Twisted (Delirium #1) (7 page)

I had tonight and I would not waste a single second.

* * *

Caleb

It took everything in me not to carry her away from my family’s house and make love to her until I chased away the sadness. My family had yacked and yammered with the force of a freight train and every minute I spent listening was another sixty seconds Shasta had to slip away from me.

Impatience made me edgy. My legs both moved in time to a song I’d been up too many hours writing before we’d landed for our gig in Austin. Its existence had been a closely guarded secret until I’d sent it to Chaz for the guys to learn ASAP. My blood hummed the words, my heart pounded its beat.

Tonight the world would learn exactly what Shasta Monohan meant to me. The risk was monumental—everyone in my employ had warned, threatened and screamed so since I’d announced my plan shortly before picking Shas up. I didn’t give a flying fuck what any of them thought about what was going down in less than an hour.

The only one I gave a damn about was sitting beside me, falling apart. She hadn’t said so, but I’d tasted the salty sadness on her face earlier. I’d fucking broken her to the point she’d not only cried but hidden it from me.

By the end of tonight we’d never hold secrets, hide emotions from each other ever again. I didn’t give a damn what had to be done to make it so. It would happen.

My mother flashed a conspirator’s wink my direction. Yeah, the plan was in motion. All I had to do was somehow make sure Shas didn’t fall apart on me before I hit play, because without her, I wasn’t me.

It’d taken a fuckload of stupidity and hundreds, if not thousands, of drunken nights to come full circle and stare reality in the face. Leaving her in White Bluffs had been the dumbest thing I’d ever done.

I wouldn’t have ever hit the wall and realized the depths of my craziness if Rio hadn’t died. He’d been our manager since the beginning—the reason I’d left Shasta. He’d pushed, pulled and shoved us all for the past seven years. Every glimmer of success was because of him. What we might’ve lacked in talent, he’d made damn sure we made up for in determination and hard work.

Don’t get me wrong. He partied harder than most—much harder than any of us had realized. While the guys and I might’ve partaken in liquor a bit too freely, we’d steered clear of the hard shit. We weren’t stupid enough to snort away our future or shoot up our dreams.

Rio had.

The last time I’d spoken with him he’d been mourning the loss of yet another girlfriend. His loose tongue flew through every bitter regret he’d ever had as I tried to talk him off the ledge he’d chosen as his podium. The last minute of his life he’d stared me in the eye and imparted a truth I still woke up hearing even though a month had passed.

You’re a different person than who I met in White Bluffs, a bitter one I made because I knew you’d never leave otherwise. I cut your heart out and buried it there. I shouldn’t have, man. I never should’ve made you leave her behind. You were right. We could’ve made it work with her at your side. Maybe with me not around you can get back what I ripped away. I’m sorry, man.

Rio’s words haunted me. The dark cloud he’d left in his passing settled over me, the other guys. I’d shared his words with them because I hadn’t been the only one whose heart was left buried in White Bluffs. They’d deserved to hear what he’d said as much as I had. The truth within the man’s self-loathing gloom clung to me like a second skin.

The limelight blinded me to what I should’ve held. Love. I’d broken her and had been so self-absorbed I hadn’t noticed. Assuming tonight went according to plan I’d spend every breath from this point forward making it up to her.

Shasta

“Why did I not know they were performing tonight?” I tugged backward on Bets as she yanked me up the metal bleachers, the very same ones we’d sat in for every football game and cheered Caleb, Chaz and Ace through. “I can’t handle this shit. Stop. Just. Stop.”

Bets froze, pivoting in a slow circle on her platform shoes. Eyes wide, hands clutching her micro purse. “You yelled at me.”

Angry tears loomed in my eyes. “I can’t be here. Please. I can’t.”

“What the hell is going on in your head, Shas?” She closed the distance and lowered her voice. “Honey, talk to me.”

Determined fingers grasped my chin and yanked until I locked gazes with her. Any hold on sanity I’d maintained when we pulled up into the parking lot of White Bluffs High collapsed beneath the weight of her friendship, the palpable concern.

“It hurts too much. I could almost pretend no time had passed. I-I thought tonight we’d have more time and you put me in this,” I motioned toward the SBD and crazy high shoes as I teetered a little too far to the left. “Now I’m here with all the yahoos nosing around in my business. I want to go home and drown all the shit in my head in a gallon of tequila.”

Bets glared down at the teenage boy looking up at us and listening attentively. She glared down at him. “You. Up. Gone. Now.”

“This is a free country?”

“Do you know who I am? Have you not heard enough to learn when Psycho Axe tells you to do something in White Bluffs, you listen? Now. Again. You. Up. Gone. Now.”

The boy and his two buddies charged past us as Bets settled in the filled bleachers and patted the seat beside her. What the hell? I stared at her, too befuddled to speak.  

“Sit. You aren’t the only one having issues, okay?” Bets stared out at the field as she chewed on her lower lip.

I thudded to a perch and settled Caleb’s jacket over my knees since the smirking punks at the bottom of the bleachers were grinning up at me like I’d shown them the goods. I looked down. Shit. I probably had. Me and short SBDs didn’t jive very well, especially when I was navigating rickety aluminum walkways older than me.

“I know it’s been intense, Shas, and I’m so fucking sorry everyone in the free world is watching.” She looked down at the football field where a small stage had been set up. The field lights struck the empty surface with impending finality.

After whatever this was he’d be gone.

“I doubt the entire free world is watching. No one cares about a frumpy uneducated muffin wielding barista from White Bluffs.” I sighed and forced a positive spin on the epic cluster fuck going on in my mental vault. The good, bad and ugly emotions were throwing down and I honestly didn’t know which would win. “Besides, he’s better off without me.”

I couldn’t imagine not having the past day with him, yet I hated the fact I succumbed to the temptation. Explaining said landmine of sensations Bets had inexplicably set off with her well-meaning gift was impossible, especially since I couldn’t explain it myself.

“It’s a lot to take in with no time left. I mean, he’s leaving after this and then I’m back to whatever the hell I was doing before he flew back into my life like an avenging angel swooping down to play with his prey.”

Silence settled between us a moment. I could feel the weight of her verdict. Damn. Through the years I’d managed to avoid the pitfall of Bets’ judgment most times, but I’d seen the fallout enough times thanks to unfortunate others to know I was screwed. She didn’t get what I was saying.

And I couldn’t blame her.

I didn’t get it either.

“Wow. You believe the words you’re spewing.” She shook her head. “For a smart girl, you can be really dumb, girlfriend. Look, you lock away whatever’s chewing up your brain. Okay? If it helps calm whatever storm you have swirling away up there, I’ll tell you this. Your man called me and asked—no, outright
demanded
—I keep your ass here because he knew you were scurrying out of whatever the hell this is the moment he left you. I’m pissed because my BFF Shasta Monohan isn’t a chicken shit who
scurries
. My Shas faces things head on because our girl code commands so in rule number two.”

Tears coursed down her cheeks as she took a deep breath. I mimicked her, allowing her verbal beating to pound sense into my Caleb-crazed mind.

“
He
didn’t just leave
you
.
They
left all of us, okay? You know what, though? You let him leave. You let all the ‘you’re worthless’ bull your mom spewed ooze into your brain and you didn’t think you were good enough for him. He left because you didn’t give him a reason to stay.” She took another deep breath. “The thought of his leaving wrecks you? Cowgirl the hell up and give him a reason to stay.”

Beaten into my quivering place, I remained silent as my best friend seethed beside me. I got her words, felt every single one ram into place. She was right. Somehow unlocking the vault on what’d once been Caleb opened all the others I’d sealed shut—things he’d slammed the door on long ago.

I still had tonight. No matter the result, I’d share my thoughts, purge my need for him. He deserved to know I loved him, even if confessing it shredded my heart. It was his to tuck into his pocket and carry along for his glorious climb to superstardom.

The mayor tapped on the microphone making the speakers beside the makeshift stage squawk. I grimaced, then readied myself for the euphoric haze I experienced whenever Caleb sang. A part of me reveled in the way his raspy voice soothed, pleasured so many. The bleachers shook with the pounding feet and hands along the aluminum planks when Twisted Delirium hit the stage.

For tonight they’d all returned home.

Screams, shouts and chants echoed through my ears. A fist wrung my heart when Caleb flashed a smile and swept his gaze across the gathered crowd. “Wow, it looks like everyone in White Bluffs came to welcome us home.”

The crowd went nuts. My squeezed heart bled a bit deeper. The false hope his words offered drifted within me, evaporating within the toxic stench of reality. Rock stars didn’t do small town life.

“You know, we played a gig in Austin last night and I have to say I think we love this crowd here a hell of a lot more. None of the success we’ve had would’ve been possible if it hadn’t been for y’all.” He paused, allowing the shouts and applause to thunder through the open space between the bleachers and the stage.   

“Leaving here, walking away from the ones I loved the most was the hardest thing I’d ever done. It took the death of a man we all loved to make us see how much we mourned what we once had.” Caleb stepped away from the mic and removed his shirt.

My gut clenched when his gaze landed on me. Lips near the microphone, he held the gaze and ran his hand across the dragons on his chest. “The press always asks the meaning behind these two beasts on me. I’ve never told them because I thought it important to share the secret with those who need to know first.”

An eerie silence settled around me. Flashbulbs flickered from the ground in front of the bleachers. The paparazzi vultures had caught up. Their presence soured the meaning behind whatever the moment was.

“Seven years ago I made the dumbest decision of my life and chose a career over the only love I’d ever known. The first month I left I found an unknown artist to ink me, to burn images of the person I’d been here and the woman I’d left behind. We’d always had a fascination with dragons and somehow having these two beasts wrapped around one another held me together the first year I was gone.”

My heart slammed against my chest. They were us? I’d wondered when I’d seen them, even fancied as much when I’d seen him last night. I’d been right.

Bets squealed beside me, bouncing like a popcorn kernel in a hot pan. She squeezed my hand. “This is so hawt!”

She wasn’t wrong.

“Every year on the anniversary of my flight from White Bluffs I hunted him down and inked my regret, my loss for what could’ve been had I stayed.” The red tears.

“Oh. My. God.” I held my breath when his gaze returned to me.

“I’ve got something more to say, but first…I’ve written a little song for the birthday girl.” Shock must’ve resonated on my face because he chuckled into the microphone, a sexy, sensual caress to my senses. “This is for you, Shasta Monohan, because I know now there’s no me without you.”

Holy shit.

Bets froze beside me, her mouth open and her eyes wide. I felt the same shock rippling through me, casting a brushfire of euphoria to burn any doubt, any negativity from me.

I clung to every note, every chord and tumbled along with Caleb as he sang every word as though he was ripping it from the very depths of my soul. Each heart-mending moment resonated with me because they were the words I would’ve created. The silence of the crowd was deafening, but I didn’t care if they heard what he said.

I savored every syllable because they were mine to have, to hold. Forevermore. He sang about the despair, the longing, the raw hunger each night as memories of what we’d shared here in White Bluffs torpedoed his nights with what he’d lost. What he’d walked away from.

Each line struck a blow to my battered defenses. Caleb’s fingers glided along his guitar’s frets without hesitation. His gaze never left mine. I sensed Bets stand beside me. Firm hands grasped my arm and tugged.

Without words, without hesitation I trusted her to maneuver us down the rickety bleachers because no way in hell would I sever the eye contact—the emotional bond permanently fusing our souls together. As I trudged alongside my friend, I wept as the emotions resonating within his song enveloped me.

I wouldn’t be satisfied until I heard it a million times. I’d always wished he’d written something for me. I’d hoped to be important enough in his world to deserve something cherished, beautiful. The fact it was unlike anything they’d ever released offered me a secret realization. He’d written
Me Without You
alone.

As the last note echoed in my ears, Bets guided me to the edge of the stage. Suddenly Caleb was there. I wrapped myself around him and allowed my tenuous grip on my emotions to snap. As long as I was in his arms I was safe, protected from whatever hazards awaited us.

“I love you, Shasta Monohan, and I’ll spend every last second of my life proving it to you. No matter what.” He claimed my mouth in a kiss meant to brand, possess everything within me.

I chuckled against his lips and gripped him tighter as flashes exploded around us and the assembled crush of White Bluff residents went wild. Their celebratory chants and shouts deafened me. “I’ve always loved you, Caleb “Colt” Douglas.”

He sighed against my ear as he held me close. “I want to drag you away somewhere private and make love to you for an eternity. Somehow I don’t think my dad’s ranch screams romance.”

I pulled away enough to scan the crowd. There, at the very edge with a shadowed expression denoting his devastating pain, Frank stood. Bets was right. He needed a good woman. For tonight, though, his presence reminded me to hang on tight to what I have.

And plan ahead.

“Well, I happen to know where we can hide out. What do you say, rock star? You ready to corrupt a cowgirl?”

He grinned big. The gleam dancing in his gaze made arousal flood me. “I thought you’d never ask, Mrs. Douglas.”

I froze. He chuckled and swept me into his arms.

“W-what did you say?”

“You heard me.” He kissed my lips quickly. “Think on it. I intend to get a yes from you, no matter how long it takes.”

Like he didn’t know the answer already. As we made our way to the Hummer we ran into Pete. His words from earlier knocked the air from my wings a moment. I’d spent more time with him than I had my dad. His opinion meant something and the fact I knew my joy was against the grain of what he thought was best for me stung. Bad.

I was a big girl. I could deal with his disdain. I was used to people looking down on me and my decisions.

“Pete.” Caleb set me down as if sensing my need to lock away the tension between my boss and me. Damn my man was awesome. He got me.

“Caleb.” Pete nodded. “You got a minute, Shasta?”

“Sure.” I wandered away from Caleb and followed Pete as he hobbled toward the weathered red Ford he’d driven longer than wise. He paused and settled against the rusted door. I fortified my mental defenses and braced myself for the impending battle. “What’s up?”

“I was wrong about your man. He did right by you, spoke his mind even though everyone would hear.” Pete nodded his approval and my defenses shattered in relief. “He’s a good boy, Shasta. I’m happy for you both.”

I lunged the distance I’d put between us and drew him into a hug. “Thank you. Your approval means the world to me. I’ve always considered you to be my second father, you know.”

He cleared his throat and looked away. “Well, good. You’re a great girl. He’d better treat you right.”

“He will.” I grinned. “Can I take tomorrow off? I’ll get Bets to cover my shift.”

Pete chuckled. “Do me a favor and let me find your replacement. I think your girl is wound up as tight as you with those twins back. Let her have her day off.”

Damn. How bad of a BFF had I been not to notice? Tomorrow I’d set her straight, once I figured out the situation. Maybe Caleb. I smirked as I wandered over to him. My inner hussy listed the top ten ways to make him talk.