Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader (79 page)

Even the most sophisticated athletes have been known to give in to the power of superstition as an aid to winning or avoiding injury. Most are quick to deny it, claiming they only follow a certain routine, but a routine becomes a superstition when you feel it must be followed to ensure good luck.

Pitcher Frank “Lefty” O’Doul, who played for the New York Yankees from 1919 to 1922, explained: “It’s not that if I stepped on the foul line it would really lose the game, but why take a chance? It’s just become part of the game for me.”

THE GREAT SUPERSTITIONS

Here are some of baseball’s most famous rituals and the players who put stock in them.

Al Simmons,
who played for seven teams from 1924 to 1944, would step out of the shower, stand dripping wet in front of his locker, and put on his baseball cap before drying off. Then he’d continue dressing.

Frank “Wildfire”
Schulte, who played for the Chicago Cubs, Pittsburgh Pirates, Philadelphia Phillies, and Washington Senators between 1904 and 1918, was sure that success depended on finding hairpins. One hairpin equaled one hit that day; two hairpins equaled two hits. If he found a handful, he’d be a hitting star for a week or more.

Joaquin Andujar,
a pitcher who played for the Houston Astros, St. Louis Cardinals, and Oakland A’s between 1976 and 1988, knew how to break a losing streak on the mound: Shower with your uniform on to “wash the bad out of it.”

Louis XIV had 40 wigmakers...and approximately 1,000 wigs.

Frank Chance,
who played for the Cubs and the Yankees from 1898 to 1914, would only occupy a lower berth on a train and always No. 13. If that berth wasn’t available, he would accept another and paint a 13 on it.

Arthur “Six O’clock” Weaver
. During his playing days in the early 1900s, Weaver felt it was tempting fate to keep playing baseball after 6 p.m. He’d abruptly leave the field and head home if the game was still in progress when the clock struck six.

Luis Tiant,
a pitcher who played for six teams between 1964 and 1982, had a penchant for smoking cigars in the postgame shower, but his fans never saw the strands of beads and the special loincloth he wrapped around his waist under his uniform, “to ward off evil.”

Leo Durocher,
among many others, would not change his clothes—underclothes included—during a winning streak. He would also ride in the back of the bus to break a losing streak. If his team was leading in the ninth inning, he’d walk the length of the dugout for a drink of water after each out recorded against the opposition.

Jackie Robinson,
of the Brooklyn Dodgers, never stepped into the batter’s box until the catcher took his position; then Robinson walked in front of him.

George Stallings,
when he was the Boston Braves’ manager, would “freeze” in whatever position he was in when a Brave got a hit and stay in that position until one failed to hit.

Phil Rizzuto,
New York Yankee shortstop in the 1940s and 1950s, put a wad of gum on the button of his cap, removing it only when his team lost.

Forrest “Spook” Jacobs,
who played from 1954 to 1956 for the Philadelphia Athletics and Kansas City Athletics, always squirted a mysterious liquid on his bat before a game. When pressed for an explanation, Jacobs said he was applying Murine so that he’d have a “seeing eye” bat.

Austin, Dallas, and Houston are all Scottish surnames.

Vic Davalillo,
who played for six teams from 1963 to 1980, believed in petting chickens before a game.

Lou Skizas,
who played for four teams between 1956 and 1959, had to step between the catcher and the umpire when getting into the [batter’s] box. He always took a practice swing with one arm (his left), keeping his right hand in his back pocket (which held his lucky Greek medal) until the instant before the ball was delivered.

Mike Cuellar,
a pitcher who played on five teams from 1959 to 1977, never looked at home plate while he was warming up to pitch. Also, he would allow only that game’s catcher to warm him up. Cuellar would not take the field until all his teammates were in position, and he expected the ball to be sitting on the mound, not thrown to him, when he arrived there.

Tito Fuentes,
who played on four teams from 1965 to 1978, wore as many as 17 chains under his uniform and each had to be in perfect alignment. Fuentes feared being touched at second base by anybody trying to break up a double play, and he would coat his body with grease and chalk before games.

The Chicago Cubs,
as a team, once believed that it was bad luck to hit solid line drives during batting practice, on the theory that a bat contained just so many hits and they weren’t to be wasted.

George Herman “Babe” Ruth
never failed to touch second base on his way to the dugout at the end of each inning; Giants player
Willie Mays
thought along the same lines but
kicked
the bag instead. Ruth, former Boston Red Sox greats
Ted Williams
and
Carl Yaztremski,
and former Pittsburgh Pirate
Willie Stargell
believed that bats with knots held the most hits.

Billy Williams,
former Cubs and A’s outfielder, had to sharpen his batting eye at least once a game by walking toward the plate, spitting, and swinging his bat through the spit before it hit the ground.

Mark Fidrych,
of the Detroit Tigers made no secret of talking to the ball while on the mound, so there was no misunderstanding about the route it was to take.

Al Lopez,
a Hall of Fame catcher who played from 1928 to 1947, would repeat the meals of the previous day—or days—when his team was on a winning streak, which is why he once breakfasted on kippered herring and eggs 17 days in a row.

Benjamin Franklin
said
, “Early to bed, early to rise,” but was famous for staying up all night.

Mrs. Uncle John insists that women don’t read in the bathroom—and we might believe her, if we didn’t get letters from women who do. In their honor, here’s a bit of political history about women.

F
IRST WOMAN ELECTED TO THE U.S. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES: 1917

In 1913, Montana granted women the right to vote. Three years later, Jeanette Rankin, who’d spearheaded the suffrage movement there, ran for the House...and won. She ran for the Senate two years later, but was defeated—not because she was a woman, but because as a dedicated pacifist, she had opposed America’s entry into World War I. Ironically, Rankin was also serving in the House when the vote to enter World War II was taken. She voted no again.

FIRST WOMAN TO SERVE IN THE U.S. SENATE: 1922

When Senator Thomas Watson died in 1922, Georgia’s governor appointed 87-year-old Rebecca Felton to fill the seat...until a special election could be held seven days later. It was a purely political move: Congress wasn’t in session, and Felton had no duties. But she convinced Senator-elect Walter George to let her serve one day in Washington before he officially took office. She made national headlines when she was sworn in on November 21.

FIRST WOMAN ELECTED GOVERNOR: 1924

In 1917, “Farmer Jim” Ferguson, governor of Texas, was impeached and booted out of office. Seven years later his wife, M. A. “Ma” Ferguson, ran as Farmer Jim’s surrogate. She won, and was elected again in 1932.

FIRST WOMAN ELECTED TO THE U.S. SENATE: 1932

When Senator Thaddeus Caraway died in 1931, the governor of Arkansas appointed Caraway’s wife, Hattie, to the seat...after making her promise she wouldn’t seek reelection. She changed her mind, ran for the office on her own, and won two full terms.

California was the first state to send two women to the U.S. Senate at the same time.

THE FIRST WOMAN CABINET MEMBER: 1933

When FDR was governor of New York, Frances Perkins—a reformer committed to improving working conditions—was his state industrial commissioner. When Roosevelt became president, he appointed her Secretary of Labor. Perkins’s legacy includes social security, unemployment insurance, and minimum wages.

FIRST WOMAN TO SERVE IN BOTH HOUSES OF CONGRESS: 1949

When Rep. Clyde Smith died in 1940, his wife Margaret won a special election to take his place. She won three full terms on her own, then ran successfully for the Senate in 1948. This made her only the second woman elected to a full term in the Senate...and the first elected to the Senate
without
following her husband. She served four terms. She also became the first woman to stage a serious run for the presidential nomination of a major political party (Republican, in 1964).

FIRST WOMAN TO HAVE AN ELECTORAL VOTE CAST FOR HER: 1973

Theodora Nathan, Libertarian Party VP candidate, got it.

FIRST WOMAN GOVERNOR ELECTED WITHOUT SUCCEEDING HER HUSBAND: 1974

A former Connecticut state legislator and the secretary of state, Rep. Ella Grasso was elected to two terms. She resigned in 1981, a few months before dying of cancer.

FIRST WOMAN ON THE U.S. SUPREME COURT: 1981

Although Sandra Day O’Connor graduated third in her class at Stanford Law School in 1952, she was only offered a job as a
legal secretary.
By the mid-’70s she’d been an Arizona state senator (R), a state deputy attorney general, and a Superior Court judge. In 1975 she was appointed to the Arizona Court of Appeals, and in 1981 President Reagan picked her for the Supreme Court.

FIRST WOMAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE FOR A MAJOR POLITICAL PARTY: 1984

Rep. Geraldine A. Ferraro (D-New York) was chosen by Walter Mondale as his running mate.

America has three times as many animal shelters as shelters for victims of domestic violence.

Are you a fan of country-western music? Here are some toe-tappin’ titles picked by the
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
for their “Annual All Time Best of the Worst Country Song Titles.”

“Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ’Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye”

“You’re a Cross I Can’t Bear”

“Mama Get the Hammer (There’s a Fly On Papa’s Head)”

“She Made Toothpicks Out of the Timber of My Heart”

“You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly”

“If Fingerprints Showed Up on Skin, Wonder Whose I’d Find on You”

“It Ain’t Love, but It Ain’t Bad”

“I’ve Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart”

“I’m the Only Hell Mama Ever Raised”

“I Got in at 2 with a 10 and Woke Up at 10 with a 2”

“I Don’t Know Whether to Come Home or Go Crazy” (
Not to be confused with
“I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling”)

“If You See Me Gettin’ Smaller, It’s Cause I’m Leavin’ You.”

“If Heartaches Were Wine (I’d Be Drunk All the Time)”

“If You Can’t Feel It (It Ain’t There)”

“Touch Me with More than Your Hands”

“I’ve Got the Hungries for Your Love and I’m Waiting in Your Welfare Line”

“The Last Word in Lonesome Is ’Me’”

“I’ll Marry You Tomorrow but Let’s Honeymoon Tonite”

“When We Get Back to the Farm (That’s When We Really Go to Town)”

“You Stuck My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log”

“Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You, When You Know I’ve Been a Liar Ail My Life?”

“He’s Been Drunk Since His Wife’s Gone Punk”

When George Washington died in 1799, Napoleon ordered 10 days of mourning in France.

Mummies are as much a part of American pop culture as they are a part of Ancient Egyptian culture. But how much do you know about them?

R
AG TIME

As long as there have been people in Egypt, there have been mummies—not necessarily
man-made
mummies, but mummies nonetheless. The extreme conditions of the desert environment guaranteed that any corpse exposed to the elements for more than a day or two dried out completely, a process that halted decomposition in its tracks.

The ancient Egyptian culture that arose on the banks of the Nile River believed very strongly in preserving human bodies, which they believed were as necessary a part of the afterlife as they were a part of daily life. The formula was simple: no body, no afterlife—you couldn’t have one without the other. The only problem: As Egyptian civilization advanced and burial tombs became increasingly elaborate, bodies also became more insulated from the very elements—high temperatures and dry air—that made natural preservation possible in the first place.

The result was that a new science emerged: artificial mummification. From 3100 B.C. to 649 A.D., the ancient Egyptians deliberately mummified the bodies of their dead, using methods that became more sophisticated and successful over time.

MUMMY SECRETS

Scientists have yet to unlock all of the secrets of Egyptian mummification, but they have a pretty good idea of how the process worked:

• When a king or other high official died, the embalmers slit open the body and removed nearly all the organs, which they preserved separately in special ceremonial jars. A few of the important organs, like the heart and kidneys, were left in place. The Egyptians apparently thought the brain was useless and in most cases they shredded it with small hooks inserted through the nostrils, pulled it out the nose using tiny spoons, and then threw it away.)

Some Egyptian mummies wore dentures.

• Next, the embalmers packed the body in oil of cedar (similar to turpentine) and natron, a special mineral with a high salt content. The chemicals slowly dried the body out, a process that took from 40 to 70 days.

• The body was now completely dried out and “preserved,” but the process invariably left it shrunken and wrinkled like a prune, so the next step was to stuff the mouth, nose, chest cavities, etc., with sawdust, pottery, cloth, and other items to fill it out and make it look more human. In many cases the eyes were removed and artificial ones put in their place.