I
might
think that—except that no one’s imprinting on
me
, notwithstanding my impressive pedigree. You know,
she added thoughtfully,
if you weren’t around, Seth would probably have the best claim to being Alpha—through his blood, at least. Of course, no one would ever consider me. . . .
You really
want
to imprint, or be imprinted on, or whichever?
I demanded.
What’s wrong with going out and falling in love like a normal person, Leah? Imprinting is just another way of getting your choices taken away from you.
Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil… they don’t seem to mind.
None of them
have
a mind of their own.
You don’t want to imprint?
Hell, no!
That’s just because you’re already in love with
her
. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn’t have to hurt over her anymore.
Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?
She deliberated for a moment.
I think I do.
I sighed. She was in a healthier place than I was.
But back to my original point, Jacob. I understand why your blond vampire is so cold— in the figurative sense. She’s focused. She’s got her eyes on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.
You
would act like Rosalie?
You
would murder someone—because that’s what she’s doing, making sure no one interferes with Bella’s death—you would do that to have a baby? Since when are you a breeder?
I just want the options I don’t have, Jacob. Maybe, if there was nothing wrong with me, I would never give it a thought.
You would kill for that?
I demanded, not letting her escape my question.
That’s not what she’s doing. I think it’s more like she’s living vicariously. And… if Bella asked
me
to help her with this…
She paused, considering.
Even though I don’t think too much of her, I’d probably do the same as the bloodsucker.
A loud snarl ripped through my teeth.
Because, if it was turned around, I’d want Bella to do that for me. And so would Rosalie. We’d both do it her way.
Ugh! You’re as bad as they are!
That’s the funny thing about knowing you can’t have something. It makes you desperate.
And… that’s my limit. Right there. This conversation is over.
Fine.
It wasn’t enough that she’d agreed to stop. I wanted a stronger termination than that.
I was only about a mile from where I’d left my clothes, so I phased back to human and walked. I didn’t think about our conversation. Not because there wasn’t anything to think about, but because I couldn’t stand it. I would
not
see it that way—but it was harder to keep from doing that when Leah had put the thoughts and emotions straight into my head.
Yeah, I wasn’t running with her when this was finished. She could go be miserable in La Push. One little Alpha command before I left for good wasn’t going to kill anybody.
It was real early when I got to the house. Bella was probably still asleep. I figured I’d poke my head in, see what was going on, give ’em the green light to go hunting, and then find a patch of grass soft enough to sleep on while human. I wasn’t phasing back until Leah was asleep.
But there was a lot of low mumbling going on inside the house, so maybe Bella wasn’t sleeping. And then I heard the machinery sound from upstairs again—the X-ray? Great. It looked like day four on the countdown was starting off with a bang.
Alice opened the door for me before I could walk in.
She nodded. “Hey, wolf.” “Hey, shortie. What’s going on upstairs?” The big room was empty—all the murmurs were on the second floor.
She shrugged her pointy little shoulders. “Maybe another break.” She tried to say the words casually, but I could see the flames in the very back of her eyes. Edward and I weren’t the only ones who were burning over this. Alice loved Bella, too.
“Another rib?” I asked hoarsely.
“No. Pelvis this time.”
Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised? Each new disaster seemed kinda obvious in hindsight.
Alice was staring at my hands, watching them tremble.
Then we were listening to Rosalie’s voice upstairs.
“See, I
told
you I didn’t hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward.”
There was no answer.
Alice made a face. “Edward’s going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think. I’m surprised she doesn’t see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him.”
“I’ll take Emmett,” I offered. “You can help Edward with the ripping part.”
Alice half-smiled.
The procession came down the stairs then—Edward had Bella this time. She was gripping her cup of blood in both hands, and her face was white. I could see that, though he compensated for every tiny movement of his body to keep from jostling her, she was hurting.
“Jake,” she whispered, and she smiled through the pain.
I stared at her, saying nothing.
Edward placed Bella carefully on her couch and sat on the floor by her head. I wondered briefly why they didn’t leave her upstairs, and then decided at once that it must be Bella’s idea. She’d want to act like things were normal, avoid the hospital setup. And he was humoring her. Naturally.
Carlisle came down slowly, the last one, his face creased with worry. It made him look old enough to be a doctor for once.
“Carlisle,” I said. “We went halfway to Seattle. There’s no sign of the pack. You’re good to go.”
“Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There’s much that we need.” His black eyes flickered to the cup that Bella was holding so tight.
“Honestly, I think you’re safe to take more than three. I’m pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push.”
Carlisle nodded in agreement. It surprised me how willingly he took my advice. “If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa—”
“Not a chance,” Rosalie hissed. “Emmett can go with you now.”
“You should hunt,” Carlisle said in a gentle voice.
His tone didn’t soften hers. “I’ll hunt when
he
does,” she growled, jerking her head toward Edward and then flipping her hair back.
Carlisle sighed.
Jasper and Emmett were down the stairs in a flash, and Alice joined them by the glass back door in the same second. Esme flitted to Alice’s side.
Carlisle put his hand on my arm. The icy touch did not feel good, but I didn’t jerk away. I held still, half in surprise, and half because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Thank you,” he said again, and then he darted out the door with the other four. My eyes followed them as they flew across the lawn and then disappeared before I took another breath. Their needs must have been more urgent than I’d imagined.
There was no sound for a minute. I could feel someone glaring at me, and I knew who it would be. I’d been planning to take off and get some Z’s, but the chance to ruin Rosalie’s morning seemed too good to pass up.
So I sauntered over to the armchair next to the one Rosalie had and settled in, sprawling out so that my head was tilted toward Bella and my left foot was near Rosalie’s face.
“Ew. Someone put the dog out,” she murmured, wrinkling her nose.
“Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde’s brain cells die?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Well?” I asked. “Do you know the punch line or not?”
She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.
“Has she heard it?” I asked Edward.
There was no humor on his tense face—he didn’t move his eyes from Bella. But he said, “No.”
“Awesome. So you’ll enjoy this, bloodsucker—a blonde’s brain cells die
alone
.”
Rosalie still didn’t look at me. “I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don’t forget that.”
“Someday, Beauty Queen, you’re going to get tired of just threatening me. I’m really looking forward to that.”
“Enough, Jacob,” Bella said.
I looked down, and she was scowling at me. It looked like yesterday’s good mood was long gone.
Well, I didn’t want to bug her. “You want me to take off?” I offered.
Before I could hope—or fear—that she’d finally gotten tired of me, she blinked, and her frown disappeared. She seemed totally shocked that I would come to that conclusion. “No! Of course not.”
I sighed, and I heard Edward sigh very quietly, too. I knew he wished she’d get over me, too. Too bad he’d never ask her to do anything that might make her unhappy.
“You look tired,” Bella commented.
“Dead beat,” I admitted.
“
I’d
like to beat you dead,” Rosalie muttered, too low for Bella to hear.
I just slumped deeper into the chair, getting comfortable. My bare foot dangled closer to Rosalie, and she stiffened. After a few minutes Bella asked Rosalie for a refill. I felt the wind as Rosalie blew upstairs to get her some more blood. It was really quiet. Might as well take a nap, I figured.
And then Edward said, “Did you say something?” in a puzzled tone. Strange. Because no one
had
said anything, and because Edward’s hearing was as good as mine, and he should have known that.
He was staring at Bella, and she was staring back. They both looked confused.
“Me?” she asked after a second. “I didn’t say anything.”
He moved onto his knees, leaning forward over her, his expression suddenly intense in a whole different way. His black eyes focused on her face.
“What are you thinking about right now?”
She stared at him blankly. “Nothing. What’s going on?”
“What were you thinking about a minute ago?” he asked. “Just… Esme’s island. And feathers.”
Sounded like total gibberish to me, but then she blushed, and I figured I was better off not knowing.
“Say something else,” he whispered.
“Like what? Edward, what’s going on?”
His face changed again, and he did something that made my mouth fall open with a pop. I heard a gasp behind me, and I knew that Rosalie was back, and just as flabbergasted as I was.
Edward, very lightly, put both of his hands against her huge, round stomach.
“The f—” He swallowed. “It… the baby likes the sound of your voice.”
There was one short beat of total silence. I could not move a muscle, even to blink. Then—
“Holy crow, you can hear him!
” Bella shouted. In the next second, she winced.
Edward’s hand moved to the top peak of her belly and gently rubbed the spot where it must have kicked her.
“Shh,” he murmured. “You startled it… him.”
Her eyes got all wide and full of wonder. She patted the side of her stomach. “Sorry, baby.”
Edward was listening hard, his head tilted toward the bulge.
“What’s he thinking now?” she demanded eagerly.
“It… he or she, is . . .” He paused and looked up into her eyes. His eyes were filled with a similar awe—only his were more careful and grudging. “He’s
happy
,” Edward said in an incredulous voice.
Her breath caught, and it was impossible not to see the fanatical gleam in her eyes. The adoration and the devotion. Big, fat tears overflowed her eyes and ran silently down her face and over her smiling lips.
As he stared at her, his face was not frightened or angry or burning or any of the other expressions he’d worn since their return. He was marveling with her.
“Of course you’re happy, pretty baby, of course you are,” she crooned, rubbing her stomach while the tears washed her cheeks. “How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you’re happy.”
“What did you call him?” Edward asked curiously. She blushed again. “I sort of named him. I didn’t think you would want… well, you know.”
“EJ?”
“Your father’s name was Edward, too.”
“Yes, it was. What—?” He paused and then said, “Hmm.”
“What?”
“He likes my voice, too.”
“Of course he does.” Her tone was almost gloating now. “You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn’t love it?”
“Do you have a backup plan?” Rosalie asked then, leaning over the back of the sofa with the same wondering, gloating look on her face that was on Bella’s. “What if he’s a she?”
Bella wiped the back of her hand under her wet eyes. “I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme. I was thinking… Ruh
nez
-may.”
“Ruhnezmay?”
“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?”
“No, I like it,” Rosalie assured her. Their heads were close together, gold and mahogany. “It’s beautiful. And one of a kind, so
that
fits.”
“I still think he’s an Edward.”
Edward was staring off into space, his face blank as he listened.
“What?” Bella asked, her face just glowing away. “What’s he thinking now?”
At first he didn’t answer, and then—shocking all the rest of us again, three distinct and separate gasps—he laid his ear tenderly against her belly.
“He loves you,” Edward whispered, sounding dazed. “He absolutely
adores
you.”
In that moment, I knew that I was alone. All alone.
I wanted to kick myself when I realized how much I’d been counting on that loathsome vampire. How stupid—as if you could ever trust a leech! Of course he would betray me in the end.
I’d counted on him to be on my side. I’d counted on him to suffer more than I suffered. And, most of all, I’d counted on him to hate that revolting thing killing Bella more than I hated it.
I’d trusted him with that.
Yet now they were together, the two of them bent over the budding, invisible monster with their eyes lit up like a happy family.
And I was all alone with my hatred and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades. Pain so bad you’d take death with a smile just to get away from it.
The heat unlocked my frozen muscles, and I was on my feet.
All three of their heads snapped up, and I watched my pain ripple across Edward’s face as he trespassed in my head again.
“Ahh,” he choked.
I didn’t know what I was doing; I stood there, trembling, ready to bolt for the very first escape that I could think of.
Moving like the strike of a snake, Edward darted to a small end table and ripped something from the drawer there. He tossed it at me, and I caught the object reflexively.
“Go, Jacob. Get away from here.” He didn’t say it harshly—he threw the words at me like they were a life preserver. He was helping me find the escape I was dying for. The object in my hand was a set of car keys.