Under My Skin (24 page)

He points at my tablet. “How’s it coming along?”

Small talk with Dad. Ugh. Gag. I twirl a strand of hair around my finger. The mess of letters and words on the screen makes no sense. Even though I’ve been Skyping with a live tutor, it’s obvious I’ll never figure it out. I replay the tutorial he recorded for me
again
, taking slow, deep breaths, internally screaming every curse word I know.

Dad clears his throat. “I asked a question, Darby.”

I imagine punching my fist through the screen or bashing the tablet on the table until it breaks in half. “Fine.”

He closes his laptop. “I haven’t seen you do anything for the past fifteen minutes.”

“I was watching a tutorial.”

“Show me.”

“
Dad
.”

He circles the table to peer over my shoulder.

I tip the screen up. “See?”

The doorbell rings.

I’m half out of my seat before Dad stops me.

“Sit tight. I’ll get it,” he says.

I tiptoe behind him, hanging back a few feet while he answers the door.

“Is Darby here?” Stephanie Veene slides past Dad without waiting for him to invite her in. She carries a large, flat package wrapped in hot pink polka dot paper.

“What’re you doing here?” I’m tempted to shove her outside so I can slam the door in her face.

Stephanie’s heels click on the floor. “I’m sorry about Daniel. He was a good guy.”

I pick some paint off my jeans. All colors I used on Adam’s painting. “What do you want?”

“
Darby
.” Dad scolds. He shuts the door and props his elbow on the newel post.

“It’s okay, Mr. Fox. Darby and I aren’t very close in school.” The perfect little angel gives Dad a sweet smile.

I want to gag.

“Well, it’s very nice of you to stop by and offer your condolences.” Dad shoots a “be nice” look at me.

I sigh. “Come in, Stephanie. Would you like something to drink?”

“No, thanks. I can’t stay long.”

Thank. God.

We head to the dining room to sit. Dad quietly slips into the kitchen—blessedly out of sight.

Stephanie sets the gift on the table. “I thought flowers would be weird, so I brought you a canvas because I know you like to paint. I asked the art teacher what kind you use. Hopefully the size works.”

If it’s what I think it is, then Stephanie paid a lot for it. I reach out to touch the wrapping paper. “You didn’t have to do that. A card would’ve been fine.”

“I got a bunch of generic cards from my best friends when my grandmother died, like it was an obligation or something. It kind of pissed me off, so I didn’t want to do that for you.” Stephanie avoids eye contact with me by taking in the room and Mom’s kitschy décor. Mom dresses like an artsy hippy, but her decorating tends toward farmhouse country. She says it reminds her of growing up down south. Whatever.

I do my best to suppress a blush. I doubt Miss Rich Girl Stephanie’s home looks like this. “Sorry about your grandma. I didn’t know.”

“It was a couple years ago during summer.”

“Look, we’re not friends and there’s no sense in pretending otherwise. Tell me why you’re really here.”

She rolls her eyes. “God, Darby, don’t be paranoid. I feel bad for you, okay? You lost your brother and he was a twin. That’s like harder and stuff.”

I wince. She’s right. I just didn’t expect to get sympathy from her. “It sucks. A lot.”

“It’s so terrible. The whole school is shaken up.”

“Everyone loved Daniel.” And they hate me.

“Have your friends called or stopped by?”

I almost say “what friends,” then stop myself short. “No.”

“That’s lame. What’s wrong with them?”

I shrug. The only kid I actually want to hang out with is Adam. Or, I used to, before Shaw told me he has my brother’s heart.

“Are you ever going to come back to school?”

“Dunno.”

“It’s so weird without you guys.” She drags her fingers along the table edge and scrunches her nose.

Checking for dust? “Yeah, it’s a tragedy to lose an MVP and an outsider on the same day.”

She makes eye contact. “You’re only an outsider because you put yourself there.”

“Thanks for the tip. So … how’s your new boyfriend?”

She frowns with confusion.

“Eric.”

Her mouth forms an “O,” then widens into a smile. “Eric was a project.”

“Huh?”

She pushes the wrapped canvas aside. “Yeah, his buddy—the guy you danced with at that party—and him tried to double team Mads. They got her drunk and I think they tried to rufie her. It didn’t go anywhere because I showed up before they unzipped their pants, but Mads was pretty upset and nobody, I mean
nobody
, messes with my friends.”

“They tried to rape her?”

Stephanie’s face darkens. “Yeah. I stopped them.”

Jeez. My stomach curdles. Madeline was … well, she didn’t have much of a personality, but that didn’t mean she deserved to be taken advantage of. To think Stephanie rescued her. “I … I didn’t know.”

She spins the bracelet around her wrist. “He goes to a different school. And they weren’t dating.”

“So why’d you rag on me? We just danced.”

She bites her lip. “Look, I know now that you had nothing to do with it or with that guy and I’m sorry for calling you out for no reason. You have your brother to thank for setting me straight.”

I lower my gaze. I have Daniel to thank for a lot of things. How am I going to manage without him? Tears spring to my eyes. I clench my jaw. I can’t break down now. Not with Stephanie Veene watching. “How?”

“He explained everything to me before the game. That you didn’t know the kid and stuff.”

He’d tried to help me when I’d accused him of doing nothing. I clear my throat, choking on my grief. I dig my fingernails into my thighs to stop the memories and tears from flowing. “So where does throwing yourself at Eric fit into all this?”

“You got ringside seats for that outside the second floor bathroom.” She barks a laugh. “For a minute, I thought you’d totally screw it up.”

I think of the mess of pictures clogging my camera phone app.

She leans on her elbows and tucks her chin conspiratorially. “What’s the best way to get a guy back? Make him fall in love with you, and then crush him. Mads is too sweet and innocent, so I had to do it. Eric was totally wrecked when I dumped him. He sobbed.
Sobbed
.” A mischievous twist takes over her mouth.

“Wow. But what about Guyliner?”

“Who?”

“The guy I danced with.”

She narrows her eyes. “Oh, he’s next.”

She stuck up for the underdog and took some asshole down a few pegs. Sounds like something I’d do. Stephanie and I can’t possibly something in common. I must be in some sort of nightmare.

She laughs, clapping her hands with satisfaction. “I. Can’t. Wait.”

“You know, in a different world, we might be friends.”

“Why not this one?”

I don’t have an answer for that, other than because she hates me, but I don’t really feel like heading down that road, so I stay quiet.

She stands. “Look, when you’re ready, give me a call. We’ll hang out. But it’s totally up to you.”

I stare up at her, shocked.

“You look like you don’t believe me and that’s okay. I know we’re not close. But I’m not tricking you. The mask I wear at school is just that—a mask. I’m a normal person underneath and I suspect you’re a normal person under your mask. I just hope you let someone in, even if it’s not me.” She flips her hair cheerleader style and heads down the hallway.

I peek around the doorway.

Dad meets her in the foyer. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“Have a nice day, Mr. Fox. I’m sorry for your loss.”

I scramble to my seat before Dad locks the door. He joins me a moment later and returns to work like nothing happened.

Not long after, Mom comes home. She greets Dad with a kiss. “Darby, we have to get going or we’ll be late for your therapy session.”

“I’ll order take out so it’s here when you get home,” Dad says.

“Good idea.”

Mom rushes me to the car like she’s afraid I’m going to skip out.

In Shaw’s office, I immediately gush about Stephanie. Shaw sits with her ankles crossed and eyebrows bent the whole time. At the end of it, I let out a long breath, finally empty.

“Sometimes people treat you differently after a tragedy or loss. Do you think you’ll take her up on your offer and call her?” Shaw asks.

“No, it’d be totally weird. I mean, she was Daniel’s friend, not mine. Besides, we hate each other.”

“If she hated you, she wouldn’t stop by your house or bring such a thoughtful gift.”

“Unless she’s trying to trick me.” I chew on a hangnail.

“What motivation would she have for that?”

I tell her my revenge plot of sharing photos of Perfect Stephanie in a tongue war with Baddy Eric. “I thought it would destroy her popularity and make her understand what it’s like to be a nobody.”

I expect Shaw to give me a look of disapproval—a raised eyebrow, an unsettled twist of her mouth, or even a distinct lifting of her chin. She doesn’t do any of those things. Instead, she says, “Justice is different for everyone. How would taking her down make you feel?”

“At the time, I thought it’d make things right. I wanted to see her suffer.”

“And now?”

“She was nice.”

“You don’t trust nice.”

“Not after she told me about manipulating Eric.”

“What about Adam? He’s nice.”

My breath catches. He is nice. But so what? He’s hiding a secret inside his chest, like Stephanie kept a secret from Eric. She ended up wrecking him in the end. Adam’s secret nearly destroyed me too. So much for
nice
.

“Does he know he has my brother’s heart?” I ask.

Shaw hesitates, then says, “No, but that doesn’t change the reality of it. Someone else has your brother’s heart.”

“Yeah, but if he wasn’t told … ” … then I can’t hold his secret against him. I scrunch my nose.

“Ignorance isn’t innocence,” Shaw reasons.

I stand and pace the room. “You were willing to bend the rules for me. Why not tell Adam whose heart he has?”

Shaw sighs. “I’ve been second guessing myself the moment I shared it with you. I thought it’d be helpful, but now I’m not so sure. It seems to have complicated things.”

“I’d rather know. Maybe he would too.”

“That’s admirable, Darby, and that’s what makes you unique. Adam can’t handle the truth.” She presses her fingers to her temple. “I never thought you’d actually meet Adam. What are the odds you’d befriend the very person who has Daniel’s heart?”

“I’m not sure we’re friends.”

“You’re not?”

I sit, out of breath. “I liked Adam. I still do. I think. But I’m totally pissed too. I just don’t know how to fit this whole transplant thing into it. I miss my brother. He shouldn’t have died.”

“It’s not fair that Adam has his heart.”

“I guess.”

Shaw slides to the end of her chair so our knees almost touch. “You said you felt like he stole Daniel’s heart. How can you be friends with someone who did that? How can you still like him?”

“He’s sweet, he doesn’t judge me, and he’s
himself.
He probably doesn’t even know the meaning to the word fake.”

“So it doesn’t bother you that he has Daniel’s heart.”

“It does bother me. A lot.”

“Then how can you say such good things about him?”

I stand again. “Why not? Unless you have something against me liking him. Don’t you want me to have friends?”

“There is more to it than that.”

“Like what?”

“You’re sense of justice means someone has to pay for Daniel’s death. Wouldn’t that person be Adam?”

I take a couple steps back. “If anyone is to blame for Daniel’s death, it’s me.”

“We determined that it isn’t.”

I drag my fingers through my hair. Shaw is so fast I can’t keep up with her. I close my eyes to stop the swirling thoughts scrambling my brain. “I can’t blame Adam.”

Shaw’s heels click on the floor. She drapes her hands on my shoulders. “You already have. I can tell by the way you reacted when you found out the truth, by how you refuse to talk to him, and by how much you’re fighting me now. The truth is painful. It’s normal to reject it at first. But I know you’re smart and reasonable. I know you’ll realize your first instinct—the little voice in the back of your mind telling you Adam
stole
Daniel’s heart—is true.”

I face her. “No.”

Shaw chews on her cheek. A light flares in her eyes. “Maybe Adam
does
know and he
is
hiding it from you.”

“
What?
”

“Think about it. Adam is smart. He knows you were in an accident. He knew his donor was in an accident. Perhaps he put two and two together and figured out that you’re related somehow.”

My head starts to hurt. Could he?

She leans closer. “He heard you screaming in the ICU, you know.”

“Me? How?”

“He remembers a girl’s sobs when he woke up after the surgery. I can only assume it was you after you learned of Daniel’s passing. Your mother told me how hard you cried.”

“No.”

She squeezes my shoulders. “Yes, it has to be. You were in the ICU together, separated by only a few rooms. He heard you suffering and in that moment, he knew. You’ll never convince me otherwise.”

I’m shaking all over, so badly that Shaw has to guide me to the chair.

She holds her arm tight around my waist. “He’s not even certain he’s glad he survived. Can you imagine, a transplant recipient who’s upset he got a second chance at life. It’s absurd.”

“W-what?” My legs buckle. Landing in the seat jars my neck, sending sparks of pain down my arms. “He has my brother’s heart and he doesn’t even care?”

“The boy is obsessed with death. I don’t think that’s healthy for you to be around.”

I did scream when I found out about Daniel. I cry out again, here, in Shaw’s arms, surrounded by her warmth, the kind that Mom hates to give me. To think Adam heard my sobs. I wonder if he can hear me now. If I’m feeling this in my soul, he has to in his. He knows the truth. He has to.

I know the truth, too. The truth I avoided since meeting the weird boy wearing a mask and carrying around a heart-shaped pillow. The boy with the most honest, beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.