Uncovering Officer Smith (The Discovering Trilogy #2) (37 page)

“You found both of them?” I turn to John now.

“Of course. You didn't think I’d let either of them get away with this?” He turns his head back to the window again, leaving me with more questions than answers.

The next group walks into the room. They are all of similar look and build. It’s between the two on my right. They look too similar. It could have been either of them.

“Do you recognize any of these men?”

I pause for an extra second. Eventually, the teal blue eyes make my decision for me. “Number five.”

“And where do you recognize him from?”

“He’s the other guy from the bar – the one who bought me that drink.”

“Thank you, Becca. You’re free to go.”

I turn and walk out of the room as the commander holds the door open for me. I’m walking down the hall when I feel a hand on my arm. “Becca, wait up.”

It’s John’s voice. I pause, slowly turning to meet his eyes.

“Becca,… I… it’s good seeing you.” He doesn’t let my wrist go. He’s holding onto it like he knows I’ll leave him.

I don’t know where it comes from, but I begin to laugh. I laugh aloud. Officers begin to glance over. Meggie is beside me in a second.

“Come on, let’s go,” she whispers to me, taking my other hand. But my eyes never leave his. All my weeks of torturous pain and lack of sleep, have all led to this moment. Looking up into his deep blue eyes, I finally get the strength to move on.

“It’s good seeing me? That’s the best you can do, really? After four weeks?” I laugh again, turning to Meggie. “I’m ready, let’s go.”

I leave him there in that hallway, slowly gaining some of my confidence back, some of myself back.

The way her blonde hair swayed across her back as she walked out of the station. The smell of her perfume as I stood next to her in the small viewing room. Those final words she said to me.

I will remember all of those things as I mentally say goodbye to Becca Swanson. She has finally broken away. Good for her. She deserves better than me. Even her parents think so. You should have seen the way they walked into that hospital like I wasn’t even there. It would have never worked.

These are all the things I tell myself while Matt and I type up our reports. We are going to nail these guys. At least I was good for something in Becca’s life.

“Smith, you okay?”

I glance up to see Matt’s eyes inspecting me. I don’t know what to say to him. Instead, I toss my jacket over my shoulder and head out of the station.

I didn’t have anyone else to call, and couldn’t think of one other person to talk to about this besides her. We sit in the coffeehouse outside of town with two full cups of coffee. April’s green eyes peer into mine expectantly during the prolonged silence. A few years ago and those eyes would have made my knees weak. I guess a lot has changed. “John, you’ve changed. What is going on with you?”

“I … it’s just I’ve been thinking a lot.”

“I can see it. You’re not happy. Is it that girl from the hospital?”

“It was.” I sigh.

“Was?” She catches on.

“I totally screwed it up.”

“Why?” Her eyes are expectant again. April is one of those people that can calm you with a look. The look that says I understand, not I pity you.

“She was… well she still is one of my good friend’s sisters. He told me to leave her alone. I just kind of disappeared on her.”

“John.” She gasps. “That’s horrible.”

“I know. I don’t think she took it well.”

“You think? She overdosed!”

“April, what could I say to her?” My eyes fall to my coffee. “I performed CPR for what felt like forever and I was there when she woke up in the hospital. But it didn’t mean anything to her.”

This time when her voice comes, it’s soft. “It meant more that you will know.”

“How do you know?”

“Because there was a time when you did the same thing for me.” Her hand falls on top of mine. “It’s little things like those, that mean the world in the end.”

“I just don’t know where to go from here.” I shrug.

“Well, the first step is admitting you were wrong. I think you’re at that point.”

“What’s the next step?”

“John, sometimes you have to chase after what you want.”

“How did you do it? Take a chance like that, when
he
shut you out?”

“You have to decide whether they are worth the pain. Is being with them more important than the pain of being without them? Sometimes, you just know – deep down, your souls connect. There’s no ignoring that, and there’s no going back once it happens, either.”

Her words strike me. Nothing will ever be the same. The way other girls’ kisses taste like sandpaper in my mouth. My life will be nothing without her. I have no choice. Did I ever really?

“Thank you, April.”

“Hey, what are friends for?”

“I’ve never had a girl that’s a friend before.” I shrug again.

“Well, there’s a first for everything. Now, please do me a favor and go tell this girl how you feel.”

“What if it blows up in my face?”

She shrugs. “It blew up in my face at first.” I lean in slightly. This story is growing surprisingly interesting. “Yup, he screamed at me and I stood there taking it… but then I chased after him – through oncoming traffic, mind you—And we worked things out. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.”

“Leap of faith,” I repeat.

“Ow.” April doubles over the table, grabbing at her stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

She takes a few deep breaths in and out, as she leans back in her chair. “I just got a sharp pain in the stomach.”

“Sharp pain?”

“Well, maybe I shouldn’t be having too much coffee.”

“What? Why?”

Her eyes meet mine and slowly I watch a smile creep its way across her face. A real smile, a proud smile. “What is it?” My eyes search hers desperately.

“John, I’m pregnant.”

I’m staring at her, I realize, when I finally blink back to reality. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” She shyly smiles, rubbing the side of her stomach.

“Was that normal?” I point to her stomach.

She shrugs. “It happens sometimes.”

“Wow, congrats. When are you due?”

“June fifteenth.”

“No wonder you were so exhausted. Don’t you think you should be taking on less shifts?”

“I didn’t know until last week. I haven’t even told Jared yet.”

“Really, why not?”

“He’s been really stressed out over this thing with Eric and the business. I just didn’t want to be another burden.”

“It’s not because you’re not thinking of keeping it, is it?”

She glances down. “I’m not going to lie, I thought about it.” A sigh escapes her lips. “But I’ve decided against it. I’ve been to the point where all I could eat was cheap fifty-cent noodles. I’ll do it again if I have to.”

“April if you ever need anything, you know I’m always here.”

She smiles, keeping her eyes on her coffee. “I know. I don’t deserve a friend like you, John.” This time when she says friend, I know deep down in my heart that’s all she is to me now. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll tell Jared today if you go and find this broken-hearted girl.”

I smile. “Okay, deal.”

“No one should have to deal with a broken heart for any longer than required.”

“Do you think she’ll forgive me?”

“There’s only one way to find out. Be patient with her, it could take time. The wounds are still fresh – it took Jared months of solitary to be able to even talk to me.”

“Okay.” I nod. “I’m going to go then.”

“Good luck!” she calls after me.

I shoot her a wave and head out the door.

I parallel park my car into a space on the street and dash up the stairs to my apartment. I need to change out of uniform before I go have a talk with Becca. I’m halfway down the hallway when I see legs in the hallway. “Ford?”

His head peeks out from the doorframe. “John!”

“Dude, how long have you been here?”

“Like a half hour. You weren’t answering my phone calls.”

“I figured it was just more reaming me a new one. Listen, I can’t talk right now—”

“No. You’re going to hear me out.”

“I’m not really in the mood. I have to do something.” I turn away from him, pulling my keys out and reaching for the doorknob.

“I was wrong, John.”

My hand stops trying to unlock the door. I freeze, staring at the gray door in front of me. “What?”

“I think I might have been wrong,” he repeats.

“… About what?”

“You… and Becca.” He looks as though admitting this is causing him physical pain. My brain finally clicks back in and I unlock the door, allowing him to come inside. “I’m listening.”

He walks into the apartment hesitantly. “John, I don’t know what happened between you two, and I don’t want to know, either.” He sighs. I know my friend; this admission is killing him. “But I’ve never seen her like this. She’s always been the stable one, the one that knew what she wanted to do. She always wanted to be a lawyer; straight A’s throughout high school and most of college, and then you come around. Now – she’s drinking and smoking and God knows what else. You really fucked her up.”

“I… I didn’t…”
Holy shit.

“I think it might have been partially my fault, though.”

“You weren’t the easiest to—”

His hand flies up. “Don’t push it, Smith. I’m not finished.”

“Sorry.”

“I’ve never seen
you
like this, either. When was the last time you’ve had a girl here?” He starts walking into my bedroom. The bed is completely made from this morning. “This place is spotless. You didn’t hit on anyone at my party, and you left early. You’ve been taking on crazy hours at work and completely stopped answering your phone. You have a permanent scowl on your face.” He breathes. “John, tell me I made a mistake. Tell me.” His fist pounds on his chest with every syllable.

After a few minutes I admit, “… You made a mistake. And so did I.”

“You?”

“I shouldn’t have let her go.” My head shakes. “I hurt her. If I cared for her at all, I wouldn't have let
you
come between us. I shouldn’t have just gone rogue, either. I should have been honest with her. I messed up.”

Ford glances out my window; the very same one Becca loved so much. “John, she’s leaving. I don’t think she’ll be back.”

“What do you mean?” I take a step closer.

“She’s taking the semester off and going back home. I don’t think she’s coming back to school, dude. This is my fault – I’ve been selfish and you’ve
both
suffered. If it will make you guys happy, if things will go back to normal – you have my blessing.”

My eyes go wide. “Really?”

“If you break her fucking heart I will break your face!” he adds. “But, if you two really do have love for each other, who the hell am I to tell you not to be together.”

“This isn’t a joke?” I look suspiciously at my best friend.

He makes a face. “Don’t make me spell it out for you, John. These words will never again come out of my mouth.”

“I didn’t mean for it to be
her
. You know that, right?”

“I know.” He nods. “You never expect it.” His eyes let on more than his words seem to say. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say my friend has met his match, as well.

There is an awkward moment of silence between us before I snap back to reality. “Where is she now?”

“She’s packing. You need to hurry up.”

I start unbuckling my belt and unbuttoning my shirt. “What the hell do I even say?”

“Dude, this is still my fucking sister. Don’t ask me questions.”

“Right.” I nod, slipping out of my clothes and digging around my closet for something to wear.

“Sometime today!”

“I’m going! Lock up, will you?”

I leave Ford in my apartment alone and dash to my car. My mind is swirling with words. I’m mindlessly talking to myself in the rearview mirror, practicing. Nothing I seem to say puts my feelings into words; there is really nothing I can say to take back my actions. There are no words to make her feel better. All I can do is be honest. It’s time for Officer Smith to get his hands and his heart dirty.

I pull up to the dorms and notice the moving van in the fire zone right in front. A total violation, but I have to put the cop in me aside. The sun is close to setting behind it and I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I’m closing the door to my car when I see Becca walking up the path with a few boxes in her hand. Behind her is a trail of movers and of course, Meggie. Meggie only has a box marked ‘Pillows.’ I have to hide my smile as I jog over to them.