‘I found it while you were sleeping,’ she explained. ‘The canvas was visible from here. I burned it for you.’
‘But I had no intention of destroying it.’
‘You hated it.’
‘I hated the fact that it would be seen by all of London. I never hated the portrait. For all his faults, Manning is a talented artist.’
‘What would you have done with it?’
‘I don’t know, but I knew I needed to take it.’ He lowered his head, noticing the scrap of embroidery near her feet. ‘Is that a cat?’
‘No, it’s not a cat,’ she replied defensively. ‘It’s a bouquet of flowers.’
‘Oh, of course.’ He looked back at the tangle of string on silk. ‘I see it now.’
She stared at the mess of needlework and picked it up. With barely a glance, she tossed it over her shoulder. ‘I intended to stitch flowers. I think it looks more like a dog, but I suppose a cat would be accurate as well.’
‘Don’t leave me, Olivia.’ There was a catch to his voice.
She let out a deep breath not wanting to talk with him about her decision. ‘I cannot stay.’
He leaned forward. ‘You can. I can fix this between us.’
‘You do not want me. There is no reason for us to live together. There is nothing to fix. I will honour my word not to reveal your secrets, but we are finished. Prinny needs you and I need you to keep him safe. You will do that for me, won’t you? Make sure no harm comes to him? He may be foolish at times, but he is a sweet man.’
He reached over to take her hand, but she stood and stepped away.
‘I will do all in my power to ensure his safety.’
‘Do not get shot again. This should be the last time.’
‘I will try my best.’
She walked to the door, needing to put distance between them or she would never leave. The sad look in his eyes had tugged too strongly at her heart. Or what was left of her heart now.
‘I love you.’ His voice was clear and deep.
She swung back around and stared at him. For years she had wanted him to say that to her. For years she’d wanted to say it back. But now it was too late. He didn’t know how to speak the truth. And she loved him too much to be able to bear to hear him say it again.
‘You don’t get to say that to me,’ she snapped, pointing her finger at him. ‘You lost that privilege years ago when you went to that harlot’s bed. That isn’t love. Going back to her when you promised you’d remain faithful isn’t love either. My mother and sister warned me about you. They said you would never remain faithful. Imagine my surprise when they knew you better than I did!’
He hadn’t moved. He was motionless in his chair, save for his heavy breathing. ‘Throw something.’
‘What?’
‘You know you want to. Throw something at me. Do what you must, but after you do I will have my say.’
He just didn’t understand. Olivia shook her head. ‘I have nothing left to give you, Gabriel. Not even my anger.’
It was as if her words had slapped him the way he reared his head back. He scrubbed his hand over his face and stood. Her husband did not want her. Couldn’t he spare what was left of her heart and just let her go?
* * *
Gabriel was losing her. He could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. Once she walked out of his room, she would remove him from her life forever. He could not let that happen. He loved her too much to live without her.
He needed to tell her everything. His blood ran cold and his palms were sweating, but he knew there was no other way. He only prayed it wasn’t too late.
‘I never slept with Madame LaGrange.’
She had turned towards the door, but at his words she froze. ‘Gabriel, please.’
‘Hear me out. Yesterday I received a note from her, indicating that she had valuable intelligence regarding Prinny’s safety. That is the only reason I went to her. She is an informant of mine. And she trusts no one else but me with the intelligence she collects.’
She turned fully to face him. ‘You expect me to believe this.’
‘It is the truth. Madame LaGrange provided me with the information on Janvier. That is how I knew he was behind the assassination attempt. It was an exchange of information that took place, nothing more. I never told you because I never trusted you, but I do now. I love you.’ It came out as a rush, as if his soul had been waiting to say it for so long.
There was no response. Olivia just stared at him. It was gut wrenching, and he stopped breathing. It was too late. Even with his declaration she could not forgive his deception and his lack of faith in her.
He had a strong urge to rub at the stone of his ring, but his right arm was bandaged to his chest. She hadn’t walked out yet. Maybe he could still reach her. ‘I couldn’t tell you about her years ago. We were newly married. We barely knew each other and from the time I was a small boy my father had taught me to trust no one.’
‘What did you think I would do?’
‘I was betrayed once by someone I held dear. That trust cost someone their life. It’s not easy to trust again when your friend’s life slips away in your arms because they were shot by someone you trusted.’
‘Did you receive the scar Nicholas found from the person who betrayed you?’
‘I did. He intended to kill me. Fortunately he did not.’
As if it were yesterday he could feel the bullet rip into his torso again and see Peter aiming the second shot at his head. Olivia would never know that his brother had murdered their uncle to save Gabriel. She would always believe that he was killed in a robbery. Andrew didn’t deserve to be looked at differently.
‘Trust does not come easily to me, Olivia. I am responsible for the men and women who risk their lives every day to protect the Crown. On the night Nicholas was born, Madame LaGrange sent me a letter saying she needed to speak with me. She had worked for my father before he died so I knew this was not a social request. There was a threat against the King and she recounted what she had heard. You see, men go to her establishment and, under the influence of drink and a welcoming female, they will say things they never would in the light of day. If any of those men found out that she tells their tales her life would be in danger. A man with interest in harming the Crown would think nothing of slitting the throat of a woman who provides her services or any of the girls that work there for that matter.’
‘But I smelled her on you that day. You cannot deny that.’
‘She has an eye for fashionable clothes and admires my taste. In her profession she is accustomed to touching men. Her perfume might have rubbed off on me when she touched my coat or played with my cravat when she takes note of a new way to tie it. Over the years she has refused to give her information to anyone but me.’ He rubbed his hand on his trousers. ‘Know this—from the time I have courted you, I have never been intimate with another woman.’
‘I wish I could believe you.’
The fact that she was listening to him gave him hope. ‘I speak the truth, Olivia. My desire for other women stopped the moment I set eyes on you. I never strayed from our marriage vows. But my people like Madame LaGrange put their trust in me to keep their identities secret. Should I have told you and she had been killed, I somehow would have found a way to blame myself and maybe even you.’ He searched her gaze. ‘I never meant to hurt you, Livy. I am so sorry.’
She glared at him with angry reproachful eyes and stormed across the room, stopping in front of him. Her hands were balled into fists and he braced himself.
‘For years I hated you. Years! So many times I wanted to burn the letters you wrote to me. For years I wanted to sell the jewellery you had given me. And for years I wanted to remove every scrap and shred that reminded me of a time I thought you cared for me.’ She looked like she was fighting the urge to kick him. ‘You let me believe all those lies. You let me hate you.’
‘I had no choice.’
‘But I loved you...’ It came out as the faintest whisper as tears rimmed her eyes.
He closed the distance between them and with his one good arm he pulled her gently to him. She rested her head lightly against his left shoulder and he held her there, never wanting to let her go.
‘It has always been you, Livy. I’ve never wanted anyone else.’
‘Say it again.’
He looked down into her watery eyes. ‘There never has or ever will be another woman for me. I have wanted only you from the moment I saw you dancing with Lyonsdale and nothing and no one will ever change how I feel about you.’
She let out a small choked sob.
‘Dear God, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please, Livy, don’t cry.’ He was pleading with her. She was the only one in the world he would lower himself to beg. Looking into her eyes, he no longer saw anger. There was something else.
‘Will you stay? I couldn’t bear it if you left me,’ he said.
‘Will you promise to always be honest with me?’
‘I will. I love you, Livy, with all my heart and all that I am, I love you.’
‘And I love you. I always have.’
He had been so afraid he would never convince her to stay. Leaning closer, he kissed her. It was a soft, gentle kiss because he was afraid she would disappear before his eyes. They would start over again and this time nothing would tear them apart.
Chapter Twenty-Two
W
aking up next to his wife placed Gabriel in an exceptional mood, in spite of being shot. The morning light filtered through the window of his bedchamber, casting a warm glow on Olivia’s bare back. The soft, white sheet skimmed the top of her enticing backside as she slept on her stomach next to him. Her breathing was deep and steady, telling him she was sound asleep, which allowed him to look his fill.
Unable to resist, he skimmed the fingers of his left hand over her bottom. Her low groan made him chuckle.
‘I pray you, I can no longer feel my legs,’ Olivia mumbled into her pillow.
‘I am simply touching you.’
She turned her sleepy head towards him and opened one eye. ‘That was what you said last night when you somehow coaxed me to straddle you.’
‘My injury prevented me from using any other position. In addition, I do not recall you complaining at the time.’
‘I was being polite.’
Gabriel laughed. ‘My love, last night you were everything but polite.’
‘If I could move, I would smother you with this pillow. How is your shoulder?’
Thank goodness the dressing was still intact. ‘Sore, but there is no blood on the bandage. That is a good indication all is well.’
She rolled onto her side, pulling the sheet up. ‘You seem pleased with yourself.’
‘I have a confession. I’m more pleased with you. I had forgotten that thing you are able to do with your tongue when you—’
‘Yes, yes, well, we don’t need to have such details this early in the morning.’
‘You’re becoming flushed.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you are. Let’s suppose we find out how far that lovely colour travels.’
Her bare shoulders were much too tempting and the need to taste her was too great. Gabriel kissed her soft skin, trailing his tongue in circles. Within seconds he was hard.
He needed to sink into her and remind himself she would be at his side till the end of his days. Coaxing her to straddle him yet again, he claimed her lips with a searing kiss.
Yes, waking up beside his wife had its advantages.
‘Tell me that you want me inside you,’ he groaned against her mouth.
The crash by the door made them jump. There in the doorway, Hodges stood frozen in place with the remains of a coffee cup at his feet.
Olivia scrambled off Gabriel and took a good portion of the blanket with her.
‘Does no one bloody knock in this house?’ bellowed Gabriel. ‘We have a new rule. No one enters any room without knocking first!’
‘I...I...I did not know. Your injury...I assumed...’
Gabriel counted to five. ‘Hodges, I think it best if you left Her Grace and me alone now.’
‘But I...that is to say...’
‘Hodges!’
‘You have callers,’ his valet blurted out.
Gabriel looked over at Olivia, who was firmly wrapped in the blanket and appeared just as confused as he was. Focusing his attention back on Hodges, he noticed the man appeared to want to run out of the room but wasn’t certain if he should stay or go.
‘Who is here?’
With his gaze fixed on the floor, Hodges shifted in his stance. ‘His Royal Highness the Prince Regent, along with Lord Hartwick. Bennett has shown them into the Gold Drawing Room and asked me to see if you were well enough to see them.’
Gabriel scrubbed his hand over his face. Tonight he was locking the door to his bedchamber and no one was interrupting them until he was good and ready to unlock it—and that might not be for days.
‘Very well,’ he muttered. ‘Inform Colette that Her Grace is in need of her assistance and let Bennett know he is to see our guests receive whatever they wish. You can have a maid clean that up later. I will see you in my dressing room shortly. And, Hodges...’
‘Yes, sir?’
‘You did not burn yourself, did you?’
His valet finally met him in the eye with an appreciative glance. ‘No, sir.’
Moments later the door was closed and the stillness of the room enveloped them.
‘We need to get out of this bed,’ his practical wife reminded him.
‘I am aware of that,’ he said, breathing in the faint scent of honeysuckle.
‘And yet, you continue to lay there.’
He thought of how much he wanted to be inside of her. ‘I don’t want to leave,’ he said, sounding petulant.
‘Well, I don’t either. However, we have no choice.’ Her back bowed when he ran his thumb over her nipple. ‘Do play fair, Gabriel.’
He sucked on that nipple, rubbing his tongue over it as he did so. When it hardened into a tight bud, he pulled his head away. At least he wouldn’t be the only one physically frustrated while he sat enduring the presence of their guests.
* * *
Olivia had donned her nightrail and dressing gown, and was just helping Gabriel into his banyan when a muffled voice could be heard through the door to her room. They both stilled, listening to the sound.
‘Mama, Mama, where are you?’
They both hurried to the door and as they stepped into her bedchamber, Nicholas walked out of Olivia’s dressing room.
When he saw them, a broad grin lit his face, and he ran over to them. ‘I’ve been searching for you, Mama. Did last night’s thunderstorm frighten Papa again? Is that why you went to his room?’
The indignation on Gabriel’s face made her laugh.
‘Nicolas, for the last time, I am not afraid of thunderstorms.’
‘But Mama was in your bedchamber. Don’t fret, I won’t tell anyone storms scare you. Did Mama make you feel better?’ Before Gabriel could answer him, Nicholas tilted his head and tugged at his father’s empty sleeve in a panic. ‘Where is your arm?’
Gabriel opened the top of his banyan, revealing that his right arm was bent and tied to his chest. ‘Last night—’
‘It’s true!’ Nicholas’s hazel eyes opened wide. ‘You saved Prince George. I heard the servants whispering about it. Were you injured? They said it is in the papers. They said someone tried to shoot the Prince Regent, and you saved his life.’
‘Where were you that you overheard all this at such an early hour of the morning?’ Olivia asked.
‘Near the kitchen. Sometimes when I go there cook will give me...porridge.’ His expression brightened and he nodded. ‘Yes, that’s what I get...porridge, not biscuits or sweets. Just porridge.’ He stepped closer to Gabriel and his voice turned faint. ‘You are very brave, Papa.’
‘I did what needed to be done, Nicholas, to save our Regent. Protecting the Crown is very important.’
Nicholas’s face wrinkled with concern. ‘Can I hug you? Will it hurt?’
‘You will not hurt me.’
The sight of Nicholas clinging to Gabriel’s waist with his eyes squeezed shut brought a lump to Olivia’s throat.
‘Please do not die, Papa. I need you,’ he whispered.
‘I have no intention of dying any time soon, Nicholas. You can be assured of that.’
Their son released Gabriel and stepped back, visibly relieved. ‘That’s why he is here, isn’t it? That’s why the Prince Regent came to call. He wants to thank you. I saw him ride up with his fine carriage with his splendid bits of blood from my window. I was coming here to tell Mama when I heard the servants talking in the hall.’
Olivia stepped closer to Nicholas and put her hand on his shoulder. ‘Thank you. Your father and I have already been told. Once we are dressed, we will be able to find out what business he has in our home.’
Nicholas ran the tip of his shoe along the carpet. ‘I suppose I will have to remain up here. Will you tell me what he wanted?’
Olivia ruffled his soft short hair. ‘We will tell you every word.’
* * *
A short while later Olivia entered the breakfast room on Gabriel’s arm and various smells from the food on the table assaulted her. Knowing Prinny and his vast appetite, she was certain he had been keeping her kitchen busy with his numerous requests.
‘Ah, there you are,’ Prinny said, looking up from cutting into what appeared to be a lobster cake from his seat at the table. His attention was on Gabriel’s bandaged shoulder and arm, visible under the sleeve that was dangling empty at his side. He appeared to want to charge Gabriel, but then his gaze settled on Olivia. ‘Good morning, my dear. Bennett did inform me you would both be down shortly. It’s a pleasure, as always, to see you.’
She smiled at her friend and greeted him in return. Those were definitely lobster cakes and lobster was not on any of the menus for the week. She imagined there was a bit of an uproar going on downstairs this morning and bartering was being done with neighbouring kitchens. After extending a greeting to Lord Hartwick, she allowed Gabriel to hold her chair out for her. It was an intimate gesture Prinny did not miss.
‘I say, we did not disturb your morning, did we?’ he asked, picking up a glass of wine and arching his brow.
Gabriel caught her eye before focusing on Prinny. ‘Not in the least. I expected to find you in the drawing room.’
‘That was where your butler attempted to place us. I, however, had a sudden desire to be in a more personal setting.’ His attention was back on his plate.
The various items laid out in platters were unbearably unappetising to Olivia and she looked away to accept her cup of chocolate from Bennett.
From across the table, Lord Hartwick reclined back in his chair in a casually elegant pose, taking his coffee cup with him. There was no plate of food in front of him, as if he, too, found all this food repulsive so early in the morning.
‘Prinny wanted to call hours ago,’ he said, ‘but I persuaded him to wait until at least sunrise before we ventured here.’
Gabriel studied Prinny over his coffee cup. ‘Dare I ask what has brought you to my door?’
‘Can’t a man pay a call to a friend?’ Prinny asked, surveying his plate and planning his next attack with his fork.
‘You know you are always welcome.’
‘I couldn’t remain within Carlton House for one minute more. And all week I have had a craving for lobster cakes and your cook’s beef with burgundy sauce. Though there is no time like the present. Don’t you know? And low and behold, that talented cook of yours has managed to make me some for breakfast. Not up to her usual standard, mind you, however she hadn’t much time to prepare. I expect the beef was what had remained from last night, but that sauce... I could bathe in it.’
That was the smell that was invading her nose, making her wish they were sitting out in the garden instead of this confining room. One of the footmen entered and placed a large wedge of cheese inches away from Olivia. She rubbed her stomach to settle it. Lord Hartwick’s piercing blue-eyed gaze caught her eye. He tilted his head and his lips rose in a sympathetic smile.
Please let this be all the food Prinny had requested.
‘I do not know if I should be insulted that you are here for my food and not for me,’ Gabriel said, oblivious to her plight.
‘I’d count myself lucky,’ Lord Hartwick replied, taking a sip from his cup.
‘Insolent pup. One day that unabashed bravado of yours will be placed in check. I just hope I am there to see it.’ The prince turned his attention to Gabriel. ‘I also wanted to express my gratitude to you for all you have done.’ As if remembering that Olivia was in the room, he glanced at her and cleared his throat.
She caught Gabriel’s eye across the table. It would have been wonderful if Prinny knew how she had helped catch Janvier and his accomplice. Suppressing a disappointed sigh, she managed to smile.
‘Olivia is aware of the services I provide,’ Gabriel said unexpectedly. ‘She was also instrumental in foiling the plot against you. Her quick mind is what saved you last night on two separate occasions.’
Prinny’s eyes widened and a smile spread across his face. ‘Well done, my dear. I always knew there was something special about you.’ His lips dropped from a smile to a serious line when he addressed Gabriel. ‘You are not to place her in any danger in the future.’
‘I have no intention of doing so. Last night was an unusual circumstance that I do not anticipate repeating.’
‘Do I not have a say in what it is I am involved in?’ she asked.
‘No,’ both insufferable men said in unison.
Lord Hartwick appeared to study her intently. ‘I imagine it would be difficult to stop her should she decide to involve herself in the future.’
‘Ply your charms elsewhere, Hart,’ Gabriel said. ‘And why are you here at this early hour? I would have assumed you would still be abed.’
‘I found myself with nothing to occupy my time. An unusual occurrence. So, I decided to see if I could convince Prinny to have a go at a game of cards.’
‘Nonsense,’ Prinny said, cutting into the wedge of cheese.
The gesture stirred up the smell and Olivia held her stomach as it began to roll.
‘Hart does not want to admit he was concerned for my wellbeing, but I saw it in his eyes.’
‘Of course I am concerned for you. You are our Regent.’
‘You think more of me than that and you know it.’ He turned his attention to Olivia. ‘Since you know of the activities surrounding me recently, you should be made aware that the artist will be spared. My understanding is that he was blackmailed. He did what he did to protect his child. I know something of the feeling one has for their offspring, therefore we shall show leniency. He will be sent to live across the ocean in America. We will not have him residing here. This will also spare a trial that might bring attention to you, my dear.’ He patted her hand. ‘I will have none of that.’
‘That is very generous of you.’
‘Wot, wot, haven’t you heard? I have a rather generous disposition.’
Olivia raised her cup of chocolate to her lips, hoping the smell from the contents would drown out the horrible smell of the cheese. However, when she inhaled the scent, her throat tightened up and for the first time in many years she thought she might cast up her accounts. Looking up, she caught the narrow gaze of her husband. His attention did not waver from her, even as Prinny and Lord Hartwick continued their conversation. She knew that look. He was trying to puzzle her out. Had he witnessed her queasy moment with her cup? He arched an inquisitive brow and she shook her head to reassure him that all was well.