Twice Upon a Time (29 page)

‘We can go round the back if you’d prefer,’ Ludo said to Cinda. She was about to agree when she thought of all the work that Gideon and Jonas had put into the dress.

‘No, it’s fine,’ she said, and the driver hopped out and opened the door for them.

Cinda expertly twisted herself out of the car and stepped onto the footpath. Ludo followed her, smoothing down his jacket. He offered his arm and she took it as they walked through the sea of blinding flashes, pausing at the bottom of the steps for a posed shot. Cinda could feel her cheeks hurting from all the smiling, and she hoped her smile looked more genuine than it felt.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked as they walked inside the building.

‘Fine,’ said Cinda, stepping into the lift.

Ludo reached out to press the button for Alex’s floor. The doors started to close when an arm appeared through them. They slid open again and there stood Gus and Perrette.

Cinda’s eyes locked with Gus’s as they stepped into the lift, and she felt herself blush intensely. She wanted to launch herself into his arms and stay there forever, and she saw from the way he glanced at her that he was still feeling it too.

‘Ludo, Cinda,’ said Gus curtly, but his eyes lingered on Cinda’s face. Perrette acknowledged them with a slight nod of her head, looking Cinda’s gown up and down and then turning away.

They rode in silence up to the top floor. Gus and Ludo waited for the girls to step out into the ornate foyer, which was filled with candles and white flowers.

‘Oh, wow,’ breathed Cinda as the scent of roses and gardenias hit her. She turned to Ludo, who was standing close behind her.

‘Isn’t it exquisite?’ she said, grabbing his hand.

‘I have never seen anything quite so beautiful,’ he said, looking straight into her eyes.

She felt her stomach flip. This wasn’t Ludo – it was Gus. She dropped his hand and turned to see Ludo and Perrette a few steps behind them, engrossed in their phones.

‘Gus,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve called you over and over,’ she said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the pain from her voice.

‘I know, I’m sorry,’ he murmured back. ‘I needed to talk to you in person.’ He didn’t look at her.

The door was opened by a maid, who led them through to the party. The formal ballroom was filled with the young elite of Europe. Cinda heard snatches of conversation in dozens of languages filling the space.

‘I’m going to say hello to Odette,’ said Perrette. She sailed over to a group of haughty-faced girls in black dresses. Cinda saw them kiss Perrette on both cheeks with careful, Botoxed smiles on their faces.

Ludo drifted off to a group of friends as well, leaving Gus and Cinda standing near the door to the ballroom.

Gus picked up two glasses of champagne from a passing silver tray and handed one to Cinda. ‘To art and love,’ he said, and he raised his glass.

Cinda felt indescribably sad as she raised her own glass and took a sip.

‘How’s the painting?’ he asked her casually.

‘Finished,’ she said.

‘Wonderful. Well done,’ he said. There was a pause, and Cinda ached for the carefree conversation they’d had before.

They wandered to the side of the room, away from the noise and people.

Cinda saw Jonas and Gideon arrive and waved to them across the room. She looked down to ensure her ribbon belt was exactly as was expected.

When she looked up at Gus again, his face was drawn, like he hadn’t slept. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

‘Fine, I’ve just had a lot on my mind,’ he said. He looked around the room furtively. ‘Meet me in Alex’s bedroom in three minutes,’ he said in a low voice. ‘We need to talk.’ Then he turned and walked away, leaving Cinda alone.

Trying to not freak out, she went to the bathroom, taking a quick glance around the room on her way. Ludo was smoking a cigarette on the balcony with his friends and Perrette was surrounded by her admiring posse.

Emerging from the bathroom, she ducked unnoticed through the door to the hallway. Closing the door behind her, she tiptoed along the thick carpet to the bedroom. She knocked gently on the door, then waited, her stomach in knots. Was he about to dump her? Tell her it was a mistake? Or worse, tell her he never loved her at all?

Gus opened the door and pulled her inside and, before she knew what was happening, his mouth was on hers.

She felt herself melt as she wrapped her arms around him. They fit so perfectly together, and he pressed against her and pulled her towards the bed.

‘I adore you, Lucinda Bloom,’ he said breathlessly. ‘I’m in love with you and I don’t know what on earth I am going to do about it.’ He traced his fingers along her shoulder blades and she shuddered with bliss.

’What would you like to do about it?’ she said in a teasing tone, but when she pulled back to look at him, she saw his face was serious.

‘I love you, I mean it,’ he said. ‘Do you understand?’

She nodded, wanting him more than anyone else in her life. Her beautiful, grumpy, complicated Gus. ‘I love you too,’ she said.

‘But I can’t be with you,’ he said in a low voice.

Cinda’s face hardened. ‘Then why the hell am I here?’ she spat, standing up.

‘Because I wanted you to know,’ he said looking away from her.

‘Why?’ She didn’t understand. She had wanted to hear those words, to feel his hands on her body so much. And now that she had, he was taking it all away again?

‘I can’t be with you,’ he repeated. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as her.

‘Because I’m not good enough? Because I’m not royal enough?’ she snapped, moving towards the door.

‘No, no,’ he said, running after her. He pulled her into his arms again, kissing her passionately. She struggled for a moment, but then gave in to the sweetness.

‘I never want to stop kissing you,’ he said, and she felt dizzy with a combination of lust, anger, love and frustration.

‘Then don’t ever stop, Gus,’ she whispered.

The door flung open. Cinda turned to see Perrette standing in the doorway, Ludo behind her.

‘I told you they had snuck off together,’ Perrette said to Ludo, angrily triumphant.

Ludo looked at Cinda, his face void of emotion.

‘This is a charming way to treat the mother of your unborn child,’ she said, her voice rising like the whistle of a kettle.

It took a moment for Cinda to understand what Perrette was saying. ‘You’re pregnant?’ she choked, feeling dizzy.

‘Yes, I am,’ said Perrette and she turned to Ludo. ‘Don’t you have anything to say to your brother and this whore?’

‘Don’t call her a whore,’ said Gus sharply.

‘Then what do you call the girl cheating on your fiancé’s brother with your fiancé? I’m not sure I know the term,’ said Perrette, a steely look in her eye.

Cinda swallowed and stumbled out of Gus’s arms towards the door.

‘Maybe you can hand out a few canapés on your way out, Cinda,’ Perrette snapped as Cinda passed her.

Ludo caught Cinda by the hand as she passed. ‘Come on, we need to leave,’ he said and Cinda followed him, her eyes burning with tears waiting to be shed.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said in the hallway.

‘What for?’ asked Ludo with a shrug. ‘We can’t help who we love, even if it is my stupid
stronzo
of a brother.’

35

Perrette stared at Gus after Cinda left with Ludo. ‘What the hell do you think you were doing?’ she demanded.

‘I was kissing her,’ said Gus calmly.

‘I could see that. Why?’

‘Because I love her,’ he replied.

‘No, you don’t,’ she snapped, looking as though Gus had just said that the world was flat. ‘You love me.’

He shook his head slowly, as though his thoughts were just becoming clear.

‘No, I don’t love you. And you don’t love me, Perrette,’ he said sadly. ‘You love the idea of me, and I love my country.’

‘Love you, love the idea of you – it doesn’t make any difference. It’s all the same in the end,’ she said, shutting the door irritably.

Gus sighed and sat on the bed. ‘It’s not, Perrette.’

Perrette walked up to him and thumped him on the chest with one of her bird-like hands. ‘Do you honestly think that your mother will let you marry that common slut?’ she hissed. Suddenly her voice became more vulnerable. ‘And what about the baby? Our baby, Gus,’ she whimpered.

Gus was silent. ‘Perrette, I take full responsibility for the life we have created. If you insist on it, I will marry you. But I want you to know that I don’t believe it will be a happy marriage. Do you really want to condemn our child to a life with miserable parents?’

Perrette’s face was stonily stubborn.

Gus continued. ‘Or we don’t get married. If you choose to have the baby, then I will be as much a part of the child’s life as you want.’ He stood up, as though to add weight to his point.

She was still silent. He walked over and kissed her cold cheek.

‘I’ll let you think about it,’ he said, and walked out of the bedroom.

He entered the party again, looking around for Alex so he could tell her he was leaving.

‘You can’t leave me like this,’ he heard Perrette say behind him. Her voice sounded smaller and more desperate than he’d ever heard it.

‘Don’t do this, Perrette,’ he begged quietly. ‘You’re better than this. You know we’re not right for each other anymore.’

‘Perrette, Your Highness, can we have a picture of you for
Vogue
?’ said a woman’s voice next to them.

‘Chloe, how lovely to see you,’ said Perrette brightly, kissing the woman on each cheek.

Gus shook the woman’s hand, his eyes still searching the room for Alex.

‘How are you both?’ asked the woman as Perrette smiled for the camera, clutching Gus’s arm as though trying to stop him from running away.

‘We’re wonderful,’ gushed Perrette, and she glanced at Gus. She dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. ‘Actually, we have some wonderful news that we’re about to announce. We’d love to give you an exclusive.’

Gus heard the determination in her voice and his heart sank. He turned to her and whispered, ‘Please don’t do this, Perrette.’

But she ignored him and smiled excitedly at the
Vogue
journalist. ‘It’s a huge scoop,’ she said, winking.

The woman’s face looked like all her Christmases had come at once. ‘Can you give me a hint?’

‘No,’ snapped Gus quickly, but Perrette laughed.

‘Let’s just say the pitter patter of little feet might be heard in the not-so-distant future,’ she said.

Gus had heard enough. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her outside to the balcony. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘Saving your reputation,’ she spat, her eyes bright and feverish. ‘You think you will ever be allowed to be with that girl? Not when people find out I’m pregnant. Face it, Gus, you can’t fight our future, no matter what you feel. We are meant to be together.’

Gus felt a wave of emotion. ‘I hate you,’ he said, suddenly realising it was true. ‘There is no way we could ever be married when I hate you so much.’

Turning, he walked away from her and back to the journalist. ‘Perrette is pregnant,’ he told her shortly. ‘We are not getting married but Perrette and the baby will be taken care of. I take my responsibility as a father very seriously.’

He turned to find Perrette standing behind him, having followed him in from the balcony, and saw from the look of horror on her face that she had overheard.

‘Goodnight, Perrette,’ he said, and without a backwards glance he walked away.

It wasn’t until he was on the street that the enormity of what he had done dawned on him. He felt slightly faint at the turmoil he knew he’d just inflicted on himself.

Perrette would be on the phone to his mother within minutes. He looked down at his phone and turned it off. He needed time to think; he didn’t want to talk to his mother or Perrette right now.

What he wanted was to be with Cinda. He got into his waiting car and instructed the driver to take him straight to the apartment where he knew Cinda would be with Ludo.

Please forgive me
, he repeated in his head throughout the trip, though he wasn’t sure who he was saying it to. Cinda, certainly. And he still felt a certain duty to Perrette, despite her bad behaviour. After all, they’d been together for many years, and he’d just abandoned her and their unborn child.

The car pulled out the front and he ran inside, pressing the lift button impatiently.

Making it to the apartment, he took out his key. His hand shook as he unlocked the door.

Inside, the apartment was dark, with no signs of life. He switched on a light and walked to the bedroom. When he saw Cinda’s possessions still scattered across the floor, he breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t left yet, at least.

He walked through the apartment, opening doors, turning lights on. He entered the dining room and flicked the switch. Cinda’s portrait stared back at him.

Even though it had been Gus sitting for the portrait, she had captured Ludo’s easy laconic pose, his elegance, something Gus had never felt confident in. Ludo had always been easier with company, with women, with life.

God, how easy Ludo’s life is compared to mine
, he thought as he walked towards the canvas and stared at it closely.