Esme had understood it right then and had apologized before she left. Tracy had only smiled and patted his shoulder while telling him they’d work it out.
He’d tell Michelle all that. One day. In months or maybe a year.
Michelle licked her lips, absolutely floored by what he’d said. “I’m pretty sure that test you take for stress factors, you know the one, like moving or getting married or divorced adds points? I’m pretty sure this last week has killed that test dead.”
He let go of her upper arms and ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek. She leaned into his touch and felt better. The barest, rawest truth was that when she was with him she was not alone. When she’d been with Gina and Rhonda and they’d used magick and had shown her some things to defend herself, when Owen had hooked her up with the guy who’d teach her defensive and battle magicks, she hadn’t been alone.
There was a whole world there in Portland just waiting for her to be part of. A world where she didn’t have to be lonely. A world with a man who loved her and wanted to be with her for always. And she didn’t doubt what he’d told her. She knew enough to understand the mating stuff. The extra-guy thing was a little unexpected. But…well, it could be okay if she had a choice. Even hot maybe.
“I grew up in a house without a dad. My mom, well, she had a series of boyfriends because she has no real identity unless she’s with someone. But her choices, my God. I guess, when I realized it was because she hated herself, hated her magick and that she was a witch so she punished herself with men who weren’t good enough for her, I realized that
I
would never let myself be ashamed of that part of myself.”
She moved to his windows and looked out over evening in Portland. Wet from rain, the lights glittering, the asphalt dark and slick. He joined her, but didn’t get so close she couldn’t think.
“So I had this career. And I love being a cop. I’d want to do that here too. Something along those lines. It’s part of who I am. I like protecting people. Which I suppose is what you do too, which is pretty cool. Anyway. I am not ashamed of being a witch, but even though I’ve known it forever and have had contact with other witches pretty much my whole life, I have not really lived as a witch. I think you know more about it than I do.”
She wanted to give him the words because he’d been so good to her.
“When I first heard you say I was your mate, I was so angry. I felt rejected.” She turned to him, putting her fingers over his lips and then pulled away because every time she touched him she wanted him and she needed to get all this out. “I get it now. I understand, and I’m so grateful you gave me this space even though I’m sure it’s been hard. But you did it for me and that means something.
“I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve had Allie and she’s important to me. She’s my best friend. The only other person I know, before you came back into my life anyway, who shared this secret, who I really could talk to and share with. I never allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to have someone like you. To have something like a mate bond.”
She wiped away her tears, and he took her hand, kissing her fingertips.
“I have been so lonely, and you, this world has filled me up in ways I’ve never thought possible. Suddenly my future is full of so much energy and magick and connection, and I’m thrilled and excited.”
He moved to a box of tissues and brought them to her.
“It’s immense. There’s so much I need to process. And I can’t until I find Allie. I’m not rejecting you, but I want to celebrate this thing between us. I want to know more before I do it, and I just can’t put that sort of energy into it right now. Do you understand?”
He nodded and kissed her cheeks, so gently that it made her tear up again.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Take the time you need. I’ve already told you I’ll answer all your questions. Thank you for sharing all that with me. It breaks my heart that you’ve been so alone and that I contributed to that when I left.”
She shook her head and smiled. “I’ve forgiven that. You’ve apologized but I get it. I understand why it had to happen, and to be honest with you, I think it was part of the whole big plan anyway. That you and I had our path to walk, had experiences we needed to go through and get past so we could come back together later on and truly appreciate what we had.”
“I like that. Tracy said something similar to me. They know. You should hear that from me too. Esme, the female from today…”
She growled. “Her.”
He hid a grin but she saw it anyway. “Anyway, wolves are notorious gossips. Once members of the pack see us together, they’re going to know. It’s all right. We have our own timeline and no one else has a say over it. But I didn’t want you going into some event without knowing that.”
“I need a soak in some Epsom salts before you get what that look on your face is asking for.”
He burst out laughing and sobered quickly. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m gonna guess it’s like anything else. Lots of practice will make me more, um, used to such activity.”
He pulled her into a hug, and she held on, her ear pressed to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
“I do actually have some Epsom salts. Like I said, we heal fast but not instantly.”
“I hate that your job is dangerous.”
“Ditto, gorgeous. But it’s who we are.”
“All right. I’m going to make some calls. Just to check in with Pam and this Cesare guy that Gage spoke of. Then I’m going to take a bath and then you can pleasure me.”
He snorted. “I’ll run you a bath. I have some calls of my own to handle. Some folks from National will be in town next week, and I want to be sure everything is in place.”
“I’d have a choice, right? In who the anchor was? Is. Whatever.”
“Of course. I mean there are some limits. It has to be a single male who isn’t already an anchor, and it has to be someone of my rank or higher. That limits the pool a little. I’m second. It would have to be an Enforcer or something like that, or an Alpha.”
She nodded. “All right. As for your work? I’ve told you, do your job. I’m going to feel bad if you’re here instead of doing your work.”
“I have all the stuff I need on my computer. I’m connected remotely to our work servers. It’s not anything I can’t do from here. Damon is handling all the stuff that is pressing at work. By the way, it seems like you and Gina are getting on. She’s sort of scary.”
“I like her. And Rhonda. I think I can make a life in Portland. With you. And with the witches here. It’s nice that she understands the situation that I’ll be in as a witch with a Were mate. She’s funny and open and I enjoy her. And yes, she’s definitely scary.”
He went off to start the bath and she checked in. Nothing new with Pam, though the police were on alert after the murder that day. Stricter security protocols in place had slowed everything down, but that was to be expected. Anything Charlie could have told them was now gone. Though certainly he must have known something or they wouldn’t have killed him.
He’d been pretty itinerant but some witches and wolves had gone over the camper he lived in, as well as the cops. They found nothing important.
She was so frustrated. Despite the wonder of having a mate and all that, she was desperate to find Allie. Here Michelle had a mate, had a future filled with so much hope, and Allie was out there somewhere alone. Alone and most likely scared. In pain.
Michelle had never in her life felt as helpless as she did right then. She had no idea what else to do. Josh had sent more wolves out that day to scour out even farther from the huge amount of land they’d searched already. They had Allie’s scent and the scent of the mages and they found nothing.
She blew out a breath and headed to the bathroom. It was steamy. He’d lit some candles, and she smiled at the sight of a robe he’d laid out for her.
The water was hot, but she slowly slid into it, adjusting bit by bit as the salts did their job, easing the soreness from all parts of her.
She closed her eyes and ran through everything she could. Every piece of evidence, the timeline she knew, all possibilities she could imagine. Maybe if she just went over it she’d think of something new.
He found her drying off and paused to watch her move. The steam carried her scent and his wolf liked that just fine. He felt so much better after talking with her, though he knew she was tortured over her inability to find Allie. Things between them, aside from all the rest, were settled, and he could relax about that at least.
For the time being. Eventually his wolf was going to push a lot harder to claim her. Each minute he was around her, the primal need to seal that bond was a greater weight on him. For now he was all right. Manageable. Barely. But soon enough it would be impossible to be around her, especially when she was upset or in danger, without the bond.
He put all that out of his head as she looked up. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself. You feeling better?”
“Physically, yes, I am. The rest? I ran through everything that has happened since I got the call that she was missing. I don’t think I’ve overlooked anything.” She shook her head. “I know she’s out there alone and I need to find her. I asked Gina and Rhonda as well as Lark and Gage if there were any spells to use to find her. I don’t have any of her blood.” She swallowed hard. “And I guess I’m glad of that, but at the same time it limits my ability to find her. Maybe.”
He leaned there against the doorjamb and watched her process. He hated how upset she was. “I understand, you know? It’s the nature of our jobs to have these experiences and frustrations. But when it’s someone you care about, it’s a million times worse. All the stuff you tell yourself on a regular case, that you’re doing everything you can, that sometimes you just can’t make it work, well it’s not comforting.”
She nodded, turning to brush her teeth.
He loved the sight of her in his space. Standing naked at the sink, doing something as mundane as brushing her teeth, but damn it, she marked his life with her presence and it was good. Even with the heartache it was good.
She pulled on the robe, and he allowed himself to move to her to hug her, kissing the top of her head. “You’re doing all you can. She’s lucky to have you. She knows that.”
“If she’s still alive. And terrified. Waiting for me to save her and I haven’t.” She pulled back and padded out to his living room. “I called her mother. She’s out of her mind with the waiting and not knowing. Thinking of every horrible scenario. She trusts me to find Allie.”
She flopped into the big overstuffed chair near the fireplace he’d turned on while she was in the bath, not wanting her to get cold.
“I told her I was doing all I could. But the words sounded so empty.” She slammed a hand against the chair arm, frustrated. “Why can’t I find her? I hate just sitting around. I need to be out there doing something. Here I am having so much good stuff in my life. You. Connecting with other witches. I’m smiling and having meals and sleeping. And she is out there.” Her voice broke.
He got to his knees before her, taking her hands, his fingers tangling with hers. His wolf needed to comfort her. It made him crazy to see her so upset. If there was anything he could do to fix it, he would. But there wasn’t.
“What is it you can do? You went through it all in the bathtub like you said. You could go stand out in the parking lot at the gas station or at the park yet again, and then what? We searched. You were there, Pam was there, I was there, Damon was there. We combed over that whole area and found little more than nothing. I sent my people out and they didn’t find anything either. And you’ve followed up on everything. Sometimes waiting is part of this game. You know that. You’re doing all you can to find her.”
“She’s alone and she’s counting on me. I’m fucking up!”
He pulled her close, the scent of her filling him until it nearly hurt.
“You’re
not
fucking up. You aren’t. But you aren’t a superhero either. We keep looking. We do what we can. We know that most likely they took her elsewhere. Not to the stand of park and forest we were in. So tomorrow when it’s light, how about we continue down that road we were on? We followed it for a while and found nothing, let’s go even farther, maybe take some of the side roads. There are some islands out that way. We’ll check those too. We aren’t giving up, Michelle.
You
aren’t giving up.”
Desire rushed over his skin, but he pushed it away. She needed comfort and that’s what he’d give her. He kissed the hands he held in his own.
“We’re in this together. You’re strong. You’re smart. You’re magnificent.”
She smiled through her frustrated tears, and he kissed her cheeks, tasting her pain and upset. Taking that into himself and giving her back love.
She turned into his touch and her lips met his and he took her mouth. Slowly, surely. She was his. He knew it. She’d agreed and certainly he was hers. There was no need to rush. Just learn and be with one another. He didn’t know what the next days would hold for Allie. But he knew Michelle would be with him either way.
His wolf seemed to find that satisfactory and eased back a little.
She slid her hands up his chest and to his throat. Her hands strong but so very soft, warm as her thumbs caressed the hollow at the base and then up to his jaw as he continued to kiss her.