Twisted Mind (Chequered Flag #2) (10 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Dustin

It had been ten days since Tazia kissed me.

Ten fucking days of awkward glances, half-assed smiles, and stilted conversations.

It had also been ten days of hell where I tried to pretend I didn’t want her. Before the kiss I could only imagine what she’d feel like pressed against me, now I had every curve, taste, and smell ingrained into my memory. And I wanted it bad.

It was a relief to be in Monza and away from it all. I didn’t have to see Tazia parading around her flat in her mouth-watering pyjamas, I didn’t have to hear her laugh that melted my insides, and I could attempt to push her from my mind for at least the weekend.

Well, it had taken me a good few hours to finally succeed at that since she’d left me with a worrying conversation about taking care of Ralf and Michael.

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to look after them?” I queried, packing the last set of clothes into a duffle bag.

“Yeah, sure. We’ll have a great time, won’t we, Ralf?” Tazia tapped on the glass lightly, making the creatures scurry into hiding.

“Positive? You know they need to be fed regularly and the tank needs cleaning this week.”

She gave me a devilish grin. “I guess this is a bad time to bring up the turtle I killed as a kid.”

“What?” I shrieked, my voice cracking around the word. “Turtles are meant to outlive us! I’m calling Nadine to look after both of you. You obviously can’t be trusted.”

“Who’s Nadine?” Tazia scrunched up her nose in distaste.

“Why? Jealous?”

She laughed, even if it held an undercurrent of tension. “No, but just in case why don’t you tell me who she is?”

“She’s a friend. I know her through Raine and she’s the only one who’s going to be around since everyone else is in Monza. Do I need to call her?”

Tazia feigned innocence and batted away my concerns. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it.”

“What about the turtle?”

“It was ill when we got it, don’t panic. I was only winding you up.”

“Not funny.”

Even though I felt confident in Tazia’s ability to feed Michael and Ralf on a regular basis, the conversation didn’t exactly have me skipping onto the plane. I’d grown to adore those tiny creatures. Nevertheless, after take-off all of those problems were left behind and I focused on the more prominent ones because Monza was a bittersweet escape since it only replaced one problem with another. As one of the few races to coincide with the Formula One calendar it meant Teo would be at the track, and therefore so would Raine. From what I’d seen in the gossip magazine they’d been inseparable since Silverstone.

Just because I may not have spoken to my brother or best friend since I’d stormed out of our flat it didn’t mean I’d stopped caring. They hadn’t tried to call and I made sure we never ran into each other, but I followed their lives in my own way.

It was the longest either of us had ever gone without speaking. I didn’t know how to act around them and it probably felt the same on their end.

“Hey, Dustin!” someone called out from behind me.

I spun to find Zeke Lawson jogging up to meet me. With wide eyes I glanced nervously around the pit lane. As one of the top Formula One drivers, the media cared what Zeke did. He drew attention everywhere he went either because of his status or his reputation with women. He also happened to be one of Teo’s closest friends so it made him a dangerous person to be seen with since I had been attempting to blend in.

People noticed Zeke when he called my name a second time so I did the only thing I could think of. I fled. I headed straight for my garage, dipping my hat low over my eyes and gently pushing through the crowd.

I was about to search for Anthony when a hand landed on my shoulder. Zeke blocked my exit, not even out of breath. The bastard. I couldn’t be classed as unfit, but I was nowhere near his league. He entered triathlons for crying out loud.

“What did you run for? Didn’t you hear me shouting?”

“Yes. That’s exactly why I ran. I’m trying to keep a low profile,” I grumbled and caught sight of Anthony coming through from the back of the garage over Zeke’s shoulder.

Zeke laughed. “I don’t think you’re that well known right now, Dust. Wait until next year, though. I heard you’re going to be my teammate.”

I drew my gaze back to him. “Uh, I haven’t signed anything, but hopefully. And I can deal with that kind of attention, it’s Teo or Raine I’m running from. They’re usually not far behind you. Have you seen them?”

Zeke gave me a knowing grin. “They’re back at the hotel so you’re safe. I don’t think they’ll be leaving until Teo’s manager hauls him off, literally. If you know what I mean.”

I couldn’t hold in the disgusted choke. “Thanks for the
lovely
mental image.”

“No problem, it’s what I’m here for. Why are you running from them? You know they miss you, right?”

I groaned and massaged my forehead. “Does everyone know about my problems?”

Zeke shook his head. “No, that’s the problem, pal. No one knows what’s going on or how to help you.”

I puffed out my cheeks and blew the air from them. “Listen, I appreciate the concern from everyone. But I need to do this by myself and I’m getting there.”

“You had better be in shape for next season. I want to beat your brother’s ass and the team needs you to make it possible. The sponsors will eat up the brothers racing against each other shit too.”

“I will. I’m planning on beating him myself, though I don’t want to jump the gun. I haven’t even been offered a contract.”

Zeke folded his arms. “You might want to check with your manager; I think you’re a certainty at this point. Everyone wants you on board.”

Something over my shoulder caught Zeke’s attention and his expression shifted to a shit-eating grin in a split second.

“Anyway, good talk, and now I see a cute brunette over there who looks like she could use a good time.” Zeke clapped me on the back and strolled past me.

* * *

I managed to make it the whole weekend without running into Teo or Raine.

At least I thought I had.

The celebrations over my win with my team were still in full swing when a sharp, familiar voice cut through the cheers.

“Hey, dipshit!”

I spun so quickly I nearly fell over. The crowd around me parted, most of my mechanics still awed by my brother’s presence as he strolled through them. I thought they’d have been used to it by now, but obviously not.

“Teo, hey.” I passed the trophy I’d been holding off to one of my engineers, and just in time. As soon as my hands were free, Teo threw his arms around me in a crushing hug.

“Shit, it’s good to see you. Nice race today, by the way.” He pulled back and squeezed my shoulders.

“Wish I could say the same,” I teased. My eyes creased in jest, and for once I felt on top of the world. The contrast between my previous races was undeniable.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ve missed me, admit it.”

“Yeah. I also miss the poison ivy rash I got when I was twelve because you pushed me in a ditch.”

Teo shook his head and we both laughed. “You look good, Dustin.”

“I feel good.” And it was the truth. I’d dominated the whole weekend on track, even managing to crack a joke for the cameras.

“Yeah? Does that mean this self-imposed isolation has come to an end? Raine’s been nagging me to get in contact with you all weekend.”

And there we went. I kept my smile up, though inside my stomach roiled uneasily. I knew it wasn’t possible to run into him without him bringing up the past.

“I may look okay, Teo, but I need more time. You know I love Raine, but she’ll pry. I’m getting there, I promise, just…give me a bit more time.”

Teo’s face fell, his eyes gleaming with concern. “You know you’re not in this alone, right? We’re both here for you no matter what.”

I dropped my hand to his shoulder, squeezing it in thanks. “I know, and I’m not alone. I promise I’ll come and see Raine when I’m ready.”

Teo nodded curtly. “I’m going to ask her to marry me, by the way. I haven’t decided when, but I wanted you to be the first to know.”

“Like you needed to tell me. You’ve been hung up on her for years. It’s about bloody time if you ask me.” I pulled him into a hug. “Congrats, I’m glad you two worked it out.”

Teo chuckled. “She hasn’t said yes yet.”

“She will. You don’t have to worry about that. Your love is one of a kind.”

Teo separated us, although he kept hold of my arms. The stare he gave me became serious and bore into me. “You’ll find someone too, Dustin. Elora wasn’t the one. However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone.”

Tazia instantly filled my mind. Yeah, I knew there was someone out there, I just didn’t know if I could take the risk and trust her.

I clapped Teo on his back. “Good luck in your race. Destroy Hattersey while you’re out there.”

“I intend to. His career is over after the shit he pulled. You’re not going to watch?”

I shrugged. “I will if I can. Anthony’s hovering with my lawyer like he needs me for something though.”

Teo widened his stance, folded his arms, and straightened his lips into a tight line. “What have you done now?”

“What do you mean what have I done now? When was the last time I
did
anything?”

“How about when you ended up in jail?”

“For a few hours,” I reminded him. People in my life sure liked hanging my off days over me. I did a few stupid things and suddenly they labelled me the drunk street brawler who’d landed his ass in jail. Like they’d never done stupid shit!

I hated the smug look Teo gave me. “How did that happen again?”

“Fuck off.”

“Come on, one more time. I swear I’ll never bring it up again.”

I tilted my head to the side, bending my knees to catch a glimpse of the clock hidden behind a lower section of the roof. “Haven’t you got a race to prepare for?”

Teo raised his wrist, glancing down at his overly large watch. It happened to be one of the many items he wore to transform him into a human billboard. “Luckily for you, yeah. Don’t be a stranger, Dustin. We’re all here for you if you need us. Remember that.”

We gave each other an awkward half hug, half manly thump on the back. Only when Teo left the garage did I heave a sigh of relief at the fact I’d made it through one conversation without being interrogated. Then again, Raine was the one I expected a grilling from.

“Does this mean I can stop disallowing them into your races again?”

I spun in shock at Anthony’s voice, having not heard his approach. “Could you
move
any quieter?”

“Not my fault you’re deaf. What’s happening with Teo?”

“Nothing. You keep them out like normal.”

Anthony’s forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows knitted together. “I don’t understand, Dustin. You’ve been in a good place this weekend. Isn’t it time to let everyone back in?”

“If you want me to stay in a good place and get into Formula One this is how it has to be.”

His chest heaved with his sigh. “Speaking of which, I have a contract from Sabre I want you to look over. It’s a good deal.”

“I’ll read it on the plane.”

Chapter Fifteen

Tazia

I didn’t realise how much I’d been relying upon Dustin’s company to keep me entertained until he left the country. Even though we’d only seen each other sporadically for the last couple of weeks, I still missed the occasional time we spent together. And I was only becoming more agitated since I’d begun counting down the final seven days until I could get the freaking cast removed from my leg. Dustin managed to distract me from my wallowing, and now I had nothing but time and nothing to fill it with. I guessed it would all change once the cast came off since I could get back to work at the bakery. I’d been ordered to stay away since when I’d tried to keep working, I tripped over my crutch and sent a bowl of cake mix flying across the room. Then when I tried to take over the front of house and ring up the sales, staying on my feet all day became too exerting. I was a disaster waiting to happen and without any other option, my boss forced to take sick leave. However, I really missed the place.

Nevertheless, until I healed I remained stuck at home sulking.

Yes sulking.

The alarm on my phone chimed, alerting me to the fact I needed to feed Michael and Ralf. I’d agreed to take care of them while Dustin raced, but even I questioned my decision to buy them over a stick insect. For creatures so tiny they sure ate a lot. Then again, I’d been moaning about having nothing to do and they were adorable.

With a grumble I picked up my crutches, grabbed Dustin’s key, and headed next door. It felt strange being in his home without him, especially hunting through his fridge to retrieve the Mysis shrimp. I chuckled, remembering how Dustin reacted to the idea of keeping them next to his food. He’d originally intended to feed them fish flakes until the breeder corrected him, and the look he’d given me still burned to think about it.

When I’d reminded him it was like keeping prawns in his freezer he’d warmed up to the idea even if the thought still revolted him a little. I saw the way he handled the food at arm’s length and with his head turned in the opposite direction. I, on the other hand, had no aversions. I even liked hand-feeding Michael and Ralf.

I pulled out a shrimp and dipped my hand into the water. Keeping as still as possible I allowed Ralf to slowly make his way up to take the food and repeated the process a few times.

Once they’d both eaten an equal amount, I rested my chin on top of my hands on the cabinet the tank sat on. Watching their slow and gentle movements always calmed me.

“What am I meant to do, guys?”

Raising one hand to the glass, I held my finger against it and Michael made his way over. Ralph, on the other hand, stayed among the plants.

“Not got an answer for me?” I drew a shape on the tank slowly so Michael could follow my finger.

“I should tell him everything, shouldn’t I? It’s pointless worrying over something I don’t have the answer to. What if he doesn’t hate me?”

Realising my finger wasn’t food, Michael swam away. I pulled out two more shrimp from the container and placed one in each hand. “Okay, I’m trusting you guys with this. Right hand means I tell Dustin everything, left means I don’t. What should I do?”

I dipped my hands into the water once more and waited patiently for them to make their way over to me. Michael reached me first, although Ralf wasn’t far behind. Each went for the opposite hand.

With a sigh I withdrew my hands from the tank and dried them off. “Well you two are absolutely no help. I guess that’s what I get for trusting seahorses.”

I shut the lid and returned the shrimp to the freezer. With a final fleeting look at the tank I hobbled out into the hallway and into my flat, shut my door behind me, and dropped my keys into the bowl. My right arm shot out away from my body, jerking me off balance when my crutch slipped on something.

I managed to catch myself and once I’d righted myself, I glanced down at the white card which had caused me to slip. There was nothing on the front to give away what lay inside, but it had obviously been slid under my door since it had no address or postal mark.

I picked it up and ran my finger under the flap. It opened easily, not having been sealed, and I slid the card out to see a simple watercolour painting of a vase of flowers.

Perplexed, I unhooked one crutch and rested it against the wall. With my hand free I parted the card, catching the slip of paper that fell from the middle. Turning it over, a grainy image of me hugging Dustin outside our building stared up at me. It had been taken from the opposite side of the street the day Dustin left for Monza.

I held my breath and slipped my thumb in to the middle of the card.

You’re not hi
s
.

Those were the only three words written in a messy scrawl I couldn’t recognise. My hand trembled as I flipped the card over. There was nothing on the back—no logo, brand, or price code—and nothing to give me a clue to where or who it came from.

I gawked at the picture and the sinister words again. Leaning back against my door, I attempted to calm my breathing, which I hadn’t realised had increased to the point I was gasping.

I stared at the photo, wondering who could have taken it. Only two names immediately jumped out at me: Max and Elora.

It had to be a sick joke, right?

I didn’t think Max would go to such lengths because I ignored a few calls. He hadn’t wanted me so he shouldn’t have cared whether I was friends with Dustin. Yet I couldn’t rule him out, even if my gut told me to place my money on Elora. I’d seen how quickly she could snap and how she treated Dustin.

But what did that have to do with me?

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, certain I could erase one suspect from my short list. I’d avoided calling Max back because I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. Things may have ended amicably, yet the run up to the end had been far from it. I had suspicions over what he wanted, but he’d made his choice and he had to live with it. I’d moved on after all, and he’d wised up too late.

At least that’s what I’d tell him if we ever got onto the subject. I didn’t plan on talking to him for long.

Swiping to return his call, I raised the mobile to my ear. My heart thundered against my ribcage and my palms became so clammy I thought the phone would slide from my grip. With every ring the burning in my lungs intensified until I was forced to exhale and relieve the pressure. I swallowed hard, glared at the ceiling, and tapped my fingers impatiently against the handle of my crutch.

Finally the call connected. “Hello?”

My jaw seized up so I couldn’t get a word out. I’d have settled for a mumbled grunt, and even that seemed impossible.

“Tazzie?”

I rubbed my chest with my free hand, pressing down hard as if I could physically squash the pain in my heart into submission. The sound of my old nickname wasn’t helping my composure in the slightest.

Grinding my teeth together, I forced the words out with a grimace. “Max, hi. Are you free to talk? I need to ask you something important.”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ve been trying to reach you too. I’m glad you finally called me back, I was starting to think maybe you changed your number.”

A disgruntled grunt slipped from my lips.

“I’ll go first,” I said because that way I could hang up on him without giving him the chance to say anything back.

“Okay, what did you want to talk about?” he asked warily.

“Have you sent me anything recently?” I couldn’t build up the courage to ask if he’d stopped by to hand deliver a card. Admitting the envelope wasn’t delivered by regular mail made it seem all the more creepy.

“No. Should I have? I thought you’d taken everything you wanted, but I can have it sent over if there’s something you’ve remembered.”

It didn’t sound like a lie. In fact he sounded genuinely apologetic at the fact he may have forgotten to send over some of my belongings. By the guilt in his tone he would no doubt be pacing the length of the living room, pausing to look out the window every minute. It was an action he’d performed on numerous occasions when stressed. I’d seen him repeat it over and over again, especially in the lead up to our separation.

“No, Max. There isn’t anything I need.” I prayed he didn’t question why I’d called to ask and my instincts cried for me to hang up.

“Oh, okay.” I heard the sound of the sofa puffing around his weight and his huff. It hadn’t taken much to placate him. “So how are you?”

I knew I should have listened to my gut.

“I’m good. Slowly healing and finally getting this cast off in a few days.”

“Yeah? That’s great, Tazzie. There haven’t been any other complications?”

Other? What happened wasn’t enough?

Instead of voicing my thoughts I gave him the answer that allowed him to stop asking. “I’m good, Max. You don’t need to worry about me.”

A heavy sigh came through the speaker. “I know, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”

Warning sirens blared in my head as the conversation headed in a direction I didn’t want it to, though I still couldn’t bring myself to peel the phone from my ear and hang up.

“I should have been there for you, Tazzie. I didn’t think about us all, I let my pain consume me so much I forgot yours. I’m sorry.”

I hung my head, admiring the white pattern on the cast as I tilted my foot from side to side.

“Tazia?” His voice trembled.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Max.”

“Tell me you forgive me. I handled everything awfully and if I could go back and undo it all I would. I’m asking for you to give me another chance. I know I have no right to ask it of you, but please let me prove how sorry I am. We were good together.”

“I can’t, Max.” The words were barely a whisper, the choking emotions I’d thought I’d got over paralysing my vocal cords.

“What happened wasn’t your fault, Tazia. I know that now and I can’t tell you how much it’s kept me awake at night. I should never have blamed you and my only excuse is I was in a dark place.”

Anger surged through my veins. “And I wasn’t? You may have
witnessed
it, Max. I
lived
every excruciating second.”

“I know that now.”

“I needed you to know it back
then
. I needed my
fiancé
to stand by me, not blame me, refuse to look at me, and then leave me while I attempted to recover.”

I never knew I held so much pent up rage directed at him. Since I moved out I’d been focused on getting on with my life. I’d never seen the point of going over old arguments or tormenting myself with the past. Max proved he didn’t want me and I’d dealt with it in the best way at the time.

Regardless, hearing him bring it all up again made me realise I’d never accepted what had happened. Fury still tainted my blood and it had every right to be there. Why the hell would he think I’d magically forgive him?

“I let you down, I get it.”

He’d done more than that. We’d both been devastated, though whereas I tried to support us both, Max abandoned me. He withdrew and when he came back he repeatedly punched me when I was down. I had tried to be strong enough for the both of us, until it became too much. He’d given up on me when I’d needed him most despite his promise of forever.

“
Do you?
” I hadn’t meant to screech, but I was tired of being the strong one. “Do you
honestly
understand what you put me through?”

“I’d like to try. Please give me one more shot, Tazzie.”

“I can’t. I gave you every chance back then and you ignored them all.” I drew the phone from my ear, about to hang up when his next words seized my joints.

“It’s because of another guy isn’t it?”

My lip trembled. I’d written Max off as the sender, yet if he knew about Dustin…

How
did
he know about Dustin?

My mind whirled too much for me to form a response.

Had I really been so wrong about Max?

A sound of a door being unlocked across the hall caught my attention. I peered out of the peep hole to see the curve of Dustin’s back hunched over his bag as he pushed the door open.

My lips quirked at the sight of him and relief spread through me. Max all about forgotten, I pulled the phone from my ear and hung up. I slid the phone back into my pocket then swung my door wide.

I stumbled into the hall as quickly as possible and threw myself at Dustin with a cry. “You’re back!”

Dustin dropped his bag to catch me on instinct, and wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me from falling over. He lifted me so only my toes grazed the floor and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. Every time I inhaled his smell of spice and sandalwood hit me. Then his deep chuckle vibrated against my cheek.

“Hey, Taz. Excited to see me or something?”