Twelve Days of Christmas (14 page)

“What about the flu? You'd want to go through that again?”

“Yes, even the flu, because it was a turning point for us.”

He exhaled. “You're basically telling me this has all been a game.”

“Not a game. Come on, Cain, admit it. You didn't like me, either. If you recall, you found my morning chatter to be an annoyance. And you thought I was stalking you, so no fair, you can't get all righteous on me.”

“I'm not.”

She thought she saw the beginning of a smile. “Yes, you are. You weren't any more interested in knowing me than I was in becoming friends with you. We both changed, and for that I'll forever be grateful.”

“I'm not so bad, you know.”

“You can be.”

“So can you.”

She couldn't argue.

His look sobered. “I need to think on this.”

“Okay.” She didn't blame him. If their roles had been reversed, she might easily feel the same.

“I need to be in the office early tomorrow so I won't see you in the morning.”

Disappointment settled over her and she lowered her gaze, not wanting him to notice her reaction. “Okay.”

He started to get up and took his coffee with him. He hadn't suggested they see each other again, and that worried her.

“The program is tomorrow evening,” she said, standing now, too. It was her way of asking if he would attend. She hoped he would.

“So I heard.”

“Will you come?”

He hesitated as if weighing the decision. “I have to think.”

“About attending?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Yes, but it's more than that. I appreciate you telling me, but I'm going to need time to process this.”

She swallowed hard. If he felt strongly about this, then she could only imagine what his reaction would be when he learned about her blog. This didn't bode well.

He was silent on the short walk back to the apartment and in the elevator ride to the third floor. They parted ways at their respective doors.

Cain's back was to her and she watched as he inserted his key.

“Cain?”

He looked over his shoulder.

“Before you go inside, would you mind hugging me?”

For just an instant she thought he was about to turn her down. After the slightest hesitation, he covered the space that separated them and gathered her in his arms, squeezing her tightly against him. Julia rubbed her nose against his neck.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Smelling you.”

“What?”

“I'm smelling you in case you decide you don't want anything more to do with me, in which case I want to remember your scent.”

He loosened his grip. “You're a strange woman.”

“Yeah, maybe I am.”

Julia had a hard time sleeping that night. She woke in the wee hours of the morning and logged on to her computer. Because she'd posted her blog earlier, she set about reading the comments. Several had been following her blog almost from the beginning and she'd come to automatically look for their names.

SantaGirl: Whoa, Nellie. I hope you're listening to yourself. You've gone soft, girlie. This guy is getting to you. Not that it's a bad thing. Just take care. Are you sure you want to involve your heart, especially if Ebenezer hasn't got a clue what you're doing?

Good question. Julia was looking to rectify that, though.

Then she read a comment that caused her to gasp out loud. It was from Sheila Coan, a news reporter at a local Seattle television station. Julia recognized the name.

TVGirl: Surprised to learn you're from the area. Would love to interview you and Ebenezer. Think it would be a great human interest story for Christmas Eve. Perfect, really. Give the station a call at 209–555–1007, tell them who you are, and they'll connect you with me. We'll set a time and place.

Julia's heart slammed against her chest so hard she was afraid she was about to crack a rib. She didn't know how the reporter was able to learn where she lived. She didn't believe she'd given any indication of her location. Maybe she had without knowing it. Not that it mattered. She wasn't about to give the woman an interview.

Julia immediately responded to the email address rather than contacting the reporter personally and denied the request. An interview with Cain? Julia couldn't think of anything worse. Letting him know about the blog would ruin everything if their relationship wasn't already down the toilet with the half-truth she'd admitted to.

Her morning seemed empty and dull without seeing Cain. It felt odd, as if she had forgotten something important, like her purse or her coat. Riding on the bus, she leaned her head against the window as a brooding sense of worry filled her.

Cain had been upset even knowing she'd set out to trip him up with kindness. If he couldn't deal with that, then the blog would send him completely over the edge. And he'd eventually find out about it. That was inevitable. Inhaling, she decided the only thing to do was cross that bridge when necessary. For now, they had to find a way to get over the first hurdle.

If Cain showed up for the program at the Boys and Girls Club, she'd know he was willing to move ahead. Cain knew the program was important to her. She'd basically asked him to attend. If he ignored her request, it would tell her everything.

With only a few shopping days left until Christmas, Macy's was crazy busy. As soon as her shift ended, Julia rushed from the department store to the Boys and Girls Club. By the time she arrived, the auditorium had already started to fill up with family and friends.

Scanning the area, Julia didn't see Cain. She did her best to swallow her disappointment. Her heart felt as if it was loaded down with weights.

Jeremy trapped her into a conversation the minute she showed up. It was as if he'd been waiting for her arrival all day. When he spoke, his tone was demanding and sharp. “Who was that guy from last night?”

Julia ignored him and slid onto the piano bench.

“You never mentioned him before.”

Irritated with her friend, she looked up from the piano keys. “Cain's my neighbor.”

“You two are dating?”

She wasn't sure what to say and decided to think positively. “You could say that.”

“You should have let me know.” Jeremy eyes were full of accusation.

“Why would I do that?” she flared back, not wanting to get into this now, and not with him. “I don't know where this is coming from with you, Jeremy. We went out a few times, that's all.”

The announcer stepped forward and the room slowly went silent as the excited voices faded to a low hum and then nothing.

Julia could see Jeremy wanted to say more, but now definitely wasn't the time. After a few words of introduction from the head of the Boys and Girls Club, the children filed onto the stage one by one, their faces alight with huge smiles. They stood at attention and faced the audience. Julia set her hands on the keyboard and started to play.

The Christmas program was a huge success. Julia would have felt a hundred times better if Cain had made a showing. But she didn't see him and her heart felt heavy in her chest, weighted down with disappointment and regret. At the end of the evening, while Julia gathered up her things, Jeremy approached her.

“We didn't finish our conversation.”

“We did,” she insisted. “Really, Jeremy, there isn't anything more to say.”

He looked as if he was ready to argue and then seemed to change his mind. “Everyone appreciates your help with the program tonight.”

“I was happy to do it.” She was glad to be able to contribute in a small way to the enjoyment of Christmas for these children.

Julia collected her coat and purse and headed for the door with Jeremy following on her heels.

“I'll walk you home,” he said, reaching for his own coat.

Stepping out of the shadows, Cain spoke up. “I'm going that way. I'll walk Julia home.”

“Cain.” Julia was so happy to see him that she flew into his embrace, hugging him so close it was a wonder he could manage to breathe.

Automatically, his arms wrapped around her. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed his chin over her crown. “You ready to head home?” he asked.

She nodded and smiled at Jeremy. “Thanks for the offer, but Cain is here.”

Jeremy looked from one to the other and then nodded with acceptance. He got the point. “See ya, Julia.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Raising his hand, Jeremy looked at Cain with what could only be described as resignation. “To you, too.” He left them alone.

Julia waited until they were outside to speak. “I didn't see you.”

“I was delayed at the office and didn't get here until the program was half over.”

She turned and buried her head against his chest. “I worried all day. I was afraid if you stayed away tonight it was over for us. I figured this was your way of telling me you'd decided you wanted nothing more to do with me.”

“I don't like what you did.”

“I know.” Heaven help her when he learned the rest of it.

“But I gave it a good deal of thought and I can't argue with the outcome.”

“Me neither.” She looked up at him, her heart in her eyes. “Can we put it behind us and move forward?”

Cain's gaze softened as he looked down at her. “I don't know, Julia. I'd accepted my life and was comfortable. I was content and then you plowed your way into my world and turned it upside down.”

“You aren't content any longer?”

“No. I'm finding I want more. I'm not sure that's a good thing and you're to blame.”

“But it is good for both of us, Cain.”

“I think it just might be,” he whispered before leaning down and pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that seemed an absolution and a new beginning.

Julia opened to him, letting him know in a single kiss how important he was to her and at the same time praying he would never learn about her blog.

Julia's phone rang ten minutes before she headed out the door to shop for Christmas dinner with Bernie and Cain. Caller ID told her it was Cammie, so she grabbed it.

“Merry Christmas Eve,” her best friend greeted.

“Merry Christmas Eve to you, too,” Julia echoed.

“You working today?”

“No, I'm one of the fortunate few.” She'd worked Black Friday in the wee hours of the morning in exchange for having Christmas Eve off. It'd been a fair trade. She had only a handful of items to pick up for Christmas dinner and she was up and about early.

She'd decided on the traditional turkey dinner with all the fixings. She'd already connected with her mother for instructions twice for the simple reason she was determined to make this the best meal possible and every bit as good as what she remembered from her childhood. There were a couple of other dishes she wanted to try, too. Julia could read a recipe book like it was a bestselling novel. Having guests made the holiday all the more special. Friends from work had invited her to join them as they had in the past, but this year she had the opportunity to welcome her own guests.

“What's up?”

“I read your blog this morning and comments from the day before. Did you see the request that came from that reporter? How'd she know you were in Seattle?”

“I wondered that, too. Going back before I started the kindness blog, I wrote one about riding the bus in downtown Seattle on my way to work. Not my most brilliant post.”

“Wow, she had to dig to see that. You going to give her the interview?”

Her heart clenched with anxiety. “I wrote back and told her no way.”

“That might not be good enough.”

Fear knifed through Julia like a hot blade through butter. “What do you mean?”

“This reporter might be able to track you down.”

That couldn't happen, it just couldn't. While pressing the phone to her ear, Julia reached for her coat, struggling to get her arm in the sleeve and still continue their conversation.

“If I were you, I wouldn't leave it to chance,” Cammie advised. “Tell Cain.”

“I can't.” She switched the phone to the other side of her head as she struggled with the second sleeve.

“Tell him,” Cammie repeated. “Before he finds out from someone else. You haven't given a lot of detail in your posts, but I know you, I've read between the lines. You're really into this guy, Julia, unlike anyone else you've dated since Dylan. Don't risk ruining this when obviously this relationship is important to you.”

Cammie was wise beyond her years. “Okay, okay, you're right, but after Christmas. I need to get through Christmas first.”

“Don't put it off any longer than that. If you do, you'll regret it. Cain needs to know.”

“You're right. I know you're right. I won't put it off,” Julia promised.

“Call me after you've had the talk.”

“I will.” They ended the conversation, and Julia tossed her phone in her purse and headed out the door.

Cain had the day off and she was grateful. They'd get through Christmas and she'd have a heart-to-heart with him, carefully planning what she had to say. She'd need to prep him first, let him know how important he was to her. It was vital that he understand she'd never use him for her own selfish purposes. Explaining that would be the most difficult part. All she could do was pray Cain would be willing to listen.

When the elevator landed on the ground floor, Julia stepped out and nearly stumbled over a cameraman and a reporter with a mike in her hand.

Julia froze. Literally froze. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move.

“Are you Julia Padden?” The familiar face of Sheila Coan loomed in front of her.

If she'd had half a brain she would have denied it and forced her way out the door. Instead, she stood like a deer caught in the headlights. Only it was a freight train that had lost its brakes and was careering toward her. She could see it coming and was powerless to move.

“I'm here about your blog. Congratulations on the success of ‘Twelve Days of Christmas'! I have to say, after reading your posts, I wouldn't mind meeting Ebenezer myself.” Thankfully, she kept the microphone lowered to her side. The cameraman removed the camera from his shoulder as well, waiting for the reporter's cue to start filming.

“How…how did you find me?” Julia asked, once she gathered her wits about her.

Sheila grinned and looked pleased with herself. “A reporter has her ways.”

“Oh.”

“The blog has captured a lot of attention with the power of kindness trending around the country.”

“Yes, but…”

“Tell me about Ebenezer.”

“No.” Julia adamantly shook her head. No way was Julia chancing Cain learning about this. “I believe I already told you I'm not interested in giving you an interview.”

“Yes, I got your reply, but the story is such a good one and I know our viewers would benefit from what you learned. I'm hoping you'll reconsider.”

“No, please, just go.” The attention she was getting from her neighbors and those in the foyer was highly embarrassing.

Sheila Coan didn't bother to hide her disappointment. She handed Julia her card. “Please call me if you have a change of heart.”

“I'm not giving you or anyone else an interview.”

The reporter motioned toward the cameraman that it was time to leave. Julia heaved a sigh of relief when the two left the building. Her heart rate slowly returned to normal. That was a narrow escape.

“Julia?”

Her heart wanted to explode at the pain she heard in Cain's voice as he whispered her name. Whirling around, she found him in the area by the mailboxes, tucked back in the corner close to where the newspapers were delivered. He had the newspaper clenched in his hand. His eyes were wide with incredulity, with disbelief, as if she'd heartlessly thrust a knife into his back.

“You blogged about it? About killing me with kindness?”

Her mouth felt as if it was filled with dry cotton balls. She found it impossible to answer.

“I'm Ebenezer?”

Her eyes drifted closed. Cammie had warned her. This was the worst scenario possible for Cain to learn what she'd done, and now it was being played out before her eyes.

“Answer me,” Cain demanded, his disbelief replaced by anger so deep it caused her to flinch.

Julia's eyes flew open. “Yes, you're Ebenezer.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I…I was asked to do a blog. Two of us were up for the same position working social media for Harvestware. As a final test we were both asked to write a blog. The one with the highest number of followers would be awarded the job.”

“The job you got?”

Slowly, she nodded. It wasn't like she could deny it. It hurt to speak and so she swallowed, and answered, unable to make eye contact. “Yes.” The word was soft and low, so low she could barely hear it herself.

“You must be thrilled.” The comment was weighed down with sarcasm so heavy his voice dropped an entire octave.

Answering him would only condemn her and so she remained silent.

Cain exhaled and leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “I never learn, do I? How could I have been so stupid?”

“Cain, please, let me explain.”

His returning laugh was filled with bitterness and anger. “You want to explain? I don't think so. I've heard more than enough already. We're done.”

“Please.” She placed her hand on his arm, which he quickly shook off as if he found her touch repugnant.

“No. Don't even try. I trusted you the same the way I trusted someone else. With both of you I was simply a means to an end. Nothing more. Someone to be used and discarded once you got what you wanted.”

“That's not true. If you'd only listen,” she pleaded.

Shaking his head, he walked away and didn't look back.

Julia slumped against the wall, as the weight of all that had happened was more than she could carry or bear. A tingling sensation went through her as she struggled to come to grips with the pain she'd caused him.

Cain was unbelievably hurt, and she was responsible. Knowing what she'd done wounded her, too. When Cain hurt, she hurt. She didn't know if that was what happened when you cared deeply about someone, when you loved them, but she strongly suspected it was.

It went without saying that Cain wouldn't be joining her for Christmas dinner. She strongly suspected he would do whatever possible to avoid being anywhere close to her from this point forward. To him, whatever it was they'd shared was finished. He wanted nothing more to do with her.

Depressed and sick at heart, Julia headed out of the building and started walking. Everyone around her seemed to be in the Christmas spirit, full of cheer and goodwill.

Her, not so much.

She made an effort to smile and return season's greetings, but it demanded more effort than she felt.

An hour later she found herself outside Manor House. She must have walked the three miles, but she barely remembered the long trek. Once Cain's grandfather learned what had happened, he was likely to cancel Christmas dinner with her, too. She wouldn't blame him.

Bernie was in his room, napping in his recliner, when she knocked politely against his door.

“Come in,” Bernie called out.

Julia tentatively opened the door and let herself into his small apartment.

He frowned when he saw her and motioned for her to take a seat. “You better tell me what happened,” he said, not waiting for her to speak.

“Did you talk to Cain?”

“Briefly.”

Julia sat on the edge of the chair and leaned forward, intent to learn everything she could. “What did he say?”

“Nothing much, just that he wouldn't be able to join us for Christmas dinner. Knew right away there was more to it than he was telling me. You want to fill in the blanks?”

She clenched her hands on her lap and looked down at her intertwined fingers. “He found out that I'd been blogging about my kindness project.” She glanced up and saw that Bernie was waiting for more of an explanation. “Cain assumed I'd used him to get that job, and the truth is I did. I didn't mean to hurt him, Bernie. I don't think I'll ever forget his expression. It was as if I'd betrayed him the same way that woman he worked with did. I think he hates me.” Julia had often heard that the line between love and hate could be paper thin. She believed that now, seeing the look in Cain's eyes.

“What's a blog?” Bernie's frown was intense.

He lowered his recliner and listened intently as Julia explained it to him.

When she finished, she waited impatiently for his reaction. Her fear was that he, like Cain, would condemn her.

“I see what you mean,” he said after an awkward moment. “Cain would hate being the focal point of this blog thing.”

“I didn't use his name. No one ever needed to know it was him,” she said, defending herself, and then hung her head. “It wouldn't take a genius to figure it out, though; I did write that Ebenezer was my neighbor.”

“You called him Ebenezer?”

“Yes, when I first started the experiment the name fit, but it doesn't any longer.”

“What would you call him now?”

Julia didn't hesitate. “Sweetheart.”

Bernie grinned, his eyes brightening with pleasure. “You have feelings for my grandson?”

Julia remembered the disappointment and hurt in Cain's eyes and how it had cut at her, too. “I'm falling in love with him.”

Bernie considered her words. “Did you try talking to him?”

“I begged him to give me a chance to explain, but he was having none of it.” She could only hope that given time, Cain would be willing to hear her out, although she doubted it would be anytime soon.

At her news, Bernie's shoulders slumped forward and he looked as downtrodden as she felt.