Oh yeah, I totally won.
How can I let her get to me? This man, this incredible, giving man wants to make it work with me. Me.
I’ve never really felt worthy of anyone, not even Kyle.
He was always so poised and put together. I always felt like a mess when I stood next to him. It didn’t help he came from so much money. I know my family had money, but Kyle’s family owns most of Arizona. The boy, as wholesome and caring as he was, threw money away like it was trash. They had a lot, and I imagine they still do. Because we didn’t own a third of what his family did, they always looked down their noses at me. Anytime their eyes would slide my way, they’d look right through me, you know what I mean? I didn’t exist. When you grow up in a world centered on money, and you sit at the lower end of the totem pole, people look at you with disdain.
Kyle, in all his love, I think, struggled with his relationship with his family because of it. He was hounded on a daily basis that I wasn’t the girl for him. I was beneath him. Our relationship didn’t add up.
Even though he endured all of that bullshit, he still walked around with his hand in mine, proclaiming his love—undying and unyielding. He never faltered, not once. In the short two years I had him, he didn’t even look at another girl. To him, the sun rose and set in my eyes.
If life hadn’t been so cruel, I’d be married right now.
The overwhelming emotions bubble in my chest, and I choke back a sob. I miss him. I’m feeling guilty for lying in a bed with another man. This is the problem with losing someone, I can never be sure I’m doing the right thing.
My subconscious, or hell, maybe Kyle, yells at me to remember if my life hadn’t happened the way it did, I wouldn’t be in Duane’s arms right now. I wouldn’t be happier than I’ve ever been. The intense feelings that come with loving Duane make me think I might be more accepting of my massive loss. That void, the ache? It’s dulled dramatically because Duane has found a way to cushion the blows that slaps me in the face every time I think about losing Kyle.
Duane’s body stirs behind me and he takes a deep breath. I wish I could see his face.
“Mornin’ Red,” Duane greets as he snuggles closer to me, tightening his hold around my waist.
Wrapping my hands around his strong forearms, I lovingly rub, sending goose bumps in their wake.
“Good morning, Cowboy. Sleep well?”
He nods his head into the fallen hair at the back of my neck.
I turn around and take my first look at him. His eyes are the clearest I’ve seen them, maybe ever. The gold is sparkling in at least three different shades. He has a slight blush on his cheeks, probably because I’m burning up. The man is a heater—I could easily go without the blanket. That hair I love so much is slightly mussed and hanging in his eyes. I bring my hand up and brush it back. It’s getting long enough that I can tuck it behind his ear, for once. I personally love the longer hair, not Motley Crew long, but his sexy cowboy long. Just long enough to curl on the ends when he sweats, yet it works when he’s in his suit, as well.
Sweet lord, how is thinking about his sweat turning me on?
Yes, I know, I know I’ve been single since I was 18, but my vibrator—whom I’ve proudly dubbed Thor—and I have a wonderful relationship. He’s very good to me, but having this Adonis of a man lying in bed next to me, looking at me like I’m his entire world, makes me want to throw Thor out a window. Sorry old pal, take a hike.
My phone begins to vibrate, signaling a call. I groan and pull my eyes away from Duane, who winks at me at the last second. I smile, shake my head and reach for my phone. It’s Jason.
“Hi.” I press the speaker button on my phone. “You’re on speaker. Duane is here, too.”
“Hey Jase,” Duane says behind me while he plays with my hipbone.
It tickles and I giggle, apparently a little too loudly, because Jason gags on the other end of the phone.
Ass.
I flip him off, pointing my finger to the ceiling of my bedroom.
“Sup, Duane?” He greets. “Listen, sounds like you’re a little busy,” he laughs, “but I wanted to let you know the new owners of your dad’s house moved in and love it. They decided to keep the shrine out front and encouraged the town to come and visit anytime. It’s actually really cool to see folks embracing the whole situation. Conrad deserved to be honored like this.”
Pride beams inside my chest and, once again, I feel my body become overwhelmed with the magnitude of how much my life has changed—in a beautiful and wonderful way. Duane kisses my shoulder and I quickly wipe the happy tears away. I lean my forehead against the side of his head, fitting perfectly to his temple
“That’s wonderful to hear. Dad would love that. Have you heard from Brent?”
“Yeah, his going away party was last night,” Jason answers. “He left for NYU this morning. He’s stoked. He said he’ll call you when he gets there.”
Brent had decided to stay a few extra days than planned, to help his mom cope with her grief. It’s sweet he still wants to take care of her, even after all the time they were apart.
We say our goodbyes to Jason, and I hang up the phone.
The day is beckoning both Duane and I, but I’m going to ignore it.
At least I’m trying.
“We gotta get to work, Red,” Duane says reluctantly, not loosening his grip on my body.
My phone buzzes again, and Duane drops his head onto my chest and laughs. I huff and reach for it, hitting the speaker button again.
“Gosh dammit, Daniels! You damn noob,” Liv yells. “Stop having sex with Mr. Delicious Lawyer Man and get your ass to the shop!”
My mouth drops open, and I turn to Duane, who has the same mix of embarrassment and shock on his face.
Liv yells my name again and continues her wake-up rant, causing me to snap into action. Duane bursts into laughter and, in the middle of her tirade, Liv stops mid-sentence.
“…Uhh, shit, can Duane hear me?” She inquires, suddenly panicked.
Duane clears his throat. “Uh-huh. Morning Liv.”
The phone clicks off.
I look at Duane and we both shrug our shoulders. She’s an odd bird, my Liv.
Just as I pull the blanket back up over our bodies, the sound of thunderous footsteps bound up the stairs to the loft, and someone crashes through the front door, quickly scaling the stairs to my bedroom.
We sit straight up. Duane, ready to protect, starts to get out of bed when Liv bursts through the door.
She halts as soon as her eyes land on Duane’s naked chest. You can’t miss her eyes devouring his tanned, toned, god-like body.
Can’t say I blame her.
She smiles and stares too long for my comfort, then eyes me. I raise my eyebrows in accusation.
E
yes over here, missy!
Duane, unashamed, proudly lies back down. Turning on his side, he waits for Liv to make her move.
Getting the hint, she slams her hand over her eyes, and backs toward the door. When she finally hits the wall, she opens her fingers, and peeks through.
“You can look,” I exaggerate, sounding irritated. Though, I gotta admit, seeing her reaction makes me a little smug. My man is gorgeous.
She slowly removes her hand, and gives a shy smile. “Sorry, guys. I just wanted to apologize.” She pauses, and then truly takes in our appearance. “Shit, you guys were probably having sex! Oh my God, you were. I’m so, so sorry.” She covers her face with both hands and starts to walk backward again, this time on track for the door.
Laughter erupts from my bed. “We weren’t having sex, ass,” I yell.
She brings her hands down and I look her square in the eyes.
“Thanks,” I add.
Didn’t need the reminder, friend.
Liv clucks her tongue and grins. “Alllright,” she drags. “Ann, I know you have,” she gestures at Duane, “all of that going on in your bed, and trust me, I’d want to stay too…” She trails off, clasping her hands together.
I cough a laugh, and Duane snorts. She’s ridiculous.
“…but you have a whole shop full of hungry customers and I can only do so much,” she finishes.
I take one of the pillows behind me, and I throw it at her. Very un-Liv-like, she dodges the missile and darts out of the room, closing the door behind her.
“Have a good day, Duane,” she yells from the stairwell. “Feel free to come around anytime without a shirt.”
With that, she slams the door to the loft and heads back down to the bakery.
I throw the covers back, feeling frustrated. Even Liv thought we were having sex. We should be having sex, right? I’m in love with him for crap-sake. I mean—I’m waiting to hear him say it, but still.
I get up and out of the bed.
I need to pace. Pacing is good.
“Baby, what are you doing?” Duane asks from bed.
He’s sitting up now and he looks heavenly in my bed surrounded by my sheets. It’s amazing how turned on I get at the sight of my “life” mixing with him—he’s surrounded by my things, my memories, my keepsakes, and I love getting this view in the daylight. His arm muscles tense as he drags his hands through his hair, trying to tame the beast.
Beast.
Thor.
Duane. Hard.
Shit. Think of something else.
Old, hairy men.
Football.
Bugs.
Anything but his body!
Come on, Ann. Get it together.
I grab my left wrist and twist it anxiously with my opposite hand before shooting him a look. How do I explain to him I’m beyond sexually frustrated? I keep pacing, now gnawing on my poor nails.
Duane is up and out of bed before I can process what to say. He sweeps me into his embrace and nuzzles my neck with his nose.
“Talk to me.”
I take a deep breath and wrap my arms around his solid body. “I want you.”
There, it’s out now.
Duane stills in my arms and shudders, his body trembling in anticipation. I don’t think he expected me to flat out say it.
Eyes greedy, he stands back and grabs my chin. He slams his mouth onto mine. My body instantly reacts. My fingers grab at his hair as his arms snake around to my ass. Eagerly, his hands knead and grab. The desire for each other shoots off our skin out of every pore, ricocheting like fireworks between us. It crackles in the air.
We’re gasping for air, lips red and cheeks flushed.
“Fuck, I
need
you,” he emphasizes, kissing me hard while rubbing his obvious arousal on my belly, “more than anything I’ve needed in my life.”
My heart soars. I bring my hand to his face and he sighs, kissing my palm.
“And, it’ll happen. I promise.” He bites at my pinky. “It’ll be fucking amazing. Perfect, even. Your best day, times a million. But,” he stops, eyes full of want but not faltering, “I’ve got to do this right, Red. You’re it. I’m not going to screw this up just because I can’t keep it in my pants. I want to do right by you.”
I look down at my hands and nod. “Okay.” I might be pouting.
He kisses my forehead, and levels his eyes.
“Just because I want to be chivalrous, doesn’t mean I don’t want to throw you on this bed and fuck you until you can’t remember your own name.”
He’s obviously pleased with his own thought. So am I.
He continues, “It means I’ve fallen for you and I need to understand you come first, now. My needs mean nothing in comparison to yours.” He sighs and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “I want my intentions to be clear. I want you. All of you. Any way I can get you.”
My breathing has accelerated and my body is buzzing from his declaration. He’s fallen for me? Good God, I’ve fallen, landed, got up and recovered from my injuries already. I’m all in. I dip my head and smile to myself.
“I’ll give you anything you want,” I proclaim softly. I will. No doubt in my mind.
“You own me,” he admits. “I know our situation is different, but I want—no—I need to make this work with you. No matter what I have to do. This is forever for me, Ann.”
Hot damn.
My body and heart might explode from the different range of emotions I’m feeling. Love, and honor because he actually wants me—all of me.
“Forever,” I agree.
Like one mind, we move our lips forward, meeting in the middle. I pull at his bottom lip with my teeth gently, and he groans.
Loud banging fills the room and Liv yells, “Seriously? Daniels! Get it together!”
I practically shoot fire out of my eyes, hoping to catch her on fire through the door she’s so annoyingly banging on.
“Come on, Red. The world beckons.” Duane smirks and licks my ear.
I groan and stomp to the bathroom. Stepping into the steamy shower, I start to feel less…tension.
The door to the bathroom opens and Duane peeks in. “Okay if I come in?” He innocently questions.
“Of course,” I respond.
He closes the door, and I pull the shower curtain back in place. I’m lathering my hair with shampoo when Duane calls my name.