Unafraid (13 page)

In the months following the death of her beloved Joseph, Mary was torn by confusion and anger. Sometimes she felt she was surrounded by attackers, whispering doubts and accusations. It was all she could do to cover her head and pray.

Oh, Lord God, I don’t know why you’ve taken Joseph from us, and why life must be so hard. I don’t understand why your Son must labor like every other man, putting bread on our table by the blood and sweat of his brow. I don’t know why so many years have passed and he still hides himself away.

But I dwell in your promises, Lord. . . . You said Jesus will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. You said you will give him the throne of his ancestor David. You said his kingdom will never end. I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I remember. But, O Lord my God, it is so hard to wait to see the fulfillment of your promises.

Jesus worked hard to provide for the family, dealing with recalcitrant patrons who dragged their feet about paying their bills, or those who complained for no other reason than to hear the sound of their own voices. Mary never saw Jesus lose his temper.

When the time was right, Jesus arranged marriages for his sisters, finding for them young men who sought to please God above all others. Jesus continued to work with his brothers in their father’s shop, teaching them the skills Joseph had taught him. Along the way, Jesus tried to teach them the ways of God. James was often difficult, and young Joseph followed his example, but Jesus remained patient, loving, firm.

“What use is studying the Torah when Rome crushes our people? I should be learning how to use a sword!” James cried out passionately, contending with Jesus yet again.

Jesus answered quietly. “Your work is to remain faithful to God.”

James’s face reddened. “I am faithful! How am I not faithful? I study. I recite.”

“You study, but you don’t understand. Your heart is given over to wrath.”

“My heart is filled with righteous anger!”

“Where is the righteousness in following after those who would spill innocent blood?”

“Show me a Roman who’s innocent!”

“James!” Mary tried to calm herself. “Listen to your brother.”

James turned on her. “You always take his side. Just because Jesus is older doesn’t mean he knows everything.”

Angry, Mary rose. “You will show your brother the respect he’s due as head of this family. Listen to what he says.”

“I won’t listen.” James covered his face and wept in frustration. “I already know what he’ll say, and I’m sick of hearing it.”

Mary looked at Jesus, beseeching him to say something to turn the boy from living in resentment and anger. Jesus rose and went out to take another of his long walks in the hills.

Sitting with her boys, she pleaded with them. “You must listen to Jesus, my sons. You must allow him to train you as he desires, for one day you will see that he is more than your brother.”

Joseph looked at her. “The rabbi told us every Jewish mother looks upon her firstborn son as the Messiah.”

“And clings to that belief until proven otherwise,” James said bitterly.

Mary’s eyes filled with tears. Were they asking for signs and wonders? “Jesus healed your sister. He multiplied our loaves of bread. He kept the cruses of oil filled.”

James glared at her. “You think so.”

She went cold at their disbelief. “He brushed his fingertips across Anne’s forehead, and the fever was gone.”

“It’s more likely Jesus picked her up just after the fever broke.”

“I remember, Mother,” Joseph said in agreement. “You were so tired you couldn’t stand when Father came home. Anne was asleep.”

“Anne was dying.” She looked between these two headstrong boys who looked so much like their father, Joseph, and yet had so little faith. Anger filled her at their stubbornness. “Go out and sweep the shop for your brother. Go! Or must he do everything for you?”

She knew how hard it was to wait. But someday they would see Jesus lifted up in power, and then they would believe and stand with him. Someday!

But when? Oh, when will that day come?

Year upon year passed.

Every spring, Mary’s eldest son told her to make the preparations for the trek to Jerusalem for Passover. And every year, she would feel the rush of excitement as she looked up at him. “Is it time? Is this the year?”

Every step she took toward Jerusalem was one of anticipation. When all their relatives came together in King David’s city and reclined together for the Passover meal, she prayed fervently that this would be the year Elijah would enter and proclaim that the Messiah had come. The bread was broken and passed, the wine sipped, the parsley dipped, the herbs eaten, and the youngest was sent to see if Elijah was at the door. Mary held her breath, her heart pounding.

“Elijah is not there, Grandfather.”

Year after year. Jesus grew into manhood, and still the son of Zechariah and Elizabeth did not appear.

Every year, Mary raised her cup with the others and said: “Next year in Jerusalem.” Then she bowed her head so Jesus would not see her tears of disappointment.

MARY
carried her jar down the hill to the well and took her place in line to wait. She listened, only half interested, as the women talked about a new prophet at the Jordan River. There was always someone claiming to be a prophet of God.

“My son went down and heard him,” one woman was saying. “He came back last night and told us this man speaks the words of Isaiah with power.”

“Do you think he’s the Messiah?” another asked.

“Who but God knows?”

“My husband left this morning to hear John preach. He took our sons with him.”

At the mention of the man’s name, Mary’s heart leaped. She leaned forward. “Did you say his name was John?”

“He’s called John the Baptist.”

Containing her excitement, Mary filled her jar and lifted it to her head and plodded her way up the hill. She sloshed water as she set the water jar down and hurried through the house to the shop, where Jesus was working. “I just heard there’s a prophet named John preaching at the Jordan River,” she told him. “We must go and find out if this is Elizabeth’s son.”

Jesus continued filing a yoke. “I heard.”

He knew? Why had he said nothing to her? She came closer. “We should go right away! I’ll go at once and tell James and Joseph to make ready. They must come with us. And Simon and Jude, of course, and your sisters and their husbands. They should all come with us!”

Jesus raised his head and looked at her briefly, then returned his attention to the yoke he was smoothing.

Mary frowned. “Isn’t this the sign we’ve been waiting for: John’s appearance?”

“Everything in God’s time, Mother.”

Over the next few weeks, Mary strove for patience, but it seemed everyone in Nazareth except those of her family had gone down to hear John. The women at the well talked constantly about “the baptist.”

“There are multitudes gathering at the river.”

“I heard that some Pharisees went to hear him, and he called them a brood of snakes.”

“Even the tax gatherers and Roman soldiers are going down to hear him.”

“My son thinks John is the Christ.”

The hair on the back of Mary’s neck prickled.

“Everyone is wondering about him,” another said.

Mary had to bite her tongue to keep from crying out in frustration that her son Jesus was the Christ, the Messiah. Each day added to her distress.

Finally she could bear it no longer. “I’m going to go, Jesus,” she announced. “I want to see John.” She was disheartened when he didn’t offer to accompany her.

The banks of the Jordan were teeming with men, women, and children when Mary and her younger sons arrived. The crowd was excited. Some called out questions to the wild-haired man who was sitting on a flat rock and was dressed in a garment of camel’s hair and a leather belt about his waist. Was this unkempt man Elizabeth’s son? It seemed everyone had come to hear this voice crying out in the wilderness, for there were gathered by the river prostitutes and priests, Roman soldiers and Hebrew scribes, farmers and fishermen.

“Prove by the way you live that you have really turned from your sins and turned to God!” John shouted, pointing at several Pharisees who stood near the water. “Don’t just say, ‘We’re safe—we’re the descendants of Abraham.’ That proves nothing. God can change these stones here into children of Abraham.”

Even from a distance, Mary could see how his words were received. The Pharisees’ heads reared up and they turned their backs, stalking away. John shouted after them, “Even now the ax of God’s judgment is poised, ready to sever your roots. Yes, every tree that does not produce good fruit will be chopped down and thrown into the fire!”

“Mama!” Jude pointed. “There’s Jesus!”

Mary spotted him among the throng near the river, where men and women around him were crying out for John to baptize them. Her heart beat faster as her son came closer to the prophet. “I baptize you with water for repentance,” John said, lowering a man beneath the waters and raising him. As the man got his footing and stepped away, John looked straight at Jesus standing on the bank. He stared at him and fell silent as Jesus walked into the water and came face-to-face with the one who had recognized him from the womb.

Mary took Simon’s and Jude’s hands and pressed through the crowd to get closer. John and Jesus talked briefly, and then John took hold of Jesus and lowered him beneath the waters, raising him up again. John looked up sharply as though something in the sky had caught his attention. Mary looked up, but saw nothing unusual. John stepped back and spread his hands as he stared at Jesus again, his expression rapt. Her son turned and waded out of the river and walked up the bank as several young men splashed their way into the water to get close to John.

“Come, my sons. We will do as your brother has done.” Mary led her sons down to the river to be baptized, searching the crowd for a glimpse of Jesus. She thought she saw him once, but decided it couldn’t be him because he was going off toward the east.

When Mary and her younger sons arrived home in time to begin the Sabbath, Jesus was not there.

Nor did he return.

A week passed, then another, and another, and Jesus did not come home. Where could he have gone? Had he been attacked on the way home and left bleeding beside the road? Surely not! But what else could have happened to him? James and Joseph were concerned and went off to seek word of him, returning a week later, unsatisfied and distressed. “No one has seen him, Mother.”

“Jesus will come home when he’s ready,” Mary said, instilling more confidence in her words than she felt. Wherever Jesus was, she knew God was watching over him and keeping him safe from harm.

She was not afraid for him until she heard rumors that John the Baptist had been taken into custody by order of King Herod. Had her son gone to Jerusalem to argue for John’s release?

“Where is your good son, Mary?” the women asked at the well. “My husband came by the shop yesterday to have his plow repaired and found only Simon and Jude there.” When Mary told them he’d gone down to the Jordan to be baptized, they shook their heads. “But that was weeks ago. It’s not right that he leave you and the boys to fend for yourselves.”

Even her sons objected to the way Jesus had gone off and left them without a word.

“He must do what his Father tells him.”

“Our father is dead, Mother, and Jesus is the head of the household.”

“Simon and Jude have read the Torah, and they’ve been apprenticed to Jesus in the shop long enough to carry on in their brother’s absence.” Even as she said the words, it occurred to her that Jesus might not come back at all. He was the Messiah! Why would he return to live in an obscure village in the district of Galilee? “Maybe he’s gone to Jerusalem.” If not Jerusalem, where?

What sort of son would leave a mother to worry like this?

She must not worry. She must trust in God.

The least he could have done is tell you where he was going and when he’d return! If he’s so good, why would he turn his back on you and walk away without a word?

Should she make demands of Jesus? He’d never given her cause to worry before. He’d never done anything without reason and prayer.

He’s your son. He owes you something for the suffering you’ve endured.

He is God’s Son and owes me nothing!
Mary covered her face and wept. Never had she felt so alone, even now with James and Joseph sitting on each side of her, Simon and Jude at her feet, her daughters close by. She hadn’t felt such loneliness since Joseph died. Jesus had been her consolation, her strength.

It wasn’t happening the way she’d expected.

Let him come, and watch how I crush him.

“No. The promise is being fulfilled.” Mary raised her head. “The Lord is with us, and Jesus will make all things right.”

“Mother,” James said, putting his arm around her.

She shook his arm off and stood. “The Lord is with us, and you will see the day come when the Messiah crushes Satan beneath his heel.”

She saw her sons exchange looks of concern. Sorrow filled her. It would take more than her word to make them believe. It would take a change of heart.

The day before Mary left to attend a relative’s wedding in Cana, Jude came racing up the hill into the house. “Jesus is coming! He’s coming home!”

She ran down the hill to embrace him, weeping in joy. As soon as she put her arms around him, she was alarmed. “You’re so thin!” she said in dismay. “And dark.” She touched his sunburned face, seeing the signs of healing heat blisters. “Come, you must eat and rest.”

Laughing, Jesus lifted her and kissed her cheeks as he set her on her feet again. “Woman, why are you always trying to tell me what to do?”

Mary laughed with him and cupped his bronzed cheeks. “Is it not like a mother to mother her son?” It was only then she noticed a group of men watching the exchange. “Who are these men?”

“They are my friends, Mother.”

She peered around Jesus and recognized two of them. “James! John! How is my brother Zebedee?” She went quickly to greet them.

“He is well, Mary,” John said, embracing her.

“But annoyed that we’ve left his household to follow Jesus.”

She looked at the others and thought them a motley group. “Come. I have bread enough for all, and tomorrow we are invited to a wedding feast in Cana. And your friends are welcome to attend with us.” Simon and Jude were vying for Jesus’ attention as they all walked up the hill together.

She spent the evening joyfully serving her son and his friends. James and Joseph had come and drawn Jesus outside to talk with him earlier. She knew they were taking their older brother to task for worrying the family, and knew anything she might say would only add fuel to their fire. Still, she stood in the doorway, hoping her presence would still their critical tongues. Her presence did not ease their tension, but she was thankful Jesus listened as they listed their complaints. She had worried. She had slept fitfully.