Ultimate Justice (18 page)

“Oh, I understand. A guinea-pig.”

“A guinea-pig?”

“We say that in English when someone tries something new on you. A guinea-pig's a bit like a mouse.”

“Yes. That's what he means. So you've agreed to go tomorrow,” said Jalli with concern.

“I have agreed to go just to talk to him. To listen to what he says. Nothing more. Anyway it's unlikely that we can return. It will all depend on the white gate.”

“But it may be why we are here,” considered Jalli.

“Maybe. But I think what has happened so far is reason enough. It is great just to meet your wonderful teacher and his lovely family. I really am so grateful to you, Mr Bandi, for talking to my obstinate girlfriend, as she then was. Being blind was bad when I was in the hospital, but it was not having Jalli that hurt so much. I thought she was cross I hadn't done a better job in rescuing her, and she wouldn't want a blind boy…”

“Oh, let's not go there again,” said Jalli, “it makes us sound so silly.”

“No. You weren't silly. You were young and traumatised. What happened to you both was not something small,” broke in Mr Bandi. “It would take anyone time and effort to come to terms with it – even sensible and level-headed people like you two.”

“I agree,” said Jack, “and I don't think we need to try ‘to put it behind us' now. It was the right thing once – but now, here, I think we can really face up to things – properly.”

“You are so brave,” said Pammy. “But you are so happy together.”

“We are,” said Jack, and Jalli squeezed his hand.

Then they went on to tell the Bandis about their recent adventures, and how the younger generation were becoming involved.

At last, Mr Bandi said, “I don't know about you, but I think I am ready for bed.”

“Yes, me too,” said Jalli. “It's been a wonderful evening.”

“Your clothes are drying on the rail by the boiler,” said Pammy. “We can iron them tomorrow.”

“Thank you. Come on,” said Jalli, “let's go up and let these people get to bed.”

Jalli led Jack up the stairs.

In the bedroom Jack took Jalli and kissed her. She responded quite passionately as Jack explored the dress in more detail.

“You look lovely,” he said, stroking her hair.

“Jack, I want you to make love to me. Make love to me now!”

“What, here?”

“Yes, here. In Wanulka. We have never done it in Wanulka. But today I think I have finally put an end to the hurt. I am mended Jack. What that man did has not taken away my spirit because he took nothing. He wanted me because he wanted my life, my energy, my passion. But he got none of that because, all the time, all I could think about, was you. He went away empty. He had no life. We have called him a monster, but he was not, he was an empty, weak shell of a person. Sure he had physical strength, but so does a metal bulldozer. He had no heart, no soul. And today, properly for the first time, I felt sorry for him. I hope that God has caught him up, built him up, restored and repaired him. I want him to be the person God created him to be. Full of life in his heavenly home.”

“Heaven is for good people.”

“Yes. But none of us are good enough for heaven. God has to
make
us new – forgive us when we realise we need it. No. I believe, heaven is for
everyone
. I don't believe God forces people into heaven, but I would hope – expect – a loving God would give people like that man a second chance – a chance to claim life. God wouldn't be love if he didn't. No matter how bad my children might be I wouldn't turn my back on them – not if I loved them – and neither would God. So now, Jack, make love to me. I'm free! I have
you
, and I want you!”

“But Jalli, we… we haven't brought anything to – ”

“I don't care. If I get pregnant we'll call him Paadi,” she laughed.

“But, Jalli – ”

“Stop talking and come here!” Jack put up no resistance. He had been aware of the scent of his wife's passion building through the day, just as he had smelled the mood of the parmandas when they were ready to display. He rejoiced in the honour to be this wonderful woman's husband.

Jalli woke. The first of the Wanulkan suns was already rising in the sky. It took her a couple of seconds to decide where she was, but then it all came flooding back. She was naked, cradled in Jack's arms and she smiled as she recalled her intense, unfettered climax the night before. They had fallen asleep, satiated and exhausted. Jalli's abandonment had taken them both by surprise. For the first time in her life since those dreadful events in Parmanda Park two decades ago she had experienced real freedom.

Breathing deeply, Jalli rejoiced in the familiar smell of the Wanulkan morning. It brought back the happy, childhood years with Grandma… yet, weren't they supposed to be going somewhere?

“Jack, Jack it's getting light.”

“Umm…”

“Jack. You said you would go to the hospital for nine.”

“Urr… what time is it?”

Jalli reached for her watch. “Five-past-seven.”

“Seven. Already? Wow, Jalli! Last night… you were really alive! You sleep well?”

“Very well. That's how it
should
be Jack. I think – I know – after all these years, I'm truly free. Perhaps this morning the same might come true for you…”

“Right,” said Jack thoughtfully. “Do we have to get up? I mean, right now. I like this newfound freedom of yours!”

“So do I! Better shower though. I think Mr. Bandi and Pammy are already up.”

“They will be, with a little girl.”

***

Pammy had laid out Jalli's shirt and shorts, nicely ironed, on the side of the towel rail. They dressed and appeared downstairs where they saw a wonderful assortment of breakfast things.

“Sleep well?” asked Pammy.

“Yes. Very well indeed. Thanks for washing and ironing my things.”

“That was nothing; don't mention it. Now what are you going to have to eat? Paadi doesn't have to be at the Park before ten, so he will drop you off at the hospital for around ten-to-nine. That OK?”

“Marvellous. Thank you.”

“And then I will come and pick you up.”

“That's alright. You don't have to –”

“Paadi and me want to know how things are. And you are welcome back here for lunch. What time do you plan to leave?”

“It'll have to be sometime in the afternoon,” said Jalli.

“Good. So have some lunch with us before you go.”

***

Jack had never seen Wanulka General Hospital but he had had a lot of experience of it. It had a unique smell that hadn't changed since he was last there. Jack felt the hairs rising on the back of his neck. The pain and frustration, anger and despair of that time came flooding back to him.

Mr Barn was waiting for them in his consulting room. He introduced himself and showed Jack and Jalli to a seat.

“I am very pleased to see you. If I may say so you have worn well. I was a junior when you first came in and now I am the leading consultant in this department. I'll get straight down to my proposal. We know exactly what happened and what treatment you received from us before you left us. The damage was then, given the treatments available to us, irreparable. However we have now pioneered a whole new set of techniques to repair the kind of damage you sustained. If you had come in to us today with this as a new injury we would definitely recommend it to you. But I need to be frank. This is very pioneering and I do not want in any way to build up your hopes. We have had some slight success in restoring a tiny bit of sight in a dozen or so new patients. We have never tried it before on people who have had a long term condition. We want to try it on such people as yourself without knowing what, if anything, we can achieve.”

“But if it did work,” asked Jalli, “what is the best Jack could hope for?”

“What we are aiming at is to help your brain get a message, of sorts, from one or both of your eyes. This may mean you will be able to distinguish light and dark which makes a lot of difference to new patients. The world is not so dark and they are able to get around and some of them make out shapes – people for example. You will know where someone is in front of you. Some patients have been able to see where they are putting their hands…”

“Not actually see again, properly, then,” clarified Jalli.

“Not at this stage, no. We still have a long way to go. As I said this is new, pioneering technology. If you were willing to go through with this it would help us in our research. Of course, it will not cost you anything. We will pay all your expenses, and accommodation for you, too, Mrs Smith (he pronounced it ‘Smitt') if necessary. We will also compensate your employer for the period you are away from work. You do have work?”

“Yes. I do. But not here in Wanulka.”

“That doesn't matter.”

“Well, I don't even live on Raika.”

“This is the bit that I still find confusing! Where else could you live? There are no other planets to hop to. We could not refer you on when you left us last time and we have been trying to contact you without success. Then you suddenly turn up at Parmanda Park where my brother is deputy warden. Mr Smith, where exactly
do
you live?”

“I… Jalli can
you
explain? It would be easier for him if he heard you in Wanulkan.”

Jalli explained in the same way they did on Planet Joh. “We do not know how it happens but we are taken around the universe. Sometimes there are portals that are open for us to step – literally step – between planets located in different parts if the universe. It must sound strange to you. In fact it still does to us! But that's how it works. Where we live it has happened to other people too. We live on a planet called Joh. It cannot be seen from Raika. Jack is not from there but a planet called Earth One. I am from Raika. As far as I know, myself and my grandmother are the only Raikans to have gone through one of these portals – ”

“So you are here just because your portal happened to open up after more than twenty years.”

“Correct,” said Jack, “we have not been back since.”

“So if you can help Jack it'll depend on the white gates (our portals) to be there – and that's something
we
can't decide,” finished Jalli.

“I don't understand,” sighed the consultant, “but I'm willing to take your word for it. The important thing for us now is whether you would like to undergo this… if you can. We will need, of course, to check your general health and the current state of your injuries first.”

“Thank you,” said Jack. “I appreciate your contacting me. And your offer. And I would like to help you, but I need to think about this.”

“Of course. I think you have got the point – this is probably more about benefiting the research than about helping you. You don't have to decide today; take your time and phone me when you're ready… is there anything else you would like to ask me at this stage?”

“Yes. Those bits of my brain that used to be connected to my eyes. They haven't just been sitting there doing nothing for twenty years have they?”

“No. They haven't. They will have been employed in other ways. That's one of the things we would want to test.”

“So, if you, say, flood them with a signal, even an indistinct one, what happens?”

“That is precisely why you'd be a striped mouse. We don't know. That is what
you
could tell
us
.”

“I
could
get a bit of my brain wiped clean of other things just so I could see shapes if I were lucky?”

“I wouldn't say ‘wiped clean' exactly. You would still have a functional brain zone.”

“But maybe a confused one that can't think straight?”

“But one that can see enough to help you get around and know where things are. I am not trying to persuade you either way on this, Mr Smith. It's your choice.”

“Thank you,” said Jack again. “I'll think about this. I'll get back to you.”

“Take your time. I can appreciate that this is a very big thing after so many years.”

***

Jalli took her husband's arm as they left the hospital.

“How far are we from the Municipal Park?” asked Jack.

“A couple of blocks. Do you want to go there?”

“Let's go to that café we passed yesterday, and sit in the sun and think.”

“What café?”

“The one not far from the main gate. It's on the right opposite those strong scented flowers.”

“Oh. You mean the stall that sells hot drinks and things.”

“Yes. I smelt it. It smelt like the stuff your grandma gave me once. It was nice.”

“Right then, straight down the hill… We will pass the white gate, if it's there.”

“We could pop home for a cuppa then? But no, while we're here let's do the Wanulkan stuff. I want to think. And I'm not ready to talk to Mum and the children at the moment.”

They passed the white gate, which was reassuring, and found the stall and sat at a table.

“Nice stuff this,” said Jack.

“It's a kind of tea made from a local shrub. We call it ‘bru'.”

“Bru it is. Easy to remember… good thinking stuff. OK. So this is the deal as I see it. That doc has a new procedure he wants to try out on people. They're already doing it on new cases. At first when you can't see a thing, when it's pitch black, it's very scary. Back then I would have done anything just to have that darkness lifted. But now, for me, the darkness is normal. I don't need to see shapes to know someone's there. I did at first. But not now. I know where and who. I know if they're on their feet or sitting down. Take that doctor. He was sitting behind a desk. He had a pen and a computer on it. The computer was on his left (my right). It was a desk-top computer with the fan, under the desk. He was sitting in front of a window which was open at the top. There were blinds not curtains – the up and down sort (they make a distinct noise when they blow backwards and forwards). The man himself was as tall as me, slim, and about fifty-five years old, I guess. He was married (or at least he was wearing a ring). He had a cotton mixture jacket, probably a suit of good quality and he had hard bottomed shoes. The chair I sat on was made of leather, rather worn. Yours was a bit wobbly…”

Jalli laughed. “You know that?”

“Every time you moved the legs rocked. It was especially distinct when you were talking. I don't think about this most of the time. I just build up the scene from the clues I get. But as you and he were speaking I was thinking about what I knew and why. How wrong am I?”

“You ‘saw' more than I did! You've got nothing wrong as far as I can tell… So, what you are saying is that you do not need to see with your eyes again?”

“Well it might help to see light and shapes – but it's the trade off that worries me. How much would I lose of the acuteness of the rest of my senses?”

“And you think you will?”

“That's why I asked what I did. I think it is bound to. The doctor knows that too, but he doesn't know how much or in what way. That's why I'm the perfect striped mouse. I could stand to lose a lot. The real benefit is for them – what they will learn from me for their research.”

“So, what are you going to tell them?”

“I don't know yet. I'm going to have to sleep on it. But my immediate instinct is that I am alright as I am. But then, I don't just want to be taking the easiest option… or the selfish one. It's not what's in it for me. If I thought I could be able to see enough to be able to see our children, I might think it worth all the hassle, but I won't be able to. As it is, in the end, it won't be me but science that gains – and other people, but that's a good reason for saying yes.”

“Jack. I… I don't want you to have any operation that can't make things better for you. It's a big risk.”

“As I said, let's sleep on it.”

“But we're going back today, you said so. We mustn't leave the kids and Nan too long.”

“We will go back. Before we do I'll ring the doctor and say I'm sleeping on it. I'll explain that if he doesn't hear from me within, say two weeks, then the answer's a definite ‘no' because it means we haven't been able to get back. In the end, it may not be that the decision is in my, I mean,
our
hands… Do you want another cup of bru?”

“How do you know I have finished this one?”

“Beca-ause,” said Jack playfully, “you always put the cup down more firmly when you've finished and kind of move back a bit in you seat. You always do.”

Jalli laughed. “OK. You've really got so used to being blind haven't you? Jack, I just want you to be happy. If you are, I am.”

“I know. I can't say I like being blind. It is very frustrating at times. I miss not seeing you and the children. I'd love to know what they really look like. And it's hard work whenever we go somewhere new. I really have to concentrate as I build up the pictures. I find myself counting steps all the time. And I couldn't do so much without you or someone to guide me. Around home it's fine – most of the time… but right now, I would very much like a second mug of bru.”

“You like this stuff?”

“It reminds me of Grandma.”

“I know,” said Jalli thoughtfully.

“There's the frustration. I doubt I could get a cup on my own and I'd have no chance with this money. I'd be alright after a couple of times, but I can't remember an instance when I didn't have you or someone to help me.”

“That's to do with your charm, kind sir,” teased Jalli. “We'll have another and then it will be time to walk through the park to the Bandi's.”

***

“You're so brave,” said Pammy over lunch. “I've not heard you complain at all about being blind.”

“Oh, I did at first, believe me, but I haven't of late… mostly. Not so much since I got my Jalli back.”

“But don't you ever think that what happened to you wasn't fair… I mean, don't you question God?”