Unbeautifully (28 page)

He looked around the hallway for ZZ and couldn’t find him. He should have cared where ZZ had gone, should have cared that his boy was messed up.

But he was too fucking tired.

Deuce’s back hit the wall and he slid slowly down the plaster until his ass met floor.

“Mickey,” he whispered. Moving his way, Mick bent down in front of him.

“I got this covered, Prez,” Mick said. “Just sit tight.”

Right. Like he was going somewhere. Pulling his phone out of his cut, he called his wife.

“Hey, baby,” Eva sniffled. “You okay?”

“No,” he said softly. “I fuckin’ need you.”

“Five minutes,” she said without hesitation. “And you got me.”

“There she is,” I said, pointing.

Cage followed my finger to the stream of people flooding the bus station.

“That ain’t Tegen,” he said, frowning.

I squinted. Yep, that was Tegen…sort of. Still of slim build with catlike green eyes and striking cheekbones. But that’s where the resemblance ended.

Her long red hair had been dyed a few shades darker and was separated into tens of thick dreadlocks, interwoven with large wooden beads that she’d pulled back in a dark blue kerchief. She was wearing ratty Birkenstocks, low-slung light brown bell-bottom corduroys with a tight black tank top that showed off her pierced belly button and heavily tattooed arms and stomach.

Her neck and wrists were laden with handmade jewelry, her ears, nose, and lip were all pierced, her ear holes stretched wide enough to fit my pinkie finger through.

“Holy fuck,” Cage breathed as she came to a stop in front of us.

“Danny,” she greeted me icily, refusing to look at Cage.

I reached for her but she took a deliberate step back, dodging my hug. Startled, I dropped my arms and glanced over at Cage, unsure of what to do.

Cage stepped forward. “Te—”

Tegen reared backward. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed, then tossed me one of her paisley-patterned bags as she shoved past me. “Let’s go!” she snapped over her shoulder. “The less I see of this fucking shithole town full of asshole bikers and their pathetic women, the better!”

Cage’s mouth fell open.

“Cage,” I said slowly. “What exactly happened between you and Tegen?”

He cut his eyes at me. “Nothin’,” he mumbled.

“Cage…”

He sighed. “I may have…you know…popped her cherry…and she may or may not have told me she loved me.”

I closed my eyes.

“And then I may have told her it was just sex…and that she wasn’t my type…although she didn’t look like she does no—”

“Hey! Don’t punch me!” he whined, rubbing his arm.

“You idiot!” I seethed.

“Me!” he yelled. “You should fuckin’ talk! Where’s ZZ, little sister? Why ain’t no one heard from him in two days while you been sittin’ pretty on Ripper’s fuckin’ lap?”

“Shut up,” I hissed. “I haven’t been sitting on anyone’s lap!”

And I hadn’t. In fact, during the two days that had passed since ZZ and my father had found me in Ripper’s room, Ripper and I hadn’t spoken. Actually, no one was doing much speaking these days. Everyone was either at the hospital with Dorothy, or at Jase’s house on suicide watch duty. Jase and Chrissy’s three kids, all in their teens, had gone to Billings to stay with their grandparents, and no one trusted him to be alone for any length of time.

I also didn’t need to be reminded of what I’d done to ZZ. I was doing a good enough job of beating myself up about it all on my own.

Twice now, since Ripper had initially left, we’d come together in a fit of tumultuous emotional overload. The first time it had ended horribly. And this time…

This time we’d awoken to chaos.

It seemed to be a running theme for us.

Now, I didn’t know what was going to happen. I knew what I wanted to happen but at the same time I felt guilty for wanting it.

But I wasn’t going to dwell on it. Something had shifted inside of me since our night together. Yes, I loved him, knew I would always love him, but I was no longer willing to throw my life away for him if he left me again.

If he left, he left. If he stayed…well, who knew? I certainly wasn’t going to keep throwing myself at him only to lose him.

And never again was I going to deceive another man into thinking I loved him.

Perspective is a bitch when it slaps you in the face, after the fact.

“You got between brothers, Danny,” Cage growled. “Dad ain’t gonna let that stand.”

I glared at him. “What’s he gonna do? Shoot me?”

“Not you,” Cage shot back. “Ripper.”

“He won’t,” I said.

His brow raised, Cage snorted. “How can you be so sure?”

I just was. Both Cage and my father had already beaten Ripper half to death, and had both stopped themselves before it had gotten that far. Well…Ripper had thrown Cage across the room after allowing him a couple of good punches but that was neither here nor there.

I hadn’t been present for his fight with my father nor did I know the cause of it, but when my father appeared in my room and slammed the door behind him, saying nothing, his long hair flying loose from his ponytail, his nostrils flaring, his clenched fists covered in blood…

I knew.

I knew he knew everything.

Several heart-pounding moments passed before he finally spoke.

“You know why I kept you away from the club, Danielle?”

Danielle.
Not good.

“Because I’m a girl,” I whispered.

“No,” he growled. “Because you were better than this shit. Too fuckin’ good for it. Knew it from day one. Took one look at you and knew you had it in you to get the fuck outta here and make somethin’ of yourself.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say. My father had never said anything like this to me before.

“Knew Cage was gonna be followin’ me to hell whether I wanted him to or not. But not you. Not fuckin’ you. You were gonna be the one West to make a decent life for herself. The kid I was gonna be proud of, not for followin’ me into the life but for makin’ it out.”

“Daddy,” I whispered, needing to say something,
anything at all
, before I burst into tears. “I’m sorry, I—”

“No,” he said gruffly, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I’m your old man, you were my responsibility and I fucked up. Now you’re just like the rest of ’em. Been just like ’em for a while now. My baby girl’s got blood on her hands. And that shit’s on me.”

Then he turned around, pulled open the door, and left.

I slapped my hand over my mouth, muffling a sob as sharp pains shot through my chest, making breathing difficult and painful.

He didn’t hate me. He didn’t even hate Ripper. He wasn’t even mad. He was disappointed. I had
disappointed
him
.

It was infinitely worse.

“Danny!” Tegen bellowed. “You do realize I have a mother in the fucking hospital with a hole in her skull!”

I winced as everyone inside the station gaped at Tegen.

“Let’s go,” I said, slapping Tegen’s bag against Cage’s chest. “Before Tegen starts airing all the club’s dirty laundry in the middle of the bus station.”

Cage grimaced. “How about you drive her back to the club. I think I’d rather walk.”

“Welcome to my world,” I told him, tugging him forward. “We made our beds, Cage. Now, we both get to lie in them.”

Cage frowned at me. “When did you get so fuckin’ smart? What happened to my little sister, always talkin’ about stupid stuff and wearin’ pink shit all the time? I liked her better.”

What happened to her?

She had an affair with a man fourteen years older than her and then made the mistake of falling in love with him.

She killed a woman.

She had to abort her child.

She allowed a man she didn’t love to fall in love with her. A good and decent man who’d deserved a woman ten times better than she was. Then she’d broken his heart.

Shrugging, I gave my brother a sad smile.

“What happened? Cage…life fucking happened.”

Blowing out a breath, Cage glanced up at the ceiling and shook his head.

“Fuckin’ truth, little sister. Fuckin’ truth.”

• • •

Inside the clubhouse, Ripper glanced up from his channel surfing, watching as Cox slowly approached the couch he’d been calling home for the past two days.

“Yo,” he said.

Cox dropped down beside him. “Yo.”

Silence.

“Just say it, dude.” Ripper sighed. “Whatever the fuck it is.”

Clearing his throat, Cox shifted in his seat so he was facing him. “Brother, I’ve kept my mouth shut a long time now, ’bout Nikki, ’bout Danny, and then Hawk told me about the baby, and still I kept it quiet. But seein’ as how all your dirty fuckin’ secrets are becomin’ public knowledge, now I gotta say this shit.”

Great. Where the fuck was Hawk anyway? Knowing how the brother felt about Dorothy, one would have thought he’d have hauled his ass back to Montana by now.

“So spit it the fuck out,” he said, glaring at Cox.

“Come clean to Prez,” Cox said. “And I don’t just mean about you and Danny, I mean, come the fuck clean. Tell him what happened with Nikki, with Danny, tell him you didn’t fuckin’ know about the baby, tell him all of it.”

He wanted to laugh but his split lip was preventing that. “Dude,” he said, shaking his head. “How do you think I turned fuckin’ purple? You think I beat myself half to death?”

Cox blinked. “I thought Cage and you—”

“Yeah,” he interrupted. “Then Prez. Twice.”

Unlike his run-in with Danny’s punch-happy brother, Ripper hadn’t fought back when Deuce had come at him. Actually, he hadn’t really fought back when Cage had pounded on him either. He was bigger than Cage, and a fuck of a lot stronger, but he got why the brother needed to beat on him, so he let him get some of that anger out before tossing him across the room.

But Deuce. Ripper knew he deserved worse than a beating from Deuce.

Especially after he’d spilled everything.

He’d begun with Frankie, told Deuce how he’d tried to kill himself trying to escape the crazy fucker, and the miserable years that had followed.

He told him how he’d been blaming Eva for everything bad that happened. Then he told him it was Eva who’d inadvertently saved his life.

He told him about Danny’s prom night, what had happened at the lake, and the months following. He told Deuce how much he loved her.

He told him about Nikki’s death, that it had been Danny who’d killed her trying to save his life. He told him his reasons for leaving, that it had been all for Danny.

And then he told Deuce about the pregnancy.

He told Deuce everything. And through it all, sitting behind his desk, watching him impassively, Deuce said nothing.

When Ripper finished recounting his fucked-up life, Deuce stood up and slowly crossed the room. Grabbing him by the collar of his T-shirt, Deuce got up in his face.

“What the fuck you want me to say, Ripper? You been fuckin’ my daughter behind my back for how long, I don’t fuckin’ know, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.”

“She was legal,” he said quickly.

“Yeah,” Deuce said. “How fuckin’ legal?”

“Legal enough,” Ripper muttered, looking down at his boots.

“Great. Fuckin’ great. Listen, fuckhead, you hurt her again, you do one goddamn thing that makes her even a little bit sad, and I’m gonna beat your fuckin’ ass. You do it a third time and I’m puttin’ you in the ground.”

Startled, Ripper looked up. “You’re cool with us bein’ together?”

“Fuck,” Deuce muttered. “Are you fuckin’ stupid? No, I’m not cool with it, I fuckin’ hate it, straight up, but what am I am gonna do about it? Kick you the fuck out? Took you in when you were nothin’ but a cocky-ass teenager who wanted to party more than he wanted to work, always gettin’ into trouble ’cause your whorin’ ass liked your women dirty and dirty women meant dirty business. And then you were a depressed, drunken, miserable shit after what happened with Frankie…but fuck, brother, you been with me for eighteen loyal years now and that means you’re family.”

Family. Jesus, he was about to break the fuck down in front of his prez.

“I love her,” Ripper said quietly.

Under-fucking-statement.

Yeah, he loved Danny, but that wasn’t even the half of it. She’d changed him in ways not even he could comprehend.

No longer angry, he’d slowly become a softer version of himself.

The old him, before Frankie, but even more so.

“Christ,” Deuce said. “I need a smoke. This shit is worse than gettin’ shot. First Z, now you.”

Ripper flinched. ZZ.

“I love her,” Ripper repeated, this time more forcefully. “And I ain’t gonna hurt her.”

Deuce’s nostrils flared. “You mean you ain’t gonna hurt her again. ’Cause you sure as fuck did a number on her already. And I’m thinkin’ that an asshole like you isn’t gonna be able to make good on that.”

“I will. If she’ll let me.”

Deuce’s hold on him tightened. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“Means if she lets me take her back to my bed, and she’s on the back of my bike, I ain’t never gonna let her outta my sight ever again.”

Deuce’s eyes narrowed.

Huh. Maybe mentioning Danny being in his bed wasn’t the best thing to say to her father.

“You gonna own that shit?”

Ripper’s eyes went wide. Was Deuce actually asking him if he’d marry Danny?

Marry? Danny?

Him?

“Yeah,” Ripper rasped. “Fuck yeah, I’m gonna own that shit.”

“Which means you’re patchin’ back in, Sergeant.”

He nearly choked on his surprise. Not only was Deuce telling him he could marry Danny, but he wanted him back as his right-hand man.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“And ZZ?”

Ripper swallowed. That was going to be a hard one.

“Gonna try and make good on that too.”

And he would, he’d do everything he could to fix what he’d fucked up. If the brother ever came back.

“Good,” Deuce growled. “Now, you fuckin’ ready?”

Yeah. He loved getting his ass kicked. It was a great fucking time.

“Yeah, Prez, I’m ready. You do what you gotta do.”

Deuce stared at him.