles, also realizing that we aren’t going to continue to discuss me and my tragedy. “Yes, it was amazing. I started with the living room. It was large and so plain and they said I could do anything…”

I lean back against my husband, his hand gently rubbing my back, as we listen to Checca tell her story. I know that what I really need is routine and things to do. I shake my head softly to rid my mind of these thoughts and focus on the friends and family around me.

AFTER EVERYONE LEAVES, I brace myself to go call my parents. They are the last people I want to talk to since I know there is no way I can fight back all this emotion once I hear their voices. It’s necessary though. I’ve made them wait long enough to speak to me.

My hands shake as I dial the number. After a couple of rings, my father answers the phone. “Hi, princess,” he says, sadly.

“Hi daddy.”

“It’s good to hear your voice. How are you holding up?”

My bottom lip quivers in response to his question. “Daddy,” I say as tears start to roll down my cheeks. “I’m broken. So very broken.”

“I know, honey. I’m so sorry. What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. No one can help. It’s just something I need to go through and only time will make it better.”
I hope.

“You have Enzo and I’m sure he is taking good care of you.”

“He is. The best he can possibly do, which is a lot. I just don’t know how it happened.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“Nothing helpful.” I sob heavily now. “Is mom there?”

“She is. In the craft room. I’ll go get her.”

I take a deep breath and wait for my mom. The sound of her voice will trigger another avalanche of tears.

“Ava, sweetheart. Mama’s here.”

I can tell from her strained words she is trying to hold back her own emotion. I don’t even want to think about how hard she is taking this loss.

“Hi,” is all I can say before the tears take over. We sit for ages simply crying together on the phone. Our shared grief is more than enough and words are simply not necessary for several minutes.

“Ava, honey,” my dad says, “you know we love you and we are here for you. Do you want us to come out there?”

“I don’t know. I just want to get back to my regular life. I hate feeling so sad.”

“It’s okay to feel sad, Ava,” my mom says. “In fact, you should. You lost something so precious and it’s only right you would be heartbroken. Just let yourself feel the pain, rely on those around you for support, and let your husband and family love and comfort you.”

Her words are so touching and hit me right in the heart. All I can do is continue to cry into the phone while I listen to my parents do their best to comfort me.

When I finally hang up the phone, I’m exhausted and just want to go back to bed. I decide to visit my husband in his office before taking a nap. I knock softly on his door, listening to his lovely voice barking commands at some unknown caller.

“Come in, Ava,” he says, his voice softening momentarily. “Can you just take care of it? I’ll stop by later today,” he says. He nods his head and hangs up. “Ciao, amore. How did it go with your parents?”

“Brutal, but to be expected. You know how emotional my mom can be. I convinced them not to come out here since there is really nothing they can do for me. I think it would just prolong things for me.”

He nods. “You look tired. Dr. Warner said you should rest and not push yourself.”

“I know what Dr. Warner said,” I reply, a bit too defensively, I’m sure.

“Ava,” Enzo says as he stands and walks towards me. “I know you are hurt, but you must try to remember that I love you and I’m here for you. I’m not being condescending when I tell you these things. I’m just reminding you to care for yourself. I’d rather you recognize these things, but if you don’t, I will make sure of it, capisci?”

I look up at him, feeling like a small petulant child being scolded. He’s right and I keep striking out at him. “I just want to get back to the way things were.”

“We will, but it will take some time. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to relax.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’m so irritable.”

“You don’t need to be sorry. I can only begin to imagine how you feel inside. I just want you to know that I am here and I won’t leave you no matter how you treat me.” He smiles causing me to smile too. I lean my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His strong arms wrap around me and the tears start sliding down my cheeks once more. I feel his kisses on the top of my head and I press closer to him. There is one thing I know for sure. This man loves me. Warts and all.

“I’ll take care of myself, tesoro. Starting now.” I lift my face to his and brush my lips against his chin. He responds by lowering his mouth to mine and pulling me into a sweet kiss; one that I can feel down to the tips of my toes. Pushing my body into his, I revel in the sensation of his closeness. I inhale deeply; letting the scent of his cologne and soap from the shower envelop me- it’s absolutely heavenly. How was I so lucky to catch this amazing man? I decide not to question my fortune and just treasure every moment of my life with Enzo.

Enzo backs away from me, a beautiful grin on his face. “Signora, you shouldn’t let me kiss you like that. We need to wait for a while before I can ravish you again.”

“True, but I’m sure when I’m feeling better there are some other things we can do to pass the time.”

“I can wait. It will be difficult, but so sweet once I get back to you. It will be just like when we met all over again, no?”

“I hated that,” I say, crinkling my nose.

Enzo laughs softly. “As did I, amore. Come, let’s get you back into bed.”

“I’ll go. You stay and finish working.” I kiss his cheek and head back to my bedroom for a much needed nap. There is just one more call I need to make before I rest. Gabby.

I dial her number and take a deep breath as I wait for her to answer.

“Hi!” Gabby answers. “I’m so glad to hear from you. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You are never bothering me. I just needed some time,” I respond.

“I know. So, um, how are you? I don’t know if that is the right thing to ask.”

“It is. I’m holding up, but my moods are all over the place. One minute I’m fine and ready to get on with things, the next I’m a crying mess, and the minute after that I’m angry and lashing out at Enzo.”

“I think that’s to be expected. I’m sure Enzo understands,” she pauses. “I’d love to see you when you are feeling up to it.”

“Yeah, of course. I need my friends around me. I’m gonna nap then I’ll give you a call. How’s that?”

“Perfect. Hey Ava, I love you, girl.”

“I love you too, Gabby. Talk to you soon.”

I’m relieved that wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I couldn’t take another teary conversation. I really hope I can get my moods under control and get back to the business of living my life. Climbing back into bed, I look around the room for a moment as sleep begins to overtake me. There is much in my life to be thankful for and I need to make a conscious decision to focus on those things. No one ever said life was fair.

I close my eyes and give in to my body’s desperate need for rest.