Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) (197 page)

“Then do it,” I breathe. I step into him and drape one leg around his waist. “Fuck me,” I whisper. “I’m ready. I’m not fragile. I’m so wet for you, James. My pussy… is throbbing.” I adjust my hips so he’s pressing into my entrance. “Do it. Fuck me. I can handle you.”

“If you’re tired…”

“I’m
not
.” I shut his protest down. “Fuck me, James, or lean back and let me do the work. Because I don’t see why we’re here together…” I put my arms around his neck, “…in the shower…” I push him back against the wall, “…if we’re not going to
have sex
.”

I jump him right there, sinking all the way onto him. I wrap both legs around his hips and tangle my fingers in his hair.

“Kiss me.”

His mouth clasps onto mine immediately. I moan into the heated kiss and start pulsing my hips.

At first, James lets me set the pace. As soon as he realizes I wasn’t kidding about being ready, he takes over.

He rips his mouth away from mine and feasts on my breasts. His hands grip tight on my ass. He guides me into every spectacular thrust.

I moan and let my head fall back. Hot water scorches my neck and chest. James keeps pumping into me, and I ride his cock as if it were made
just
for me. He’s such a perfect fit. I don’t know if it’s the love I feel for him that’s making me loopy or the all-consuming lust that he demands from me, but I am certain I never want another man.

Not ever.

“You’re mine,” James grunts. “You’re mine, Celeste, do you understand? Do you fucking hear me…” He attacks my breasts with his mouth, and I cry out at the amazing mix of pleasured pain. “…woman? You—are—fucking—MINE!”

He shoots inside me, punctuating his orgasm with an earth-rattling roar. I shatter completely at the same time.

The wave hits me and lifts me higher than I’ve ever been. I soar, clenched against him, in ecstasy because of him, and when I come down, the words tumble out of me with no regard.

“Yours,” I gasp. “Yours, and only yours. Forever.”

***

James drives me to my exam. I’m afire from the shower high. Despite spending half the night vomiting, I actually feel fresh and well-rested.

Chalk that up to amazing James-sex.

“Good luck.” He smacks my ass on the way out. I jump. He gives the most mischievous grin. “I’ll be waiting. You’d better fucking ace it, woman. Or else I’m leaving you.”

I give him the finger. He laughs and winks. I close the door and wait for him to drive off.

He doesn’t. Instead, he makes a shooing motion with one hand. “Go on,” he mouths through the window. “Away you go.”

I just shake my head at him, a big stupid grin on my face. I blow him a kiss, turn around, and hurry toward the main building.

***

Three hours later, I emerge and discover James parked in exactly the same spot.

“So?” he asks as I climb in. “How did it go?”

“Hard. I think I might have flunked.”

“What?”

“Kidding!” I beam at him. “Aced it. Just as you asked.”

“Good girl,” he smiles. “How do you want to celebrate?”

“Celebrate?” I ask.

“Yes, celebrate,” James repeats. “This was your last exam, wasn’t it? You’ve finished the term.”

“Not quite,” I say. “There’s still the one from your class.”

“What?” he asks. He looks at me in confusion. “No there isn’t.”

“There is. Alfred told us. It’s on Friday, the last day before break.”

“No. What? There’s no fucking way!”

“Why not?” I ask. “You were suspended. Thanks to Summer.” I give him a look. “Are you certain you still want me to reach out to her?”

“I don’t care about Summer now,” he says garishly. “Why the
fuck
is there an exam for my class?”

“You sound angry,” I say.

“I fucking am!” He slams the wheel. “That’s bullshit, Celeste. There’s not supposed to be a final exam.”

“Well, you relinquished control over your course,” I tell him. “Why does this have you so upset? Did you not know about it?”

“No!” James says. “No, and that’s what pisses me off!”

“It was posted on the website,” I tell him. “It’s been up there for days.”

He barks a sharp laugh. “You think I look at the website?”

“It’s your class. I’d expect you to.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “No, I don’t but that’s irrelevant. What
is
relevant is that this isn’t what was supposed to happen.”

“Huh?”

“When I stepped down, voluntarily…” James takes a deep breath. “…I did so with the express condition that the grades
I
assigned were the final ones.” His hands tighten on the wheel. The leather screeches. “The fucking asshole reneged on his word.”

“Who? Alfred?”

“Yes. Alfred!” James exclaims. “Who else? Who has the power to implement something like that?”

“Summer’s sleeping with him,” I say. “Or at least, she was. Do you think that affected things?”

“Oh, I have no doubt,” James says sourly. “Dammit! No wonder the man’s become so fucking distant. We were never the greatest friends, but we always got along. You saw us.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I did.”

“I’m going to fucking talk to him. He has no right forcing
my students
into an exam you weren’t prepared for.”

“He gave us time,” I say. “He scheduled it at the last possible moment.”

“Celeste, you don’t get it. There was never going to be a final exam, because I never wrote one! That’s not even the point. The point is that I submitted all your grades.
Those
are the marks you deserve. I gave them fairly. I assigned them based on what I saw from each of you over the course of the term. It was a holistic score. There’s no fucking exam that’ll tell anybody anything. Hell, I barely stuck to the fucking syllabus! How can they give you a fucking examination! Who’s even grading it?”

“Alfred said it’d be the administrative board,” I explain. “James, I don’t think it’s such a big deal. We’ve had almost two weeks to prepare. It’s not like they sprung this on us.”

“It’s the principle of it,” James ground. “They think they can take me away from
my
students and use their own fucking bullshit metrics to alter the grades that
I
gave? Fuck. That.” He revs the engine. “Alfred did this. I’m sure of it. He must have had the admin board’s support. But they never heard my side of the story.”

He drives straight into traffic with a sharp left.

“They don’t know about the deal Alfred made with me when I agreed to step down while pending investigation. I bet they never even saw the grades I assigned! Christ.” He shakes his head. “I’ll get this fixed, Celeste. I promise you. I won’t have any of my students forced into yet another entirely unnecessary examination. Thank you, for telling me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have known.”

***

James drives fast. A few blocks from his apartment, I get extraordinarily queasy.

I grip the inside of the door and start breathing hard through my nose. My gut is churning. I know at any minute, I’m liable to puke.

I try to fight down the nausea. We’re so close. James turns a corner, and I see the building before us.

But I can’t hold it in.

“James,” I say. “James!”

He turns his head. “What?”

“Stop the car.”

“What?”

“Stop the car!” I shriek. A burp comes up. I taste vomit in my mouth. “
Now
!”

James takes another look at me, and understanding shows on his face.

He hits the brakes. Horns blare behind us. I’m in the process of reaching for the door handle when a sudden convulsion rocks me.

I throw up all over my legs, all over the seat, all over the dark, perfect leather.

I manage to get the door open before the next convulsion takes me. Cold air rips into the cabin.

I fall to my knees and hurl on the street.

I’m on my fucking hands and knees on the frozen fucking street, spewing my guts out. The smell is horrible. Tears fill my eyes. I’m a sticky, wet, disgusting, mess. Sweat beads my forehead. It drenches my back. My whole body feels hot, hot, hot, way too hot.

I’m crying. I feel so awful, I feel so ashamed.

Blares continue to sound from behind us. I feel somebody grab my shoulder. It’s James.

He’s left the car.

“You’re okay,” he says. His voice is deep with concern. “You’re okay, Celeste. Get it all out. I’m here. I’m here for you.” He rubs my back. “I’m here.”

I shy away. I don’t want him near when I’m like this. I just want to be invisible. I don’t want anybody to see. I don’t want—

One more violent spasm blindsides me. My stomach turns inside out, and hot bile races up my windpipe. It sears my throat. There’s nothing left in my stomach so all I get is a dribble, a pathetic dribble of spit running down my chin.

“You’re okay. You’re okay, baby,” James keeps saying.

I don’t know who he’s trying to convince, him or me.

To any bystander, I am so far from okay that okay isn’t even in the same time zone. My body is falling apart. I’m breaking, being corrupted from the inside, and there’s not a damn thing I or anybody else can do about it.

Quite simply, I am dying. I know I am. I know the cancer is killing me. I know there’s no escape.

I’m weak, I’m frail, I’m rotting. I throw up again. You know those anti-tobacco ads showing the blackened insides of a smoker’s lungs?

I imagine my whole body being like that.

“Help me up,” I manage weakly. James lifts me instantly. I cling on to him. I look at the mess I’ve made all over the street, all over the inside of the rented car. I feel even sicker. He doesn’t deserve somebody like this. He doesn’t. He needs better.

I look at him through blurry, tear-stained eyes. “Take me to the hospital,” I murmur.

I know, for better or for worse, that I am never going to see the inside of James’s apartment again.

12.

We arrive in the ER. The car stinks. I hate myself for that.

I complain of stomach pains and overwhelming nausea. They know the procedure. So do I. I step out of my nasty, soiled clothes and put on the hospital gown. James waits on me every step of the way.

I wish he would just leave. Just leave me alone, just leave me to die.

I don’t want subterfuge anymore. I’ll tell the doctor exactly what happened to me earlier this week. About the light in my eye. About the real cause of my panic attack. I’ll tell him about everything.

Maybe the blood markers didn’t show anything new, but I
know
things have taken a turn for the worse.

The nurse gives me something for the nausea and tells me I need to rest. I get placed in my own room—small, tiny—and it allows for visitors.

So James is still here.

“You should go,” I tell him.

He appears shocked. “No.”

“Go,” I tell him. “I don’t want—“ I wince and gesture at my body, “—you to see me like this.”

A deep frown line marks his forehead. “I’m not leaving you, Celeste.”

“James, please. I really, really don’t want…” My voice hitches.

I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to suffer because of me.

“I just want to be alone,” I finish on a choked sob. “Please?”

“You’re trying to push me away,” he grunts. “I won’t let you. I’m staying, Celeste.” He picks up my hand and brings it to his lips.

“I love you,” he murmurs against my knuckles.

My heart melts. But my own defenses kick in with a deep and passionate fury.

I jerk my hand away. “No,” I say.

“No what?” He peers at me. “No what, Celeste?”

“No, I don’t want you here!” I exclaim. “No, I don’t want you to love me. Leave, James! Just go! Look at me. Really,
really
look at me!” I turn angry eyes onto him. “Look how hollow my face looks! Look, touch here…” I take his hand and press it against the side of my body. “You can feel my ribs! James, I’m
dying
. You can’t—you shouldn’t—be here!”

He twists his hand around and grips mine. He looks me deep in my eyes. “You’re
not
,” he says. “You haven’t spoken to the doctor yet. You’re not terminal.” His voice rises. “You’re not, Celeste. So stop fucking pretending you are! You won’t chase me away. You won’t get me to leave. I love you, goddammit. And woman, as much as you try to resist? It’s only going to pull me in tighter.”

I rip my hand away in disgust.

“No, James,” I spit. “Stop trying to force me and my life into this perfect world you’ve dreamt up for us. Open your eyes. Open your eyes and smell the roses!”

I’ve started shouting.

“Look at me! Fucking look! I am
not
a healthy person. I am
not
going to survive. I’m just not, James. I’m fucking not. You need to leave. Go. Now! Go home. Don’t get drawn into me.” I glance down at my shivering body and scoff. “How can you say you love me? I’m repulsive! I’m repulsive and hideous, and you need to get away. Go, James. Go now! I have doctors here. Nurses. You think I need you? I fucking don’t!”

I laugh again. This time, I make it cruel and malicious.

“You think you can do anything for me? You can’t. You fucking can’t. Nobody else can, either. You know what’s going to happen when they put me in the scanner? You don’t because you’ve never gone through it. Guess what? I have. When I was a girl. I know what this shit feels like. It’s not the chemo drugs doing this to me. They’re not the ones destroying my appetite and making me vomit. It’s the
cancer
, James. They’re going to put me in the scanner, and I’m going to light up like a fucking Christmas tree! The cancer will have spread all throughout my body. There’s no—there’s no life for me after this!”

I start crying. Sobbing, more accurately. It’s fueled by anger and frustration, not sadness.

“Just leave, James! Leave me alone. Leave me alone to die. Go, dammit, forget about me! Forget about the life you promised. Forget about everything. There’s no sailing away into the sunset for us. Don’t you see that? You’re smart. You should be able to recognize the point of no return.”

“Celeste…”

“THIS IS IT!” I scream. “WE ARE PAST THAT POINT! Go! Get out of here! Leave me! I don’t want to see you. Go home and forget about me. JUST GO!”