Turning Tides (30 page)

The plane rose from the water, fighting its way through the choppy waves and the pounding storm. “Hold on to something,” Miriam yelled.

Mac tightened his grip on me. Simon stood behind Miriam’s shoulder, peering nervously through the windshield as we climbed fifty, then one hundred feet into the air.

“Let me go,” I whispered.

He said nothing.

“Please. I can’t see the island from here. This may be the last chance I ever get.”

I sensed his uncertainty, and his arms relaxed, just a tiny bit.

It was the best I was going to get. I sent the fire to his forearms, just enough to sting, and flung myself forward as he yelped. Two steps and I was at the door, peering down at Lydia, still clinging to the plane.

Sera shoved me backwards. “That’s enough fire. Find your water and get this damned storm under control.”

I laughed in her face and staggered back to the door. When Sera tried to push me a second time, I clung to the doorframe and refused to move.

“Damn it, Ade. Stop this and come back to us. You always come back.” She was screaming, or pleading. Maybe both.

Lydia had both arms inside the plane now, uncertain eyes locked on me. She knew, whatever Deborah promised, there was no happy ending for her. We don’t get to escape the things we’ve done.

“I can’t do that, Sera.” I sent my fire toward Lydia in a rush, and when Sera tried to block me, I boosted it with the water. It poured into the woman, claiming her entire body.

The tiny plane shook, jolting as it passed through the pounding storm. Lydia’s fingers lost their grip.

Two hundred feet above the ocean, she fell.

I whispered to the magic, told it to burn her before she fell out of my reach and into the welcoming arms of her element. I told it to end this.

The magic was silent. The world grew dim.

Unburnt, Lydia landed safely in the water, and I could only whimper at my failure.

My arms were heavy, and my legs threatened to crumple beneath me. A tiny pain on my neck vanished. I turned my head, fighting to understand.

Mac stood at my side, an empty syringe in his hand. “Forgive me,” he whispered, “but I keep my promises.” I blinked at him, then fell against his side, unable to support myself.

Right before everything went dark, I thought I saw several large bodies in a distinct black and white pattern swim toward the woman who’d set us all on this path.

Then I closed my eyes and saw nothing else.

Chapter 28

When I woke, I was
fairly certain the dwarves from
Snow White
had found their way inside my head and were mining for gold in my skull. Every cell in my body ached. Every organ screamed in agony, until I was pretty sure I could identify my gall bladder by its pain signature alone.

It was excruciating, worse than anything I’d ever known. I felt like a giant had consumed several bottles of cheap liqueur while eating some bad fish, then performed a spell to transfer the sickness to my body.

I wasn’t ready to wake. Fatigue called to me, and I nearly gave in, slipping back into a perfect sleep, where there was no pain, no insanity—and no murders on my conscience.

I shied away from that thought, unwilling to examine it. It would insist on my attention soon enough.

“Water,” I whispered.

“Water? You can feel your water magic again?”

I cracked one eye open. It was crusty, the lashes sticking together. I didn’t just feel gross. I looked it, too.

Sera stood at the end of the bed, twisting her hands together.

“No, water. In a glass. To drink.” I didn’t go looking for my water magic. I wasn’t ready to know what I’d find.

A rough hand brought a glass to my lips, and another reached underneath my shoulders, propping me up so I wouldn’t choke.

Wakefulness came slowly, a reluctant separation of the dark dream world and harsh reality. Mac was behind me, I knew. The bed was warm and soft. Music filled the room, a song I loved and one that caused Sera to make gagging sounds whenever I played it.

“The Civil Wars?” The words were slurred, but Sera understood.

“Yeah, well. I figured it couldn’t hurt to remind you that you’re the sort of person who prefers banjos to electric guitars.”

I listened to several bars, hoping I was still that person.

“You drugged me.” It was a statement of fact, rather than an accusation, and neither Mac nor Sera denied it.

“If he hadn’t, I was a second away from knocking you upside the head until you had a bad case of unconsciousness.”

I took another sip. My stomach rumbled in protest, and I pushed the glass away.

“You keep threatening to do that, but we both know you’re too little.” I eased my way into a sitting position, still finding my bearings. I was in a bed, and Mac’s arm was around me, and that was an excellent place to start. He propped a single pillow behind my back for support.

Sera snorted. “Yes, but unlike you, I actually have muscles.” Then, with no warning, she started crying. Sera, the woman who never shed a tear, stood at the foot of my bed and sobbed. “Damn it, Ade. It’s you, right? You’re still in there?”

I didn’t know how to answer. I was still Aidan, yes, but not the same woman who’d walked into Grams’ library. The magic might be quiet for the moment, but a shadow lived inside me now. Already, I felt it, a darkness that watched my every move and would prey on any weakness. It was both a stranger and an integral part of me.

I might control it, at times, but it also controlled me. It brushed against my mind, a caress. A promise. It wasn’t going anywhere.

But for this moment, I was Aidan. I was filled with fear and regret and a small mountain of horror at what I’d done, but I was still me. “I’m here. But keep those syringes close, okay?”

Sera’s tears were already drying up. She released one shuddering breath, then put her game face on. If it weren’t for the red eyes and tear tracks that still marked her face, no one would ever know she’d cried.

“I don’t want to, if we can help it. We have no idea what effect that drug will have longterm. It could make everything worse.” Even so, she glanced to her right, and when I followed her eye line, I saw the small black case one of them had pocketed. They’d been prepared for whatever I was when I awoke.

“Well, I’ll do my best not to kill someone else, but if I get close to that point again, you have to do it. If I even look a bit unstable, you do it. No questions. I just wish…” I didn’t finish the thought. I wished one of them had thought to jab me before I killed David, but I wouldn’t blame them for my crimes. It had been me, and me alone, and I would live with it for the rest of my life, another body for the growing graveyard in my soul.

No one had much to say. Mac hadn’t spoken a word since I woke, but when I cautiously turned my head to face him, repositioning the hammering dwarves in my head, I found him looking at me with eyes as warm as I’d ever seen. I fought against my own breakdown at that moment. Really, only one of us should be crying at a time.

“How can you not hate me?” I looked at Mac, but the words were for both of them.

Sera moved to the other side of the bed and sat gently on the side. “Let’s get a few things straight. First, David killed our father, and I can’t forgive that. I won’t mourn his death, and I won’t allow you to torment yourself for years to come over what you did, not when you need to focus your energy on saving yourself. I don’t even care if he had his reasons, if he could justify killing Josiah. David was not one of my people. Despite everything, my father was, and you definitely are. You always will be, you know.”

Fuck it. I was going to cry, and there was no help for it. I gave in, talking through the tears. “Do we have any idea what that was about? The whole ‘boy in the car’ thing?”

“No, but Vivian’s already digging deeper into David’s history. If there’s an answer to find, you know she’ll uncover it. And if you’re wondering, she’s been monitoring the island. Nothing’s happened so far between the council and your family other than a lot of yelling, but she’ll let us know if that changes.”

That was good. My entire life felt like an open-ended question these days, and I didn’t want to add any new mysteries to the existing pile.

There was another question I needed to ask, though I dreaded their response. “After what I did, aren’t you scared of me?”

Sera shook her head so fast, her curls bobbed from side to side. “No way. I’m not scared, and I never will be. No matter how batshit you got, you never tried to hurt me, or your mother, or Mac. You may lose your best judgment when the fire and the crazy takes over, but Aidan is still in there somewhere. I am absolutely certain of this.”

Mac’s chin rested on my head, and I felt his nod of agreement. “You could have burnt me so I’d put you down and you could go back to Lydia. When you did fight me, you only singed me a tiny bit, no worse than a sunburn. You noticed when Lydia was trying to pull Sera from the plane, and you fought to stop it. You were as far gone as you’ve ever been, and you still protected us.”

I wanted to believe him. He painted a pretty version of my actions, but I couldn’t trust his words. He hadn’t been inside my head. He hadn’t known how, when the madness came, I cared about nothing but the kill.

I jerked my head toward Mac, wincing at the pain. “Wait. How were you okay when my magic went kaput?”

He shrugged. “I have no idea. All I know is, when your power was squashed, so was the part that’s inside me. I just felt like a bear again. Maybe I still fed off your magic, maybe not. I haven’t had the chance to find out.”

Sera shook her head in mock disgust. “It’s been sickening, really. He hasn’t been more than ten feet from you since we stole the plane.” Her cynical tone might have been more believable if she wasn’t wrapping a fresh blanket around me as she spoke.

“How long was I out? What are we going to do about the trial?”

“Trial?” Sera sounded way too innocent.

“Yeah. There were a few too many witnesses to bury this one. Oh, god. My family didn’t kill them all, did they?”

I felt a warm breath of air on my head as Mac snorted. “You haven’t really looked around, have you?”

It hurt to crane my neck even an inch, but I managed. There was a narrow door behind Sera, lined in aluminum. A table with a mystery novel. A bathroom so tiny I’d once wondered how Mac possibly fit inside.

“We’re in the Airstream. The trailer. Why are we in the trailer, Sera?”

“Since you never told anyone where we’d parked it and the Bronco, no one knew to follow us here. Miriam flew us to Bremerton, and we left the plane floating there. I’m assuming it’s been found by now and the island was informed, but that doesn’t even matter. By the time they knew where to begin looking for us, we were at the Oregon state line. Since we returned the plane, I don’t think they can get us for grand theft seaplane. Though we’re already fugitives for aiding and abetting a dual magic. They can’t really hit us with much worse.” She didn’t sound too concerned either way.

“Oregon? We’re in…” I had to stop, needing to organize the whirlwind of thoughts. The two of them were far too calm, considering our lives had pretty much fallen apart the minute I revealed what I was to the council. “So, what’s the plan, then? Head for Mexico, knocking over convenience stores all the way down?” It was a bad joke, but I had to try. It was joke or fall apart, and I was tired of doing the latter. “Oh, god. Is Miriam a fugitive, too?”

“Among others.” The voice came from the door. Joy and regret collided when I saw the speaker. I wished I could say regret won, that I was a big enough person not to be happy one of my friends was risking her life for me, but I didn’t feel like that person right now.

Her dreads were pulled back neatly, and for the first time since she left the cabin, she was once again in proud nerd wear, this time in a t-shirt that read “Back in my day, we had nine planets.”

“Vivian.” My voice came out in a squeak, too happy to also manage dignity. Simon crept in behind her and sat on the built-in table. Miriam followed.

“Glad to see you’re not dead, Brook.”

Shadow be damned, I thought I might be glad I wasn’t dead, too.

“Room for two more?”

I blinked several times, fairly certain I wasn’t actually seeing two FBI agents in the bedroom of the Airstream.

“I’m hallucinating, aren’t I? None of this is real. Any minute now, a bunch of hobbits are going to appear and start jumping on my bed.”

Carmichael’s brows drew together. “What is she talking about? Did the drugs do this?”

Sera rolled her eyes. “
Lord of the Rings
, Carmichael. I understand it must be uncomfortable to sit in a movie theatre, what with that stick up your butt, but you really should try it sometime.”

I couldn’t be certain, but I thought Carmichael smiled.

“Anyone else tucked away up front?”

Mac wrapped his arm a little tighter around me. “This is it. We’re stopped for the night. We’ll pick up again in the morning.”

“Where the hell is everyone sleeping?”

Johnson moved to a window and pushed the patterned curtains to the side. A camper van sat outside. “Carmichael and I are in that one. We’ve been stopping in campsites so far, so Vivian sleeps on the ground. Sera’s been on the Airstream couch. Miriam’s taking the Bronco’s back seat. No one knows where Simon sleeps.”

“Wherever I want,” Simon answered. Damn cat.

I looked at this tiny circle of humans, shifters, and elementals risking their lives for me, and I didn’t even know why. We could run for years, and it wouldn’t matter. I couldn’t outrun the darkness inside me.

It took everything I had in me, but I said what needed saying. “We can’t do this. I can’t ask this of you. I won’t ruin your lives. Just drop me off at the next gas station, and I’ll call the council.”

Sera gave me that look she’d perfected, the one that strongly suggested I was an enormous idiot. “And you think Deborah will just forgive us for helping a fugitive escape and making her look like a damn fool? It doesn’t matter. You didn’t ask us to be here. We chose it. End of discussion.”

It really wasn’t. “And them?” I nodded at the agents.

Carmichael smiled. “We’re not fugitives. The elementals don’t care about humans. Besides, we’re still the FBI liaisons for the supernatural. We’re just doing our job. If our job helps you stay off the grid while you figure out what happens next, well, I’d say you’re owed that.” He spoke the final sentence to Mac, not me, and some of the tension eased from Mac’s arms.

Miriam stepped forward. I noticed she already had a drink in her hand and wondered how long I’d have to wait before they’d let me have one, too. “What are they going to do to me? Elemental laws don’t apply to shifters, and I’d like to know how they’d name us fucking fugitives when they’re not prepared to admit we even exist. I’m here because it’s a road trip, and I don’t ever turn down the chance for one of those. Don’t fight me on this, Brook.”

I doubted anyone fought Miriam on anything, ever. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the first.

“Thank you.” It wasn’t enough. No words were going to be enough, but right then it was all I had.

They began to file out. I let the agents and Miriam go. “Stop,” I said, before the others could follow.

They paused expectantly.

“Why?” Again, the word was insufficient, but I knew they’d understand.

“You mean, why am I not at Carmen’s, learning more about what it means to be a cat?” At my nod, he gave me the same look Sera had a moment ago, coupled with a cat’s disdain. “You are my friend. You need me. I made my choice.” He slid off the table, walking to the bed just long enough to pat my calf, still covered by the blanket. “I know my own priorities, Aidan.”

If they didn’t knock this off, I was going to start crying again.

“What about Olivia?” I asked Vivian.

“It’s complicated.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want a Facebook status. You can’t give up your life for this. You have someone who loves you.”

She smiled, small but kind. “I love her, too, but sometimes it’s not enough.” She hesitated, weighing how much to tell. We waited, giving her the silence to find her words. “I saw David grab the letter opener. I tried to warn you, but no one heard. Not until it was too late. If I’d been there, your father might still be alive.”

Sera protested. “You can’t blame yourself for that, Viv.”

“I don’t, not really. But it doesn’t change facts. When I’m with you, I matter. I make a difference. It’s scary, and sometimes people get hurt, but I also get to help people. I was so worried about something hurting me that I never thought about the pain I could help prevent. When I’m with Olivia, we watch TV and eat brunch on weekends. It’s not a bad life, but it’s not enough. I want to matter.”