Two Blue Lines (Crossing The Line #1) (10 page)

A baby.

Oh. Shit.

Suddenly, my brain was bombarded with visions of oversized baby carriages full of screaming kids, a kaleidoscope of colorful twirly things that hang above baby beds, car seats, rattlers, babies spitting up . . . it was like a bad sitcom running on a constant feed.

“Reed?” she repeated, concern showing on her face. “You okay?”

I turned and stared blankly out the windshield, my thumbs tapping the steering wheel in time with the pulse pounding in my brain. “Sure. I’m fine. Let’s go.” I thrust the car into gear and pulled out, not saying anything else. Not thinking anything else.

Mel reached over and squeezed my thigh. I glanced down at her hand, then over into her concerned eyes. “I’m happy she’s helping,” she said with a tentative smile. “Aren’t you?”

I focused back on the road as we turned onto J.P. Bryan Parkway and headed out of town, the pier in my rearview. “Who?”

“My mom,” she said, her voice clearly puzzled. “She knows we don’t have a lot of money, and well . . .” She waited until I shot her another quick glance. She shrugged.

Shit. What was I thinking? What did I think I was tearing ticket stubs and shoveling greasy popcorn for, anyway? To buy diapers and pacifiers and bottles and whatever else a little baby would need. That’s what. I should be happy Mel’s mom wanted to help out. But a part of me—probably the part that was still hiccupping on my dad’s stark glare of disappointment, if I was being totally honest—hated that I wasn’t providing everything myself. There was a deep, hidden, self-loathing, probably totally disgusting part of me that wanted Mel and Peanut to need me. Only me.

But I was just a kid. With sperm.

I pulled into the Mexican place that had Mel’s favorite tacos and parked. I faced her with a sigh. “It’s fine. I’m not upset. Thank your mom for me, okay?”

She offered me a tentative smile. “Really?”

I swallowed back my neediness. My pride. “Sure. We’re getting to pick out the stuff and I’m saving my paychecks to buy the big things.” I smiled and reached up to tuck some stray hair behind her ear, but found myself playing with it between my fingers instead. Mel had always had the softest hair. “It’s no big deal.” I wouldn’t let it be.

“Okay.” Her smile grew, making her tiny dimples wink. “Then let’s eat. I’m starving!” She ducked out and started toward the door of the restaurant, leaving me to follow.

And so we ate tacos. Or I should say, I ate tacos. She inhaled them.

In the parking lot, she rubbed her stomach, finally full. Maybe.

“What now?” I asked with a smile.

“Ice cream?” She giggled.

My eyes widened.

“Well, okay. Maybe later. Let’s hit the Walmart in Lake Jackson and spend this money that’s burning a hole in my purse.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I couldn’t help but laugh. This was more like the fun-loving, silly Melissa I’ve known and loved for the past three years.

“All right. Walmart it is, my lady.”

And so we went to Lake Jackson and hit the Super Center. I pretended it was a normal day. A normal date. Shopping for baby items.

We perused the aisles, laughing over the sizes of the stuff, marveling at the prices. God, how can one little baby cost so much? I was beginning to think my piddly little savings account wasn’t going to go past the first month of diapers, let alone clothes, wipes, food, doctor bills . . .

“Oh, my God, Reed. Look how tiny!” she said, holding up a pair of pink booties.

I forced a smile and focused on her. They looked like they belonged on a doll. I put down the little T-shirt that said
Daddy’s Boy
and made my way over.

It was all so small and confusing, and I hadn’t the first idea what we needed. But Mel looked happy, so I went with it. Though I drew the line at breast pumps.

And right then, I knew what they meant about the ‘glow.’ She was breathtaking. Chloe Seymour was quickly becoming a distant memory.

“What?” she demanded when she saw my stupid grin.

“Nothing. So what should we get?”

She shrugged and we turned back to the shelves. We decided to be sensible and threw our first pack of diapers in the basket, but we argued over what else to buy.

Mel held up the pink booties again. “I like these. They’re cute.”

I frowned. “But they’re pink.”

“So?”

I tilted my head. “What if it’s not a girl?”

She smiled. “I have a feeling.”

She was adorable. “So do I . . .” I held up the Daddy shirt.

She gave it a cursory glance. “Fine. We’ll get them both and return whichever we don’t need. Deal?”

“Fine.”

We tossed them both in the basket and pushed on. But I saw her eyeing those little pink booties. And glowing. I went with my instinct and yanked the basket to a stop, drawing her into my arms. “I love you.”

She giggled. “I know.”

The moment was perfect. She was perfect. Our circumstance may be effed the hell up, but we were perfect. Hope welled up in my chest like a helium balloon.

I pressed my lips to hers.

Right there, in the middle of the baby aisle of the super shopping center, I kissed my girl.

She pulled back a minute later, her eyes smiling and reflecting hope back at me. So much like the Mel I remembered. “What was that for?”

I blinked. Swallowed. Decided. “Do you wanna get married?”

July 26
th
Continued

Reed proposed tonight.

PROPOSED!

I said no. Am I stupid? I’ve been dreaming of this for forever. I’ve just started coming to grips with all that will never be, grieving for it . . . living in a dorm at college, visiting abroad, the big white wedding with both of my mothers there . . . and there he was, offering me a slice of that like I hadn’t successfully murdered both our childhoods.

But all that rushed through my mind as he stared at me with those big hazel eyes, was shame. How I’ve been lying to him. How I don’t deserve a forever with him. Not like this.

The First Lie

“Y
ou did
what
?” Jonah nearly choked on his bite of burger and stared at me with his eyes barely in the socket.

I shifted my gaze from our perch on the hood of my car to the grumbling gray sky and the matching ocean as it churned beneath, and bit my own sandwich. It didn’t bear repeating. A proposal . . . I could hardly believe it myself.

What had possessed me?

“Well, what did she say?”

I shrugged, swallowed. “Not much, really.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

I glanced at him.

“Well?”

“I think I shocked her.”

“No shit.”

Yeah, I’d shocked her. Me, too. Guess I’d gotten caught up in the moment. Her darn glow, the needing to be needed thing, the way she was looking at me all gooey-eyed.

I tossed a chunk of bun to a cawing gull and waited to see how else Jonah would berate me. Heck, I was beating myself up . . . for being so impulsive, for not telling her about Chloe.

Jonah didn’t say a word.

The wind kicked up between us, the ocean pounded relentlessly, angrily at the shore as the storm apparently pissed it off. The clouds in the distance became an angry, bruised purple. We would have to leave soon.

“You love her, right?” He finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper above the rushing wind.

I glanced at him. His eyes were serious.

I nodded. “Of course.”

“Then congratulations, man.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder.

I looked down at my half-eaten burger. “But she didn’t say yes.” I wasn’t even sure I really wanted her to in the light of a new day.

“Of course she did. You just—”

“No,” I interrupted him. “She didn’t.”

“Well what
did
she say?”

My heart clutched at the memory. If only I’d kept my big mouth shut. I ruined a perfectly good day. The perfect day. “She just started to cry and said we couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged. “Too young, I guess.” Which made perfect sense. But then why did something niggle at my conscience like she was keeping a secret from me? No. I shoved that aside. Mel and I always told each other the truth. Always.

“Well, I guess that’s understandable. Maybe when you’re older. You’re gonna have a baby together, for cryin’ out loud,” he said as he whipped a chunk of hair out of his eyes when the wind kicked up.

I blinked against the onslaught. “You’re right. It’s just . . .”

“Just what?”

Lettie’s cross glowed like a beacon in the background, its pure white the only bright thing in the horizon, making my heart yearn for simpler days.

“I guess it’s nothing.” I met his concerned gaze. “You’re probably right.” I glanced at the angry sky. “We should probably get outta here.”

He agreed and we hustled to the car and scooted. But I knew my simple days were forever left behind with Lettie at that beach. Because I knew the minute Mel looked in my eyes and said she wasn’t ready that she had lied to me for the first time.

It wasn’t about being ready to get married.

It wasn’t about being young.

She either didn’t love me anymore or she was keeping one heck of a big secret.

July 27
th

Well, it’s a new day and I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Reed asked me to marry him last night.

Married. (That would make me Mrs. Melissa Young. You don’t know how many times I’ve written that over these past three years.)

I’ve had all night and this morning to think on it. This baby, being a mom, my lost childhood . . . oh, how I’d love to go back in time, change things somehow. Maybe all the way back to when my birth mom gave me up. I hope she did it because she loved me. I’d like to think that anyway. And my parents love me, I know they do, even if we have a hard time communicating. But then why do I still have this gaping hole inside me? So many unanswered questions, doubts?

Am I doing the right thing? Can I give this baby away?

No. I can’t. It’s a part of me—even if it was possibly conceived in a situation I would like to bleach from my memory—and this could be the first time in my life I’ve had the opportunity to be loved unconditionally.

So, when I see Reed again, I’ll pretend it’s all OK. Act as normal as possible. But, God, how I wish I could say yes. Marry him and ride off into the sunset. I wish it could be that easy.

My heart is still somewhere in my stomach. He needs to think I’m being reasonable. Mature. Not that I’m hiding the biggest secret in the world from him.

Mona Lisa Smiles

I
shook off my misgivings as the sun chased away the bruising storm the next day. I showered then studied my face in the foggy mirror as I toweled off my hair.

Could Mel have fallen out of love with me? After all her talk about being afraid to lose me?

No way.

It had to be something else.

A secret?