Uncut (Unexpected Book 4) (7 page)

“A gift.”

M
y heart pounds and my legs are about to give up as panic runs through me. What the hell was I trying to accomplish by kissing Matthew Decker? This weekend is the worst of my entire life. First, I’m so wasted I almost undress myself and beg him to fuck me. Next, I let him finger me while kissing me inside the elevator—sober. The pent-up energy I released during my workout is now back, causing havoc inside my body.

“What do you want, Tristan?” Matthew asks. I lift my gaze to find a set of cobalt crystals staring my way. For some fucking reason, they remind me of the rock from the bartender, and the three words “you’re not alone.” Maybe I’m not alone, and maybe he’s a good guy who will respect my limits. “Ask yourself what you really need. I’m willing to give it to you, but only if you’re sure.”

What I want and what I need are different from what I
should
do, and how I
should
act. That’s a fucking tongue-twister, damn it. I’m twisted into knots that I can’t untangle when Matthew is around, and his presence isn’t helping me to settle down.

“Yes, I’m pushy, but I won’t push you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Matthew takes a step closer to where I stand. My heart rate accelerates. I don’t know how to react, what to tell him. His shoulders relax and a grin appears before he speaks. “I can make you reach places that no man has ever taken you before.”

He releases a full-blown laugh as if he has said the best joke of his life. I miss the punchline, but the sound brings me some relief.

“Tell you what. Today we take it slow,” he says, as he takes my hand and pulls me toward the couch. “I’ll take care of that.” Matthew points to the tent I sport.

Our gazes lock, his heavily lidded and lust-filled eyes only make me want him more. I want to say yes, but I fear that after I come back from the high, I’ll regret everything I said. I don’t want to lose Matthew’s friendship. In three days I’ve come to like him, to enjoy his company, and whatever crazy ideas he comes up with.

We stand face-to-face, only inches apart from each other. I don’t say a word, but I kiss him again. His tongue is in my mouth the moment I part my lips, and I let him fuck me with it while our lower bodies grind against each other. His hands push down my gym shorts and I let out a soft moan the moment he frees my cock.

Matthew withdraws his lips. His eyes narrow and he asks, “Are we good?” I nod. “You want me to stop?”

“I’ll punch you if you do,” I half joke.

As soon as I say that, he pushes me onto the couch. His mouth goes back to the task of mauling my mouth. I groan and arch my body searching for some friction, but I don’t find anything. My hand reaches my dick, and I stroke my shaft.

“No, I’m in charge of your pleasure today.” He removes my hand.

I interlace my fingers through his hair while he starts kissing me again, his body finally on top of mine. Our hips grinding against each other, his cock rubbing against mine. Fast. Rough. I welcome the friction though I’m about to explode.

“Fuck. Wait,” Matthew says, releasing my body. He pushes himself off me and rushes through the place. My lungs work double time to suck in enough air, and I can’t beg him to come back. Thankfully it doesn’t take him long to return with a tube of lube. “Ready, baby?”

I nod at him.

Matthew flips the cap, squeezes a generous amount of lube into his hand, and opens my legs at the same time that he drops his head to take my cock inside his mouth. I push deeper inside his mouth as his finger penetrates me. I want to push my ass toward it, beg him to finish what he began in the elevator, but I can’t while I’m fucking his mouth. Damn, my entire body is begging for him to throw me from the ledge. I want to fall, I want to fly.

“Take me,” I cry out as he pushes another finger inside me, his tongue swirling around my dick. His tongue stops the assault as his mouth sucks me and he takes me all the way down his throat. “Don’t stop, never stop.”

He doesn’t stop, but his mouth slows its tantalizing pace. The lazy, strokes match the penetration of his fingers. He’s tormenting me from both sides. Those cobalt eyes find mine and I notice a crinkle at their edges. Fuck, he’s enjoying this. He releases my cock and his tongue licks it while reaching my balls. He licks them first, then sucks each sac while his fingers continue fucking me, and just as I’m about to fall from the edge, his mouth captures my cock again. My balls tighten as my release shoots inside his mouth with a force I’ve never felt before.

Matthew continues sucking my cock while I’m trying to recover my breath and slow my heart rate. When he finishes, he shifts slightly and his face is now close to mine. That lazy smile appears along with his dimple.

“Next time you feel uneasy, call me,” he says, giving me a peck on the lips.

I struggle to catch my breath. “I . . . Yes. Can we keep it between us?” I ask, more like beg.

His answering light smile gives me some hope. “For now, yes, I can do that. I’ll give you some time to come to terms . . .”

Come to terms? Fuck, in the past fourteen years I haven’t come to terms with anything. An old familiar panic surges through my body. Fuck I want that thick, long cock inside me, but for how long can I keep this up?

Shit.

“T
hank you for helping me tonight, Matt,” I say, while closing the safe with tomorrow’s deposit.

As I turn my attention to him, his cocky gaze is fixated on me. Damn, I want him to kiss me again. Maybe fool around with him. Shit, I sound like a teenager, but the thought of being with Matt . . . My heart thunders against my ribcage and my breath hitches at the mere thought. Perhaps soon I can take a huge step—with him. One I haven’t taken since . . . since Blake.

“Come home with me, Tristan.” He steps closer placing a soft kiss on my lips. “I want a taste of you, baby, to make you mine.”

My eyes widen as my body freezes. “It’s been a long time, Matt. I’m not sure if . . .” Sounding stupid, I trail my words and my gaze.

He cups my face with both hands. “You haven’t had sex lately?” I shake my head. “When was the last time?” He crooks an eyebrow.

“Almost a year—with a woman,” I confess.

“And a man?”

I can’t meet his eyes, but I won’t lie to him either. “You know the shit that goes through my head, Matt.” I scratch the back of my neck. “Just once, I’ve only let one man take me. Since then I take care of it myself.”

His hands knit through my hair. He lowers his lips touching mine. This kiss is soft, slow, and dare I say sweet. No man has ever kissed me the way he’s doing, as if baring my soul, while promising that he’ll take care of me. And with that kiss I let him take me for a late dinner, knowing that I’m safe with him.

After dinner, I agree to come with Matt to his family home in Santa Barbara. He has the power to convince me to do pretty much anything he wants. The dark night doesn’t allow me to appreciate the home. As we enter the house through the garage door, I only set foot on the hallway that leads to a set of stairs, and the powder room.

After washing my hands I make my way toward the illuminated foyer, but the softly played melody stops me. It comes from the second door on the right, so I walk in the direction of the music. Matt sits behind an elegant, black grand piano. His head sways, his eyes are closed, and his hands effortlessly stroke the keys. My eyes concentrate on him, his graceful movements and the music he brings to life with each note he plays, connecting with the instrument, making it his.

“Sometimes I forget you’re a musician,” I say. His eyes open and he stops playing.

“You play Without A Compass at your venues.” He delivers a cocky smile. “Mostly my music, not Jacob’s.” He winks.

I roll my eyes. His ego is as big as his . . . fuck. I need to stop thinking about his dick. “It’s the same band, and I don’t play anything, my DJ does.”

Matt rises from the piano bench and walks toward me. “Yeah, yeah, we were a band, but I composed the fun, snappy tunes.” He brushes my lips with his. “Our styles are different, and I have never written a real love song.” He shrugs. “Not that it matters. I’m happy with what I write. Maybe someday I’ll fall in love and the muse will strike me with the cheesy stuff. For now, let me take you to my room and make you mine.”

His
.

I push a hand through my hair. How I wish that I could let myself be his. Just the thought of looking at a guy makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Dirty. Shameful. Remorse tries to force its way inside my head, but for tonight I’ll push it away. My head is so messed up. Jesus. Thinking about another guy, touching myself when I do so, or . . . Right after the guilt and shame takes over me, I disengage. These days I hate everything about that mental process. All of it, how it makes me feel. The shame. It covers my time with Matt with a dark shadow that doesn’t let me enjoy it in full. The moments we work together at my bars, or when we watch sports or movies. The nagging voice which says that what I’m doing with him is wrong, unnatural. Because even if our previous time together has been harmless, my thoughts have not been. During our time together, I spend it lusting after him. Wishing I could touch him and do so much more than just be close by.

“You’re thinking again.” Matt curses under his breath, caressing my jawline with his lips. “Bed. We need a bed to stop that big head of yours from working. Tonight we’re going to move forward, babe.”

Forward, fuck yes. His words tilt my entire world on its axis, my heart thudding with anticipation. He takes me to the upstairs area, the second bedroom to the left. The moon coming through the window illuminates the room, and as a result his eyes sparkle.

I realize I’m trembling. My entire body feels like it’s over-heating. We’ve reached a turning point, and our relationship will be different once we cross it. “There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing, Tristan, nothing.” He steps closer to me and I drop my head down on his shoulder. His words remind me so much of Blake’s before . . . For a few breaths I forgot, I allowed myself to cross the barriers. But after I came down from the high, the memories slammed back. Will that happen again? “I won’t force you to stay, but I will force you to enjoy every second while you’re with me, baby. I promise to take care of you.”